Hi Bolt (& a wave to all),
I really feel for you...your anxiety sounds particularly intense lately. The anxiety attacks must have been awful...
I understand you’re feeling perhaps some inner turmoil. On the one hand, being taken off that trip might mean your anxiety levels have been more manageable. But on the other hand, I understand you’re also worried about what your bosses think and that another worker has to work that weekend.
I know most people (including me) don’t like to cry at work. I think that I understand where you’re coming from as I once burst into tears in an old job. It was pretty humiliating for me, especially as I was (am) someone who’s normally very restrained & “calm” at work.
But I think sometimes when emotions take over/we feel overwhelmed, the tears can come (as much as we don’t want them to)...so if it helps comfort you in the slightest, you won’t be the first (or the last) to cry at work. I’ve done it before...as have many others here on the forums.
The way that I dealt with it was I just waltzed in the next day & acted like nothing happened. I didn’t let any feelings of embarrassment show (but I can assure you that I definitely felt it on the inside). I made an effort to continue just doing my job, smiling at my colleagues, being friendly to my boss (that I had cried in front of) & clients and just “got on with things.”
For me, as far as I could tell, it didn’t have any lasting repercussions. I even received a job promotion in that same organisation less than a year after my outburst :)
I’m not saying you have to do what I did, or that your work situation is the same as mine. But I suppose what I’m trying to express is crying at work doesn’t mean bosses necessarily think “less” of you, or that your career is “over” (so to speak). I hope this maybe gives you some small comfort?
I am thinking of you and I can relate in some ways. Even if our experiences aren’t identical, I want you to know you are not alone and that we care about you here.
Kindness & care,