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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

Topic: LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

  1. JDF
    JDF avatar
    3 posts
    12 November 2020 in reply to MsPurple

    Hi, I am not sure if this is the right place to post this? But I am really struggling atm. I don’t know where to start to get help. I am experiencing fairly debilitating gender dysphoria, I have experienced it with varying degrees since I was a child. But it is the worst it’s ever been, the last time I felt this depressed was when I was going through puberty. I have used drugs and alcohol my whole life to try to feel better and have found that substances have helped. I know I am killing this body and I don’t care, But now I am a parent and I can’t kill myself etc and have nobody to talk to about this stuff. I am feeling agoraphobia on top of this so I really struggle to imagine leaving the house (even imagining going to a therapist is scary atm.) If i could get out of this body and get into a robot body or something I would feel ok. I feel disgusting and I have started smoking weed everyday to numb all these feelings but it is not something I want to have to do, especially being a parent now. Does anyone know where to start with dealing with this? I can’t see how I could leave this body without dying. I am not trans but I am in the middle, cannot stand this body but don’t want to change sex. I am incredibly uncomfortable having any biological sex.

    2 people found this helpful
  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5483 posts
    12 November 2020 in reply to JDF
    Hi JDF,

    First of all we want to thank you for taking this brave first step and sharing a little of you journey with us here today. We know it isn't easy, but it is so important that you have.

    Our wonderful welcoming online forums community give and receive support to one another based on their own experiences with mental health, some of which will be similar to yours.

    While the peer support offered here is often quick, it isn't immediate. If you wanted more immediate support, please feel free to reach out to the mental health professionals at our support service for brief counselling, support and referrals. They're available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636. https://www.counsellingonline.org.au/ is another great resource that offers free support for those battling with drugs and alcohol. Our friends at QLife offer support especially for  LGBTIQ+ communities, which includes helping those who feel like they're in the wrong bodies. They are available from 3pm to midnight AEDT by phone on 1800 184 527 or webchat via https://qlife.org.au/ ever day.

    Welcome to our valued online forums community. Please keep reaching out and letting us know how you're getting on whenever you feel up to it.
  3. Traveler942
    Traveler942 avatar
    5 posts
    13 November 2020

    Hi Everyone

    I was born in the sixties had very low self-esteem and was attracted to same sex. I looked up to and envied men that could identify as gay or bisexual. But because of what I believed was right for me had heterosexual relationships. After several failed relationships I have decided to reach out and go with what my heart an head said. Three months, I'm struggling but think I'm doing the right thing. Have met someone genuine (I think ) online. Just looking for some advice or to confirm it's okay or just someone to chat to about how I feel. The anxiety keeps popping up

    2 people found this helpful
  4. Lonelydan
    Lonelydan  avatar
    379 posts
    15 November 2020 in reply to JDF

    Hi JDF, You are not disgusting and self medicating has been your bandaids don’t beat yourself up about it. Transgender can be at different levels some people want full surgery some people are happy just to dress. Have you ever explored dressing in the gender you desire this can be done using a dressing service. You are not alone so many people experience These feelings but never act or explore them it’s so hard. Cross dressing Offers release possibly soothing. I’m not sure by your post what body you desire male or female or how you identify now. Just because you’re a parent doesn’t mean your world needs to stop. find others , there are so many out there just need to find each other. You may need to say goodbye to others so you can be your true self. I think you know who you are start saying it claim it. hope this helps but tiny bit

    Lonelydan....

    2 people found this helpful
  5. Lonelydan
    Lonelydan  avatar
    379 posts
    15 November 2020 in reply to Traveler942
    Hi Traveler942, A lot of people don’t come out to later that’s ok and it’s good to read your activity seeking to explore this now good on you. The heart and head are always a good indication of what you really desire. You don’t need to come out to the world just yourself that’s all that really matters to be honest with yourself. Have you met the person you’ve been chatting to online?. Is this person in a similar situation to yourself or are they openly gay. I’m gay so I understand online dating is going to be a whole new experience for you I’m here if you need someone to hold your hand. Lonelydan....
    1 person found this helpful
  6. JDF
    JDF avatar
    3 posts
    17 November 2020 in reply to Lonelydan
    Thank you lonelydan. Thank you for your reply. It feels a bit better to even say this and I really appreciate your reply. I think I do need to remove certain people from my life at this point because their view of me really triggers me tbh. Becoming a parent is a massive trigger also but there’s nothing I can do about that. I love my child but I don’t want the feelings that have come from becoming a parent. I have experimented with dressing etc, I’m not trans so it is not like that can alleviate those feelings but it is something I guess. I do appreciate your response, thank you lonelydan.
    1 person found this helpful
  7. JDF
    JDF avatar
    3 posts
    17 November 2020 in reply to Sophie_M
    Thank you sophie_m. I appreciate your response and the helpful links. Thank you
  8. Bellsie1
    Bellsie1 avatar
    8 posts
    3 December 2020

    Hi,

    I have a problem. I was in a fight recently with someone. They used to be my friend and earlier in the year I told them I was pansexual. It was just for her to know. Now she told someone (another friend) and I was going to tell her in my own time. Now the person she told hates me because I'm pan. I've known her since I was 5 and I don't want to lose another friend. What do I do?

    Bellsie1

  9. Jo8049
    Jo8049 avatar
    639 posts
    14 December 2020
    Firstly , thank you all for input and presence . I live in a,remote area and so I am low key and what most of you would consider old . I have suppressed my second spirit since my first memories . Have been trying to answer the question of who and what ? From reading here I have seen many small bits,and pieces that put together have had an eye ( and heart ) opening effect . Now aware of the diversity of all human kind and of the multitude of combinations . None of it is wrong ( unless unkind , hurtful bad karma stuff ) because of that diversity you all speak of . Thank you . Even the anxiety has changed to happy anxiety ? I got a link to you tube from I think mspurple , Luka " The Gender Code " very long but very very good ( for me anyway ) Put so much into perspective . Stay safe always , love to all Jo W
    2 people found this helpful
  10. Bellsie1
    Bellsie1 avatar
    8 posts
    14 December 2020 in reply to Bellsie1
    anyone?
  11. CalmCat
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CalmCat avatar
    354 posts
    14 December 2020 in reply to Bellsie1

    Hi Bellsie1,

    Thank you for being so open and brave with your question.

    We all come in different shapes and sizes, if your friend can accept you for who you I'd lovingly let go of the friendship. I'm sure you'll find people out there that will accept you for who you are.

    Please let us know how you go and feel with my comment.

    Regards,

    D

    1 person found this helpful
  12. Birdy77
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Birdy77 avatar
    2299 posts
    15 December 2020 in reply to Jo8049
    Dear Jo W,

    What a lovely message you posted!

    You are so welcome here and it is so beautiful to hear of your eye-and-heart-openings!!

    You are amongst friends here Jo, and you are welcome to join in any discussions that take your fancy, chat amongst any of the social threads, or start your own thread if you feel like it.

    Very glad you have found your way here, and thanks for your lovely opening post.

    birdy
  13. Birdy77
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Birdy77 avatar
    2299 posts
    15 December 2020 in reply to Bellsie1
    Hey Bellsie1,

    That mist hurt so much that a person you trusted with your private, personal stuff would go and tell someone else without your permission.

    Now that your other friend has been told your private info and they "hate you" for it ... geeze i feel sorry for that person! To be so closed up in their hearts and minds to think ill of you, just because you identify as pansexual??? They are a very sad person if that is case. Poor them!!

    Pansexuality to me represents open and all-embracing appreciation of the beauty of human life. What is not to love about that?!!?

    I do understand not wanting to lose another friend - friendships are super important .... so ... how do you feel about it? I mean, ... What would you like to see happen, (even in an ideal world?).

  14. JarryMipple
    JarryMipple avatar
    4 posts
    17 December 2020 in reply to MsPurple
    I believe that everyone should live how he wants and don't impose his opinion to other people
  15. Jo8049
    Jo8049 avatar
    639 posts
    19 December 2020 in reply to Birdy77
    Thank you Birdy for the welcome , I am feeling comfortable in this space now . Was on the side for a while . There is much very helpful info in these forums . Have been doing quite a bit of reading and it warms my heart . Question: I live in remote area and may be down in Brisbane in the first quarter of 2021 , I would dearly like to touch base with trans community while there if possible but I have no idea how to achieve this . Any advice from anyone would be welcomed . A safe and happy Christmas , to all , love Jo
    1 person found this helpful
  16. eight
    eight avatar
    372 posts
    22 December 2020 in reply to Jo8049

    i don't know specific places as im not a brisbanite but some suggestions: if youve got social media (facebook probably works best for this) search up "trans brisbane" or "lgbt brisbane" or "rainbow brisbane" something along those lines you might find groups or places or organisations.

    possibly ask qlife - qlife.org.au or 1800 184 527 their hours have been off due to covid but they usually operate every evening and tell them what you told us, you want to know how to talk to the brisbane trans community. the qld lgbt org diverse voices also has a community referral database: scroll to the bottom of this page http://diversevoices.org.au/services/community-directory/ put Trans* and gender questioning in the search bar, filter to brisbane queensland and it'll bring up orgs related.

    a caveat is, depending on how coronavirus is treating brisbane in 2021 q1 and the decisions of these groups they may have covidsafe protocols like limited attendance, no mask no entry, social distancing in place, no being touchy-feely with others (seems to be a growing rule for these spaces in general even pre-pandemic times) or they might be online (i know some groups using zoom or discord for their meetups). i don't know the batteries in my crystal ball drain fast. merry christmas and a safe new year to you too, mate. i hope you find what you're looking for

    1 person found this helpful
  17. Jo8049
    Jo8049 avatar
    639 posts
    26 December 2020 in reply to eight

    Thank you so much 303 , I am taking all your info on board and will start making a,few calls in the new year. Heaps of appreciation too. Am very new in this space and feeling my way a bit , but so glad to be here . You and all others stay safe happy and healthy now and in 2021 .

    Love and kindness to all , Jo

    1 person found this helpful
  18. Jo8049
    Jo8049 avatar
    639 posts
    26 December 2020 in reply to eight
    PS . Eight not 303 . Apologies Jo
  19. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    31 March 2021

    hi everyone. i know this thread was last active in december 2020, i do apologise for randomly popping in here and commenting so late on, but i was browsing the forums and came across it.

    i just wanted to know, is it normal and ok to question my sexuality? thanks.

  20. Jo8049
    Jo8049 avatar
    639 posts
    1 April 2021 in reply to Missing user

    Hi Mb , Jo here . Of course it is OK to question your sexuality I think . Why would it not be ?

    I question everything in my life at some time or other . For me on my journey of transition there have been many questioning moments . I have found out so much ( affirming or not ) about myself and the world around me through this process . One thing I did find was if it started to get dark leave it till in a safe place ( do something else that requires all your attention ) to open that thought up again . Even if that means waiting for next psych appointment etc .

    Hugs Mb and stay safe . xxxx

    Jo&LD

    3 people found this helpful
  21. Guest3488756
    Guest3488756 avatar
    198 posts
    1 April 2021 in reply to Jo8049
    Soooooo....Two Q's.
    Are there different laws state to state on accessing hormones and do you have to go through the application all over again when you move states.
    And I legally changed my name years ago but not on my birth certificate because I was based in another state than I was vorn and didn't know how, is it with it when I have all my other documentation already in my name. And are the law to change gender on birth certificate different among states?
    1 person found this helpful
  22. Guest_206
    Guest_206 avatar
    57 posts
    1 April 2021 in reply to Guest3488756
    Hi Centaured,
    Good questions. I don't have the answers but I'm sure that if you contact a specialist community legal centre such as the Inner City Legal Centre which has a Specialist Trans and Gender Diverse Legal Service (in NSW that is) they could help you. Or point you in the right direction for a similar service if you live in another state?
    3 people found this helpful
  23. eight
    eight avatar
    372 posts
    1 April 2021

    tayla mate you're like what, 21. yeah i'd think it'd be normal and okay for people who are around the age where they start thinking about sex and relationships to question their sexuality. and theres plenty of people older and younger who do it too no matter what stage you're at

    C i could probably comb through some legal requirements but i probably wont have the energy to go through all states and territories - it's 100% okay if you'd rather keep private but i might work better if i know what states to research

    1 person found this helpful

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