dear Murmur, I don't see any bitterness in your comment at all, and was rather shocked when I got to that paragraph.
You have this rare genetic disorder which you have to struggle with, but would be really interested to know what it is, but that's in your time.
It seems as though your childhood has been difficult and these attempts on your own life several times indicate this, plus the self harm, prove that you have been to hell and back.
This site doesn't discriminate against what sex you are, so your gay, there's no difference between you and a hetersexual, depression doesn't give a rats razoo, it will inflict it's curse on anyone.
I'm sure that people often fall in love with their psych. either same sex or different sex, although legally I don't think that any relationship would be aloud, but then who's to know.
My new psychologist who I have only seen about 4 times always touches me on the shoulder or back when I leave, but I don't see her anymore, she was good, but I didn't feel as though I could really click with her, but I suppose that after seeing my original psych. for 20 odd years, this new one didn't fill the void.
I would think that by being in 'the too hard box', would be a challenge for a psych. to be able to weave their way through your mind.
You know the old saying 'life's not meant be easy', and in reality it's not, we always seem to have to climb the mountain so we can achieve and cope with life.
You don't need to criticise yourself, which you have done in your comment several times, just relax, and please reply back to us. L Geoff. x