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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / Newbie and a little confused....... well a LOT confused

Topic: Newbie and a little confused....... well a LOT confused

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. KitKat?
    KitKat? avatar
    1 posts
    24 May 2020

    uhhh hi, so basically this is my first time on a forum and I'm not really good at talking to people but this is my go at it and I'm just looking for advice or answers cause honestly I don't really know.

    So I'm in high school and I've had my fair share of crushes on boys but also off and on thoughts about whether or not I'm straight. I honestly don't think that I'm straight at this point in time but I don't know whether to tell my friends about it. I'm a very open person and wouldn't hesitate to tell my friends but I don't want to tell them and then be like wait no. I don't think the wait no would happen but it's complicated and just hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Because while I've liked quite a few boys, the attraction goes away pretty quickly and then I just go and like someone else after a while because teenage thingsss. But on the other side of that, the girls that I hang out with make me question my questioning because I'm not attracted to any of them but I would rather be not anyway, but the thing is some of them (sorry to my friends) can be reallyyyyy annoying and whiny and honestly, eventually I get bored of it. I don't know if I'm just thinking this because the crushes I've had didn't work out but I don't think so because I didn't mind if nothing came of them, and also whenever I have read books about girls ending up together I was like I want that to be me and the same thing doesn't happen with most straight couples in books but then I think that that could just be coincidental because it was a nice story and it sends me off into confusion. Also sometimes I think that if I told people I was bi or lesbian, (I put both because I don't know where I fall right now) they would say that I was too young to make a proper choice about that and that just makes me doubt.

    Sometimes I think I'm straight but other times I have mad lesbian vibes and other times I just fall in between. Any thoughts?

  2. quirkywords
    Community Champion
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    quirkywords avatar
    12416 posts
    25 May 2020 in reply to KitKat?

    Welcome KitKat to the forum,

    Well done for writing your first post. It is hard to talk about yourself to strangers and reveal personal thoughts. You have done this very clearly and many can relate to your confusion.

    I feel these days the concept of gender and sexuality are fluid and flexible.

    You are young and still forming your ideas. I have never been a fan of restricting people to labels .

    someone told me labels are for Jam jars.

    his is my personal opinion just relax and see what happens. Often at school people have crushes on both sexes.

    think you are putting pressure on yourself to be one thing or the other but many are somewhere in between.

    hat you have written about your thoughts sounds very understandable for your age or for any age.

    If you are ok to see what happens and take expectations off the table, how would that make you feel?

    Keep posting here as much as you want to . It would be interesting to discuss this more.

    3 people found this helpful
  3. Soberlicious96
    Champion Alumni
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    Soberlicious96 avatar
    519 posts
    25 May 2020 in reply to KitKat?

    Dear KitKat,

    Welcome to Beyond Blue and well done for reaching out.

    Personally I tend to think of sexuality as being a bit like a 'sliding scale' ...... or maybe even a 'spectrum' .... like as in, Autism is a spectrum and some people have very mild Autism, and others very severe and others are somewhere in between. And sexuality, to me, is a bit like that - it's like a scale where some people are totally Heterosexual, some are totally Homosexual, and others are perhaps somewhere in between.

    If you were to ask me personally to 'label' my sexuality, I'd say that I am mostly hetero, with a pinch of bi thrown in for a touch of spice! I have mostly dated, and had serious relationships with men - I am female, by the way - and have had some brief sexual interactions with women also. I do experience feelings of attraction to both men and women, but like I said, most of my more serious relationships that have been longer term, have been with men.

    Whatever your preference is, is your business completely. I am also not, and have not been the type of person to 'offer forward' a label, per say, for or about myself, but if asked directly, then yeah, I have no hesitation (with most people anyway) in stating what I did above: that I am 'Mostly hetero, with a pinch of bi."

    Anyway, I don't know if that helps at all? I hope it does at least a little. In the meantime, enjoy the journey of discovery!

    Take care. And feel free to come back here and talk more about it if you wish. xo

    3 people found this helpful

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