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Forums / Staying well / Be Yourself but who am I?

Topic: Be Yourself but who am I?

  1. quirkywords
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    10 July 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    hello everyone

    Thanks for post Elizabeth,

    I found this sentence helpful:

    If you are doing things differently because other people say you should & you change to fit in with them then you are not being yourself .

    When it is a loved one who wants you to change, it feels you have no choice and pleasing others is part of who I am so I do as I am told.

    Quirky

  2. Ggrand
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    10 July 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hello Quirky...

    I hope your doing better then okay...

    I read your last sentence and I was so similar to you with loved ones...but that’s slowly changing...

    I feel if you are changing yourself for your loved one and by doing that...then changing yourself for them is not really you... I feel that changing who you really are..you are not being true to yourself...You are who you are and I feel that people should accept you that way...family, friends or acquaintances...We all do..and your the perfect you..no one else can be you...you cannot be anyone else but you...just my thoughts...

    If you change the uniqueness of you...are you really you then?

    Love & hugs..💜🤗.

    Grandy...

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Doolhof
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    11 July 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi Quirky, Grandy and All,

    This is an interesting topic. We all have expectations of who we think we need to be and who others need to be in our eyes.

    It can be tough to stand up and just be who we want to be while we feel like we are letting down other people.

    Yes, we can make changes, but I feel we need to want to make those changes for ourselves not because someone else demands it.

    In some cases, I think it is not easy to be your true self due to expectations, or due to the dominance of someone else influencing us.

    That is when maybe we can play a part to make life easier for ourselves and live out our true selves when ever we can.

    Just a few thoughts to ponder anyway!

    Cheers from Dools

    2 people found this helpful
  4. quirkywords
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    11 July 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Grandy and Mrs Dools and waves to everyone reading,

    You both make good points.

    There are times like in a work place when we are asked to change and if we don’t we may lose our jobs. I had a casual teaching job and the principal wanted a slim, quiet, neat teacher and I was not one of those things so my contract only lasted a term.

    I tried so hard not to be loud and messy but it didn’t work. So sometimes it isn’t possible to change no matter how much we try and want to.

    Mrs Dools I agree a dominating person like a boss is hard to ignore.

    I am glad I am my own boss now but when people comment and say there is too much stock in my shop, I think I should change my shop, then I think this is my shop and the way I like it.

    Quirky

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  5. Elizabeth CP
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    11 July 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Sometimes we choose to do things to suit other people. If we feel what we are doing is fair it is OK For example we may have to do things to comply with our bosses expectations. f we are able to do this and feel it is fair & reasonable In exchange he is paying us a fair wage & treating us with respect We are then fitting in to one of our important roles so we are being ourself. Of course if we are struggling to fit in to the expectations &/or we feel we are being treated unfairly moving on t a different job is better.

    Similarly with friends & relatives. There is always some give & take If we choose to do something to make someone we love happy that is fine as long as we don't feel we are the one always expected to fit in.

    Sorry I'm not expressing myself very clearly

    2 people found this helpful
  6. Doolhof
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    12 July 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hi Quirky and Elizabeth,

    You have both expressed yourselves well, and that just adds to the point that we are all individuals and we all express ourselves our own ways!

    As humans, I guess to a degree we adapt to the situations we find ourselves in. It might depend on our personality types, life experiences and so much more as to how much we are able or willing to do that.

    Guess we all have to find ways to be content and to accept ourselves and those around us one way or another.

    Cheers from Dools.

    1 person found this helpful
  7. White Rose
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    12 July 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Hello Quirky and waves all round.

    This is a tricky topic and worthwhile exploring. We are our own selves and in general can remain that way. It's unfortunate that if everyone did their own thing the world would be a in a mess. So we do the best we can to resonate to the needs of others while also keeping our individuality. Easy hey! (hmm).

    I like your teaching example Quirky. Your style of teaching comes from the essential you. It can be very different from the perceptions of the principal. If your style did not allow your students to learn it would be a problem. If the students were happy in your class and were making good use of your teaching I fail to see why the principal should not accept you as you are. I think it would be a very boring school if all the teachers were " slim, quiet, neat". We learn best from experiencing all styles of teaching and I would like to bet your students were disappointed when you left.

    This is an example of imposing personality onto someone. It's not good, reasonable or respectful. I tried so hard not to be loud and messy but it didn’t work. I do query why you would need to be different unless your noisiness disrupted the class next door. Children need challenges and differences. I think boredom would do more harm and certainly reduce learning if all teachers were alike.

    The essential me or you or anyone is just that. We learn to adapt to reasonable requests and circumstances not to be bullied into a personality change. At work your boss has the right to ask you to do certain tasks and give time frames etc. This is his/her role. Your role is to comply with these instructions though you probably do it in your own way as we all do. It's not a compromise of the essential you, it's carrying out tasks to the best of your ability in order to be paid a wage.

    Asking you to do something illegal or horrible (such as reporting on workmates), is not part of the job description and unlikely to be something you would want to do. You can refuse and may lose your job over it. That's unfortunate. We can set our own boundaries and stay with them when it's reasonable. What's reasonable? Good question. That's what we must each decide.

    Mary

    1 person found this helpful
  8. quirkywords
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    12 July 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    hello Elizabeth, Mrs Dools and Mary and waves to everyone reading,

    Elizabeth,

    You express yourself very well and I appreciate your input as it makes me think .

    You wrote,

    Similarly with friends & relatives. There is always some give & take If we choose to do something to make someone we love happy that is fine as long as we don't feel we are the one always expected to fit in.

    I find the last bit so true as we don’t want to feel we are only one changing to fit in.

    Mrs Dools

    you wrote

    Guess we all have to find ways to be content and to accept ourselves and those around us one way or another.

    I find the accepting the hard part and it depends on how others accept me too.

    Mary,

    thanks for your kind words. I used to say that the children and parents liked my teaching style and the only person who did not was the principal. I suppose the principal has the right to have a say in the type of staff they want.

    You wrote

    The essential me or you or anyone is just that. We learn to adapt to reasonable requests and circumstances not to be bullied into a personality change.

    I feel the key word is reasonable and I suppose some would consider some requests reasonable that another may see as unreasonable.

    Thanks Elizabeth, Mrs Dools and Mary for your contributions to this topic.

    Quirky

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