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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / Toying with the idea of telling my wife that I'm gay

Topic: Toying with the idea of telling my wife that I'm gay

  1. Definitely Otherwise
    Definitely Otherwise avatar
    37 posts
    1 November 2018 in reply to Only I know

    Hey Daz,

    If you're moving out this weekend or next weekend I want to wish you the best of luck.

    There will be so many mixed emotions inside you, you'll probably feel terrified, sad, distraught and excited all at once.

    Not only will be you be moving on with your own life, you will have to witness your wife move on with hers, which won't be easy.

    Hope it's not a scorcher and 40 degrees down in the southern state for you mate.

    Def

    2 people found this helpful
  2. Only I know
    Only I know avatar
    154 posts
    1 November 2018 in reply to Esti67

    Hey Esti, the same goes for you! We've all shared our journeys and drawn support from each other over the time. The unit I've bought settles tomorrow, and I move in on Saturday, so Saturday is going to be a very emotional day for both me, my wife and my kids. It will no doubt be hard, but I reminded my wife tonight as she cried about how "real" it is becoming, that we love each other no less than we did 6 months ago (incidentally - I came out to her exactly 6mths ago tomorrow!). It just means different living arrangements.

    Good luck to you too, and keep chatting to us on here.

    Daz

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Only I know
    Only I know avatar
    154 posts
    1 November 2018 in reply to Definitely Otherwise

    thanks Def

    yep you've described it well. My wife and I chatted about it tonight, and we've just gotta keep an eye on the kids too. It helps that we still love each other to bits, but then it hurts more too. We don't want the other to be in the pain that we are feeling.

    But it is happening, and we have to work with it. We know we will always love each other and have each other's backs and that is amazing.

    I really don't know how people do it, when the relationship has broken down and there is anger. That would be really hard.

    Daz

    2 people found this helpful
  4. Esti67
    Esti67 avatar
    45 posts
    1 November 2018 in reply to Only I know

    Good luck this weekend Daz, lots of emotions for you guys. I think when a partner is decent its harder in the short term ( because of the guilt) but better long term. If you both are ok, the kids will be. Like you i could not imagine what it would be like if my husband became nasty. So much worse for all of us. Thinking of u guys.

    E

    2 people found this helpful
  5. C4
    C4 avatar
    101 posts
    2 November 2018 in reply to Only I know

    Hi Darren good luck with your move tomorrow I know it will be an emotional day for all concerned and I’m glad your wife is so supportive with you and you of her. I’m glad to have made your friendship and your advice has been invaluable to everyone on here. Try not to be sad in your new place even though at first it will be scary for you after all these years in a relationship. I’ll be here if you need to talk ok as I’ve been through it ok . Your a good man and loving father and youll get all the support you need . I wish I could help in person and give you a big hug to say it will be alright but I hope you enjoy the start of your new chapter in life mate . All the best for tomorrow ok I’ll be thinking of you . Craig

    2 people found this helpful
  6. Definitely Otherwise
    Definitely Otherwise avatar
    37 posts
    2 November 2018 in reply to Only I know

    It has been an amazing partnership Daz. You were blessed to find each other, and blessed to have such a supportive extended family.

    As you say, you want your cubs to be OK through this difficult transition.

    There will be a lot of tears, and big emotions, it will take time to adjust. But you will create new routines and it makes the world of difference that you're still great friends.

    Don't roll an ankle or twist your back. Have a beer after you've emptied the last box.

    Def

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Only I know
    Only I know avatar
    154 posts
    2 November 2018 in reply to Definitely Otherwise

    thanks guys! I'm just sitting down after packing a few more boxes of my old books, and waiting for the call from the fridge delivery man. Settlement unfortunately was delayed until this arvo, so after rushing around to change a few things, all is just a waiting game now!

    Thanks for your kind supportive words. It made me smile.

    Def, yes I will take care of my back, it's already a bit sore from packing earlier in the week! I have a whole bunch of people helping with the move, 2 couples, my folks, my wife and kids! I think it'll be all over in a couple of hours tomorrow! Bring on the pizza and beer!!!

    will let you know how I'm going over the weekend.

    thanks you all again.

    Daz

    4 people found this helpful
  8. C4
    C4 avatar
    101 posts
    2 November 2018 in reply to Only I know
    Hi mate I have tears of joy hearing that news of your support good on you big hugs from me ok
    1 person found this helpful
  9. C4
    C4 avatar
    101 posts
    3 November 2018 in reply to Only I know
    Hi Darren it’s Craig I’m just seeing how your move went today I hope it was ok and everything is going well. Hope to hear from you soon also welcome to the Batchelor life mate it is daunting at first but you’ll be ok I know you will . Best of luck in your new place and all the best. Craig
    1 person found this helpful
  10. Only I know
    Only I know avatar
    154 posts
    5 November 2018 in reply to C4

    Hey mate, thanks.

    Move went well, no major issues. I have no internet, it's amazing how much you rely on it! The ISP let me down and haven't delivered the modem.

    I must say I'm enjoying the quiet. I had dinner with my wife (we haven't decided what to call each other yet, so we're staying with husband/wife) and kids, I dropped off extra fruit/veggies I'd bought, she invited me to stay (unplanned) for dinner. I think we'll be really good.

    It was a bit odd on Saturday arvo, I'd originally suggested they leave early so we could all grieve, but it wasn't necessary. They stayed late, had pizza and drinks with some friends who came over, it was nice. I really do think that things will be ok.

    Talk soon

    Daz

    3 people found this helpful
  11. Definitely Otherwise
    Definitely Otherwise avatar
    37 posts
    6 November 2018 in reply to Only I know

    Glad to read that the move went well Daz and that you didn't injure yourself, and you enjoyed a nice meal with friends and family.

    You'll create new routines, and your place will slowly start to feel like home when you have people over and entertain and chill out in the new space!

    Enjoy

    Def

    2 people found this helpful
  12. Johnny_11
    Johnny_11 avatar
    28 posts
    8 November 2018 in reply to Only I know

    Hey Daz

    I haven't been on for a while, thought I'd check in.

    Glad the move went well, so happy for your that things are working out.

    I'm just it will take some adjusting to, but its also exciting!!!

    Cheers
    John

    2 people found this helpful
  13. Only I know
    Only I know avatar
    154 posts
    8 November 2018 in reply to Johnny_11

    thanks Johnny & Def

    yes, all good so far. keeping myself busy - walking one night a week with my friends then dinner at mine after (was usually theirs but I can now repay their kindness!), also dinner with the wife (or do I say ex now? I think that is going to be one of the hardest things), going to the movies tomorrow to see Boy Escaped (the gay conversion movie - I think I'll need the tissues!) and went 10 pin bowling tonight.

    I think that is going to be the key for me, keep myself busy to start out, so I don't think too much about being on my own. after a while, it will just become the norm.

    Anyway, hope you all are well, and thanks for checking in!

    Daz

    2 people found this helpful

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