Hi. I'm 34 and have a long history of depression and anxiety. I guess what brought me here is to find out from other peoples experience if this is "normal" or not. Whatever "normal" is. Last week I was really focused on my work projects and put in a lot of extra hours. I couldn't focus long enough on TV or anything totally pointless because I was too restless. But goal orientated tasks I was flying through, tick, tick, tick goal achieved. I had heaps of thoughts and ideas and really moved ahead in achieving the outcomes I wanted. This week I am tired, have hardly any thoughts in my head, and really couldn't care about anything. I'm feeling rather indifferent. This makes continuing with last weeks projects difficult as I have no interest in the goal. Obviously I still have to go to work and get some work done but it is at a much slower pace. I never feel like a get enough sleep and often have difficulty going to sleep and staying asleep. Some sort of predictability and balance would be awesome. I'm exercising every day and taking all the weekend as time to rest. Anyone have anything to say?

Hello Rosalie, well I am a bit older than you, but I can say that what you've written is familiar. There are definitely peaks and troughs for me. Some weeks I am very motivated, and others I find I just have to push through. I keep to very regular routines with sleep, exercise and diet, and am just resigned to the fact that if I did not do this then things would be a whole lot worse.  There are more good days than bad for me of late.  

It sounds from what you're saying that sleep and restfulness is looming large for you. When you rest at the weekend, what do you do for rest? Do you feel relaxed?

dear Rosalie, welcome to the forum, and from what I have read it's going to very difficult to fall asleep and stay asleep, because your mind is racing so fast, always thinking about 'what if' or 'what am I going to do', and this can happen even if you aren't particularly thinking about anything, sounds peculiar, but it's not, because depression is capable of doing anything to harm or want to destroy us.

On the other hand if you do have a good nights sleep, only in terms of hours, you can still wake feeling like you have only had an hour or so of sleep.

What I suggest is that you have to try and break this same routine, like going to bed when you feel tired and not stay up until your usual bed time, all change is difficult to do, because we are creatures of habit.

Your doctor will be able to assist you with some sort of medication.

Your main goal is to achieve what and how you want to feel, so that you can get back on track. Geoff. x

Hi Rosalie; This is my first time on the  forum. Your description sounds like me sometimes. I really like your topic; finding the middle ground to balance is humorous and intelligent at the same time. It bought a smile to my face as soon as I read it.

Balance is relevant to every moment. What works one day doesn't the next. For me, addressing this issue has changed over the years with my sense of self and connection to others/work/environment. I live alone. I've never really had an issue with this until I was forced to medically retire from 40 years in the workforce. Now being alone has a completely different meaning. Having work problems seems far more interesting than being at home feeling like 'Shirley Valentine' (UK Movie from 90's. If you haven't seen it, maybe you could have a look-see) Her quest for the meaning of life takes her to a whole new place she never thought possible. Come to think of it, I needed to say/hear that!!

This writing thing really does work! :-) Thanks Rosalie and Beyond Blue Forum.