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Forums / Staying well / Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

Topic: Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

  1. geoff
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    22 August 2021 in reply to Ezzi

    Hello Ezzi, thanks and it's also great to have you on the forums and I certainly understand the problem about eating foods we shouldn't be having, as I'm doing the same, too much chocolate, but I love it.

    Sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind, not that we want to, but when the same situation keeps on being mentioned every year for a long time, then the person is not doing what is suggested, you can't overcome these problems by yourself, you need help in one way or another.

    Thank you.

    My Best.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  2. Doolhof
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    22 August 2021 in reply to blondguy

    Hi Paul,

    Thanks for your comments. I don't mean to go on like a broken record, but trying to receive any Drs appointment, in person, via the phone, or over the internet via zoom can take 3 to 4 weeks.

    If it is an emergency, the Drs may have a spare consultation available.

    Yes, I can try to make an appointment with a Dr in 3 to 4 weeks then ask if they are available in another 3 to 4 weeks and book in advance. I also have the issue of not being able to book in with the same Dr anymore. I don't know why that is, it is just happening.

    It frustrates me not having regular care. I could go to a different medical centre 50 kilometres away and try to establish a permanent Dr there. Country Drs are over booked.

    3 people found this helpful
  3. ecomama
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    23 August 2021 in reply to Ezzi

    Dear Ezzi and all

    We just DON'T KNOW what's really going on for a person, do we?
    I wouldn't take anything mentioned on the forums "personally".
    It's full of ppl experiencing mental unwellness, so some times things come outta the blue.
    Water off a duck's back dear (and back to the self-care thread lol).

    Tbh Geoff I was shocked to read a couple were told to never again to mention their child that had passed!
    That's disgraceful.

    If I want to talk about my brother who passed as a baby and how I still miss him and WISH he was here, I will and I can. If my FAMILY want to talk about him then we will over 50y later.

    Grief lasts X long. For some, and I would say probably for ALL, when they lose a child, grief will last a lifetime.

    For the others who've so sadly lost their child or children, I FEEL FOR YOU. Massive HUGS!
    When ppl around you IRL have not allowed you to share your grief, grieved WITH you and allowed you the "holding space" moments?
    Then of course you will come into a MH Forum and discuss it with us and you can and you should.
    For x long.

    Allergies can last a lifetime, why can't the grief of losing a child last a lifetime too. That's a rhetorical question, I'm trying to make a POINT.
    There's far too much misunderstanding out there and we DON'T want to mirror the cruelty of our society and even our families at times; the dismissiveness, the abuse, the shunning.

    The "you should be over it by now" slant.
    By who's measure is that by?
    Rhetorical.

    If someone has the "magic formula" for dissolving the grief over the loss of a child then they'd be millionaires and we'd all be robots. Some say "medication helps", that's up to them. It's not my thing, I'm open to feeling all human emotions.

    Do I LIKE myself?
    YES I DO.

    I'm an awesome friend because I allow my friends to still grieve WITH me over the loss of their baby decades later.
    If a support group was available then maybe that would help.
    But having a support group + awesome friends = empathy, supporting recovery, friendship,healing.

    Who am I to judge such a tremendous loss.

    LOVE to all
    EMxxxx

    5 people found this helpful
  4. Birdy77
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    23 August 2021

    Dear Mrs Dools and Emo,

    My heart goes out to you, i am deeply sorry for the pain in your hearts and for the cruel ways in which you have been treated and spoken to by those who are supposed to care for you, and strangers alike. You matter and we care about you.

    I am finding it really upsetting to read comments here that say it's not ok for a person to come here and discuss their pain whenever they need to, even year after year, and that we need to be cruel to be kind. It is not in the spirit of BB to tell our friends here to stop talking about it, deal with it already, or just keep insisting they go check in with their gp. To me it feels dismissive and invalidating, and to say it depends on how determined the individual is to heal? This hurts.

    2 people found this helpful
  5. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
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    23 August 2021 in reply to Birdy77

    Hi Birdy,

    Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts. Grief can be life long, it can sneak up on us or bombard us with sad memories at any time.

    When our son was still born, I was talking to a lady in her late 90's who had also lost a baby in her early marriage. She openly cried and stated her heart was still broken even though she was later able to have other children.

    Understanding any infliction can be difficult. I know I do not always have words that are comforting and caring for people.

    I also understand comments about regularly seeing a Dr. It is beneficial if you can see the same Dr. I'm just frustrated with the medical system here.

    Finding other sources of help and assistance is beneficial also.

    Thank you once again Birdy for your caring comments. We do have wonderful people here in this community.

    Hope you are having an okay kind of day Birdy.

    I went grocery shopping earlier, I started to freak out a little and came home with very few groceries. Looks like we are eating potatoes this week! Ha. Ha. I managed to hold it together and drive home, so yer, I like myself despite the fact I didn't achieve what I set out to do.

    Cheers to you and all from Dools

    3 people found this helpful
  6. CMF
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    23 August 2021 in reply to Jstar49

    Hi JStar,

    Thank you. She came home last night, we had a bit of a chat about it and all is good. i will def be trying to calm my temper as i know it is a stressful time for her. Oh yes, here dad comes in as the White Knight when it is convenient, having said that, she sadi he was not home most of tghe weekend, he was at his new gf's house. So our daughter went there, hasn't stayed there for a while and he preferred to be with his new gf. I had said to my partner yesterday that he will be the White Knight till he meets someone new...and there it is.

    I was really scared she would chose to spend her bday with him, plus in the next few months we will have her graduation and awards night (probably on line) and i would be devastated if she chose to spend these with him when i am the one who has always been here for my kids. Last year during our long lockdown he chose to spend it in WA with his then gf. he went there indefinitely, planning to come back after xmas, until they broke up. He left his own kids behind to spend months with someone else's kids. Pretty sad. Anyway, my daughter is pretty switched on, my son doesnt care lol.

    I'm so relieved she is back. it is a tr4icky tine for all.

    cmf x

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Birdy77
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    23 August 2021 in reply to Doolhof

    Mrs Dools, you are an inspiration.

    You respond with grace and humility, no matter what you face.

    Your resilience is amazing.

    I know a lot of your friends here at BB look up to you. I know i do.

    Thank you for being you.

    4 people found this helpful
  8. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
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    23 August 2021 in reply to Birdy77

    Birdy

    I agree with your post and your insights about Dools.

    Does any one find that they are more likely and more quickly to become impatient, angry or annoyed during stressful times like lockdown.

    quirky

    7 people found this helpful
  9. Jstar49
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    23 August 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi all,

    Yep! It’s as if I have something extra demanding my attn all the time. I can’t just go on ‘cruise control’ mode, or else I’ll forget to do something- like bring my mask!

    CMF that’s great that your d’s home with you again. And good that she can see the situation with her dad with clear eyes. Good luck with staying calm! It’s a challenging time.
    all the best,

    J*

    3 people found this helpful
  10. Sleepy21
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    23 August 2021 in reply to ecomama

    Hi all, exciting to read the empathy and connections and SYNCHRONICITY on here. People making others feel validated and supported. I'm reading along and feeling touched.

    I'm out of hospital , it was a bad experience but it helped me through being bad.... I learnt I was strong. I was not treated well but I am okay now.

    I really like how I'm developing or reconnecting to myself and making my own choices from pure gut instinct. No one can argue with that! Listening to urself etc

    6 people found this helpful
  11. smallwolf
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    smallwolf avatar
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    23 August 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    @CMF ... Sorry to read about what has been going on. This time can be a real struggle. My mum is a former teacher and helping out my nephews (primary school) and that was a struggle. Last year my daughter was in year 12 with the lock down etc.

    @Quirky ... Yes. There are more distractions at home and not good ones. People asking for things at home. Remote connection to work makes things slower. Harder to talk to work people. So I do get irritable more easily.

    1 person found this helpful
  12. Ezzi
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    23 August 2021 in reply to smallwolf

    HELLO ALL.

    YES I DO LIKE DO LIKE MY SELF :)

    2 people found this helpful
  13. Doolhof
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    23 August 2021 in reply to Birdy77

    Today I am going to like, respect and value myself.

    I know I have a heart filled with love and compassion for other people.

    Some days I am not able to love and care for myself as much as I need to as my heart is occasionally saddened by life's events, past and present.

    I know how hard I have worked to be in the place I am in now. I have not given up.

    Yes, grief and sadness is a part of my life, to me it means I have a heart that has known an immense sense of love and loss. I am human. God gave me a heart and soul that cares.

    It does not mean I have not moved on. It does not mean I have not tried. It does not mean I am a pathetic, worthless, individual.

    6 people found this helpful
  14. smallwolf
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    smallwolf avatar
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    23 August 2021 in reply to Sleepy21
    Good to hear that you are out of hospital now. You also said that you realised you are strong. That sounds like a good moment and while there will be up and downs in life, you will realise you can get through. More strength to you.
  15. Jstar49
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    824 posts
    24 August 2021 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Dools,

    Reading between the lines, I can agree. Having a large, warm heart, and being open to experience your pain, as well as others, can so often look like a negative character trait in our society. We value strength, and imperviousness, and 'triumphing despite the odds.'

    And all of those things are...great. Yet sometimes, it's just not true. And I realise, I really value TRUTH.

    (I'm also realising that not everyone deserves my truth, lol not lol)

    Sometimes the road to healing is V messy. And others watching us struggle may want us to get better quicker, by taking this medication, or by doing this course. But maybe it's not right for us...? Who can tell. Only us.

    As Sleepy says, "I really like how I'm developing or reconnecting to myself and making my own choices from pure gut instinct. "

    I really like that too Sleepy! And I can hear the strength in your words!

    Anyway. I just want to say that I hear you, Dools, and I can hear the strength in you, and feel the depths of your suffering. And those two things can and do co-exist in the same breath.

    Being human. It's almost defined by our suffering....

    Dools, I am sorry that GPs where you live are so tough to get in to. It shouldn't be that way. However, I've got to say that I've heard more ppl complain about their GP's here on BB than brag about them. It seems like GPs have a lot more responsibilities to uphold now than ever before. To me, there's nothing quite like an ordinary, gifted counsellor, who cares just enough to listen, but isn't needing to keep you coming back for the rest of your life in order to satisfy their own ego. One who puts the healing back in our own hands.

    Thankyou for inspiring others Dools. You are precious, and valuable, just the way you are.

    J*

    3 people found this helpful
  16. blondguy
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    24 August 2021 in reply to Jstar49

    Hi everyone! and thankyou for being a part of the discussion too -)

    Hey Ezzi....good on you for liking yourself and actually posting it too!....Im trying to do the same!

    Hey Dools....thankyou for speaking from the heart...I hope you can find some TLC and peace in your life

    Hey Geoff...thankyou for sharing your life experience on the forums...How many years have you been here?

    Hey Sleepy...always great to read your caring posts and thankyou for being there for so many people!

    Hey Tim.....what can I say? Your input is always caring and balanced....Thankyou heaps my friend

    Hey Jstar....your input is GOLD and always appreciated....You mentioned "I've heard more ppl complain about their GP's here on BB than brag about them. It seems like GPs have a lot more responsibilities to uphold now than ever before" Ive only been on the forums sporadically due to ongoing family problems yet I havent had to read between the lines to find any hidden agendas. If there are any you have found please post and let me know :-)

    Hey CMF...(Country Music Festival) lol....Thankyou for your continued care over such a long period of time x

    Hey Birdy...always great to see you! I wrote this thread back in 2016 and Im not sure I understand your post. Unless I have missed something the Beyond Blue forums are a national mental health support thread and sometimes members may not like what others are posting when they are only trying to support others...Im not sure if you mentioned if you 'like yourself' Excuse I if I have missed it in your posts :-)

    Hey Ecomoma.....always a bonus to see you 'on the air'...and thankyou for posting 'I wouldn't take anything mentioned on the forums "personally"...It's full of ppl experiencing mental unwellness, so some times things come outta the blue"

    I hope we can be kind to eachother during this global pandemic..If I have missed anyone forgive me

    kindest thoughts always.....Paul

    1 person found this helpful
  17. geoff
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    24 August 2021 in reply to blondguy

    Hello Paul, a great reply and to answer your question concerning me, in December'21, I will be here 20 years and I can't answer why I've been here that long, the time has gone so quickly.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

    5 people found this helpful
  18. Doolhof
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    24 August 2021 in reply to Jstar49

    Hi J*

    Thanks for your thoughts. We are all on a journey. Our own life experiences, behaviours we learnt as children and all the interactions we have come across with other people help to mould and shape who we are in my opinion.

    Yes, we do have the ability to help ourselves, sometimes we need a little extra help and support.

    Most days I do really well and am thankful for the person I am. The losses I have experienced, have helped me be more sensitive to pain and suffering in others. Part of our upbringing and the expectations of others does shape how we deal with grief and loss I feel.

    Regarding GPs, I know our local Drs work very long hours. I had a wonderful Dr here for years. I miss his assistance, support and care. It is harder to receive continuous care at our medical centre, I don't know why the system has changed in the last couple of years.

    I volunteer in an Aged Care Home. I am thankful I have the time to just sit and listen to other people's stories. Each person has their own qualities. I sometimes wonder what has happened in their lives and who they were as children and young adults.

    While I am there, I greatly appreciate that sense of connection with another person and their soul. I like the person I am who can listen, laugh and sometimes cry with those precious people in the home.

    Thanks again for your kind and encouraging words. Cheers from Dools

    3 people found this helpful
  19. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    25 August 2021

    I find I don’t like myself when I’m out in the world trying to behave like a well person - like now, on uni prac. I came in here specifically to share that, then I read about Dools having to abandon the grocery shopping halfway through, and I got to feel ok about me again. There’s lots of things I can’t currently manage.

    Mostly, this is a really supportive place to be, and you’re accepted where you are on your journey. I think that’s what many of us value so much. There’s plenty of people out in the big wide world ready to judge and misunderstand. I need this safe space. Thanks as ever to everyone here for sharing of themselves.

    3 people found this helpful
  20. blondguy
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    25 August 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Hey Katy

    Beautifully said from the heart. I feel the same as you

    Beyond Blue are lucky to have such a gentle person as yourself in the organisation

    Paul

    2 people found this helpful
  21. quirkywords
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    25 August 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Katy

    I have shared this before but a few times I have cried in frozen section of the supermarket. Once was a few months after my dyed, and sometimes there is now reason and it always the frozen aisle. No one asks why I am crying .
    not I sure why I shared that but 5he story about leaving the trolley at the supermarket reminded me of that.

    4 people found this helpful
  22. Sleepy21
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    25 August 2021 in reply to quirkywords
    At one point I saw an ex at the supermarket. He had seen me first and by time I looked up he was staring at me, I put down my groceries I'm the middle of the supermarket and left. I cried in the streets and felt so lost
    3 people found this helpful
  23. Doolhof
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    25 August 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hi Katy, Sleepy, Quirky and all,

    One great thing about sharing in this amazing community is we learn that other people have reactions similar to ours!

    Sometimes my mind is overloaded when I go shopping, there is noise, bright lights, lots of people, I try to social distance, my glasses have fogged up with the mask wearing, people seemed determined to run into me with their trollies.

    I can't remember what brand of toothpaste my husband likes. I stand there looking at a selection of hundreds of different brands! I wander the ails trying to think what I might like to cook us. I don't want to cook! Ha. Ha. The ideas are not happening.

    I have a list. I don't know where they have hidden the mustard this week!

    I have potatoes, a tray of meat and some milk. Time to leave.

    Most days I am fine, some days it is just all too much!

    May we all decide these moments happen and we can move on. We will be okay.

    6 people found this helpful
  24. Sleepy21
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    26 August 2021 in reply to Doolhof

    hi all

    it is great to write safely here and try and share ways we can take care of ourselves

    the not liking myself is sometimes so intense, i've had it all my life

    a pattern i go through when anything goes wrong is to ask myself "What did I do wrong?"

    Sometimes i've done nothing wrong at all, and in fact, another person is acting inappropriately and all I can do is walk away and take care of myself

    Living without being triggered is hard, I get to a point where I cant leave my hosue at all, and my house feels unsfae too.

    I'm trying tobe kind about the small steps I can do, to face my fears. I don't want to live in fear and I want to love myself for who I am - maybe today realising that is all I can do.

    Sending hugs.

    3 people found this helpful
  25. Sleepy21
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    26 August 2021 in reply to Doolhof

    hi Dools, well done on all you have done to stay well.

    we are survivors.

    any of us hre who have PTSD have likely done so many things, taken so many steps, to keep going . You've done so much.

    Admire the volunteer work you do and how much u give here to us all as well - thank u so much

    3 people found this helpful
  26. Doolhof
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    26 August 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hi Sleepy,

    Thanks for your kind words. The community here has helped me immensely, I am only happy to be able to give back in some way. Being a part of this space provides me with a sense of belonging somewhere.

    4 people found this helpful
  27. topsy_
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    26 August 2021 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Dools & sleepy

    I’m following along. I hope things are going ok for you both, T.

  28. blondguy
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    26 August 2021 in reply to topsy_

    Hi Topsy!

    Thanks for being a part of the forum family :-) How was your day?

    Paul

  29. Guest9337
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    1001 posts
    26 August 2021 in reply to blondguy
    I have recently re-fallen in love with myself, not in a arrogantly selfish way, instead a calmness, an alignment with all my values and the time I spend on them means I am now worthy of loving myself.
    2 people found this helpful
  30. blondguy
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    26 August 2021 in reply to Guest9337

    Hey David

    really appreciate your post about liking yourself in calm way....Ive been trying to do the same and slowly getting there

    very helpful input David and thankyou!

    Paul

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