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Forums / Staying well / Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

Topic: Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

  1. quirkywords
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    25 November 2021 in reply to Doolhof

    Dools

    I think if we all took time to understand other people if it would help us to like ourselves more because we would feel others were making an effort to learn about us.
    I think also we need to know that reading one article or knowing one friend with an illness does not make us an expert. One friend told me she knew all about bipolar because she had read one article and she knew me,!

    I agree that to be willing to find out the whole picture of any health condition can be helpful .

    Paul thank you for this thread and hope you are well.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Doolhof
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    26 November 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky,

    That is a good point you made. Just reading about a condition does not make us an expert in it and it certainly does not allow for each individual person's own experience with that situation or condition to be considered or understood.

    I know from one day to the next my acceptance, understanding and recognition of my own mental health issues change drastically.

    It doesn't help when there are so many different thoughts, ideas, strategies, suggestions and procedures recommended for assisting with mental health. Some appear contradictory. What works for one might not work for everyone, and certainly not in every situation. We need to find what assists us, be open to new ideas and to keep trying when we can.

    Cheers form Dools

    3 people found this helpful
  3. blondguy
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    27 November 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi everyone and thankyou for being a part of the discussion too!

    Hey Quirky...thankyou for your kind post and ongoing support...Been reasonably okay..just have some issues with my sister who is an antivaxxer who refuses to let our 91 year old mum get vaccinated...Im way off my own thread topic yet I still like myself despite the family problems..There is only so much I can do at this time..

    Hey Dools....its always good to see you! It can be difficult when we have a 'tired mind'. You mentioned"......... 'What works for one might not work for everyone, and certainly not in every situation' That sounds nice except that frequent ongoing counselling does work well for most people.. It takes time.. determination and a strong desire to heal no matter how uncomfortable we feel in front of a counsellor or a GP.

    I guess thats why there is a box of tissues on the little table between most people and their counsellor/GP

    I hope everyone has a really good weekend!

    my kind thoughts

    Paul

    2 people found this helpful
  4. quirkywords
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    27 November 2021 in reply to blondguy

    Paul

    Family problems can be difficult at times and I am glad you like yourself. This thread is so helpful to so many people and each time I browse here I learn something.

    From my own experiences and others to find a counsellor one really connects with is important and sone find this more complex than others depending on location and availability .

    2 people found this helpful
  5. randomx
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    27 November 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Unfortunately being male l find male counselors which l prefer , few and far between but for any guys here that need it and a bit stuck try mens line. They've been a huge help to me and you can call any time which l prefer later at night too so that's also very handy.

    I dunno if it's a common theme though if your regional , but the other thing l find is they're all 30 or 40mins away if you do find someone and usually only do appointments through the day too . We've got no one locally so although l've been booked in a few times with others l've had to cancel every time as day times are usually a bit awkward and other things always come up. So it's usually back to mensline , poor souls they must be sick of me by now.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Guest_4593
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    28 November 2021
    I really want to hurt myself. Don't know why I'm fighting through it
  7. mmMekitty
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    28 November 2021 in reply to Guest_4593

    Hi Guest_4093,

    Please call for help, 000 if at immediate rist to yourself.

    Or call 1300 22 4636 & speak to one of BB's counsellors who can help you through this crisis..

    Please, wait to talk to someone before doing anything

    mmMekitty.

  8. Sophie_M
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    28 November 2021 in reply to Guest_4593
    Hey Guest_4593

    It sounds like youre really struggling. We're concerned about you and we have sent a private message to check in with you. 

    We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
     
    If you feel like acting on thoughts of self harm or suicide, then this is an emergency, and you should call 000 immediately.
     
  9. mmMekitty
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    28 November 2021

    I've noticed a few posts, jus recently, about finding a counsellor/therapist. & then, while I was looking up about the new Omicron strain of COVID-19, I came across something else on ABC's website. I don't suppose this will turn up as an actual link, but here is where to find this article about the relationship between psychologist & patient:

    https://www.abc.net.au/everyday/a-psychologist-on-how-to-get-the-most-out-of-therapy/100621926

    I thought it was very good, & explains also wat people can expect, when with a Psychologist they fit with.

    I suppose there is another thread this info really ought to be, but since some peeople were talking here, I hope it's okay to post this here.

    *

    Here's an idea: 😻Be friends with yourself! Think about & treat yourself as you would think & treat yor best friend.

    I can talk - but can I walk?

    mmMekitty

    3 people found this helpful
  10. missep123
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    28 November 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Hi everyone!

    It's so nice to not feel alone in how I am feeling. It amazes me how we all go through our own 'invisible' internal battles. From the outside we may seem 'fine' but so many of us seem to have something we are battling internally. Sometimes I also get overwhelmed about different techniques! One thing I will try to do as a lot of you mentioned (and I really love) is to try to be friends with ourselves. I am going to try practicing that this week!

  11. Banksy92
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    28 November 2021

    This one is topical for me. I've always been quite fixated on presenting the best possible version of myself outward to hide the traumas and scary stuff going on behind the scenes in my family life. This became a habit of safety in my adult life where my self worth is often dependent on how I look, how my home looks, what big achievements I had to share in conversation etc. But now, I've just hit a point in my mental health journey where my psych is challenging me to put these things aside a little bit and focus on loving myself as I am. Being compassionate to myself as I am, regardless of these factors. It's not easy or natural to me, but an important journey. I am learning to appreciate who I am and know that I am kind, loving and a good person on the inside.

    I really hope everyone can come to love a piece of themselves or their whole selves. It's so worthwhile.

    2 people found this helpful
  12. Mk2692
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    28 November 2021 in reply to Banksy92

    Hey everyone,

    This is quite a tough question, as there are times where I felt that i didn't and times where i felt i did. I now do love myself and I make sure to show that to myself. I always spoil myself and take myself on dates like going to a park for a walk and buying a drink and spending time with myself. I learnt to love myself and my flaws. On the days that I don't feel like i like myself, I remember that it is ok to feel that way sometimes and just ride the wave. I know it will eventually end and I will be ok.

    2 people found this helpful
  13. blondguy
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    29 November 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Everyone! Thankyou for being a part of the discussion too!

    Quirky

    You mentioned 'to find a counsellor one really connects with is important and sone find this more complex than others depending on location and availability'

    Its very rare to 'connect' with a counselor. Its hard work and sometimes confronting as we are discussing our feelings. Location and availability are also common 'issues' when avoiding counselling/GP visits

    my kind thoughts

    Paul

    2 people found this helpful
  14. missep123
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    29 November 2021 in reply to Banksy92

    Hi Banksy,

    Best of luck on your journey, it truly sounds like you have so much self-awareness which will help you! I completely related when you said you were fixated on presenting your best possible self. I am absolutely the same! What I find though is when you find true friends and genuine people you tend to connect with them better when they know all aspects of you. I have found that it helped to break a barrier I didn't know I was creating where I was keeping most people at arms length in order to show my best self at all times.

    We are definitely here for you!

  15. tranzcrybe
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    29 November 2021 in reply to blondguy
    Absolutely, Paul. In fact, seeking to connect with your counselor may be deflecting the very purpose - the essence which is to connect with yourself. Grabbing a tissue tells you you're getting closer all the time!
    1 person found this helpful
  16. geoff
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    30 November 2021

    Hi All, you can only like yourself if you feel you are worth it, then you can appreciate all the good wishes and support from others, if however, you aren't feeling well then all the support given to you won't mean much at all.

    This can slowly change when affirmation is given in small doses.

    Geoff.

  17. blondguy
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    2 December 2021 in reply to tranzcrybe

    Hi Everyone :-)

    Hey Tranzcrybe....Thankyou for your brilliant post above....You are spot on when you mentioned 'seeking to connect with your counselor may be deflecting the very purpose'

    Usually when someone mentions they are looking for a counsellor that they can really connect with is a person that doesnt wish to have counselling as a result of their own deep seated insecurities. This is sad as life is too short to find excuses not to seek assistance

    you have been around the forums for a while now Tranzcrybe. I hope you have been doing well ✔

    my kind thoughts

    Paul

    1 person found this helpful
  18. Blue's Clues
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    3 December 2021 in reply to blondguy

    Hi all,

    I'd like to weigh in on the topic of "seeking to connect with a counsellor". I do think that this is one of those areas where murky phraseology is more the problem than the intent with which it is said. For my part, my experience with professionals is that they often come back at me with some really irrelevant feedback (like the psychologist I went to with the very specifically stated intention of working through problems arising from the ex's infidelity, who decided he wanted to focus on my gender identity and the social status of my job... Er, what?!). I think in my place many might say they want to connect with their counsellor/doctor/psychologist/psychiatrist and mean "I want someone who works with me on relevant goals in a relevant way". Just some food for thought. I absolutely wanted help when I went to that guy. I sure as hell didn't want him making me paranoid about things that weren't problems when I went there. And tying it back to the topic of this thread, I certainly didn't like myself after pushing so hard to make myself seek help (something I struggle with in the extreme) and failing so miserably. It's happened most times I've sought help for anything, and makes me feel like a useless failure every time, even though I know objectively the fault isn't mine. There's a sense of "I should have known better". Going through much the same with trying to improve things for myself after being diagnosed this year with ADHD. The meds have been a disaster so far, trying to connect with any sort of forum or group on the topic has gone bad each time, and I have been really down on myself over it. Getting help is hard, especially when it fails over and over and over again. The sense of self worth and being valued, mattering to those who were in a position to help when you've already done as much as you can to help yourself, really takes a beating.

    Blue.

    2 people found this helpful
  19. blondguy
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    3 December 2021 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Hi all

    Thankyou for being a part of the discussion and sharing your experience

    You have tried so hard where therapy/counselling is concerned. Some of the posts above concern people who dont have the courage you possess to help themselves. I feel your pain with counselling as it can be a rocky road. Thankyou for understanding

    2 people found this helpful
  20. Doolhof
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    3 December 2021 in reply to Blue's Clues

    I saw my psychologist this week. She tried to explain that my mind is in a huge tangle and it will take a while to get it sorted. Apparently the messages to my brain are getting trapped and stuck. My mind has shut down in places so the signals are not getting through. She told me she doesn't want to push me over the edge as she is concerned for my mental state.

    My sense of needing to feel connected to the psychologist relates to feeling safe in her care, believing she is able to help me, that she understands what I need and can help me make adjustments. To me it is different from the feeling of connection with family and friends.

    Right now I am trying to like myself and my mental health conditions.

    None of us know how much another person has been battling and trying to make sense of their mental health issues. How much they have tried to help themselves. How many times they have reached out to others for help.

    We have not walked in their shoes. We have not had the same childhood experiences that formed coping mechanisms and ways of thinking that helped them to survive. It takes time to rewire our minds. First we have to learn what is wrong and how to improve the situation.

    We don't always know the tone behind the writing here either!

    We can't feel another person's mental turmoil, confusion, hurt or torment.

    5 people found this helpful
  21. quirkywords
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    3 December 2021 in reply to Doolhof

    Dools

    Thanks for your post it makes sense to me.

    I can relate to a tangled mind and need ing to feel safe with a psychologist or counselor.

    I agree that even if we have a lived experience it will different from others.

    Your last 2 sentences show lots of empathy.

    We don't always know the tone behind the writing here either!
    We can't feel another person's mental turmoil, confusion, hurt or torment.

    2 people found this helpful
  22. Doolhof
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    3 December 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky,

    Just going out on a tangent here. I also sometimes find what people say in person can be misconstrued if they are wearing a mask!

    Their eyes are visible but I can't always tell if they are smiling. I find it difficult be reassured and have clarity through lack of facial expressions in some circumstances.

    Today I am reminding myself that my thoughts are jumbled. I am trying to like myself in the confusion.

    2 people found this helpful
  23. mmMekitty
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    3 December 2021 in reply to Doolhof

    Hello Doolhof,

    I entirely agree that the connection between you & your psychologist is a different sort of connection than the connections with family & friends. The therapeutic relationship is supposed to be different.

    I hope you will follow this.

    It's a one way street whereby you trust your therapist, you may tell them anything, be as emotional as you feel, & have them be there to support you. Not the other way around. You are not 'friends' in that way.

    They have accepted their responsibility to keep your best interest in mind, but you are not expected to do the same for them. You are not there to meet their needs; you are there to have some of your needs met.

    If they need care & support then they go to their own therapist for that.

    While we are in enough need to need a therapist, it is too much to ask us to take on board the responsibility for caring & supporting others in as great a need as ourselves. Like two people in the river, both of whom are struggling to keep their heads above water, pulling on each other for help, well I suppose you can see where this will lead.

    *
    In a friendship relationship, you have a mutual sharing & supportive role. They hope to rely on you as much as you do on them. That's the ideal, but often the balance is skewed.

    I've noticed that because I haven't liked myself, I allowed my relationships to become so skewed away from supporting me, that there was quite the opposite. In truth, these relationships ought not be described as friendships at some point. Also, the people I was in relationships with didn't have any respect or feelings about wanting to look out for me, care for me, or anything, but because I didn't care for me either I didn't see.

    I think when we like ourselves, we see more. We care more for others too. We care more for the shape of our relationships.
    *
    I’ve just asked myself, do I like writing because it takes me out of my emotions, or because it takes me to them, as I am learning to express them & convey them, to others, having them recognised & accepted?

    The turmoil gets confusing, but I find the words help to sort out the mess.

    Virtual hugs to you, Doolhof,
    mmMekitty

    2 people found this helpful
  24. blondguy
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    4 December 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Hi Everyone and thankyou for being a part off the discussion too!

    Hey mmMeKitty....Thankyou for staying on topic with your helpful post! You mentioned... "I've noticed that because I haven't liked myself, I allowed my relationships to become so skewed away from supporting me, that there was quite the opposite. In truth, these relationships ought not be described as friendships at some point"

    You are spot on with your post.....I have found myself in the same situation as yourself during periods of not liking myself. Thankyou for your clarity

    my kind thoughts

    Paul

    2 people found this helpful
  25. mmMekitty
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    5 December 2021 in reply to blondguy

    Thank you, Paul.

    I felt like saying something flippant, you know, to brush it off, but, no, you don't deserver that. I know I still feel embarrassed to receive a compliment,& that's why I wanted to say something silly.

    I'd rather say, "Thank you, Paul. It feels good to think I have managed to say something someone else has thought or felt & that my saying it has in a small way, helped them, to feel understood." 😸

    But I still feel shy & embarrassed. I don't feel at all comfortable with any feelings of having achieved anything, pride, or being singled out - ¬ when I had failed either, for that matter, because that came with other feelings. It seems I'm not supposed to be really good at something, win, or be the best, to feel that 'I can do anything'. That is more uncomfortable than being the 'Dunce'. & I did have to wear a pointy 'Dunce Cap' when I was a little kid, in USA, & had to walk from the front of the classroom to the back to sit on a stool for the rest of the lesson, because I got a 'D' on a test. Talk about shame inducing!

    & the kids that won things & who had top grades were teased.

    Better to be mediocre in the middle, not standing out for any reason. How sad is that? & illogical: we're all different to everyone else is some way or other. It's how we tell each other apart! 😺

    Thank you, now, for getting me going on this topic!

    mmMekitty

    1 person found this helpful
  26. Doolhof
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    5 December 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Hi Everyone,

    Thanks to all who share their thoughts here. It can be comforting in a way to know that others struggle with liking themselves for what ever reason and to also read the encouraging stories of moving on, hope and acceptance.

    mmKitty thanks for the virtual hugs.

    Friday I awoke in an immense black cloud that I had trouble lifting all day. I acknowledged it was horrid. I worked on ways of accepting that and trying to like myself while I was confused by my depression.

    I used the negative energy in a positive way, I worked hard in the garden, I connected with friends via text messages, I did a puzzle, I wrote out Christmas cards, I read a book, I had a snooze with the cat.

    The day still felt like a black cloud was enveloping me. I do like myself because I made it through that day!

    2 people found this helpful
  27. quirkywords
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    5 December 2021 in reply to Doolhof

    Dools

    Thanks for sharing how you coped with a day when you felt a black cloud was enveloping you. You kept busy and diverted your energy.

    I am proud of you too.

    I distract myself when I feel overwhelmed or feel the tears coming. After a day of volunteering I like myself for the way I got through the day.

    I suppose liking ourselves on days when we don’t cope is the next step.

    Does anyone have any ideas ?

    2 people found this helpful
  28. smallwolf
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    5 December 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Some random thoughts...

    In that time you don't like yourself - what changed?

    Have a list of the positive things you have done. Refer to those?

    Perhaps a walk or do some gardening?

    End of thoughts for the moment

    1 person found this helpful
  29. quirkywords
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    5 December 2021 in reply to smallwolf

    Thanks smallwolf.

    I have tried those things. I suppose for me when a loved one is critical it really hurts so I tend not to be able to convince myself I am likeable .
    I walk and think positive thoughts and tell myself the comments are about them .

    It is a slow process but worth the effort.

    1 person found this helpful
  30. blondguy
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    9 December 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Hi Everyone...Dools...Quirky.....and thankyou for being a part of the discussion/thread topic!

    Hey mmMekitty....no worries at all.....Its always great to have some positive feedback! I remember wearing that 'Dunce Cap' a long time ago in Niagara Falls CA. Accepting a compliment is still hard for me as well. I understand where you are coming from

    Hey Tim....thankyou for jumping in with your helpful input! You have been on the forums for a long time and your balanced posts are always welcome!

    Hey Quirky.....always great to have your support across the forums...You mentioned..'We don't always know the tone behind the writing here either!'....?

    Lets be gentle to each other on the forums. If some members are uncomfortable with the thought of attending counselling that is fine....This thread is about liking ourselves

    my kind thoughts

    Paul

    1 person found this helpful

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