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Forums / Staying well / Bright Ideas

Topic: Bright Ideas

  1. Sad_Mushroom
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    3 December 2017

    Hi,

    OK, I know at times my brain burps and doesn't work quite the way I'd like it to. BUT, at other times, quite out of the blue it 'burps' out an idea that seems so simple I can't believe it that I thought of it.

    Example: When my kids were younger we always had a light on at night. Usually a hallway light. Although if they wanted a drink or to use the bathroom that meant other lights were being turned off and on all night (I had 5 kids so once one got up, generally they all did) BILLS were, of course, causing me much anxiety and I was always in a panic before the electricity bill came.

    One day while working in the garden I had an idea. I pulled out the solar garden lights (a string of 100 small lights) and took them into the bathroom. I used blue tack to set the solar panel on the window sill but couldn't work out how to hook up the lights. Searching the shed for hooks I found my sons old round fishbowl. AHA! I cleaned the bowl and placed all the lights in the bowl then put the bowl on the bathroom cabinet.

    Once it got dark it shone like a large light bulb. It lasted until early hours of the morning. The next day I purchased two glass bowls from a Vinnies shop for a few $$ each and got two more sets lights. I placed these on the top kitchen cupboards, one each side of the kitchen sink. Not only were there no more lights being turned on and off at night but we didn't need a hallway light on either. My rational mind knew I was only saving a few dollars on each electricity bill but I stopped worrying about the lights being on at night and stopped panicking about the electricity bill. It wasn't bright enough to read a book but was good enough to use the bathroom and make a cuppa in the kitchen.

    One of my male friends who was suffering depression took on my idea and ran with it. His home is largely self-sufficient now and his bills are minimal. He has everything from free hot water to water saving ideas right through to the garden etc. Some of his ideas are based on products which cost a fortune but he's found how to replicate them for a small cost or no cost at all.

    Does anyone else have some bright ideas that have helped that they'd like to share?

    SM

    3 people found this helpful
  2. Ggrand
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    3 December 2017 in reply to Sad_Mushroom

    Hello SM,

    Your post just reminded me of something...Something bitter sweet, .. When I was a little girl, I was once in hospital, I was really scared...I fell over yeah (abuse) put me their.....my Pop and Nan visited me one day ( they did it without my parents knowing) and bought me a candle, I told them I was scared and I was crying......They lit the candle for me, saying it would take away any bad things that made me scared...I had never seen a candle before let alone a lit candle, I remember watching the flame dancing around and how mesmerised I was with it....

    My Pop and Nan I never got to know or see very much of...They kept away from our family, too toxic for them....I only seen them a few times in my life , but I knew they were kind. Gosh just getting some relief from the depression tears, now they started again, but it's ok these tears are worth it..

    I can't thank you enough SM for your bright idea, maybe I will get someone at Vinnies to buy me a candle on Tuesday then I will sit down when it's dark , light it, then watch the dancing flame...maybe a type of mindfulness..

    kind thought,

    GG

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  3. Sad_Mushroom
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    3 December 2017 in reply to Ggrand

    Thank You, GG,

    You have made my day. Of all the things I needed to read today, that was it.

    SM

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  4. Ggrand
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    3 December 2017 in reply to Sad_Mushroom

    Hi SM,

    I need to apologise for going of topic, sorry..

    GG

  5. Sad_Mushroom
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    3 December 2017 in reply to Ggrand

    No GG,

    Topic doesn't matter. You matter. If my 'bright idea' sparked an idea in you, that reminded you of something worth trying, then we are still on topic.

    Even bitter sweet memories and tears are better than the dark ones.

    I have my fingers crossed in hopes your candle brings some light for you and chases some of the dark away.

    SM

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  6. Sad_Mushroom
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    8 December 2017

    Hi,

    Been busy and not keeping up.

    The Magpies have stopped swooping when people walk by but they are still swooping people on bikes. Both push bikes and motorbikes. Riders have all kinds of things stuck in their helmets trying to prevent the swooping but nothing seems to really work. I've seen riders with eyes stuck on the back of helmets, those plastic ties that stick out like porcupines even sunglasses sitting backwards but nothing seems to work.

    Yesterday I noticed a man riding passed with a small leafy branch somehow attached to his helmet. It looked like a little plant growing out of his helmet. It worked! The magpies ignored him completely.

    Not sure if they thought he was a moving tree but they paid no attention to him at all.

    Good thinking man on bike!

    SM

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  7. Croix
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    3 January 2018 in reply to Sad_Mushroom

    Dear SM~

    I'm posting here because it is the only thread of yours I could find -sorry if it is the wrong one.

    I think you are 'rosy' - anyone who could give that post today to Dottibluebell most certainly is. No, talking about oneself and difficult times is hard, and can tend to awaken the feelngs of the time, but I think that post of yours has so much good buried in it.

    Croix

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  8. Sad_Mushroom
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    5 January 2018 in reply to Croix

    Hi Croix,

    Thank you!

    I kind of forgot about this thread. I remember when I'm at work etc and remind myself to post here but when I log in to BB there's always so much to read and reply to that I forget to post here.

    For me, I lack empathy but when I see a post like Dotti's it stirs the feelings of horror, dread, fear and hopelessness that I felt in similar circumstances. I also know the most common answers (as seen on Dotti's thread) are the 'expected' way things should work but sadly in some circumstances, for whatever reason, the "authorities" decide to palm people off and make it someone else's problem, rather than help. The BIGGEST problem with that is, once one 'authority figure' has palmed it off, it makes the others think the problem is not a serious concern, so they all palm it off.

    I guess when we say 15yo, we all assume a child but take a look at most 15yo boys these days. Geesh, most of them are shaving now. They are hardly the same as 15yo boys when I was a 15yo girl. LOL some 15yo girls these days look like me when I was 21yo!

    For the parent, you are stuck with having to choose one child over another. That is a position that NO parent ever wants to be in. To the parent, we remember the child as 3yo and wonder where WE went wrong. What WE did wrong. People and 'authorities' are always happy to make sure we know that WE must have done something wrong.

    The feelings of guilt are....can not explain it. There are not words to explain it.

    Thank you for being here!

    SM

  9. Sad_Mushroom
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    5 January 2018 in reply to Sad_Mushroom

    OK, so Tony (white knight) raised an issue in another thread about SILENCE.

    I began a rambling reply and realised I was going off topic with my own issues.

    As a kid, my older estranged sisters used to abuse me. Both mentally and physically. As adults, we tried to get along but when I mentioned the abuse I was told "get over it" or "that was years ago" and they just do not care. As far as they are concerned it wasn't serious, didn't hurt and I should get over it.

    WELL, it hurt me. One sister almost chopped my finger off with a shovel. The same sister bashed me continually, threatened me with knives, ripped half my hair out and continually humiliated me in front of others. Her and another sister used to tell me the reason mum left me was because I was ugly and a disappointment. Their abuse was so dominant and constant that I was 27yo before I stood up and said anything back. I had tried standing up before but then they would gang up and get the third sister involved and I always gave in.

    I was 27yo before my "other side" which we call Piker stood up to them. Piker hurt one and went looking for the other who hid inside and cried like a baby.

    In later years all they have said "by email" is. Get over it. They say I am an adult now and should get over it.

    I told them all to go and have nothing to do with them. I am SILENT, not only to them but to others who show the same "traits" as them.

    Bullys are a dime a dozen and it is rare that any of them want to take responsibility for the pain they have caused others. The bully feels nothing so assume the victim should feel nothing.

    My SILENCE is because I will not allow anyone else to become a bully. Chances are the person I am silent to is not even a bully but I am not willing to take the chance.

    I will make a point and if I am ignored then comes SILENCE. If the person does not care enough to listen I should not have to repeat my fears again.

    My fears are my fears and I do not share them lightly. If I do share and am ignored SILENCE follows.

    SM

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  10. Croix
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    5 January 2018 in reply to Sad_Mushroom

    Dear SM + Piker~

    Standing up to them is a feat not everyone does, in fact I suspect few do, it is so much easier to avoid things, move away, complain to others, try to live with it. So standing up is hard. I would imagine it is also the only way to be free of them. Sadly not to be free of the effects.

    There really is no way to get over it or move on or anything like that. Anyone who suggests you should is showing monumental insensitivity at the least. You might be able to accommodate the effects in your life, make adjustments and cope, but it is not really getting over it. Being an adult is making that accommodation - you are very much an adult.

    I can exactly understand your resorting to silence, one chance should indeed be enough for a person to show their colors.

    Please ramble all you want.

    Croix

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  11. Sad_Mushroom
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    7 January 2018 in reply to Croix

    Hi Croix,

    Thanks.

    In the scheme of things, as far as depression and anxiety are concerned, I'm better. I have been better for a few years. Now comes the figuring out! Who am I without 24/7 worries and fears? What 'precautions' can I let go of now? What 'walls' have I put up over the years that are safe to pull down now?

    I have no clue. I am still living in my old world but my old world has changed. There's no need for me to live there anymore. I had spent many years making my old world safe and comfortable and I must admit the idea of letting it go is scary.

    I need to adjust my life. Before I can do that I need to work out 'why' I put up walls and I need to understand how what I do (or don't do) affects others. Many years ago as part of therapy, they used to take me into social situations and get me to watch other people interacting. I would study how people interacted in social situations then try to 'mimic' those interactions. I used to joke and tell everyone I had to go to 'monkey class' as monkey see, monkey do. NOW though, being a monkey isn't good enough. Now I need to learn 'why' those interactions take place and I need to learn to 'want' to interact that way.

    Understanding Tony's views and outlook on SILENCE has helped me realise what I have been doing (I never really noticed it before), how it affects others and that something so simple as 7 small words could change the situation. That's a whole part of my life, my persona, that is safe to change and really can be as easy as a few small words. (not my siblings though, I'll never speak to them again)

    I had learnt to function in public/social situations and I can do it well but I do it by copying others. My life has been a role play every time I walked out my door. Lights, Camera, Action!

    I still don't understand many things but I'm intent on learning.

    SM

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  12. Ggrand
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    7 January 2018 in reply to Sad_Mushroom

    Hello Sad Mushroom,,

    I just read through your thread and am finding what you are looking for so interesting as well as the posts from Croix. I have no input to give you but I would like so much to follow and maybe post later on if I am able to. If that's okay.

    kind thoughts

    Grandy.

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  13. Sad_Mushroom
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    7 January 2018 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi Grandy,

    Thanks for popping in. Of course, it's OK for you to read along and post later if you feel up to it. That would be great!

    I guess instead of feeling like "I am on this world" I am looking to feel like "I am a part of this world" like I belong in this world. I am realising that due to my MH issues there are a whole heap of feelings, emotions and experiences that I have missed out on, skipped. I am now looking to recover what I can and rebuild who I would have been without MI.

    Bright blessings to you GG.

    SM

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  14. Ggrand
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    7 January 2018 in reply to Sad_Mushroom

    Sad mushroom.

    Thank you very much sm,

    I don't know where I belong in this world, or if I belong,

    kindness only,

    Grandy.

  15. Croix
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    7 January 2018 in reply to Sad_Mushroom

    Dear SM -with a wave to Grandy~

    Unlearning the protective habits of a lifetime may seem a daunting task, until one gets to realize the majority of those habits might well be good ones anyway. Take your method of offering a disclosure once and then seeing what the recipient does.

    It's an interaction between two people and you have made the first move. As an adult human being they are equally responsible for making that interaction work. If they don't - and there is not acceptable reason why not - then your approach is probably the best there is anyway.

    Take another, as a reticent person you probably would not air your circumstances to many, but you gave full measure to Dotti, a kind act overriding perhaps a previous wall.

    Your description of that therapy as "monkey see monkey do" is amusing, but for everyone is close to the truth. Just about everything is learned, it's just the therapy is a bit more formal.

    I would guess the important bit is how one overlays and steers ones behavior according to one's beliefs, and this is where old habits can change. Take kindness. When before going out might have been a daunting task to be avoided at all costs, now as the pressure lessens going out to help a family member might take over, and so it goes.

    As one adds in the things one likes doing and start to feel self reward is natural and not selfishness then ones sphere of actions expands further.

    I'm not trying to give a complete answer - who could - but look inside myself for a few fragments - dunno if it makes much sense

    Croix

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  16. Sad_Mushroom
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    8 January 2018 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi GG,

    I know. It's weird that for some reason we don't know if we belong, yet we are happy to accept that hundreds of bad people 'belong'. We don't question who else does or doesn't belong, we just accept that everyone else does. (by bad people I mean those who in jails etc for bad things)

    I guess because I try to hold myself responsible for my own actions and do so too severely. Geesh, maybe I'm even holding myself responsible for the actions of others too.

    I know for many years I was punishing myself. My dislike of other people, refusal to accept help, SILENCE, being alone and not making friends or letting people close to me was a form of punishing myself. The physical SH was not working anymore so I began a line of mental abuse/ SH. I can see that now but I'm not sure if I want to stop it or even how to stop it.

    Why is it so hard to forgive ourselves? (not really a question, just a thought)

    No need to reply GG unless you are up to it, I'm just fluffing the sheets (so to speak)

    SM

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  17. Sad_Mushroom
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    8 January 2018 in reply to Croix

    Hi Croix,

    That makes perfect sense. I guess I've been rushing things and wanting to fix it all right here and now. Problem is the more I learn the more I realise there are many layers. Like pulling a tissue out of a box, all you get is another tissue popping up.

    I never realised how far 'out of whack' my behaviours had become. It's odd because I know they are out of whack but I don't really understand the 'why'. I understand right from wrong and I'm a stickler for the rules but the 'social' interaction codes still elude me.

    SM

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  18. Sad_Mushroom
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    8 January 2018 in reply to Sad_Mushroom

    Throwing out old stuff.

    My home is so cluttered with stuff from many years of hoarding. Hundreds of DVD's, old game machines and games, old ornaments, bits of foam that I thought would come in handy about 5 years ago which are still stacked in the laundry, an old chocolate valentines day flower that someone left at my front door about 7 years ago, dried sticks and flowers galore and none of them have any colour left as they are so old.

    This morning I began putting it all in boxes. Some boxes I set outside and passersby have been taking. One box for each of my kids with their old junk which I will pack in the shed. Boxes of DVD's and games which the local games store has offered to purchase from me. A couple of boxes for the charity store. Plus a whole lot gone straight in the bin.

    I feel lighter and fresher. My home is looking cleaner and I haven't done any daily cleaning at all yet.

    I don't need any of that stuff and most haven't been used for many years. I have no idea why I was keeping it.

    It's hard trying to clear my head when my home is cluttered. No wonder I always battle trying to clean as I have so much crap to clean, or clean around. I have no room to pack and stack stuff away. I always seem to be moving this from this spot to that spot, then moving it back again, trying to make it look cleaner and easier to clean around and the bottom line is, it's rubbish, I don't even need it.

    I'm trying to do the same thing with my head too. If it's old crap and I don't need it anymore I'm throwing it out.

    SM

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  19. Ggrand
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    8 January 2018 in reply to Sad_Mushroom

    Hello Sad Mushroom,

    Youn have been really busy today, Well done. I used to go to those trash and treasure markets looking for things that were different, I used (do nothing now so I use used a lot). I had a time where I would look for small ornaments that dated back before the 50s. I found and collected over 200 of them. They were all special to me, but hubby was always on about them, he disliked them.. Around 12 months ago I just lets say I lost it, (got triggered big time) and just about everyone of them I chucked into the garbage making sure I broke them. I was sorry after because after I calmed down, a few days later I thought I should have boxed them and sent to a charity shop.

    I left a rather nice computer desk outside for anyone to take who could use it I was pleased it went within an hour.

    I really need to declutter my home, I like to keep things just in case I will need them for later but I never do, maybe one day I'll get around to it.

    Sad.. what you said holding your self responsible for your own actions and do so severely. Yes me as well. I will quite often take the blame for others, because I can see how sorry they are for there actions. This got and still gets me misunderstood mostly. I cannot stand to witness anyone in trouble. Wrong yeah I know, but it hurts me when others are hurting.

    I cannot find anywhere I fit into this world, I don't belong in it, not all but a lot of cruel people out in the world and I got stuck with my family and my hubby and his family all cruel and well just yeah...That's all I've known,...So now I've made my world safe in staying within my 4 walls as much as possible. I belong in my little world, I'm not happy in it but I'm safe.

    Me on the other hand have done nothing, I'm feeling bleh today. Maybe another day I will declutter

    kind thoughts

    GG.

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  20. Sad_Mushroom
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    8 January 2018 in reply to Ggrand

    Wonderful GG,

    It was your thread about routines that got me off my butt and doing things today. I have been tossing around ideas about what to do and how to do it but that's all I do. Toss about ideas. It was your thread that made me realise I just had to get up and do it. So I did! I'm feeling pretty chuffed too.

    I guess we have some of the same things but for different reasons. I don't like leaving the house but that's because I don't like people and they bore me. I'm not anxious about leaving the house anymore I just don't like having to interact with people.

    I think I stopped myself interacting as a punishment, to hurt myself by being alone. Now I'm better and starting to remember more, I am sure I can remember, years ago, feeling lonely and rejected, missing people and wanting to be close. It's been so long though, that I'm not sure if it's a memory or just wishful thinking.

    I like the internet because I know I don't have to visit anyone and no one will come visit me. I don't like people coming to my house. I always wait for them to leave but they seem to stay forever. I stopped having visitors about 17 years ago. A few friends have turned up over the years, if I can, I try to stand on the verandah and talk so they have nowhere to sit down. That always cuts the visit short.

    Tomorrow I go in and volunteer at a charity. I go three days a week. That's more than enough socialising for me. I stay out the back where there's no air conditioning and load the truck and do the jobs no one else likes. It's a win/win situation. LOL

    Sending thanks for your wonderful advice and ideas on your thread.

    You helped make my day a fantastic one!

    SM

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  21. Sad_Mushroom
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    11 January 2018 in reply to Sad_Mushroom

    I see a lot of posts about partners and the replies saying said partners are wrong. Are we just patronising people? Confirming their illusions?

    I do not think we should ever tell anyone their partner/carer/parent is wrong without all the facts and both sides. I know people might "feel" a certain way but to confirm they are right and everyone else is wrong, is just silly.

    We can validate peoples feelings without saying other people are wrong. What do we even know about the facts? People with MH issues often feel things that are not real. Supporting them is one thing but telling them to leave family/friends for nil support is silly.

    I know some people need to get away from abusive others but how much do we know is abuse and how much is just thoughts from a person suffering from MH issues?

    Years ago when no anger management support group was in my area they sent me to an abused wives group. I got kicked out for smacking a woman. She complained that her husband pushed her (during an argument) after she hit and punched him. So, she hit and punched him and he pushed her to get her away from him. He was being charged and she got free counselling. She admitted to all of this. I was appalled. She attacked him and when he had enough he pushed her away. She fell and claimed assault and the law stuck with her. I smacked her and I did it as an abused wife who suffered broken bones because dinner was not ready when my husband got home,,,,at random hours after he finished drinking. (Not proud of it,,,,,hold on,,yes I am)

    My husband would disappear for months at a time then turn up at 3am at a random day, no warning and kick the chit out of me for dinner not being on the table. As if this woman had anything to complain about. She was hitting her husband first.

    I don't know if it is me talking now or my other self (Piker) but there should be a line. IT is me...Piker would be swearing by now. But there should be a line. There should be a rule where we cannot blame everything on others or their lack of support. This MH issue is not others problems, it is ours and we should not expect others to support us through it.

    Others, even significant others should be allowed to walk away at any time without attack from us. They have a right to.

    SM

     

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  22. xCrumpetx
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    11 January 2018 in reply to Sad_Mushroom

    Hello mushroom,

    i am sorry to hear about the abuse you have suffered in your life. I think you are a nice person and very helpful :)

    I agree, no one should be abused or attacked and people should take responsibility for what they have done.

    I hope you are ok and are having a nice night.

    from crumpet

  23. Sad_Mushroom
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    11 January 2018 in reply to xCrumpetx

    Hi Crumpet,

    Thanks for joining here and having a say....that took balls.

    It's nice to see you stepping out into other threads.

    I am having a nice night thanks. I have been invited to Karaoke. I do not sing but will dance.

    SM

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  24. Elizabeth CP
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    11 January 2018 in reply to Sad_Mushroom

    SM your post touched a raw nerve. While I have zero tolerance for anyone who abuses their spouse unfortunately there are women who take advantage of situations leaving their partner to take the blame when it is unjustified.

    Recently 2 people who I'm close to have had their sons fall victim to this. In one case the son went to bed after a hard day of work only to be woken by his wife, dtrs & their friends all drunk & loud. Request for quiet & the friends to leave was denied When he pushed his wife back as she deliberately pushed someone called the police & he was charged with assault & kicked out of his own house. Since everyone else were witnesses he had no way of fighting the allegation.

    Another friend's son has been wrongly accused of abuse & unable to see his wife & children. It appears that the wife may have some MH issues which she refuses to get help for which has led to the accusations which have become more bizarre over time with things he did to help her twisted out of context & made into something very different.

    As SM said we do need to be cautious of believing everything we are told without knowing both sides.

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  25. Ggrand
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    12 January 2018 in reply to Sad_Mushroom

    Hello Sad Mushroom,

    Sorry I haven't been in here for a few days, if it's ok I will read and catch up with what's happening / happened in you life and be back soon.

    Karen

  26. Sad_Mushroom
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    24 January 2018 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hi Elizabeth,

    My son had the same issue.

    He had a GF and he paid for a unit and furnished it. They broke up and he began seeing a new girl. They fought and he got an AVO against him,,,,,,,no problem.

    A few months later that new girl turned up at my sons unit at 3am going off her nut after a night out. Neighbours called police about the noise and my son was arrested for breaching his AVO.

    My son got arrested for being in bed in his own unit at 3am!!!!!!!!!!!!

    He refused to open the door because of the AVO and she stood outside kicking and screaming until the police arrived. She walked off and the police arrested my son.

    I went to the police station the next day and explained it was HIS unit and he LIVED there and charges were dropped. We had to provide leases and rent receipts though.

    Mind you here father is a federal police officer so we have no doubt that influenced the police.

    My son did nothing wrong,,,,was in bed asleep and got arrested for being in his own unit.

    Not everything is what people say it is. We have to be careful about things like that.

    SM

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  27. Sad_Mushroom
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    24 January 2018 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi Karen,

    I'm OK but for a few weeks my brain has been awol.

    My depression is gone and has been for years and you would think that would be the end of it.

    It isn't.

    I do not have depression but I have 'attack'. I realise I want to get back at people who caused me this.

    I will work through it. It's just another step.

    Kellie

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  28. Ggrand
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    24 January 2018 in reply to Sad_Mushroom

    Hello Sad Mushroom,

    I just read you post on DB's thread, thank you for posting it again. I needed to read that today.

    Karen

  29. Sad_Mushroom
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Sad_Mushroom avatar
    219 posts
    7 February 2018 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi GG,

    My head is still awol so I'm not posting much.

    I'm back in counselling every Thursday. Not for anxiety or depression but my anger/rage issues.

    I will make another post in a more suitable place as I keep forgetting not to post 'trigger' issues here.

    SM

    1 person found this helpful
  30. Ggrand
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    1164 posts
    8 February 2018 in reply to Sad_Mushroom

    Hello Sad Mushroom,

    Im pleased your back into counciling for your anger.

    I don't struggle with anger, I was conditioned very early in my childhood that I wasn't allowed anger, therefore it has not developed in me. All my abusers have passed on except for my older brother, I haven't seen or spoken to him in over 50 years, although I don't have anger towards him I have hate towards him.

    I think the best revenge, or getting back at your abusers is to live a happy and fulfilled life. You have risen above anxiety and Depression which is imo one of the hardest things in life to get over. You are such a lovely person Sad Mushroom, and you have lifted my soul a few times here with your kindness.

    I hope your Pysch visit goes well.

    Kindness always,

    Grandy.

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