Hi BB community,

I don't know how long i have had issues with depression and anxiety, but it has been a fair chunk of my life, at times taken a big chunk out of me, who i am and even the ability to have positive thoughts for extended periods of time (up to 6 months). Then i would drink & smoke and feel even worse and get stuck into these habits no with others, but alone. I have cried myself to sleep so many times that it almost became part of my life. I remember the lowest point i have felt, was when i was struggling to choke back tears whilst in a group discussion, that is a pain like no other.

I feel my depression occurs when i start over thinking on stuff like comparing myself to others, work [average 6-7 days a week the last 7 years], the condition of our world, environment and attitude in society brought me into this realm. It changed my opinions to the point of hating people for their ignorance.

I also would pick on myself, hate myself, and hurt loved ones around most of all my parents who i was so cynical to when i returned home from traveling for two years (i left Australia for the reasons above). That was my direction.

I then started taking it out on others upon my return, if someone picked on me, i would become very aggressive, antagonistic and sometimes violent. The last time was with my brothers in Sydney where i ended up in Jail for the night.

This is the first time i have ever shared this with anyone, but i am glad it is in confidence of persons who have struggled in a similar way. I briefly ran through some of the symptoms of depression and i could tick all the of them off at one point or another. Depression has taken my lifestyle, point of view and direction away from me. [when feeling anxious/depressed]

The biggest resource for me now when feeling this way, is interacting with others, including my closest friends who have always seen the signs and talked me through it.

On the other hand what i have found was what works for me in managing this. Diet and Hobbies  I moderate my drinking now and don't smoke.

Writing issues down has helped

I now try to identify the problem, write down i reacted, and what i could do to manage it next time.

I am patching things up with my family, though i don't think they realized how long i have been dealing with this and have been dismissive until recently. They would say things like "why cant you just be happy", "your so hard on yourself" & "stop worrying so much".

 Battling but getting there.

 I hope you do aswell

dear Melvin, thanks for letting us know how you have been getting on, and I hope that your story will be able to help others with their own struggle.

It's never an easy job to be able to overcome our thoughts or behaviours which we all have when in depression, because each and everyone of us strive in our own way to be able to cope, handle and hopefully eliminate this black dog from our lives, which is possible, and stories like yours will show people that it can be done, and that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks so much for telling us your story and look after yourself, and I do hope that you can stay on the site for a bit longer so that you can help others. Geoff.

G'day Melvin,

Thanks for sharing your story, I know how hard it can be to open up. I myself am working on this everyday. As for your approach with 'diet and hobbies' I have found this to be working for me also! 

Hi Geoff and Eclectic Magpie,

Thank you for your kind words. i felt like i have only scratched the surface on this. But i has been a positive experience for me.

It's nice knowing that your not alone, and that others are experience the same anxiety, depression and trauma.

Geoff i will do my best to stay on top. 

EclecticMagpie I believe lifestyle has a huge impact on how i feel, im not talking about appearance. But more feeling healthy, having mobility and thinking with clarity.

Sometimes its so refreshing to that i feel a flush through me.

Anywho thankyou again and look after yourselves 

Hi Melvin

Lots of us are trying to find our ways out of depression or anxiety. Well... I really don't know the correct paths yet but I am trying. And I understand that you have been trying as well. 

Now what I found useful was building some insight. Your method of keeping notes is very useful which is called labeling. It has been used in meditation as well as modern therapy for a long time as far as I know. 

I am having anger management issues. I have started labeling  as well which helped me to understand when the anger was coming. Now I know when it is coming but I still have a long way to go. 

Keep going my friend. We will always have failures for sure but small, minor improvements will help as well. 

Cheers

GT