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Forums / Staying well / Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

Topic: Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

  1. Emo
    Emo avatar
    225 posts
    20 August 2021 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Doolhof,

    I am so very sorry for what you have gone through with the loss of your son. I too lost a child which until I read your post I thought I was over the grief but it's surprising how it doesn't take much to trigger those feelings again.

    I was told that it didn't matter too much because I didn't give birth to my child. It was fairly early in the pregnancy so even though they knew the sex of the baby they said it was best I didn't know, like it would be easier to forget about it if I just thought of the baby as an 'it' rather than my daughter or son.

    Instead I have wondered every day since whether I lost a girl or a boy, it's like I'm missing a piece of me. I'm now unfortunately unable to have children due to something that was done to me by someone who I thought loved me. It's so hard to move on with that knowledge but you seem to have realised that it doesn't change how strong of a person you are and that just because you don't have a living child doesn't make you less of a person.

    I understand how you feel about your parents reactions and your in laws reactions because mine were the same. I was told that I was a failure multiple times because I was not doing what proper women are supposed to do by becoming a mother, like that was my only job in life. My parents even changed their will which excluded me and gave my share to a niece because she had children so she was better deserving of their money than me.

    I didn't care about their money but it was the principle of the fact that I'm still their child and I deserved to be considered as such. It's not like my niece is poor, she is very well off. I'm sorry I'm digressing but I've been thinking a lot about things lately and your post brought it all back up again.

    I hope that you can find the help you need to fully grieve because I know that I never truly have. I tried at the time but I was told that because I didn't give birth to the baby it didn't get recognised for grief counselling. That was a long time ago now so I will follow your journey and maybe you will be able to share what is helping you only if you feel comfortable to because I know a lot of people are suffering the way you are.

    Thank you for sharing your grief and I'm sure helping not only myself but others in saying it's ok to talk about and it's not a taboo subject. I wish you all the best.

    Regards,

    Emo.

    2 people found this helpful
  2. Ezzi
    Ezzi avatar
    70 posts
    20 August 2021 in reply to geoff

    Hello again. Nice post. I really haven't much to comment on as to why or how or whatever re: ""not having a very good day *(yesterday)* "" I had posted earlier. Just having a downer as we all do at times. It was supposed to be posted onto another thread. As per our human "pyske" in the Greek language meaning soul or life we all face issues that challenges our mental state at times that makes us feeling vulnerable. During these difficult days, one can still be relatively optimistic during any challenge. A lot depends on how each of us looks at any situation. It's our outlook on things. It can actually teaches lots about ourselves. I'm OK. Thank you for caring. ezzi

    1 person found this helpful
  3. geoff
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    15306 posts
    20 August 2021 in reply to Ezzi

    Hello Ezzi, thanks for getting back to us.

    Sometimes we know why we weren't feeling the best yesterday or the last couple of days and other times we have no idea, so this just adds on to the list of problems we have tucked away, and slowly all of these mounts up until we may have a breakdown and we're pushed back to square one.

    The trouble is, we may leave it until it's too late, and know the position that creates.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  4. smallwolf
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    smallwolf avatar
    5763 posts
    21 August 2021 in reply to geoff
    And / or ... Rather than square one, think of it as going down into a valley and the journey continues. This enables us to think the journey to this time has not been in vain. Then at some point in time you walk upwards again out of the valley.
    2 people found this helpful
  5. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    Katyonthehamsterwheel avatar
    1568 posts
    21 August 2021
    I don’t like myself much today. Time to find some things to pop into my “good things” jar. Also eating carbs and Netflix.
  6. Sleepy21
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    4159 posts
    21 August 2021

    Hey all

    Landed in hospital

    I like the idea of Netflix and cards

    Stay safe all

  7. Jstar49
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    824 posts
    21 August 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hey Sleepy,

    Hoping you're getting the support you need.

    Take care,

    J*

  8. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
    12394 posts
    21 August 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    Sleepy

    are you ok.?

    katy, is there a reason you don’t like yourself today. Did Netflix andI carbs help?

    I don’t like the way I react when someone criticises me.

    1 person found this helpful
  9. Lillylane
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    21 August 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hi Sleepy,

    Just read your post that you’ve landed in hospital.
    Concerned for you and hope you are receiving care and support.

    Thank you as always for your posts in this space.

    LL

    2 people found this helpful
  10. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    824 posts
    21 August 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Criticism is pretty hard to receive well. I don't know many ppl who can do it, and they have begun to teach me a different way. Don't be too hard on yourself Quirky.

    J*

  11. Sleepy21
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    4159 posts
    21 August 2021 in reply to Lillylane

    Thank u LL quirky and j,

    I presented at the ED and have been feeling quite down. I'm boosted by Ur care. Thank u for posting. I like Ur glowing goodness and hope to be as kind as u guys. Sorry for the typos, as I'm useless typing on an ipad!

    1 person found this helpful
  12. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    824 posts
    21 August 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    OMG Sleepy! You are kindness itself!

    Still got your plaything hey? Awesome! You'll get used to it :)

    Is there nice ppl around tonite?

    J*

  13. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    21 August 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Thanks for asking, quirky. It was me criticising me today! Carbs always help - but not the waistline! I don’t respond well to criticism either. Always puts me in a hole :(

    Sleepy, sending you caring thoughts. Good that you’re being proactive as ever. What kinds of things can you do on your tablet? I’ve never used one

  14. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    824 posts
    21 August 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Heya- funny you should say that Katy. On the gardening thread we're having a convo about prayers/music with plants, and it reminded me of how important it is to speak kindly to yourself......

    Maybe it's more helpful to apply the old 'criticism sandwich'approach- they teach it in conflict resolution. To give constructive criticism to someone, it's helpful to first give a positive comment, followed by the negative/criticism, finishing with another positive.

    As in: I like the way I was brave enough to talk about what was bothering me. I may not have done it well, as I got too emotional, however, next time I'll do better, becos I've noticed that when I practice difficult things like this I do get better at it.

    Kind thoughts,

    J*

    1 person found this helpful
  15. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    1568 posts
    21 August 2021 in reply to Jstar49

    Ahhh the old feedback sandwich! Never thought to give myself one! Nice idea, J :)

    I thought I’d share what I’m popping in my “good things” jar in the event it might inspire someone to make one. So far, three notes today:

    - when (x) gave me an unexpected hug and it felt really motherly and nurturing

    - when my supervisor said it was nice to see me after we hadn’t caught up for awhile

    - when I got a great grade on my uni work

    Things that made me feel good about being me.

    1 person found this helpful
  16. Ezzi
    Ezzi avatar
    70 posts
    21 August 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Dear Sleepy. Please take care of yourself l. I'm sorry to hear you landed in hospital. Please don't forget your a gentle caring soul always on the lookout for others. That's a beautiful quality to have, yet you also need to look after yourself. Please remember it's the little things we do that matters not the big things. Regards ezzi
    1 person found this helpful
  17. Sleepy21
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    21 August 2021 in reply to Jstar49

    Hi ezzi, big hugs. How are u?

    Had a bad experience at the ED, did I get the one awful, brusque mental health nurse?

    My tablet has apps and works like a phone, I find it awkward for writing though.

    I was given two doses of men's but regret taking it. I felt the nurse was clueless and her only interest was to get e out, as they were so busy. Mess aren't the answer to everything. I like myself today for having good instincts. I know who can help. I don't like myself for taking a drug I'm certain I didn't need.

    2 people found this helpful
  18. Ezzi
    Ezzi avatar
    70 posts
    21 August 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    Oh Sleepy. We all make mistakes. Please don't be to hard on yourself. We're all humans here with many frailties. When we're in the pits we often don't like ourselves and when things starting looking a bit bright we often have different outlook on things - especially ourselves.

    ezzi

    2 people found this helpful
  19. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8755 posts
    21 August 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hi Sleepy,

    Thanks for your comments. I guess Drs can't be good at everything. Feeling dismissed by them though is not helpful. One Dr said as I had not presented at hospital nor injured myself there was nothing he could do to help me despite how unsafe I was feeling.

    Our local hospital sometimes turns you away anyway, telling you to make a Drs appointment as there are no Drs full time at the hospital. One Registered nurse told me to go home and phone Beyond Blue or Life Line.

    We do have an amazing community here and I am so thankful I have found this incredible supportive place.

    Hope you are doing okay Sleepy. Cheers from Dools

    2 people found this helpful
  20. Doolhof
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    21 August 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hi Sleepy,

    I just scrolled down the page and noticed you are in hospital. I hope you are able to receive the care and support you need.

    Hospital can be a comforting and also a confusing time. Hope you have people there to talk with who canhelp you through this.

    Hugs and kindness from Dools

    3 people found this helpful
  21. Doolhof
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    8755 posts
    21 August 2021 in reply to Emo

    Hi Emo,

    You have shared so much in this message. I am sorry to read of your grief and loss as well.

    There can be so much mixed up in our lives related to a loss of any kind, many things that other people might not consider or even imagine happens.

    Like the will! I had wanted some of my child hood things from my parents home. Mum said we didn't have children so she gave them to other family members who just trashed it all. My in-laws changed their wills too as they didn't think we were deserving as we didn't have children.

    What I don't understand is family members that treat you like you don't matter as you don't have children, then they get older or sicker, require help, and expect you to be there for them! What is it with that!

    I'm not sure what we have available thread wise in the grief and loss section, I might start up a new thread for anyone with suggestions on how to deal with grief to share there.

    Wishing you strength and an ability to see just how special you are, grief and all. Cheers from Dools

    2 people found this helpful
  22. topsy_
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    1091 posts
    22 August 2021 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi all,

    I hope this finds everyone feeling ok - or better than ok!

    Special call out to Sleepy & Dools. I hope happier days are coming.

    Cheers to all, T.

    1 person found this helpful
  23. CMF
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    CMF avatar
    8660 posts
    22 August 2021 in reply to topsy_

    I don't like myself ATM. My older daughter is in yr12 and stuck in lockdown. All her music performances have been cancelled, it sux. I'm also working from home and have an 8yo doing remote learning.

    Last week older daughter was at her dad's for dinner, I was home trying to sort something out to help her. When she got home I was about to ask how else I coukd help but before I could open my mouth she was really rude to me, had a go at me. I was upset & hurt. Later on I barged into her room and gave her a piece of my mind. She has now gone to stay at her Dads, it's her 18th bday this Friday.

    I can't stop crying, I was too harsh but the way she spoke to me , out of nowhere, shocked me. My heart has been ripped out 😢

    3 people found this helpful
  24. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    824 posts
    22 August 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hey CMF,

    teenage mood swings suck! It’s really hard to know how to deal hey. And it sounds like the extra stress on your daughter is making things super difficult just now.
    Im really sorry hey. I kinda know what it’s like.
    Hopefully while she’s at her dads you can both get a bit of peace and calm, and be able to be in a different space when you talk again.
    It’s a tough gig. Sometimes the whole mother daughter dynamic can be really hard. And in my experience, it was my kids dad who looked like the white knight.
    Hang in there, the best thing you can do is look after you right now. Be kind to yourself, you didn’t do anything wrong. She’s obviously stressed out and taking it out on you. Blame her undeveloped amygdala!

    Hope tomorrows a better day,

    Cheers,

    J*

    2 people found this helpful
  25. blondguy
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    11220 posts
    22 August 2021 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Everyone! New posters are always welcome to post too :-)

    Its not easy, yet one of the best ways be can be kind to ourselves is to have regular 'appointments' with our GP

    Hi Dools.....I didnt mean physical appointments with your doc...especially during covid!.....I meant ongoing phone contact which can provide us with some peace and reassurance while we are still experiencing long term trauma like yourself. Whether or not a person is based in a country or a metropolitan area isn't relevant

    Of course its up to the individual and how determined they are to help themselves heal

    my kind thoughts always

    Paul

    2 people found this helpful
  26. Ezzi
    Ezzi avatar
    70 posts
    22 August 2021 in reply to blondguy

    Hello. Yesterday (sunday) i didn't like myself due to lack of self control by eating all the wrong foods. Am suffering the consequences for not being strong enough. For those reading that may not be a real issue for you, it is for me. I haven't exercised for almost 5mths and that's not good either. Do have the knowledge of all the Do,s and Don'ts of how to keep relatively fit and eating good foods. I'm so disgusted with myself. When it comes to the No, No foods especially when it tastes so good and right now this very minute I'm really physically ill. Nothing is helping me and can't seem to counteract the food intolerance plus allergic reactions of what I've eaten. Usually i don't have those foods in the place as i know very well I've no self control over them so i dont buy it. Was given to me by a kind friend. I forgot to read the labels. Always hsve emergency food on hand to counteract those dreadful reactions. I don't fancy going out anywhere in the wild raining weather.

  27. geoff
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    22 August 2021 in reply to blondguy

    Hello Everyone, when we keep bringing up old problems that happened many years ago, then we haven't addressed these concerns as suggested by the medical fraternity to get the treatment we need, to help us overcome any PTSD we may be struggling with.

    I sadly remember when a close couple lost a baby many years ago and after a while was told not to mention the subject again as he/wife had sort help and was able to let the sorrow go, although it did still have a special memory in their heart but had learnt to cope with it themselves and lock it away.

    They had received counselling whether it was face to face or by phone and if at any stage they were weakened, then they had phone numbers of those who were trained to help in this situation and didn't want sympathy from people close to them only because this would change how they got on with their lives.

    It doesn't matter how far away these counsellors and/or doctors are away from you, the phone is always available to set up a new contact and if you are unable or don't want to do this, then you are not helping yourself or the ones you love who live with you.

    We all need help in situations like this and being in denial shouldn't be an option.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  28. Ezzi
    Ezzi avatar
    70 posts
    22 August 2021 in reply to geoff
    Hello Geoff. Just read your post. What and who nm in particular are you referring it too. Regards
    1 person found this helpful
  29. geoff
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    15306 posts
    22 August 2021 in reply to Ezzi

    Hello Ezzi, it's someone else who I know has been posting comments at least over the past 6 years or more about the same topic but hasn't sort help.

    I don't mean any harm by saying what I've said because I respect this person.

    Sorry.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful
  30. Ezzi
    Ezzi avatar
    70 posts
    22 August 2021 in reply to geoff
    Thank you Geoff. Sometimes things needs to be said not only a few times but several times before anyone comes to their senses to realize they do have a real issue. It's really sad to read those posts about people who have those issues without ever addressing it. It could be for number of reasons why they haven't gone to Drs, counsellors so on. We really don't know what's behind every post. Perhaps there are other issues that needs to be addressed before they are ready to face facts. With some people it's extremely painful to face it head on. You're doing a great job by writing it. Regards
    2 people found this helpful

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