Jsua and all thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I can accept what's happened and I think I'll be ok, having learnt that you can never, ever sacrifice your own happiness or values to please someone else, it will just never work. It's just that it took 18 years! When i asked what was wrong or tried to talk about issues, he always said it was nothing, i was over analysing or being too sensitive and it was all in my head. I was right all along, he was lying and i trusted him. I guess I'll never doubt my gut again. It's hard enough coming out after pretending to be someone you're not for so much of your early life. To then meet someone, let your guard down and truly be yourself, only to be utterly rejected and abandoned is not just heart breaking, its life changing. I won't let it define me though and try to be happier, though that will be some time time down the track. I really appreciate being able to come here and vent though. Friends are really struggling with it too as it was all so sudden and its 18 years! I'm on a waiting list for professional help. I'm hoping that will only make what I've been dealing with alone even easier from here.