Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Forums / Staying well / Be Yourself but who am I?

Topic: Be Yourself but who am I?

  1. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    12432 posts
    26 March 2019 in reply to Shelll

    Hello all

    shelley

    thanks for your thoughts . I have heard about that love language but never read the books.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Shelll
    Shelll avatar
    7384 posts
    27 March 2019 in reply to quirkywords
    Please forgive me Quirky. I sound like a know it all. And that I have it all together. But I don’t. Anyway sorry
    1 person found this helpful
  3. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    12432 posts
    28 March 2019 in reply to Shelll

    Hello everyone,

    Shelley,

    No need to be sorry. My last post was very short as I had a customer and had to go.

    I enjoyed your post as it was informative and interesting. I am sorry if my comment sounded abrupt.

    I like the forum as I get different ideas and I do like quizzes and I was going to see if I had one of the love language books in my shop.

    Your posts are always most welcome.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Shelll
    Shelll avatar
    7384 posts
    29 March 2019 in reply to quirkywords
    Thankyou Quirky 🙂 :-)
  5. demonblaster
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    demonblaster avatar
    7556 posts
    31 March 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Hey lovely Quirky and all other lovelies ☺

    Quirky something that I often think about and sads me that you cop a fair bit of critism I've heard you mention. It sads because what I see here of you is a very caring warm gentle kind lady wanting and does help people (many) a great communicator willing to listen and take on board and think about comments. And a leader I like how you work your thread, you're a great host and conversationalist. I suggest the next time someone criticises ask them for a positive about you as well. I think you're lovely Quirky ☺ Hope you're travelling better ⚘

    I haven't yet fully caught up got several threads so slowly catching up. I wanted to mention to our beloved Grandy darling ...

    Quote.. " I was constantly worrying about who I am, trying to find who I am, I told my Psychiatrist that I don’t know who I am..."

    Sweetyheart Grandy something you recently said prompted me to tell you this and why I believe this to be true... You said and I agree here there's no judgement or agro was the gist and you feel comfortable here.

    I believe without a doubt all the reasons I deeply love and appreciate you and many do and care very much because here this is you 💜💑🤗

    Hope everyones days are good. As often as you can remember to think of anything that makes you happy or would. Positives I believe create energy.

    🐧 cute or what 😀

    1 person found this helpful
  6. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    12432 posts
    31 March 2019 in reply to demonblaster

    Hello everyone,

    DB I am very touched by your kind words.I think I may share personal things that are critical because I know others may be experiencing the same things and we can help each other. Thanks for your concern but I am doing well and enjoy the support from people on this forum.

    I have realised why I am criticised by others it is me who is my harshest critic which is why I started the inner critic thread as well.

    I have another question.

    When you hear a friend being criticised how do you feel and react? Is that different to how you react when you are criticised?

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  7. demonblaster
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    demonblaster avatar
    7556 posts
    31 March 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    You're welcome darl ☺ Hi everyone

    I'm glad you're doing well Quirky here's amazing support isnt it.

    In reply to your question if a friends criticised I feel very hurt for them and mostly I defend them. I can't forget unfortunately. Unless they're being aggressive I talk calmly.

    If someones outwardly aggressive I fight back well hard and don't back down.

    Generally I'd say I protect and defend better for friends than myself.

    1 person found this helpful
  8. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    12432 posts
    11 April 2019 in reply to demonblaster

    Hello everyone

    Is there someone or somewhere that you can always be yourself with ?

    I am not sure there is one person with whom I can feel totally at ease with . that reflects on me as a people pleaser who feels I am always worried about upsetting people.

    Quirky

    2 people found this helpful
  9. Paw Prints
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Paw Prints avatar
    1651 posts
    11 April 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hello Quirkywords,

    Your question made me really think. I was going to say yes all my siblings, but then the penny dropped that I do guard my tongue as to what I share with them & I often bite my tongue to avoid conflict. The only person I can say yes about is my late brother. He & I were close, we could be totally at ease with each other, talk about anything & say what we thought even when we disagreed.

    1 person found this helpful
  10. Elizabeth CP
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Elizabeth CP avatar
    2429 posts
    11 April 2019 in reply to Paw Prints

    I think I have different aspects of myself so different people suit different things. My daughters have my sense of adventure. Unfortunately one is now OS & the other busy with her own family so I don't get much chance to spend time with them as we used to. I remember a trip to NZ We all enjoyed doing crazy things not worrying about what anyone else thought. We were caught in a bad storm & got soaked to the skin but still had fun together.

    I have a friend who has gone through some difficult experiences & has helped me through hard times. When we are together we can say what we think without worrying about it being taken out of context. When I need to vent & want to feel undertood she is the person I go to. Unfortunately she no longer lives close.

    1 person found this helpful
  11. Shelll
    Shelll avatar
    7384 posts
    12 April 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi all, I do not believe there is one single person that I feel at ease with. I desire to be free though. I feel like I am trapped up inside myself.

    Mostly I feel awkward.

    1 person found this helpful
  12. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    12432 posts
    12 April 2019 in reply to Shelll

    Thanks pawprints, Elizabeth and shelley for your interesting comments.

    You have given us food for thought.

    I find themes I can relate to coming through about changing with different people and feeling trapped within oneself. Pawprints that was indeed a special relationship you had with your brother, very special.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  13. Paw Prints
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Paw Prints avatar
    1651 posts
    12 April 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hello Quirky, Elizabeth & Shelley

    My brother was one of those people who would have answered the question "who am I" with "I'm me". He was comfortable in his own skin, there was no side to him and though he was tactful when required, he was who he was regardless of who he was with. I wish I could just be myself, not worry about what others think, not feel stupid or out of place. My brother could just be himself, why can't I?

    Given we all seem to have issues with being ourselves, it raises the questions -

    do our insecurities feed our mental health issues? or do our mental health issues feed our insecurities? or would we still be insecure regardless of our mental health?

    I'm curious what others think.

    Paw Prints

    2 people found this helpful
  14. Shelll
    Shelll avatar
    7384 posts
    12 April 2019 in reply to Paw Prints

    Oh Paw Prints, wish I could just be myself as well. I want so much to give the awkward, out of place and self conscious feeling a good kick on out.

    I think the insecurities and mental health are intertwined. Sort of feed of each other.

    Babies just came to my mind then, they act like their selves. They do not appear awkward. They simply trust that someone will love them. They do not care what they look like either or how they appear to others. They are free.

    Also wonder if this is why people drink alcohol. It puts them at ease. I don't drink, but know others who do for thus reason.

    2 people found this helpful
  15. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    12432 posts
    20 April 2019 in reply to Shelll

    Hello to everyone, I just touched something on my keyboard , and lost my post. That's me and I will accept I have pudgy fingers and am clumsy.

    PawPrints thanks for your comment. I think insecurities and mental health issues are inter related.

    Which comes first, who knows?

    Shelley, Thanks for your comments.

    I think babies are moulded by their carers some of the time.

    Young children know if they are cute, or perform or keep still or do what their parents want, they will get more attention.

    I think people drink for many different reasons. Sometimes to feel numb, to feel ok, to blot out all their problems or blot out a painful past.

    I just want to not compare myself or not worry what others think of me, but I still do. How do people do that?

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  16. Ggrand
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    9087 posts
    25 April 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hello Quirky and everyone..

    I hope your feeling better then okay...

    I don’t compare me to anyone else...I think if we do that we are letting ourselves in for some harsh criticism to ourselves...I always have believed that we are who we are and no one else can ever be us or talk, behave, dress, look or have our personality...We are who we are and that’s unique in every way...

    I can get very critical and upset feeling really sad and down with myself when I hear negative comments about me...I live and do things the best I can and when people say things to me...I don’t know it puts me down it hurts very hard...I’m not sure if the hurt comes from them not accepting who I am or if it comes from me feeling guilty about their need to comment...I can’t change me I’m doing the best I can..I can’t just walk away and ignore their negative comments..they stay with me for a very long time....

    I think that people with mh does struggle so very hard s with other people’s negative comments because we are already negative about ourselves...

    Grandy..

    3 people found this helpful
  17. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    12432 posts
    26 April 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Hello everyone reading and thinking,

    Grandy

    hanks for your helpful comments.

    Notice people on this forum often say things like my problems are nothing compared to others, I feel so hopeless because I can not do anything , etc etc/

    I think it is great you don't compare yourself to others, but often we compare ourselves to what we used to be able to do when well and use that put ourselves down.

    I think you are right that people with mental health issues do feel more sensitive about others negative comments to us because those negative word feed of our low self esteem and negative self image.

    I really appreciate your comments and hope today sees you feeling ok.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  18. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    12432 posts
    7 June 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Can we be ourselves if we don't try to understand others?

    Can we exist in a vacuum isolated from others?

    Is our relationships with others help us to be ourselves?

    Please feel free to share your thoughts.

    Quirky

    3 people found this helpful
  19. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    12432 posts
    21 June 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Hello everyone,

    If you are reading this for the first or the umpteenth time , feel free to answer any of the many questions I have asked on this thread, no matter where they appear/

    If asking questions is me being myself I wonder if people don't answer my questions will I need to have change who I am and not ask question just answer them or make statements.

    Has anyone made a change to their authentic self recently?

    Maybe you were never on time and now you are punctual. ?

    You were scared of hairdressers and now you are not.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  20. Paw Prints
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Paw Prints avatar
    1651 posts
    21 June 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hello Quirky,

    Please don't stop asking questions, I like to have my mind stretched, whether it's on old question or new. I include old questions because I don't think we should ever just say "I think X" & never reassess our views.

    "Can we be ourselves if we don't try to understand others?"

    Unfortunately there are a lot of people who believe they are ""right"" & they are not interested in trying to understand others.

    "Can we exist in a vacuum isolated from others?"

    Not unless we move to a deserted island & survive by foraging. What I mean is someone can choose not to actively interact with others but they will still be indirectly interacting, whether they wish to or not. If by isolation we mean not having face to face contact with others then I think the answer for some people is yes, but that most people would struggle (they might exist but they wouldn't live).

    "Is our relationships with others help us to be ourselves?"

    I think most people define themselves by their relationship to others, if we think of the words most often used to define who we are: kind, caring, mean, selfish, honest, cruel, shy, out-going etc. They all relate to how a person interacts with those around them.

    Paws

    2 people found this helpful
  21. Ggrand
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    9087 posts
    21 June 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hello Quirk..

    Please I’m also asking you to please don’t stop asking questions...I read here all the time..but don’t know how to answer your questions at times...it’s not a reflection on your questions...it’s me..I am easily confused by questions and find it hard to explain my answers...umm I mean I can answer yes or no easily to most of your questions, then it becomes hard for me to put into words why I answer them the way I do...Sometimes I read wrong..then answer wrong...

    Your questions make me think about them..and that’s good...

    Kind thoughts..love and hugs Quirky..💜🤗.

    Grandy..

    4 people found this helpful
  22. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    12432 posts
    21 June 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Thanks paws and grandy

    I don’t think I know how not to ask questions so there is no fear if that.

    Paws thanks for answering the question with thoughtful answers. Some think they understand others but they only see the world through their own eyes.

    grandy you are so sweet to think of me when you are have your own problems

    Questions don’t have a right it wrong, any answer is welcome and adds to the discussion.

    Quirky

    2 people found this helpful
  23. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Doolhof avatar
    8757 posts
    22 June 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky, Paws, Grandy and All,

    Some days I am with Grandy, my mind just doesn't seem able to formulate an answer to a question. Sometimes I struggle to understand a question let alone contemplate a response. Ha. Ha.

    Questions are good though, they help us to broaden our thinking and understanding. Even if I don't have a direct answer, I can ponder the question and consider an answer.

    We all function differently.

    Cheers to you all from Dools

    2 people found this helpful
  24. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    12432 posts
    22 June 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Mrs Dools

    Thanks for your consideration about my question about questions.

    I bad day for me is when I can not answer my own questions or I do not like my own answers.

    Quirky

  25. Elizabeth CP
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Elizabeth CP avatar
    2429 posts
    22 June 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    I agree with Paw Most people define themselves by their relationship to others"We live in the world & are social beings so how we relate to people and the type of relationships we enjoy are an essential part of us. For example I used to be a teacher but because I'm naturally shy I'm not good standing in front of a class trying to maintain discipline. Working one on one as a tutor is more comfortable for me & enables me to be effective. I later retrained and worked as a health professional were most of my work was directly with individual clients. This allowed me to work effectively while being myself. In contrast my brother likes to be in control so as an employee he struggled with his relationships with his bosses. He left & has worked for himself which suits his personality.
    Quirky asked Has anyone made a change to their authentic self recently? I've changed a few things in the past. I think the important thing is your reason. Changing something because you feel others don't approve or to fit in with others is not being yourself & is not good for your mental health. Changing because you see a real benefit to yourself & your life is good. I'm naturally shy & really struggled at high school with no friends & feeling I didn't fit in. When I finished high school & was planning to go to university I decided I didn't want to repeat that experience Instead I wanted to be more comfortable with others & to be comfortable with guys so I could eventually meet someone & build a relationship to lead to marriage & having a family. These were challenging goals but important to me. I deliberately chose a course were I would meet more males rather than choosing a course which was predominately female. I pushed myself to talk to other in the course & to join clubs at university so I could meet others with similar interests. Obviously I worked hard with my studies so I could succeed and chose subjects which interested me but ensuring I took time to socialise wit others doing things I enjoyed really helped me By pushing myself outside my comfort zone I felt more like I was being myself rather than being limited by my shyness. Recently I decided being messy & disorganized was bad for me so I set goals to improve which has helped. Being tidy & organised reduces the frustration associated with not being able to find things when I need them & wasting valuable time. Of course there are lots of other things I need to improve on but they will take time.

    2 people found this helpful
  26. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    12432 posts
    23 June 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hello all

    Elizabeth,

    I will start at the end of your thoughtful post.

    I am messy and disorganised but despite setting goals and trying hard to improve did not work for me.

    So coming back to the title of this thread, be yourself, I feel I am naturally messy and disorganised, so trying to change even when I want to improve just makes me irritable as I am still incredibly messy and disorganised despite having read and followed many books on being less cluttered and more organised.

    For me I think going again who I am is hard as I don't choose to be messy and disorganised I just am.

    I am glad you managed to improve and it worked for you.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  27. Elizabeth CP
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Elizabeth CP avatar
    2429 posts
    23 June 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Thanks Quirky for your reply. I think when trying to change you need to be clear about what you want to change & why so you focus on what is really important. For example while I would like a perfectly clean & tidy house to achieve that I would have to spend so much time & effort & not be able to do other things which are important. If i'm doing something which is messy I try to confine the mess to one area & clear up after. I'm not the type who can keep everything tidy during the process. On the other hand I need to be able to find things & I need to keep things tidy enough so my husband can find things & doesn't trip up (He is totally blind) so keeping a reasonable level of organisation is essential for me & worth the effort.

    Being realistic is also important. I failed typing at school even though I tried & believed it would be useful.Now with computers I have to type but I look at the keyboard & use 2 fingers!!! my kids used to laugh at me & tell me how much quicker it would be if I typed properly. For me accepting I'm never going to be able to type properly & I think back to my failure & remind myself how well I'm doing under the circumstances.

    I remember a friends mother always had a rather messy home but there was always a lovely feel there because she was so focused on her family & helping others keeping a pristine house was a low priority.

  28. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    12432 posts
    24 June 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hello all,

    Elizabeth,

    Thanks so much for your reply.

    I had to smile about the typing as I do the same and I am so slow at texting I want to get voice to text .

    I understand the need for tidiness and everything has a place for you.

    i suppose for me the when my partner has tied up I get stressed I can never find things.

    I think accepting our limitations and working out what works for us is the key and being flexible enough to adapt our ways if needed.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  29. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    12432 posts
    9 July 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hello everyone,

    One thing I have learnt is that I can only be myself and sometimes when I try to write in a different way I find it hard as it is not me.

    What do you when you find when you try to do a task or a behaviour in a different way, and it feels a bit awkward and uncomfortable? Can you still be yourself and do something different. ?

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  30. Elizabeth CP
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Elizabeth CP avatar
    2429 posts
    9 July 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Quirky asked What do you when you find when you try to do a task or a behaviour in a different way, and it feels a bit awkward and uncomfortable? Can you still be yourself and do something different. ?

    It depends on the situation or why you are doing things differently.

    Anytime we do things differently it is awkward & uncomfortable. It is the same as learning anything new. It takes time to change before it becomes normal.

    If we decide to experiment & try doing something new so we can see if it helps us or we enjoy it or it makes it easier to do something then we are being yourself & choosing to attempt to improve. This is a good thing and is 'being yourself'

    If you are doing things differently because other people say you should & you change to fit in with them then you are not being yourself

    1 person found this helpful

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up