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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / Parner with Gender Dysphoria/ Biplor Disorder has left me confused.

Topic: Parner with Gender Dysphoria/ Biplor Disorder has left me confused.

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Guest_3256
    Guest_3256 avatar
    324 posts
    28 September 2020

    Hi. I am currently feeling highly confused and overwhelmed.

    My partner (m26) and I (m32) have been together for a little over 18 months. He experiences untreated Bipolar Disorder and Gender Dysphoria, which causes him a lot difficulties managing his emotions and heavily splicing (daily/ weekly), which has impacted our relationship quite dramatically. His main concerns are insecurities, low self-esteem, moodiness, irritable behavior and lack of trust.

    He did tell me just after we met, that he decided not to transition and now has brought it up saying that he wants to do it again, however, has decided to force it on me rather than sitting down and having an open and honest discussion. Because of the spicing (splitting) he is not happy with who he is and he will not accept responsibility for his abusive behavior. I have had to ask for time away from him due to the constant cheating accusations and push/pull cycle. I has literally exhausted me mentally and physically so I am now focusing on my health.

    I started doing some research to gain a prospective on how others have dealt with similar situations and seems that for me to do this, I will need to go through the journey with him and see a psychologist. I do love him and I'd like to see what I can do, however, I am finding it very difficult for him to understand that I cannot just flick a switch and do what he wants me to do. I too need to be involved but I just cannot get him to understand that this is not just about him transitioning to make him feel better but for me too.

    Has anyone experienced a partner transition, what did you do to support yourself and what were your own stories. Cheers.

  2. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
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    romantic_thi3f avatar
    3083 posts
    29 September 2020 in reply to Guest_3256

    Hi Jsua,

    Thank you for your post and reaching out. It totally makes sense that you'd be confused right now and it does sound like it's a bit overwhelming!

    I personally don't have experience in this, but other forum members will - so in the meantime I just wanted to recommend an extra resource. QLife are a free counselling service talking about all things gender and sexuality. They have both a hotline - 1800 184 527, as well as a web-chat, which I'll link to below. This site is both for people questioning and wanting to talk about things, as well as their loved ones, so if you like you can have a chat with them. It's also completely free -

    Hope you find this resource helpful, and if not - I have no doubt there will be others around ready to talk and share their own experiences.


    1 person found this helpful
  3. james1
    Multicultural Correspondent
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    james1 avatar
    2950 posts
    29 September 2020 in reply to Guest_3256

    Hello Jsua,

    I have not had any experience with a partner transitioning, but I can understand that you are feeling really overwhelmed at the moment. It sounds like you are both struggling a lot in the relationship, and this has just added to the stress.

    Still, you've mentioned you want to continue to be involved and are trying to get him to understand that you also have your own needs and wants. So I'm pleased to hear that you're trying to focus on your own health now and that you've come here to talk to us and hear other people's stories. It may perhaps even be good to look more broadly into existing threads about supporting yourself in a relationship with abusive behaviour, because some of the discussions could be relevant also.


    1 person found this helpful
  4. Lillylane
    Valued Contributor
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    Lillylane avatar
    333 posts
    2 October 2020 in reply to Guest_3256

    Hi Jsua

    Thanks for your post. It sounds very overwhelming and I’m glad you’re seeking support.

    My partner is currently transitioning (male to female). It’s only been a few months into hormones etc. but I can share my thoughts so far.

    Before my partner realised he had gender dysphoria he had some problems dealing with anger. It was his uncharacteristic behaviour that actually prompted me to ask him to see a psychologist urgently. The psychologist helped him identify what he had been struggling with for a long time.

    My partner then told me he would like to start transitioning. I can’t imagine how hard it was for him to have that conversation with me.

    It was a lot to take in. We’d been together for 13 years.

    As far as what did I do to support myself - I began seeing a psychologist. That’s probably been the biggest help.

    The Gender Centre have some very good fact sheets under their ‘Resources’ section of their website for family and friends and partners.

    1 person found this helpful

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