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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / Loss of community and gay apps destroying us

Topic: Loss of community and gay apps destroying us

10 posts, 0 answered
  1. Ben9z2004
    Ben9z2004 avatar
    1 posts
    26 January 2021
    Hi,

    Lately ive been depressed and even thought of taking my own life. Statistics show that the gay community is more depressed, unhappy and suicidal than ever. As part of my journey to happiness again I'm on a mission to help change it, Ditch the apps, meet face to face, connect and become a community again. It used to be straights against gays and now it's gays against gays, this includes the whole LGBTQI community.

    I've been brave and told my story and will work hard to get this moving but need your help.
  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5483 posts
    26 January 2021 in reply to Ben9z2004
    Hey Ben,
    Welcome to the Beyond Blue community, it's so great to have you join us here. Thank you for having the bravery to share your story with us, we know this can be very difficult to do. It sounds as though you're working hard to support yourself by finding new ways to cope and connect with others. This is so fantastic! We hope our community can be a supportive place for you to share your thoughts and feelings and we are here to provide as much advice and conversation as you need. 

    If you're interested we'd also recommend checking out QLife. QLife provides Australia-wide anonymous, LGBTI peer support and referral for people wanting to talk about a range of issues including sexuality, identity, gender, bodies, feelings or relationships. QLife services are free and include both telephone and webchat support, delivered by trained LGBTI community members across the country. They can be contacted on 1800 184 527 or via webchat here: https://m2.icarol.com/ConsumerRegistration.aspx?org=61795&pid=253&cc=en-US.

    There are also a number of useful resources on their website you might like to view: https://qlife.org.au/resources

    In addition to this, there are always counsellors available via phone for your most difficult moments. Some of these 24/7 services include Lifeline on 13 11 14 / https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat (online chat available 7pm-12am) or the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 / https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/

    If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you.
    1 person found this helpful
  3. arthouse-
    arthouse- avatar
    3 posts
    27 January 2021 in reply to Ben9z2004

    I have to agree with you! I live at a coastal region and the only way to really meet guys is through Grindr. Tinder seems ok for the city people - but then is it really much better? I have tried other ways through a Meet Up group, for example, and this was great to meet other guys in the area. Most were coupled up or visiting the area though. I don't go out night clubbing much at all (maybe once or twice a year). So, the chances of meeting a decent guy is so limiting. I've had to take breaks from Grindr etc... for my mental health. I live with extreme anxiety and bouts of depression (have been going through a very rough patch lately) and believe my sexuality, and lack of finding a partner, plays into my mental health struggles.

    I would love to meet a guy out there in the real world. I haven't been in a long term relationship for years now. I have had a short term boyfriend here and there. I live quite an isolated lifestyle. Maybe in time it could happen? I need to learn to manage my anxiety/depression and self-worth first.

  4. Emmen
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Emmen avatar
    388 posts
    27 January 2021 in reply to Ben9z2004

    Dear Ben9z2004,

    Welcome to the forums and thank you for opening up to us.

    Apps can be alienating and your suggestion to ditch it for face to face meetups will resonate with a lot of people. Unfortunately, the way of today is apps. I wonder if you can explore other ways of meeting people in your area, like on Meet Up as arthouse- has suggested? It may be easier to meet like-minded people that way since those on Grindr are probably there because they like using an app.

    Kindly,
    M

  5. Tamrby
    Tamrby avatar
    38 posts
    20 February 2021 in reply to Ben9z2004
    I agree, I would love to meet more members of the LGBTQ+ community but it's so scary haha, Like how do you meet someone and be like hi are you gay? LIKE THAT SEEMS NOT FUN, I WANT MORE FRIENDS THAT I CAN RELATE TO ABOUT THIS STUFF BUT STRAIGHT UP ASKING MIGHT NOT BE THE WAY? any advice on how to meet some more members of the community irl?
  6. DJay **
    DJay ** avatar
    5 posts
    11 April 2021 in reply to Ben9z2004
    G'day Ben9z2004
    I have not been on Grinder because I what I have heard, mostly guys wanting sex, nothing else. I was once on a date called Bi Australia and met a great guy there whom I came to really care about and love. Sadly he passed away. I have been in a straight relationship which has its challenges however she is accepting of me, bonus really. I identify as Pansexual. I tried to date or find more meaningful relationships with a guy but was not able to since passing of my mate. It sure is hard at times, as others have said, try some of the GLBTI social networking groups. I wish you well.
    Dave
  7. CalmCat
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CalmCat avatar
    354 posts
    12 April 2021 in reply to Ben9z2004

    Hi Ben9z2004,

    Welcome to the forum and thank so for sharing something so intimate!

    Firstly hope your feeling stronger in yourself and have reached out for some help.

    Some people have posted some great resources below, if a book/ebook is more your thing there is a great one called 'The Velvet Rage' I can't recommend it enough! Its all about being a gay man and the shame we constantly battle.

    Sounds like your on the right track, all those apps are time wasting!

    Let us know your thoughts!

    Regards,

    cc

  8. IrishEd
    IrishEd avatar
    1 posts
    4 May 2021 in reply to Ben9z2004

    Hi Ben,

    Couldn't agree more. I remember years ago when there were lots of social groups available through which to meet new people, and I too feel our "community" is at risk of dying, because of a lack of interaction other than through screen time. In the past I set up a Meet Up group my self which was moderately successful at the time, and certainly connected a lot of (mainly) men in a regional community, however when I left, the momentum dropped and it melted into a number of Facebook groups, which continue to do OK.

    I've since moved to another regional area, and am trying to engage with the local community through Facebook groups. I may not have found my tribe, but at least it's providing me with some connection.

    I'd encourage you to try the same, and personally prefer Meetup as a medium than Facebook, or perhaps a blend of the two. Don't have huge expectations that others will participate, or suggest activities or events, however my current area has a regular BBQ, which is helpful, and in the past I did lunch groups, bush walks, tennis nights, barefoot bowls etc etc, which attracted a differing crowd. Steal ideas from other Meet up groups, and try to be as inclusive as possible. In my MeetUp group I reminded people it was for Meet Ups, not Hook ups, but that if romance blossomed, that was also welcome.

    Good luck with your endeavours, and remember, you're not the only one who's feeling this, but you're one of the few daring to do something about it. Keep up the good work!

  9. ken08557
    ken08557 avatar
    1 posts
    6 June 2021 in reply to arthouse-

    Agree

    I have been in Sydney for more than a month now, found the same problem.

    Meeting guys through those dating apps are so hard, mostly they just want fun and don't even care who you are.

    I have been through anxiety and depression recently suspecting if I could find a decent relationship in Sydney, but I just don;t know where to meet decent people.

    I am young tall and I think I don't look bad, but it;s just not many people interested in me.

  10. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    11556 posts
    6 June 2021 in reply to ken08557

    Ken and Irish

    welcome to this thread and forum.

    Ben has suggested a plan that many can relate to.

    sophie has given resources that may help .

    it seems many men feel the same way.
    Hope people can work out how to improve the situation.

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