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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

Topic: LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

  1. MsPurple
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    22 August 2017

    Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community.

    A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations :) Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all."

    If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything

    Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s

    I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer

    Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums

    MP :)

    9 people found this helpful
  2. Lonelydan
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    23 August 2017 in reply to MsPurple
    I want to talk about homophobia and it's affect on the LGBT population. I was called a poofter, fag and much worse since I can remember at home and at school. Every time this happens a tiny little piece of me dies that I will never get back. Now at 44 I'm like Swiss cheese, I attend an anxiety group once a week with people aged 18-70 the topic of gay marriage was raised and I was absolutely shocked at what I heard , every one was sickened by the idea. I just sat there and listened to every evil word that poured out of there putrid rotten mouths. I waited for them all to finish, then I announced that I was the biggest homosexual on this earth and individually went around the room holding the mirror up to each and every sad sack there. They didn't like it and now because I didn't suffer oppression I've been asked not to attend I told her and her church were to go. It's Adam and Eve everyone not Adam and Steve. Dan...
    6 people found this helpful
  3. MsPurple
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    23 August 2017 in reply to Lonelydan

    HI Dan. Good topic to talk about, however I am still saddened people still use our sexuality in hurtful, hateful way that isolates us. I hated it when my old church said "It's Adam and Eve and not Adam and Steve". The reason for adam and eve is for procreation, however I don't believe God hates any of his children, whether they are gay, straight, trans, intersex or other identifying. I also think it is a silly argument to use for homophobia.

    I feel saddened looking back. The church used to make me feel like same sex relationships were evil. I never thought the person was evil but I did worry they would go to hell. I don't think I ever judged anyone for being gay but I told my parents I thought relationships should be between a man and woman. I was 12. I then got more educated in sexuality (I didn't have any interest in relationships at that age) and I couldn't understand why something like love could be evil or sinful. I still worry about going to hell if I ever did marry someone of the same gender. But I know God is love and surely he wouldn't send someone to hell for showing love to someone else. I don't understand why some Christians (I know many Christians that are for equal marriage and don't believe being gay is a sin) think it is ok to send hate to someone for them being who they are. How is it a Christian thing to call someone a poof? It is hurtful and shows hate.

    Sorry kinda got off topic. I don't understand why people are so against same sex marriage a.k.a equal marriage. It should affect their faith for us to be married. Every religion gets married. How come other religions are ok with other religions also calling it marriage, yet a same sex couple can't call it a marriage? It just baffles me. If you are don't agree on same sex marriage then done marry someone the same sex. It's hard. I know it's a tradition, but traditions do change over time, this is a normal progression. It's hard because I just don't understand why someone is so against love of all types.

    I'm sorry Dan people call you those horrible words full of hate. There is no excuse for it other than people fear the unknown. They need to be educated on the hurtfulness of calling others hurtful words. They should image we call them 'fatty, hippo, ugly' because that is what they are doing to you. I'm not saying you should call them that but maybe if they understood the perspective.

    Does anyone else have anything they can add. I feel like I struggled to stay on topic

    2 people found this helpful
  4. MsPurple
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    23 August 2017 in reply to MsPurple
    Sorry I thought I should add when I said "the church used to make me feel" I meant the church I went to used to make me feel that way. I do know not all Christian (or other religious) churches make people feel this way. I know some churches accept all.
    3 people found this helpful
  5. Raynor
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    23 August 2017 in reply to MsPurple

    Thanks for starting this thread MP. Like I said in the other place this whole thing is already so bad and has gone on for so long, and it will be months more. I think we need to look after each other.

    Danny, that makes me so angry... on so many levels and for so many reasons. More than anything, if groups are providing MH services like anxiety groups then they can't act like that - morally, ethically, and also legally. If they can't provide safe services then they need to get the f- out of the way.

    I really liked the way you spoke truth to them though. I hope I would be that courageous in the same place - not sure. How are you holding up now?

    1 person found this helpful
  6. MarkJT
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    23 August 2017 in reply to MsPurple

    MsPurple, great thread. I think it is important for me to pop in here and give my thoughts as I am not a member of the LGBT+ community.

    I have many gay and lesbian friends and when i was diagnosed with PTSD they all put a protective bubble around me. I did not see them as being gay or lesbian, I saw then as compassionate, caring, empathetic, sympathetic and genuinely nice people.

    Your community has my full support and I stand with you, side by side as a human being.

    Dan: disgusting behavior, nothing short of it. Think of it this way mate, those people do not deserve to be around you, the do not deserve your friendship and they are missing out on the chance to learn from you. Their loss mate, not yours.

    I just cannot wait until the day that I go to one of my mates weddings. Going to be so cool.

    Mark.

    5 people found this helpful
  7. MsPurple
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    23 August 2017 in reply to MarkJT

    Hi Mark. Thanks for being an ally to the community and showing you love and support to us all. This forum is mainly aimed at LGBT+ members but is open to anyone who wants to show support. I hope you'll be able to attend your friends wedding sooner rather than later.

    Raynor you are completely right, an anxiety support group should be showing support to LGBT+ community. Anyone with anxiety should be able to understand how hard it is to be isolated and feel rejected.

    I think the whole equal marriage on a non-compulsory non-law binding vote is almost cruel. I feel like those passionate on both spectrum will vote and no one else. I just think it is a waste of money and waste of time. There is also no legislation monitoring adds which can be so detrimental, especially for those struggling with their sexual/gender identity. Anyways I have enrolled to vote and I am saying yes to equal marrige

    3 people found this helpful
  8. Raynor
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    24 August 2017 in reply to MsPurple

    yeah same MP. I think it's offensive to say some group can only be equal with others if the majority agrees to let it be. Some things are for voting on and some are not.

    But yeah, I'll vote... because the worst thing of all would be if it doesn't carry.

    1 person found this helpful
  9. Raynor
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    24 August 2017 in reply to MsPurple
    And thanks also Mark! :)
    1 person found this helpful
  10. Just Sara
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    24 August 2017 in reply to MsPurple

    Last night I watched a show on TV about wedding gowns. There was a trans woman trying on dresses who epitomised the term 'feminine beauty'. Not just her looks, but oozing from her soul.

    Her fiancé was a trans man; their love for one another came thru the screen in abundance as he kneeled to propose to her. I teared up because as a person who wants to find a life partner to love and be loved by, their union represented hope.

    Religion, haters, homophobes and politics don't corner the market on wanting a kind face to wake up to each morning, companionship, common interest, conflict resolution, facing hardship together, common law rights or financial sharing.

    Adam and Eve represents the 'story' of Original Sin...sex! (Sorry MsP, it wasn't about procreation) Steve and Raelene weren't there because if they had been, that story would've taken a few interesting twists and turns indeedy! Just sayin'...

    Sez xo

    3 people found this helpful
  11. Just Sara
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    24 August 2017 in reply to Lonelydan

    My dear wounded Danny;

    Not only was I outraged by the details of your experience, I'm deeply angered by 'them' hurting a dear friend of mine. How you handled things is a credit to you, though I can't imagine your feelings of disappointment, personal hurt and betrayal in the moment and afterwards.

    This equality debate can bring out the best in people, but unfortunately it brings out the worst too. When I read your words, I wanted to severely kick butts...honestly! It tares me up inside knowing you faced this alone. No street smarts could've prepared you for that.

    I'm so sorry Danny; my heart and hugs go out to you. I only wish I could be there to console you my sweet. My hand would gently be sitting on your shoulder as you vent your pain without judgement, and in safety.

    All my love Sez xoxo

    2 people found this helpful
  12. MsPurple
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    24 August 2017 in reply to Just Sara

    Hi Sara. Yeah I wasn't sure what the word was but I just went with procreation. What I meant was, yes a man and woman was made to make the first baby and to grow the population (I think, I am speaking on what I think not what is fact). HOWEVER a man and woman is not needed to raise a baby, just loving parent/s. I grew up with my parents divorsed so I know what it's like to not have a 'nuclear' family and I was ok with it. Kids just need love. And that episode sounds beautiful. What show was it on? I might see if I can find it online.

    2 people found this helpful
  13. Raynor
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    25 August 2017 in reply to MsPurple
    I like that story too Sara. That was one of the reasons it took me so long to come out to myself as trans.
    1 person found this helpful
  14. MsPurple
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    26 August 2017 in reply to Raynor
    Yeah ignorant and hurtful people make it harder for people to come out. It's sad because people hide who they really are. I have only told my parents and close family I am bisexual. I haven't told a lot of my highschool friends, but I don't live in my home town anymore and haven't been able to catch up for a while. I will tell them in time. Not rushing it. My friends up here in Brissy know. I'm just waiting for the right time. If I was in a same sex relationship I would tell them via fb because I don't ever want to hide a relationship
    1 person found this helpful
  15. inner strength.
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    27 August 2017 in reply to Lonelydan
    Dan! You poor thing. Screw that! You should be able to feel safe especially in your own home. That is absolutely horrid! Don’t let that discourage you even though people can suck and can’t think for themselves! Close minded people can just agree with the majority .. even through the hurt and not an ideal situation is not okay no matter what! proud of you for standing strong and standing up for who you are!

    Have not experienced repeated direct homophobia, (called Dyke..) however, have mentioned before and what MsPurple touched on (obviously each experience is different). But have felt shame and a ‘hard-to-find-myself’ experience… in a long-term relationship and It has felt like ‘homophobia’ from one of my parents calling my partner or asking for a while if my partner of so many years is just a friend. Get that can be construed as time parents need to deal with things. Which also frustrates me!! Because why should we feel like such outcasts that need to be worked out how to be loved again.

    Probably the other week actually, experienced possible homophobia. Was actually SO annoyed. Short story – babysitted cousins, cousin had friend over at their place, mother came and picked up child, stood at door, stared myself and partner up and down and quickly ran in to get her child and leave without saying anything ..as though we were not okay to be keeping her child safe and don’t want to go in to the rest. Homophobia is NOT okay and should not be tolerated.


    MarkJT! Thank you for your open-mindedness!
    3 people found this helpful
  16. Just Sara
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    27 August 2017 in reply to inner strength.

    Hey to all posting/reading;

    It's hard enough to cope with comments from strangers, let alone hurtful words or inferences from those we know, trust or care about.

    When I was a teen I had a sleepover with my friend. I had little knowledge about sexuality or my own identity. During the night I became overwhelmed by feelings of love towards her. I slid my hand down her arm in an intimate manner and she woke up with a fright.

    I faced a barrage of aggressive yelling, name calling and finger pointing. I can't express adequately how confused, embarrassed and hurt I was.

    What I'm getting at, is that our actions and words were of 'innocence'. Both young, hormonal, ignorant and reactive. We spoke about this situation at length where I apologised incessantly saying I was dreaming, and she ended up sleeping on the lounge 'for her own protection'.

    It's effect taught me not to express my love for women because it was harmful to me and others. Had we both had access to psychological resources and information, things may have been different.

    I don't know why I've bought this up today actually. I guess Inner Strength's (Eyes) experience with babysitting and Danny facing hurtful and insensitive comments from people he trusted, triggered something; not sure what yet.

    I feel it though; not just for me, but for everyone.

    Caring hurts...

    Sara xoxo

    3 people found this helpful
  17. Raynor
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    27 August 2017 in reply to Just Sara
    I get this. So hard. My family doesn't yet know I'm transitioning but they've known I'm gay/queer for a while. They won't let me be alone with my nephews (aged 4 and nearly 6) in case, I don't know, I give them gay germs or something. I joke about it but it's actually really terrible.
    1 person found this helpful
  18. MsPurple
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    27 August 2017 in reply to Just Sara

    Sara and inner strength I'm so sorry to hear your homophobic stories. I get everyone goes through puberty and struggles with identity and freaks out, but it could have been handled in a better way.

    I myself haven't had too many homophobic moments because I haven't really been seen with a woman. The only time was when I was seeing someone and kissed her and guys wanting to take photos then asking us to make out with them. It ticked me off because I was having a good night, and didn't wanna be seen like a piece of meat. If a guy was kissing a girl how is it appropriate for us to ask them to kiss us, what makes it ok for them to do that to us?

    MP

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  19. Lonelydan
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    29 August 2017 in reply to MsPurple
    Hello my rainbow family, I'm so grateful to have you all caring about me, every single post has helped me. I'm so sorry everyone has experienced the same homophobia. They attacked me and my child I was accused of being a pedophile. No child should be placed with a f----- why would they say that I would never do to a child what was done to me i'm still upset I continue this later
    3 people found this helpful
  20. Just Sara
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    29 August 2017 in reply to Lonelydan

    Dearest Danny;

    Just horrendous and vile! How dare they attack your beautiful soul like that! I've had to take a deep breath. Please don't let their words wound you...please.

    You have enough wounds from your life without that added pressure. Anger is your only response. Report the bastards! Who's the groups' funding body or umbrella organisation? Who rents the room out to them. The local council maybe? Anything...just fight back!

    I'm angry and upset this has happened; for so many reasons. I'm sorry I yelled like that. I won't delete it because people need to know I'm outraged.

    I hope you're sitting down, because I'm actually lost for words...

    Sez xoxoxoxox

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  21. Lonelydan
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    29 August 2017 in reply to Lonelydan
    Can we please stop using the queer word to describe our community. We are not queer I find this word derogatory and can be used against us. I'm not strange or unusual I'm a homosexual the opposite to heterosexual. Trans men and women are not queer, most lead heterosexual life's after there transition is completed a lot have never participated in homosexual sex. Queer is s horrible word that can be applied to anything or anyone not me.
    4 people found this helpful
  22. Lonelydan
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    29 August 2017 in reply to Lonelydan
    Sara, all I can say is I love you my friend. Only those who know what no body else can know can understand. Danny. xxx
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  23. MsPurple
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    30 August 2017 in reply to Lonelydan
    I'm happy to use whatever term people feel comfortable when referring to this community. I feel like I keep saying LGBT+ too often. I also don't know if saying the rainbow community is correct. Maybe I could just say 'our community'.
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  24. Just Sara
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    30 August 2017 in reply to MarkJT

    Dear Mark;

    I want to give you a belated call-out and thankyou for standing up and declaring your support. Even though this is a MH forum, it's 'people' who keep the site going; no matter their issues, culture, background, status, gender, political persuasion or religion.

    I praise your courage and common sense approach. Yes, it's people who raise us up when we're down, it's people who run the gauntlet in tough times to help a friend and it's people who rally the forces in fighting injustice and chaos...good, brave, caring and stoic people.

    Now it's time for people to vote; let it be a landslide so we don't have to face this injustice again. I say injustice because history shows how fear and discrimination can rock a nation and bring its people to their knee's. Our indigenous cousins can testify to this.

    Hero's come from all walks of life, and it's a credit to our 'will' and commitment to fairness and equality. The hero's in this situation are sometimes in the shadows and behind the scenes, but no less hero's than those putting their reputations and lives on the line.

    Thankyou Mark...

    Sez x

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  25. Lonelydan
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    30 August 2017 in reply to Just Sara
    Yes I agree totally, three cheers for hottie mark. In fields we can build a snowman lol... Dan.
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  26. Just Sara
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    30 August 2017 in reply to Lonelydan

    Ha ha ha ha ha

    He he he

    Arh...you're a legend!

    xo

    2 people found this helpful
  27. Lonelydan
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    31 August 2017 in reply to MsPurple
    Hi Ms sweetie pie, I hope you didn't take that personally, that word was used against me at my anxiety group. I'm saying myself I don't like the word queer. Perhaps we all should discuss this more and see how others feel about that word. I remember the early 90,s gay rights protests all saying "we're here we're queer get used to it"..I think now because I had no problem with it then, accepting yourself as queer is self deprecating. I feel it's no different to saying or hearing your fat your ugly what a freak. I don't want you or any of our brothers and sisters called that word. Danny xx
    2 people found this helpful
  28. Just Sara
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    31 August 2017 in reply to Lonelydan

    I'm with you Danny;

    I never quite understood the Q word anyway. Growing up, queer meant odd, misunderstood or confusing. It was also used to express when we were feeling a bit sick/out of sorts and didn't know why. I don't know the history behind it; someone may be able to let us know?

    Sez x

    1 person found this helpful
  29. MsPurple
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    31 August 2017 in reply to Lonelydan

    HI Danny. Didn't offend me in the slightest. Like Sara I never quite understood the queer work. I always felt abnormal in my life e.g. getting kept back a grade, struggling with reading, being the only brown eyed brown haired child, having divorced parents when everyone's were together. I wanted to feel normal. However some people identify as such and I'm understand that (I'm guessing they think, screw normal I'm me). But I understand why some people don't want to be consider queer. Everyone should identify as whatever makes them comfortable. I'm comforable being bi. Also as the LGBT+ community or rainbow community or our community

    MP x :)

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  30. Raynor
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    3 September 2017 in reply to MsPurple
    I've used that word before Danny so it's good for me know that it's not positive for some people. Thank you

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