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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / Questioning sexual identity while in a relationship

Topic: Questioning sexual identity while in a relationship

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. pancake101
    pancake101 avatar
    4 posts
    1 May 2018
    Ok so basically i have a bf (I'm a cis girl) and I currently identify as pansexual. For a while i was very comfortable with this title. I am comfortable with the idea of dating girls and trans people and non-binary and all that but the idea of having a penis anywhere near... well i don't really like the idea of that. However, I am still find guys attractive.

    I am comfortable kissing and all that with a guy but anything under his pants is an auto magic no. I am in my mid teens so i won't be having sex anytime soon. So it leaves me with the question of whether i am either too young(?) to like a guying that way or I'm just not attracted to guys at all. Or the question of whether i could be polysexual if I like all genders but the ones with penises or if that just makes me a lesbian. And then there is the question of how to break up with my bf.
    I'm a mess any helpful advice?????
  2. CJames
    CJames avatar
    80 posts
    1 May 2018 in reply to pancake101

    Hi pancake101,

    Being comfortable with a title is a great thing, I'm super glad you have accepted yourself for who you are. Some people find that hard to deal with, so you're at an advantage so to speak.

    You mention you find guys attractive and are comfortable kissing, are these two separate things? I know I don't have a problem making out with any gender, but I'm certainly not comfortable having sexual intercourse with straight women.

    Don't feel you need to rush the whole "sex" thing; you have plenty of time being in your mid-teens.

    Do you reckon this could be a maturity thing? What is it about the penis that gets to you?

    I definitely wouldn't rule out the idea of polysexual, but it all comes with time. I mentioned before it's good to be comfortable with a title, but there's nothing wrong with rushing your decision, even changing.

    Sorry to hear about your situation with your boyfriend, it can be incredibly heartbreaking. Before you attempt to break up with him, you need to be sure that this is the right path you're taking. Is he aware you're a pansexual? Have you hinted at breaking up with him before?

    You're not a mess pancake101; you're sorting out your life, making choices regarding yourself.

    I wish you the best of luck, I'm not much help sowwy :(

    Keep us updated.

    C.

    2 people found this helpful
  3. pancake101
    pancake101 avatar
    4 posts
    2 May 2018 in reply to CJames

    thank you that was quite helpful,

    I suppose everything will turn out good in the end even if it takes time. I feel quite guilty about having to tell him all this but at the same time its no ones fault and I'm sure he will understand- he's a good guy.

    Thank you again for replying

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