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Forums / Staying well / Be Yourself but who am I?

Topic: Be Yourself but who am I?

  1. quirkywords
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    6 May 2020 in reply to CMF

    Hello everyone

    CMF I can feel your confusion . Do you think the isolation has made things worse or have you been feeling like this from before the virus.

    Things are changing all time and can make us feel of self doubt.

    Maybe you are meant to be wherever you are caring for your children .

    Sometimes looking for a meaning can just make us feel disappointed.

    Feeling empty is such an uncomfortable feeling, I hope it changes soon.

    Quirky

    2 people found this helpful
  2. quirkywords
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    21 May 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    Hello everyone

    I notice many people are impatient and agry with covid restrictions and have found isolation and working from home hard. Also people who are out of work , people who have lost their houses through droughtbushfires and floods are also struggling.

    What have you learnt from this year about yourself?

    I have learnt it is ok not to be ok and trust myself that it is ok to struggle at times

    1 person found this helpful
  3. CMF
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    21 May 2020 in reply to quirkywords
    Hi Quirky,

    You've endured so much yet you are here supporting myself and others. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤

    I've learnt about myself that my feelings are valid and I'm allowed to express them without feeling bad for being honest, especially if it's upsetting me. I'm allowed to want boundaries, privacy,uninterrupted time with my partner. I am allowed to falter at times, have a melt down when things are too much. I'm allowed to have 'Me' time,I'm allowed to cry and feel upset because my feelings are real to me.

    Cmf x
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  4. Doolhof
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    22 May 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky,

    I resonate what CMF has mentioned. You have been to hell and back and here you are helping and supporting us on the forum.

    I'm still learning about myself. I think I'm a little stuck right now and am pleased I am open to learning.

    I'm hoping that my mind will finally recognise, understand and comprehend that suicide is not the answer so it doesn't have to bombard me with those thoughts when ever life feels horrid.

    On a brighter note, I am learning to make life at home work better for me.

    Cheers all from Dools

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  5. Elizabeth CP
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    22 May 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    Last week when restrictions were eased I visited my son's family at his home. We had desert my DIL cooked and played a couple of games with the grandkids before they went to bed. We then spoke for a little while before returning home. A very simple evening out with family. Nothing spectacular!! But the effect was. I noticed I felt relaxed and comfortable. I came home and went to bed and slept better than I have for months.

    Speaking with my psych about this he encouraged me to identify what made it affect me like this and use this reflection to work out what I can do in the future to help myself.

    We have all been very restricted for months now and missed many of our normal activities. This seems to help focus our mind so we really notice even the simple things which have a positive impact on our wellbeing. Perhaps this is a chance for us to take time to reflect on things we do or experience which lead to a positive or negative impact on our wellbeing. This should help us know what things to seek after in the future and what to avoid. An example of a negative experience for me was mothers day. My son arranged an online meeting for the family. While it was nice in theory seeing all my kids and grandkids seeing then online with the screen flicking between groups felt very awkward and made me miss normal family gatherings even more. Reflecting on this I learn that online meetings don't suit me. If I do them again with my family it will be purely to let them kow I care about them but I won't expect to get anything else out of it for me. I realise that I am better speaking one on one with someone rather than group conversations whether online or in person. To be myself I need to use what I learn about myself from these reflections to ensure I do things which help me eg spending time with individual family members rather than large gatherings. I need to allow myself time to enjoy simple things with my children or grandchildren rather than seeking after something special!!Each of us can use this time to reflect on what helps us as individuals and what doesn't so we can move forward to be ourselves in our new normal.

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  6. quirkywords
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    22 May 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Thanks CMF, dools and Elizabeth,and all those reading

    MF and Dools honestly I get more than I give. being able to some here and listen to others has really helped me. Sure this year has been a struggle for us all but these forums are a lifeline.

    CMF like you I have earnt my feelings are valid and so are others that I may disagree with.You help othersin your thread by being so honest and insightful.

    Mrs Dool your threads help so many by you being real and honest.I think your willingness to share your despair but the open to try things that may help. This gives us hope.

    Elizabeth I like your story of a night with your son and family and how special we now find these everyday

    events.

    I think we may learn things that may not be positive. I know I can be impatient and stubborn.

    3 people found this helpful
  7. demonblaster
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    26 May 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    Dear Quirky and everyone hi ☺

    Lovey I wasn't sure where to support you so commented on Grandys thread a while back to you with the same sentiments now here hun.

    I'm deeply sorry for your pain and loss in the bushfires and now with Covid restricting movement.

    I have so much respect for the wonderful kind hearted CC's who give there time steadily and seem to have a knack at saying and expressing so well with people.

    Agreed with CMF hi there and hi to Elizabeth too ☺ you're a very kind good person Quirky.

    I hope the your MH allows you to see what a special caring soul you are.

    It's always a pleasure reading your posts to people and myself.

    Wishing you every bit of luck and peace to be found in the future.

    I hope you're managing as well as can be and that your mh isn't slamming too hard.

    Thank you for you and what you do dear lady 😊🤗 can't remember if you're a hugger.

    Best to all ⚘🕊

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  8. quirkywords
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    28 May 2020 in reply to demonblaster

    DB

    Thanks for your kind words . Most people on the forum support and help others despite having their own struggles.

    I feel this year has been a steep learning curve and I have fallen off but then climbed back on.

    What have people learned from this year?

    2 people found this helpful
  9. CMF
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    29 May 2020 in reply to quirkywords
    I've learnt that even if we don't like/want to do something,at times on we n we need to so everyone can enjoy the benefits e.g. obey lockdown rules so we can all get out.

    I don't have to be happy with every situation and I'm allowed to express how things make me feel.

    I need to try and let go of things I can't control.

    Manifest. Put it out into the universe.
    1 person found this helpful
  10. quirkywords
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    29 May 2020 in reply to CMF

    Hello all

    Thanks CMF for writing this

    .I don't have to be happy with every situation and I'm allowed to express how things make me feel.

    I need to try and let go of things I can't control.

    These are lessons we need to understand . I think when bad things happen we can feel we have lost control of our lives and that can be scary,

    1 person found this helpful
  11. Elizabeth CP
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    30 May 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    I really agree with the comments I don't have to be happy with every situation and I'm allowed to express how things make me feel. I need to try and let go of things I can't control.

    When others act as if everything is fine it makes me feel worse as if I'm not coping when I should. Having others admit they're struggling helps me feel it is OK to not be managing & opens up communication to learn from each other.

    I also learnt __-Still learning to do it. That it is important to enjoy the journey not just the goal. By this I mean I need to take time to notice things about what I'm doing that is enjoyable or take time to feel satisfied with the progress or effort I've made even if it is less than I wanted rather than just worrying about getting finished.

    My psych often uses the phrase-Make the best guess

    This is important at the moment when we are confronted with thing we are unsure about. We can't know for certain what is best for us to do. We need to Make the best guess and then do it hoping it is right. If it works great. If not you've learnt something so make another attempt to do it differently. Wasting too much time trying to get thingsperfect first off is counterproductive.

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  12. quirkywords
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    30 May 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    . That it is important to enjoy the journey not just the goal. By this I mean I need to take time to notice things about what I'm doing that is enjoyable or take time to feel satisfied with the progress or effort I've made even if it is less than I wanted rather than just worrying about getting finished.

    Elizabeth this is so true. Thanks for your post

    I like making the best guess too, as I find it hard to make decisions and I get flustered.

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  13. quirkywords
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    7 June 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    Hello all

    how are you finding getting out of isolation ,Has it changed you in anyway?

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  14. quirkywords
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    1 July 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hello everyone reading and thinking.

    I am trying to cope with something that seem easy but it is hard as it means so much ,

    My last fax return fir my business is proving emotional as it will be last the end of over a decade ,

    Now I have lost the identity as bookseller and I am for I am forcibly retired, I feel so lost.

    .How do people cope with a big change in how you see yourself.

    quirky

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  15. Elizabeth CP
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    1 July 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    I think your reaction is normal. I stopped work several years ago because of my husband's situation but still miss that opportunity to feel I'm contributing by using my training to help others. Knowing logically it was the right thing to do doesn't stop the feeling of loss.

    I try to think of the people I helped while I worked Noone can take that away from me so I try to remind myself that I used my talents as best as I could while able. My talents are still there so I can use them in other ways helping family & friends.

    In your case you brightened up many lives sharing your love of books with others by helping them purchase a book they would love. Your knowledge & love of books is still there to share with others so the essential part of your identity is still there just shown differently. . As for the tax form don't rush or beat yourself up about it. Perhaps do it in chunks of time allowing yourself to do something enjoyable as a break.

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  16. quirkywords
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    1 July 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Thanks Elizabeth,

    your worscmakeca loynof sense and will me and others reading,

    1 person found this helpful
  17. quirkywords
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    24 July 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hello everyone and especially new people reading for first time

    I wonder if people are wondering who they are as they change during self isolation.

    Do you find qualities that you like and dont like.

    Or have there been no changes. ?

    1 person found this helpful
  18. Elizabeth CP
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    25 July 2020 in reply to quirkywords
    I don't like the person I'm becoming. Because I don't see anyone there is no point in dressing nicely there is no point to pushing myself to do things
    4 people found this helpful
  19. Bin There
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    25 July 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky,

    Great questions. I have wrestled with these myself. I will start by saying that change is inevitable. It is the way of the natural world and the universe. If we resist change, we are fighting an unwinnable battle. Life is hard enough without taking such battles on! What we humans are better at than any other species is adaptation, so take heart in that at least. You will always be "yourself", no matter how you decide to adapt to change. The only question is, do you want "yourself" to be a person who defines and follows their own path, or unquestioningly follows "the herd". I suspect from your question, that the former is true. So the first step for you is to look within and define your values. Our conscious minds can confuse us, especially for those of us who are complex thinkers! This is where it helps to connect with your heart, also known as your instincts. For me, I retreat to the simplicity of nature to connect with this side of myself. What are your non-negotiables? What values would you never compromise on, regardless of the changing world around you. These become your bedrock. Anything else is up for negotiation depending upon the demands of adaptability to change. This should give you some confidence moving forward. You have the peace of mind that whatever happens around you, you can adapt to the demands of change, whilst staying true to yourself.

    Good luck on your journey.

    2 people found this helpful
  20. quirkywords
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    25 July 2020 in reply to Bin There

    Bin there .,

    welcome to this thread and the forum.

    Thanks for writing a thoughtful post sharing your exoeriences with others,

    elizabeth,I think we all stay in out pyjamas longer or wear track pants all day ,

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  21. Elizabeth CP
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    25 July 2020 in reply to Bin There
    I agree. What values would you never compromise on, regardless of the changing world around you. These become your bedrock. Anything else is up for negotiation depending upon the demands of adaptability to change. Following that principal will allow each of us to be comfortable with ourselves. I think the idea of listening to our instincts to determine our values is a good one.
    2 people found this helpful
  22. quirkywords
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    26 July 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Elizabeth thanks for tour post.

    I think out values can change through out our lives.

    We will some core values for life but we will have others that become more important as we age and have more responsibilities.

    I think if you can trust ones instincts that is helpful but at times my instincts to trust people too much has let me down.

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  23. quirkywords
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    3 September 2020 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hello everyone How is everyone coping

    In times of uncertainty do we tend to become rigid and inflexible rather than adapt to new surroundings and conditions.

    I feel a bit lost at times as I have no idea who I am at times. i was the owner of a bookshop and thats how I gained much of my self esteem and identity.

    Now i feel as I have lost that I am floundering to find a new sense of self.how wonder how others feel?

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  24. White Rose
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    3 September 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    Hello Quirky

    I think your loss is different to your values and adaptability. You had no control over the loss of your precious shop and home and it was hugely traumatic. We can decide our values and make an effort to be adaptable because that's our choice. Trauma and loss are in a way non-negotiable. You would have done anything to save these things but could not.

    Yes we do tend to be a little rigid in times of uncertainty. It can be our compass to hold on to a direction. But we can certainly we lose sight of who we are. You are probably an adaptable person in general but it's not easy to put aside such a great loss and its accompanying hurt. Hardly surprising to find you have lost your way a little.

    I felt lost earlier in the year, unsure what would happen and realizing I had little control over my illness. What I could control was how I approached this, what tasks needed to be done, how I could stay well. I cannot go back to what I was before anymore than you can and it can be hard to accept this.

    Because I am me I decided to live each day as it happened but I needed to continue with my meditation practice to keep me in touch with myself and to know all would be well. I think I also practiced a little mindfulness but more by chance than design. I think we do need to find our way back to ourselves but also to recognise the self that existed yesterday is different to the self of today. These selves are probably no better or worse than each other, just a bit different and we need to get acquainted with ourselves again.

    I believe this is why I find meditation so valuable. To sit in quietness and to focus my attention on saying my mantra silently in my head gives me time to be what I am and to explore the levels of my being I am often in too much of a rush to pay attention to. Sometimes I feel refreshed and rejuvenated, at other times that I have accomplished nothing. It doesn't matter. What matters is that I have faithfully practiced my meditation and regardless of how it appears to turn out I know it is helpful.

    Hope that is useful.

    Mary

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  25. CMF
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    19 September 2020 in reply to quirkywords
    I too don't know who I am lately. I've been getting involved with on line interactions with staff from our other offices but I always picture my colleague, whom I had a fall out with, sitting there calling me a brown nose. I see other offices all supporting and getting involved and don't feel it from mine which makes me feel separate to them . I shouldn't care.I'm just being me but the negative thoughts of what 1 person may think creeps in. I don't know why she has this hold over me. I know I don't trust her, she's sneaky, selfish, no work ethic and she wishes bad on people yet everything goes her way. I picture her being a witch. There is something I cant put my finger on. There's something that makes me uncomfortable and so I can't be myself and confused about who I really am and can be.
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  26. quirkywords
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    19 September 2020 in reply to CMF

    mary

    thanks for your helpful post. I am pleased mediation helps you .. I have tried but I find it hard to stop the overthinking. I do try a sort of mindfulness by concentrating one one thing at a time.

    CMFThanks for your post. I am sorry that the behaviour one person is upsetting you and makes you feel u comfortable. it is hard when you feel confused about who you are do to others behaviours.

    I think when you don’t get support from others you start doubting yourself about who you are.

    If you are aware of the negative thoughts she brings out in you is it possible to replace them with positive thoughts that other colleagues have said to and your boss.

    Sometimes I know I absorb negative comments like a sponge and let positive comments go through like a sieve.
    Ss you know there people like that person who will have that affect on you, so if you can develop tools.

    I know from your thread you are hard working thoughtful considerate friendly loyal and ethical. I am sur e many who you work with would see you that way.

    Is it mainly online That this person annoys you and if so can you cut down the online interactions or is that part of your work.

    I am not I have been any help but I can relate to what you are saying..

    Am happy to keep discussing this and maybe others will have ideas too.

    Thanks CMF

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  27. CMF
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    19 September 2020 in reply to quirkywords
    Thanks Quirky,

    It's more in the office as she doesn't get too involved in the online stuff although I feel she judges me when I do.

    Any way. No more talk about it here as I would only be giving it attention it doesn't deserve. I just need to learn to not let what others think of me stop me from being myself.

    Cmf x
  28. quirkywords
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    20 September 2020 in reply to CMF

    CMF

    I need to learn that too.

    i suppose it is a matter of trying and keep trying.

    ifeel I am ok with myself then one comment by someone can affect me. Sometimes I take a reality check to see if they were being helpful but I overreacted. Maybe it was a mean comment but I can see maybe they were having a bad day .

    it is a process . If you like let me know how you go not letting what others think of you stop you from being yourself. Maybe we can compare notes.

    Has anyone got ideas that help them not letting what others think affect who they are?

    1 person found this helpful
  29. quirkywords
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    29 October 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    This year 2020 has had many changes, how have the changes affected you personally. .?

    so much has happened this year and I think I have become less trusting but still helpful.

  30. Moonstruck
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    29 October 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky...well you asked me...so here goes. The changes including Covid hysteria/restrictions plus the death of my partner have changed me in enormous ways...which it is far too early to explain or ever see for myself. I just know I am a "different person". I feel very much in transition mode..and know I will never, ever, be the same person I've always been...never! and that is scary. I don't find it exciting, or "on the brink" of something new...I find it terrifying.

    as you know I always liked 'the old me" and have no idea what person will emerge at the end of this tunnel of extreme change and loss.......walking in the dark...whereas I liked to think I always (or tried to at least) walk in the light!

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