Hey Esti, apologies for the late reply! thanks for continuing to take an interest in me! I've been out on my own now for a month, and it's been okay. I thought I'd get sad and down, but to be honest, I've kept myself really busy. I haven't actually had many nights where I have just sat down in my place, doing nothing. I've been out seeing friends, or they have been here, I've had my kids over, my wife over and of course work!
I went to the frontrunners xmas party on sunday and chatted to people that I'd seen, but never spoken to before, and it was really nice. I really am starting to feel quite good about myself.
In truth, because I've been so busy, I'm enjoying the night at home on my own. Tonight I've Netflix binged on Schitt's creek - just finished the last episode. Very funny show!
One thing my psych said to me, was to let go of the guilt. This was a very hard thing to do, and I guess I haven't fully let go, but I'm learning too. What has been done is done, what is going to happen will happen, you cannot put a stop to what has now started (all the clichés in one!). You deserve to be you now. You have given everyone else all of you over the years. I think you just need to do it, but be there for him too. He was a big part of your life, but the longer you procrastinate it will just extend the sadness you both are feeling.
My relationship with my wife (former?!?! hard to say otherwise) is great, she comes to visit. I cooked her breaky on sunday morning, gave her a big hug and kiss. It was beautiful. She will forever be my hero, and I will continue to love and support her no matter what. There is no reason why that will be any different for you.
Anyway, keep chatting, and again apologies for the late reply. Hope things are going well for you and things improve.