It sounds like you're in a really difficult situation and I really feel for you. I'm so glad that you reached out here.
C4 is right, please don't try to do this all alone. There are people and services out there that can support you through the path ahead.
I can't remember off the top of my head where, but I know there are support groups for people in a similar situation as you. I did a quick search online and found Gamma and Dale that sound like they might be helpful. Hopefully they, or Qlife will be able to point you in the right direction for some support that's specifically relevant to you.
I wish that I could be of more help, because you're really very brave for facing this. I myself am gay, though don't have experience in your situation, but I've watched my cousin go through a similar issue. He has children, was married, a very conservative family. It took a long time for him to find confidence in his new life, but I've never seen him so at peace with himself.