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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / New life, but afraid.

Topic: New life, but afraid.

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. Findingme
    Findingme avatar
    2 posts
    20 February 2019
    Hi all, I am finding it hard to find the words as I have told no-one, I have been in denial for so long sometimes I don't believe it myself. But I am bisexual. Was just wondering how I could go about telling friends and family about who I really am? I ended a 12 year relationship about a year ago and started finding myself again and came to the realisation that I need to be the real me. But I am also scared of this journey to the point I will probably go back into denial. I hope this makes sense just after a bit of advice.
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
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    white knight avatar
    9163 posts
    21 February 2019 in reply to Findingme

    Hi, welcome

    Well done in the journey of finding youtself.

    I'd question the need to reveal your sexuality to anyone ...maybe a very close trusted friend. But if you have the need that's ok too.

    If you need to expose your bisexuality it is essential, for your mental health to be prepared for negative questionable reactions. There is simply no criticism justifiable but people do judge and that can become a spiral downhill. Best to expect some abrasiveness. If prepared you could respond like "I thought by sharing this information you might have learned more about me, the real me" . So be prepared.

    For the above reason guidence by a counselor is my recommendation

    Good luck.


    1 person found this helpful
  3. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    15065 posts
    21 February 2019 in reply to Findingme

    Good Morning Findingme, and thanks for posting your comment.

    Coming out of a 12 year relationship isn't easy, but what it has done has taught you something about yourself, so I'm sorry it has ended, but more pleased that it has taught you exactly how you are and that's a positive.

    The people you are most scared of telling aren't those who you should discuss this at first with because if you do it will only push you further into the closest.

    Tell one person, get their support which will bring more confidence in telling those that need to be told and maybe your doctor could be the first person, although this may have already happened.

    You could tell your parents by bringing home a girl and say you're going to watch a movie and for a male that you're going to a party or vice-versa that way they will get used to seeing both sexes.

    You can't disguise something that is real and never be afraid and once people know, it’ll be one of the best things that’s happened to you.

    Talk to other people who maybe bi-sexual and bring them home with you and make sure you have a safe network behind you which you can go to, if anything goes against your wishes.

    Remember you may not have to tell anybody, you can live with someone the same sex, that happens frequently, also go out together, I don't see a problem, 'you are what you are' and people have to learn to accept it.

    Let us know how you feel.

    Best wishes.


    1 person found this helpful
  4. SammyB
    SammyB avatar
    69 posts
    21 February 2019 in reply to Findingme
    Hi Findingme,

    Welcome to the online forums. I acknowledge that this may be a challenging time for you as I have shared a similar experience with my own coming out , and I think it is so courageous of you to have opened up here about your journey. Rather than pressuring yourself to tell people that you are bisexual, I would give yourself some time to explore the real you without any time constraints or expectations that you have to come out to everyone you know or to anyone at all at this time. Coming out looks different for everyone and it sounds like you are on your way to understanding your true self and that’s something to be proud of. We are here to help you through this journey so feel free to continue to reach out and I’d be happy to talk through things more.

  5. Findingme
    Findingme avatar
    2 posts
    21 February 2019 in reply to SammyB

    Hi Sammy,

    Thanks for your kind words, I really appreciate the support. I actually don't have a fear of what my friends and family would say or react if I told them as I am very fortunate to have very supportive people in my life. It seems the fear is making it all too real for me. I am 38 and my relationship that recently ended was emotionally abusive and I fear I have lost all confidence in my self. But also in the same sense I am the happiest I have been in many years. Thankyou for listening it is helping emotionally to just share my feelings. 😁

    1 person found this helpful
  6. SammyB
    SammyB avatar
    69 posts
    22 February 2019 in reply to Findingme

    Hey Findingme,

    I’m happy to support you in releasing some heavy emotions, and it’s great to hear you have a number of supportive people in your life. Knowing that you have people to turn to must offer you some comfort despite your current feelings of uncertainty towards sharing your true self with others.

    I’m so sorry that you had to endure emotional abuse during your 12 year relationship. It must have been an exhausting fight but I’m glad to see that you are now working to find yourself.

    From what I’m hearing, while you are experiencing happiness and freedom from ending your long term, emotionally abusive relationship, you are at the same time carrying a lot of pain and or possible trauma from this abuse which can be reason for why you have lost confidence in yourself. Does that sound right? I guess my question is how have you managed these emotions since being out of your relationship? I’m here to talk through this more if that would be helpful. Without healing from this it is quite understandable why you may be questioning how to keep moving forward as your authentic self. Hang in there.


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