I entirely agree that the connection between you &
your psychologist is a different sort of connection than the connections with
family & friends. The therapeutic relationship is supposed to be different.
I hope you will follow this.
It's a one way street
whereby you trust your therapist, you may tell them anything, be as emotional
as you feel, & have them be there to support you. Not the other way around.
You are not 'friends' in that way.
They have accepted
their responsibility to keep your best interest in mind, but you are not
expected to do the same for them. You are not there to meet their needs; you
are there to have some of your needs met.
If they need care & support then they go to their own
therapist for that.
While we are in enough need to need a therapist, it is
too much to ask us to take on board the responsibility for caring &
supporting others in as great a need as ourselves. Like two people in the
river, both of whom are struggling to keep their heads above water, pulling on
each other for help, well I suppose you can see where this will lead.
In a friendship relationship, you have a mutual sharing
& supportive role. They hope to rely on you as much as you do on them.
That's the ideal, but often the balance is skewed.
I've noticed that because I haven't liked myself, I
allowed my relationships to become so skewed away from supporting me, that
there was quite the opposite. In truth, these relationships ought not be
described as friendships at some point. Also, the people I was in relationships
with didn't have any respect or feelings about wanting to look out for me, care
for me, or anything, but because I didn't care for me either I didn't see.
I think when we like ourselves, we see more. We care more
for others too. We care more for the shape of our relationships.
I’ve just asked myself, do I like writing because it
takes me out of my emotions, or because it takes me to them, as I am learning
to express them & convey them, to others, having them recognised &
The turmoil gets confusing, but I find the words help to
sort out the mess.
Virtual hugs to you, Doolhof,