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Forums / Staying well / Being accused of being impatient

Topic: Being accused of being impatient

10 posts, 0 answered
  1. james1
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    james1 avatar
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    31 July 2018

    Hello everyone,

    I am really keen to hear everybody's thoughts on this one because patience and impatience are words we often use to describe one another.

    I am often told that I am impatient. In regular life, this could be to do with having to wait for a bus or wanting to get a new motorbike.

    To do with mental health, it could be to do with waiting for medication to settle, for therapy to work or for those moments of anxiety where I feel like I -cannot- wait, or even after a relationship break up.

    Usually when I am told I am being impatient, I dismiss the person as not understanding my situation. Sometimes I get angry and even less patient.

    So the question is: what is patience anyway? Is it even a character trait that can be judged (like kindness)?

    I think my levels of patience are so dependent on things like mood, my mental health or just circumstance. We would not describe a mother-to-be in labour as "impatient", so why should we use the same word for someone in emotional pain or some other distress?

    Yet, sometimes time and waiting is needed. Usually frantic action will do nothing for a broken heart or even for anxiety. We use delaying tactics mostly, and we rely on friends and family to listen to us in a non-judgmental way.

    Perhaps you may not have a response to the above, but I am still interested to hear from you! :) Have you been accused of being impatient? How did it make you feel?

    James

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  2. Anne74
    Anne74 avatar
    7 posts
    31 July 2018 in reply to james1

    Hi James

    I have been accused of being impatient by my boyfriend cos i always want to talk things out within 24 hours of a fight. He says he needs longer. The last time he took 5 days to get back to me and meanwhile im stewing and i really hate it. I dont know if i am impatient or he is someone who needs a lot longer than me to sort his head out after a disagreement?

    Anne

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  3. quirkywords
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    31 July 2018 in reply to james1

    James, what a great thread.

    I would say my strongest point is my patience my family say impatience is my weakness. How can that be? is it just definitions or degrees. What some one calls impatience, I might call enthusiasm.

    Anne, welcome, what an interesting comment.

    I think you need a shorter time and a quick resolution of a problem where as he needs time to think and reflect.

    You have two different time frames and problem solving patterns. I don't think either is right or wrong just different styles.

    I think I have no patience for myself. can anyone relate to that?

    Quirky

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  4. Elizabeth CP
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    1815 posts
    31 July 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    I agree with Quirky It is a matter of degree. Most characteristics have two extremes so we need to find a balance that works for our situation. For example Being protective is good particulrly when caring for a loved one such as a child. We should try to keep others safe from harm but being overprotective is bad because it stifles the person concerned.

    Patience is good when it allows us to do things at a sensible pace or accepting the pace of things we can;t control such as healing from illness or injury. Being impatient can increase levels of stress & increases the risk of making mistakes. Unfortunately I've found that out the hard way!!!. As quirky mentioned sometimes impatience can be a form of enthusiasm & lead us to achieve more whereas being too patient can leave us being stagnant & not pushing through difficult things.

    I guess we need to learn to develop the right amount of patience to suit the individual situation but that is difficult because it varies so much

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  5. james1
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    1 August 2018 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hello

    Anne74 - I agree and understand the frustration in your case. After a fight, it can be really scary to not know where you stand and after 5 days that can really build up. My partner and I try to talk within 24 hours, but she once held out on me for a few days and I was mega anxious by then. If I was asked to be patient, I'd be pretty annoyed - I feel like I've been patient in the last 24 hours and now I'm ready to burst!

    Quirky - Yes! "Impatience" could also definitely be thought of as enthusiasm. Patience could be thought of as not caring. All a matter of perspective, right? Are we then just saying that patience/impatience is actually just waiting? Which word we use, depends on whether we judge their waiting to be desirable or not.

    As for patience for myself - yes, I often expect myself to be more ahead than I am. I can get frustrated with myself earlier than I would with others. Is it a bad thing? Perhaps we are less patient with ourselves because we are actually trying to change ourselves, whereas we know we can't change others.

    Elizabeth - I love the way you use patience as a tool rather than a character trait.

    Is that what patience is then? Something that we learn how to use varying levels of, in different situations, to achieve our goal. If so, what does the criticism "you are impatient" aim to do and does it work?

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  6. quirkywords
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    2 August 2018 in reply to james1

    james

    thanks for your helpful summary.

    Maybe we call others impatient as they are annoying us. I know I get annoyed if I am in a queue and people try to get ahead instead of waiting or when people take time to do things that others can do quickly.

    people say as you get older you get impatient with younger people and younger people get very impatient with people as they age.

    I know with mental health sometimes people want instant results but it often takes time and patience. That was a hard lesson for me as I was in denial for many years and when I finally agreed to taking medication I was so annoyed when the tablets did not work immediately. I was impatient but I did have the patience to learn I would need to to learn more about my illness .

    So can you be patient and impatient at same time. .?

    Quirkywords

  7. Terry73
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    3 August 2018 in reply to james1

    Hi James,

    Interesting post, on one hand we have the old saying "Patience is a virtue" and on the other we have "He who hesitates...".

    I hear so many people say that we should be patient with them (in forming a relationship) because they have been hurt, which may sound like good advice, but we all seem to forget that we shouldnt stop a flower from blooming naturally, as that is how it develops its beauty, you dont force it open, but then you dont freeze it cold to delay it either.

    I always think patience is an answer to our own moods in a way, if we are excited and anxious to get something to happen, then patience is needed to just wait for it to happen, to allow the opportunity to arise.

    Thats my thoughts anyway

    Terry

  8. Elizabeth CP
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    1815 posts
    3 August 2018 in reply to Terry73

    I wonder if we need to look at what will happen if we hesitate or take our time or if we rush.

    Sometimes being patient allows us time to learn or to enjoy the journey. Even when we are forced to wait rather than being impatient maybe we can use the time to notice what is around us, perhaps take it as time to have a short break so we get some benefit from the wait.

    Sometimes we take our time putting off something but maybe that is the time to grab the oportunity or get through whatever it is we want to put off.

    Choosing when to be patient & when to rush by thinking of the possible results may help.

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  9. Anne74
    Anne74 avatar
    7 posts
    5 August 2018 in reply to james1

    Hi james1

    Its nice to know that someone else likes to sort things out straight away like i do because i was starting to think i was wrong for wanting that. Im slowly learning to give my boyfriend more time to cool off and im using that time for myself in constructive ways

    Anne74

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  10. james1
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    7 August 2018 in reply to Anne74

    Hello quirkywords - people say as you get older you get impatient with younger people and younger people get very impatient with people as they age. Ha, this is so true. So can you be patient and impatient at same time. .? Perhaps, as you say, it's a matter of degrees. We aren't impatient or patient, but we lie somewhere on that scale and we can move along it?

    Hello terry, nice to see you on the thread. that's a really interesting note and I think you have put my same thoughts very well. perhaps patience and impatience are things we talk about in response to how we feel about something. maybe it is the subjective term for a more objective "ability to wait".

    hello elizabeth, I agree. There is often no clear "winner" between acting and waiting. Usually tryign to evaluate the pros and cons is good, but sometimes you have to make a split second decision. I wonder if anybody else, other than the person making the decision, can judge whether waiting or going is the right choice? we seem to make that kind of judgement all the time when we say they are being impatient or slow to act.

    E.g. I made a pretty quick call to cut my degree short and take a job that was on offer. I was 20 at the time and I had a think, then made the decision within the day.

    In hindsight, I do not like the job. At the time, there was no way for me to know if I would like it or not without giving it a go, and I just didn't want to dwell on it. Was I being impatient and being too hasty? I would say yes now, but I said no at the time, and I agree with both of my perspectives!

    Hello Anne74 - absolutely not alone there! Waiting drives me nuts and I can feel really insecure in that relationship after an argument. But certainly it can be a bit of give and take, and using the time for yourself sounds like a great thing to do.

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