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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / is it worth coming out as bisexual in my circumstances ?

Topic: is it worth coming out as bisexual in my circumstances ?

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. Guest_236
    Guest_236 avatar
    13 posts
    13 September 2021

    Hi there, I'm Tea :>
    I hope you're all doing well; I'll get right into it.

    Some background information. I'm new to this section of Beyond Blue forums, and kind of new to the LGBT+ community. I'm a cis female, turned 18 last month. About a year ago, I started questioning my sexual identity, although I think I kind of always knew I was bi. I came out to my friends (most of which are LGBT+) when I started dating another girl, although I implied I'm bi long before I officially came out. My relationship with the girl was brief, and didn't end on good terms. But I appreciate her and the experience nevertheless as it was really affirming. As for how I present, I'm pretty open about my identity with people my age, but only indirectly imply it.

    Here are my circumstances. I have not come out to my parents, and when relevant conversation topics or jokes arise, I subtly imply that I'm straight. I'm also in a happy and healthy relationship with a cis male (my parents don't know about it but I'm planning on tell them in a few months since I'm graduating high school soon). My mother is a Christian (Jehovah's Witness) but is accepting of LGBT+ people, as she believes "it's not their fault, they can't control who they're attracted to" and is very accepting towards my LGBT+ friends. She also thinks "if you're a christian, it's a sin once you act upon it" and so probably doesn't approve of Christians who are actively gay, and therefore might not approve of me being bi since she doesn't know I'm PIMO. My dad probably thinks about the same. My step father isn't religious and seems very accepting. But my step mum is straight up homophobic and biphobic even if she denies it. She voted no against gay marriage rights and has said that bi people are just selfish, horny and confused, and that's why they can't pick a side. It was really hurtful to hear.

    I'd be okay with identifying as straight unless I started a serious relationship with a girl, but knowing my step mum thinks that way (and also wanting to be authentic with my mum and dad for once in my life) makes me want to come out as bi, even if I'm in a straight relationship. but it also gives me more reason to not come out.

    what do you guys think? is it worth coming out? i know this is a big step, and something only i can decide to do once i think i'm ready. but i'd love to get some perspective :)

    thank you all so much <3

  2. HappyHelper88
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    HappyHelper88 avatar
    108 posts
    13 September 2021

    Hello Tea, Thankyou for your post and Welcome to the forum

    Thats so amazing that you were able to share this with your friends and it can always be challenging sharing this with your parents, So great that your in a happy relationship. Its also good that your parents are semi-open minded and i can imagine it would be hard that your Step mum thinks this way. I understand why you feel this way

    I think the opinions of my actual parents would be more important to me then step parents and you could start off by just speaking to your parents about this, they would also understand if you didnt want to share with your step parents yet, it is also easier to tell 2 people instead of 4.

    It is definetly a big step that may provide you with some relief but can be abit daunting, it is important to make sure your ready

    If you want to talk this through with a Beyond Blue counsellor, we’re on 1300 22 4636 or you can reach us on webchat also. It can really help to talk things like this through. Please remember to reach out whenever you need to.


    Feel free to keep sharing, other members will likely be able to relate to what you’re going through.

    I hope this helps

    HH.

    1 person found this helpful
  3. sbella02
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    sbella02 avatar
    45 posts
    13 September 2021 in reply to Guest_236

    Guest_236 / Tea,

    Thank you for sharing your story so openly and honestly. As a fellow bisexual woman, your experience rings true for me. It's sometimes so hard to figure out who's accepting and who's not. Even within the LGBT+ community, I've seen people treat bisexuals as "selfish, horny, confused and indecisive", so I can relate to your feelings here.

    If you decide that you would like to come out, my suggestion would be to open up to your biological mother first, as it sounds like she may be the most accepting person in this situation. You can gauge her reaction, and potentially get her opinion on whether she thinks it would be wise to come out to your step-father and/or your biological father.

    You could also confide in a psychologist or therapist about this if you feel comfortable. They may also be able to offer you some great advice with regards to how to approach and prepare for coming out.

    You've got this! Don't hesitate to get in touch with us more about your experience, we're here if you'd like to chat.

    SB

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Guest_236
    Guest_236 avatar
    13 posts
    14 September 2021 in reply to HappyHelper88

    HH, thanks for your reply !

    i didn't consider only telling some of them... i guess in my head that doing it all at once would be like ripping a bandaid off. but i think you make a good point.

    thank you !!!

  5. Guest_236
    Guest_236 avatar
    13 posts
    14 September 2021 in reply to sbella02

    Hi SB, thanks for your response!

    yes i've seen this stigma a lot, in my own environments and within LGBT+ communities. it sucks. i'm hoping that if/when i come out, it'll help clear up some of that biphobia in my family.

    taking it slow and basing my decisions on one persons reaction is a good idea, i didn't consider that. thank you for that advice ! and also i want to get more involved but yes some of the stigmas around make me feel invalid or unwelcome, but you've made me feel very welcome, valid and supported, thank you :)

    Tea

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Banksy92
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Banksy92 avatar
    100 posts
    14 September 2021 in reply to Guest_236

    Hi Tea,

    Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing your story.

    I think it's understandable the way you are feeling, it can already be a really confusing time as we become more conscious of our sexuality and then with the added layer of your some of your family having religious beliefs and expressing homophobia would certainly make things even harder.

    It's really great to hear you have a community of LGBT+ friends around you who support you, as well as a loving partner by your side. Have you spoken to either of them about how you're feeling?

    Coming out is a really personal experience, so there's no right or wrong time to do it. At the end of the day, it's what feels right to you. Do you feel any sense of urgency to come out right now to your family? Maybe if so you could just speak to one person at a time, and see how it goes. Your actual parents sound like they will be more open to this, which is positive.

    Hope this helps.

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Kremit the Forg
    Kremit the Forg avatar
    13 posts
    26 September 2021

    Hi Tea, I hope you're doing well 😊

    I have some advice on coming out to your parents.

    I was one of Jehovah's Witnesses for around seven years.

    I haven't been for a few years now. I'm a transgender lesbian and an atheiest. And very very happy being my authentic self and free💖

    I absolutely do not mean to offend anyone's beliefs nor am i trying to scare you, but just stating how JW's will have to see it.

    This is not my view at all.

    The problem may not be with your parents view of LGBT+ people in general, but like you said, purposefully acting upon it.

    According to the Bible, homosexual acts are viewed as detestable to God. Jehovah's Witnesses even have literature and short videos on how much they condone it.

    The issue is that your parents have to follow the Bible and the Governing Bodies clearly stated rules on this.

    They both could be disfellowshipped for disobedience and then be shunned by their congregation and any family that are Jehovah's witnesses.

    There would be immense pressure from the elders in their congregation.

    So please consider how deeply involved your parents are with the JW's before you tell them. Because it may force them to choose between their faith and you and could even come to the drastic decision to shun you.

    Phew... that was pretty heavy!

    If you can, have a look on their own website JW.org and have a look at their view on homosexuality. Even though the Bible doesn't say anything about transgender people, we too are to be viewed as mentally diseased and detested by God😭.

    So i hope you make a considered approach to letting them know purely for your well-being and happiness and safety.

    But please don't let anything I've said change who you are! I've learnt the hard way how damaging it is to not be true to yourself. Living authentically is soooo vital to true freedom and joy🌸

    Be free💖

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