Hi there Nicko94 and thanks for your post!
I can certainly feel the deep emotions in your words, and agree 100% that this Covid and lockdown thing is not easy to handle. I thought I would just add a few thoughts from a post I did a while ago about not getting overly anxious and over thinking things.
I have noticed these days that many people seem to be fretting about not achieving what they dreamt of. Particularly with the Covid 19 pressures and never ending lockdowns.
It becomes very easy to dwell on thoughts like what happened to my goals, what have I achieved?
I have been thinking about this quite a lot. Some time ago I read something about 'Surrendering more' and not overly focussing on goals. I can't remember much of it but some parts struck a chord that I have found really useful in adapting to my life.
Here are some of the life principles I try to observe, (but am not always able to!).
1.Try to celebrate what you have, instead of searching for reasons to be happy. For example good health, job you like, friends, a trip you enjoyed etc are all good things to celebrate!
2. 'Ke Sera Sera' - I find this one very helpful. Basically the song is about what will be, will be, and not fretting over goals and dreams. Still keep that over arching vision alive, but just let things happen a little more. I guess better expressed as letting go of the need to be in charge of your life and recognise that the Universe will look after you - with just a bit of guidance from you!
3. Obstacles are there for a reason. Looking back, most obstacles placed in my way were actually a detour in the right direction! Yes we really do learn from difficulties when looking back. So try not to let them overcome you or get in the way of your self belief.
4. When doing Philosophy classes years ago, I remember learning not to judge but to look at things objectively as they really are. Too often I let my emotions or beliefs get in the way and cloud my judgement. Even people you might think are a pain have positive things to offer if only you will let that happen and get to truly know them. Is this the same as being in the present?
I hope this post is not too waffly and that you may actually get something out of it.
All I can say is that the more often I remind myself about these principles, It makes me feel much better about myself and my future.
I hope Nicko94 that this may help a little bit, and am very happy to discuss further if you feel that may help.
All the very best, The Bro