Hi BB community,
I don't know how long i have had issues with depression and anxiety, but it has been a fair chunk of my life, at times taken a big chunk out of me, who i am and even the ability to have positive thoughts for extended periods of time (up to 6 months). Then i would drink & smoke and feel even worse and get stuck into these habits no with others, but alone. I have cried myself to sleep so many times that it almost became part of my life. I remember the lowest point i have felt, was when i was struggling to choke back tears whilst in a group discussion, that is a pain like no other.
I feel my depression occurs when i start over thinking on stuff like comparing myself to others, work [average 6-7 days a week the last 7 years], the condition of our world, environment and attitude in society brought me into this realm. It changed my opinions to the point of hating people for their ignorance.
I also would pick on myself, hate myself, and hurt loved ones around most of all my parents who i was so cynical to when i returned home from traveling for two years (i left Australia for the reasons above). That was my direction.
I then started
taking it out on others upon my return, if someone picked on me, i would become very
aggressive, antagonistic and sometimes violent. The last time was with my brothers in Sydney where i ended up in Jail for the night.
This is the first time i have ever shared this with anyone, but i am glad it is in confidence of persons who have struggled in a similar way. I briefly ran through some of the symptoms of depression and i could tick all the of them off at one point or another. Depression has taken my lifestyle, point of view and direction away from me. [when feeling anxious/depressed]
The biggest resource for me now when feeling this way, is interacting with others, including my closest friends who have always seen the signs and talked me through it.
On the other hand what i have found was what works for me in managing this. Diet and Hobbies I moderate my drinking now and don't smoke.
Writing issues down has helped
I now try to identify the problem, write down i reacted, and what i could do to manage it next time.
I am patching things up with my family, though i don't think they realized how long i have been dealing with this and have been dismissive until recently. They would say things like "why cant you just be happy", "your so hard on yourself" & "stop worrying so much".
Battling but getting there.
I hope you do aswell