Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / Transitioning at last

Topic: Transitioning at last

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Neferata
    Neferata avatar
    23 posts
    28 July 2018

    It's a feeling unlike anything else in the world to feel a different yet familiar person emerge from inside of you. Someone who has been kept locked away and hidden all my life is suddenly, tentatively, free to come out. She had always been looking for cracks to creep out of and touch something of significance. Things are moving quickly and I am extremely appreciative of my counsellor for the pace, next week begins the processes of blood tests, psychs and endochrinologists.

    I came out to one of my friends groups yesterday and they were extraordinary, so loving, supportive and very excited to help me learn to be a woman and to help me deal with a second puberty. I have another group of friends which deserve to be told and by happy coincidence we will all be at a friends birthday tomorrow. I have yet to tell my parents, I fear that my mother will want to be involved but I don't want her to be. She drove my sister away because she was too controlling and becoming my parents is the absolute last thing I want in the world. I fear that I'm not going to be able to communicate that well and my counsellor says the mother is an important figure but this isn't something I want to compromise over.

    My counsellor has given me homework: contemplating a new name. There are names I am fond of but I have no idea what my name actually is. Who am I? I throw around various names in my head but none of them feel quite right.The things I believe in, the virtues and values I hold dear and the injustices and inequalities which rile me into action are more what I am, not exactly who I am. Who I am, I don't quite know yet.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Doolhof avatar
    8757 posts
    28 July 2018 in reply to Neferata

    Hi Neferata,

    Sometimes it can be difficult to tell our parents anything important as there appears to be so many expectations and sometimes unwritten rules on what is acceptable or not.

    It seems like you have witnessed an event between your sister and your parents. One thing to consider is that you are not your sister and your parents may behave and react differently towards you.

    Have you tried actually writing down the names that you are considering. Names to me look different in writing than just sounding them in your mind. You may like to see if there are meanings to the names that you like.

    Change can be exciting, for some it can be a little daunting as well. When you tell your parents, it may help to allow them to have some time to reflect upon what you are telling them.

    Cheers to you from Dools

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Neferata
    Neferata avatar
    23 posts
    29 July 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Dools,

    I have indeed been writing names down and practicing signatures to see what feels "me" and with the help of friends I believe I've arrived at a name I can certainly try.

    Everyone I've told so far has been very excited and to a certain extent I can feel it also, however, at this time I'm more fearful than anything else.

    Thank you for your advice on the parents situation, I suspect they certainly will need time to reflect but I believe it will be some time before I come out to them.

    All the best -Nef

  4. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Doolhof avatar
    8757 posts
    30 July 2018 in reply to Neferata

    Hi Nef,

    I'm wondering if your parents might prefer to be told sooner rather than later, or rather than learning your news from someone else. You know your parents, so this is just a suggestion on my part.

    Last night my husband and I were watching an episode of Britain's Got Talent. On it was a man who had transitioned from being a woman. It was interesting to have a brief snippet of his life shared for all to see and witness. Hopefully publicity like that helps people thinking of and wanting to transition.

    All the best with all the appointments you have organised to help you.

    I had a little chuckle about you signing your new name, I did that with my husband's surname before we were married to see how it would look with my Christian name.

    Would you like to share what some of your fears are? This is a safe place to write what you are feeling.

    Have you had a look at some of the threads in the sexuality and gender section? You might find other people who have a similar experience to you.

    Wishing you well with your journey!

    Cheers for now from Dools

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Neferata
    Neferata avatar
    23 posts
    30 July 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Dools,

    I have indeed browsed some of the other threads and found many heartwarming messages and advice. My fears are strangely ethical in nature; I'm submissive by nature and I will always give way to others, let others go first, I put the needs of others above my own and I give freely without condition or reciprocation. I found it an acceptable ethic to have these virtues while in a male body and in my mind it was my personal apology for the masculine behavior of our society.

    However, the prospect of these same values while in a female body sits too close to stereotypes and gender norms which I'd rather see ended. In short, as a male I defy my gender norm but I fear as a female I will align closely with female gender norms.

    My counselor is trying to get me to consider myself, what I want and need instead of worrying about the ethics and sociology of these things, however, gender norms are something I feel very strongly about (or against) and it will take time to navigate this as I transition.

    Thank you for your support (and your ear)
    Cheers - Nef

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up