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Forums / Staying well / Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

Topic: Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

  1. blondguy
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    3 February 2019 in reply to randomx

    Hey RX

    Always a bonus to have your thoughts/input (thumbs up!) and thank-you for the complimentary post too :-)

    You mentioned "what l'm wondering though is , is needing to do something to pick up our spirits, healthy, or is it just a band-aid over issues, like taking a pill, just a more useful one ?"

    Thats an excellent question RX...(and good on you for having a go the renovations too!)

    Its not a matter of 'needing' to do something at all....When we have a 'tired' mind its a huge help for us to use occupation as tool to help us rebuild our mental 'foundations'...If we are occupied doing something the time passes and we also release the 'feel good' chemicals (endorphins) which are a natural healer...like Dopamine...a natural feel good chemical that we release that makes us 'feel good'

    Any 'mini feel good experience' will help us rebuild our well being on an ongoing basis RX....They do accumulate and help us feel better about ourselves

    A good example would be.....'An idle mind is the devils playground'......Being feverishly busy wont help at all....yet having 'gentle occupation' is a gift where finding peace is concerned

    There is no thing as a dumb question on the forums RX.....I ask heaps of them..seriously!

    Just a note..that 5.0Liter 4-Speed Black Sandman was rusting at 42,000klms......it was only two years old...grrr

    My best always RX

    Paul

    3 people found this helpful
  2. Emlm
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    4 February 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Quirky, my thoughts on if we can dislike depression without disliking ourselves.... for me that’s a negative. I’d love to find a way though. I seem to be fine with others and still see the good but I can’t seem to do that for myself.

    Its an ongoing battle I have internally that I can’t seem to shift. In a way I’m glad that I’m not taking it out on others, shifting my depression onto them. But by taking it out there n myself it does hurt those who love me.

    Paul, I’ve been told it’s an imbalance and also my “awesome” female hormones. There are different types and I’m not going to say one type is worse than another because they all are just as hard to combat while we are fighting it. Physically it takes a toll on me not just mentally. The symptoms I’ve been getting are like I’m suffering a heart attack. (All cleared) so maybe it’s a combination of both. A cure would be nice instead of all these different medications.

    Going back to work seems like a fantasy right now.

    1 person found this helpful
  3. randomx
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    5 February 2019 in reply to Emlm

    Thanks for that paul , really interesting and pretty well what l've found myself actually too.

    Although my internal moods, l try not to wear it on the outside , are so up and down it is hard to tell sometimes what's doing what tbh. But l have felt exactly as you describe and effects many a time too. And really odd that you put it the way you did because yeah l always find anything too much too stressful only makes things worse definitely . l'm very lucky with my job in that way because quite often going out to work is a whole bundle of things. lt can often be a perfect blend for me in pleasurably thought consuming and so enough to switch you off from everything else but without being at stress levels. And also with a really nice amount of physical and exercise working the crap out of your system but without being too much so so that say if your depressed you just can't muster up the energy so to speak. lt's also very satisfying as the job moves a long too so it really helps.the spirits all round once l force myself out there

    l find atm too that or gentler are also the only kind of reno's l can tackle too lately and really get the feel good benefits later. Where as any of the too heavy or stressful stuff, l just can't handle right now mentally or the will physically either it'll send me spiraling.

    So thanks for explaining all that mate, really nice to know l'm on the right track. Ha, even if l am dodging the hard stuff , truth is l just can't handle any right now.

    Shame about the sandman mate , the 2 year old garaged rust bucket eh , crikey they must've forgot to paint something.

    All the best one and all

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Chick in a guernsey
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    40 posts
    5 February 2019 in reply to blondguy

    Hi Paul,

    Your reference to the 'gentle occupation' of the mind resonated with me. I had a bit of a low night last night, too much time to myself to think. So tonight I tried to keep myself ticking over and dragged myself out to the school P&C meeting. Figured I may as well listen to others talk about the school community rather than dwell on negative thoughts and intrusive memories.

    To some extent it feels like a bit of a band aid solution but at some stage hopefully the 'wounds' as such may begin to heal and in the interim it alleviates some of the anxious and/or negative thoughts.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. blondguy
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    6 February 2019 in reply to Emlm

    Hi Everyone! New Members/Readers are very Welcome to post too :-)

    Hey Emlm....I understand where you are coming from and thank-you for the post too! It is hard work to dislike depression/anxiety as a medical condition without disliking ourselves...I hear and respect you on this

    Emlm mentioned "The symptoms I’ve been getting are like I’m suffering a heart attack. (All cleared) so maybe it’s a combination of both. A cure would be nice instead of all these different medications" These symptoms are bad news Emlm....We can be so 'over sensitized' that our adrenaline is pumping way to much thus giving us these awful and scary feelings. I have been physically drained as well with this awful condition for approx 35 years even though I am in recovery and take meds every day too.....The meds are never a fix all Emlm....they do help us build a solid platform on which we can heal more effectively using frequent counseling/therapy...Being gentle to yourself and not fighting these feelings can work wonders yet...it takes practice and a good GP/therapist and time

    Hey RX....Thank-you for being a part of the discussion. Like Emlm...its a bonus to have you on the forums! I am happy that you found some value about 'Gentle Occupation' being one way to offset negative thoughts...You are not dodging the hard stuff at all....You speak from the heart and are proactive with your health.....Good1 :-)

    Hey Chick in a guernsey......You did really well by attending the P&C meeting and yes I understand that it may feel like a bit of a 'band aid' solution and fair enough yet you still made a serious effort and thats an integral part of rebuilding our foundations...I really do wish there was a quick fix. By attending the P&C meeting you were proactive and kind with your health.....frequent counseling which works like a gem. Having a double appointment with a GP or seeing a therapist regularly is vital to our recovery

    My reference is a book by Dr Claire Weekes as she is the only psychiatrist I know that has discussed depression/anxiety as not just an author but a sufferers point of view as she had panic attacks and depression for years. Its written in plain English without any jargon

    'Self Help for Your Nerves by Dr Claire Weekes'....The title is dated yet the advice is invaluable

    Available on the web or download...under $20......and someone has 'borrowed' my copy.....grr

    my kind thoughts always :-)

    Paul

    4 people found this helpful
  6. annie_1
    annie_1 avatar
    271 posts
    6 February 2019 in reply to blondguy

    Hi Paul

    Just jumping in quickly here without having read the whole thread (I don't like myself much at the moment but there are times when I do!) - I read that Claire Weekes book and while some of the language is dated it's very easy to understand and helpful. I had no idea she was writing from other than a psych perspective though so that's very interesting - thanks!

    3 people found this helpful
  7. geoff
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    8 February 2019 in reply to blondguy

    Hi Paul, great comment 'Being feverishly busy won't help at all.'

    That's absolutely correct, it's a disaster waiting to happen because once this feverishly time stops you just collapse and fall into a heap.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

    3 people found this helpful
  8. blondguy
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    8 February 2019 in reply to annie_1

    Hi Everyone.....New Members are very Welcome to post too :-)

    Hey Annie_1......Great to see you! and thank-you for your great post too! You have just made my day with your post Annie....Many of the members on the forums do struggle with liking themselves just as I do too! Which is why I wrote this thread...It can be very hard to like ourselves when we have a 'tired mind' that is trying to tell us how to feel.....You fit right in Annie_1 :-)

    You are very proactive with your health by reading Dr Claire Weekes book....and yes a bit of it is dated yet its great to read a psychiatrists thoughts about her own anxiety/depression. Dr Weekes does keep mentioning 'breakdown' which is weird yet she wrote this self help book decades ago when GP's told their patients that they were suffering from 'Nerves'

    I found her thoughts on anxiety/depression a huge benefit for my own mental health. How on earth did you read her book so fast? You are amazing Annie!! Even just reading Dr Claire Weekes book is being kind to yourself :-)

    I really hope you can stick around the forums and continue to be part of the Beyond Blue family

    Hey Geoff.....Really great to have your input here....especially about avoiding being 'feverishly busy' to avoid anxiety/depression. Slow and gentle occupation of the mind works wonders for sure (thumbs up!)

    Thank-you Annie and Geoff....I hope that Friday is good to you :-)

    kindest always

    Paul

    3 people found this helpful
  9. smallwolf
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    8 February 2019 in reply to blondguy

    Paul and everyone else,

    You might have noticed from the Cafe I mentioned a couple of conversations I had in the last two days. One was with my psychologist and the other was with S (I won't mention her name). S suggested that I have a look at TED Talks thing on YouTube by Brene Brown. The title of the video is "The power of VULNERABILITY". I watched that video between the time it was mentioned to me and when I saw my psychologist. I mentioned this to my psyhologist, and she love her (Brene Brown) and said Brene Brown also a video on SHAME and another on EMPATHY. I watched them also.

    If you get a chance, these video are worth watching. You won't be told how to turn your life around, and that probably something we all have to work out individually. But for me, might help in being able to move forward in liking myself.

    Tim

    3 people found this helpful
  10. annie_1
    annie_1 avatar
    271 posts
    8 February 2019 in reply to blondguy

    Hi Paul

    I read the book a little while ago - I am definitely not that fast 🤓. Lately I’ve been doing a lot of reading, searching etc due to anxiety level rising and struggling to get it back down this time. Just can’t seem to relax at all grrr. Constant tight shoulder/neck muscles and the digestive issues too. You’re not alone there!

    Anyway it led me to join these forums and I’m definitely finding them helpful. Thanks for your support.

    annie (previously anxious_me)

    3 people found this helpful
  11. Doolhof
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    8 February 2019 in reply to annie_1

    Hi annie_1,

    I would like to congratulate you for changing your user name here, to me that sounds like you are wanting to make positive changes and you do like your self enough to do that.

    Being able to look at life in a more helpful and positive way does help us appreciate and like ourselves more. Something I need to remind myself of often!

    I'm sure there are days when we all like ourselves more than on other days. That is when it is helpful to write down what the positives in life are so when you are not having such a pleasant day, we have w reminder of what our days can look like.

    I don't think it is always easy to do this, so one the not so good days, we have to accept stuff happens and try to move on when we can.

    Cheers to all, from Dools

    2 people found this helpful
  12. annie_1
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    8 February 2019 in reply to Doolhof
    Thanks very much Dools, yes I do want to make positive changes and your kindness and support is really appreciated.
    2 people found this helpful
  13. quirkywords
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    9 February 2019 in reply to annie_1

    Hello everyone,

    Annie, as you have found this is a great thread and I use it like a buffet at times and just take a few bites when I need them and at other times I may have a long leisurely meal of the posts! I am not sure that analogy works but hope you get the idea.

    I think the great idea of this thread started by Paul is that we are all trying to work out how to like our selves more and there may be many ways to do this.

    Tim, I have seen those ted talks and read a book and have a book in my shop. I liked the way Berne is open and honest and does not say she has all the answers.

    I used to think vulnerability was a weakness but as I have become more open and honest and letting people know about my mental health people have said that was brave. I think brave are people who save lives but I appreciate that my efforts to tell others through talks etc was not seen as a sign of weakness but as sharing my vulnerable side with others.

    I do find when I am having trouble liking myself to try and see the positives that others see in me. That can be hard but it is worth a try.

    Mrs Dools I always gain something from your posts Nd the way you are willing to keep trying a different approach or to try the same thing with a positive attitude.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  14. smallwolf
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    9 February 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky (and all),

    I am watching them again as I speak - at least the one on vulnerability. I have some time before the kids get home and then will be expected to do other things. That aside, and an expression of vulnerability, I got a little bit emotional when watching it the first time. The odd part about this is that I am not "that sort of person" - blame it on my upbringing. She won't give me or you the answers (as you said) and this is probably an individual thing. But there was/is something in that video that screamed out to me, revealing a conflict or contradiction within me. But this is a journey we take towards liking (loving) ourselves by (and quoting Brene)...

    -- we have to allow ourselves to be seen

    -- believe they are worthy of love and belonging

    I also think there is a relation between the above and ...

    -- moving towards our values as opposed to away from our values.

    because I move towards my values then I am more likely to allow myself to be seen as opposed to hiding. Similarly, "I" will believe that I am worthy.

    But it is hard step or jump to take as there is fear in making that leap, and the unknowing of how people might react when we reveal ourselves for who we are. Especially if we are not used to it, and that applies to both people in the conversation.

    Tim

    1 person found this helpful
  15. Doolhof
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    9 February 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky, Paul, annie, Tim and all who are reading,

    Do you find it comforting in some way to know that other people have similar issues as your own?

    The people we see every day, or the people we meet randomly might say "HI how are you?" They don't expect us to say something like "I'm really struggling with liking myself right now, how about you?"

    Here on the forum we can ask those questions and we can share how we feel about ourselves!

    Yesterday I plucked up the courage to telephone a lady about a volunteer role I am interested in. That boosted my self confidence, the lady sounded interested in what I had to offer. It helped me feel better about myself. I will see her on Tuesday.

    Last night I didn't have the guts to tell a friend that the food she had lovingly prepared for our dinner was going to make me sick as it was full of gluten. (yes, she knows I have Coeliac disease and told me once she wasn't going to prepare different food for me).

    So I ate it and now I feel sick! I need to like myself enough to either take my own food to her place or talk to her further about my issue or keep inviting them to our home for dinner. Either way, I need to like myself enough to look after my health issues!

    All the best with liking yourselves everyone!

    Thanks Quirky!

    Cheers from Dools

    3 people found this helpful
  16. Chick in a guernsey
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    9 February 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Wow you hit the nail on the head with your post Dools!

    Yesterday in our staff room, I had a senior staff member (who is oblivious to my mental health struggles), genuinely ask me how I was. The dark circles under my eyes are probably indicative of my lack of sleep lately!

    There was a part of me wanting to scream to the rafters that I was hurting but then I regathered my thoughts quickly and fumbled an expected response of, 'yeah, okay'.

    I think part of my sense of whether I like, or tolerate, myself is tethered to how well I feel I a coping.

    1 person found this helpful
  17. blondguy
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    9 February 2019 in reply to smallwolf

    Hi Everyone! New members/readers are welcome to post too :-)

    Hey Tim.......The video by Brene Brown titled 'The Power of Vulnerability' is excellent when it comes to starting to 'Like Ourselves' I have provided the copy & paste link below....and thankyou Tim!

    www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rt23JZc4Zvc

    Hey Annie......Thank-you again for being a part of the discussion! I knew your previous profile name...I just thought that you may want some privacy. I am with Mrs Dools that its a huge positive step...and good on You :-) I am really happy that you have found the forums helpful Annie...Nice1

    Hey Dools......Always great to have your positive input as part of the discussion :-) I really liked when you mentioned...." Do you find it comforting in some way to know that other people have similar issues as your own?" You are spot on Dools.....I find it comforting to know that others have similar issues as myself and am not alone with these sometimes awful set of feelings....Excellent!

    Hey Quirky.....You have really nailed what this thread is about above and thank-you so much! (and for the complimentary post too!)

    Quirky mentioned "we are all trying to work out how to like our selves more and there may be many ways to do this"

    Hey Chick.....You are spot on Chick with what Mrs Dools mentioned. Dools has a gift when she posts support or the thread topics on the forums. It would be difficult in a work environment when we are asked 'how we are' especially from a senior staff member....I would have answered just as you did Chick!....and thank-you for being a part of the discussion too....Good1

    I hope everyone is doing reasonably okay

    my kindest always

    Paul

    3 people found this helpful
  18. randomx
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    9 February 2019 in reply to blondguy

    Hi one and all.

    Today l was reminded of at least one thing good about modern times and new attitudes, more awareness ,these days .

    A guy came out to pick up a job and the balance was 4,900 Well l often get paid in cash but l never count it because l can't like that l have to have it set out a certain way. l know he's good for it anyway he's been spot on and more than happy to transfer deposits and what have yous.right through, all been perfect .

    He came in to sign gave me the envelope l said thanks and went to shake his hand but he says aren't you gonna count it. l said nah she's right l know your good. He says no l'd rather you count it just to be sure l said nah all good mate he says nope l want you to check it. l'm thinking oh jesus , l really hate it when they insist. l said nah mate l can't count it like this anyway l'm dyslexic don't worry about it.

    You know what , he didn't bat an eyelid just smiled and said all cool l'll count it out for you. He'd be early 30s , yaknow , at least people are so much more aware of things now. So refreshing. And when you do come across for just a little while you don't mind yourself after all.

    Better than nothing right.

    rx

    8 people found this helpful
  19. blondguy
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    10 February 2019 in reply to randomx

    Hey RX

    Refreshing is spot on....and he took the time to count the dollars...That was very cool of him...not to mention you as well for having the big heart you do and accepting the amount in the first place RX (thumbs up!)

    I hope your weekend has been good to you RX

    'Anything is a bonus'.....Good1

    my kind thoughts

    Paul

    2 people found this helpful
  20. Skary Bill
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    10 February 2019 in reply to randomx

    Hi RX, that's really cool. Thanks for sharing. I'm a tad reluctant to admit.. I just learned something.

    Bill.

    4 people found this helpful
  21. blondguy
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    10 February 2019 in reply to Skary Bill

    Hi Bill

    Same here.....I also learned something too....(off RX's post)

    Thanks for being a part of the discussion... Its great to have you as part of the forum family too.....You have been really busy with helping people out on the forums overnight, I really hope you can stick around the forums (when its convenient for you that is)

    Good1 and thanks again :-)

    Paul

    2 people found this helpful
  22. smallwolf
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    10 February 2019 in reply to blondguy

    Rx,

    Not sure if you got to see the talk on the power of vulnerability (Paul posted link to video) but the story you posted was authenticity and vulnerability in action. Might only be one instance, but a start?

    Tim

    3 people found this helpful
  23. randomx
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    10 February 2019

    Thanks very much as always to all and yeah l was super touched by the way this guy just offered like that , he could've had some involvement with someone l think because he seemed to get in a split second. My own family still don't even get it and some are teachers.

    But ahh , although l'd like to claim good heartedness thanks Paul but nah, l trust you is just a way to shut them up but there's none of that involved. l have customers details and usually even bank accounts so even if they were to rip me off the cops would be knocking, they know it l know it , so it's generally pretty right. But if l remember rightly my highest cash payment was 12k and l think that one went into a safe spot until Monday morning and then straight to the bank and the moment of truths buttt, all there. That one l was a wee bit nervous about l must admit haha.

    Gday Tim , no l haven't seen that but l'll see if l can. l have found though unfortunately too much of that can backfire so it was so nice to see he's response yesterday . l do also remember Pauls story though of admitting to the postie he had depression one day, and that was again also so refreshing , great story Paul.

    Hope all have had a nice wkend

    rx

  24. DanTheMan001
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    89 posts
    11 February 2019 in reply to randomx

    Hey everyone

    Is it normal for me to expect something to go wrong whenever I do something normal?

    For example, when I get asked to cook dinner, I think I would just burn it all...

    Dan

    1 person found this helpful
  25. white knight
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    11 February 2019 in reply to DanTheMan001

    Hi RX

    My wife is dyslexic. I see the funny side.

    She went into a supermarket today. I waited outide with our dog. She rang

    " would you like a watermelon...its only 99 thousand dollars"

    I told her we'd have to sell the house...

    (Was 99 cents/kg)

    TonyWK

    5 people found this helpful
  26. randomx
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    998 posts
    11 February 2019 in reply to white knight

    Hi tony.

    ahh mate l laughed, give her a hug for me, what a classic. do l know all about supermarkets,

    l stand there holding 10 dollars out and they stand there looking at me, ahh , problem.? They'll say umm, it's $19 or whatever it is. Or it's $10 and l give them 15 , or 18 , anything, l usually use card that fixes that but sometimes you know. Awhile back l had 40cash in my wallet, l counted it over and over maybe 10 times before l went in. So l spent like 38 , gave her the 40 , she stares at me , l think oh no l know that look but what could possibly be wrong this time. Turned out l only had 30, l gave her a 20 and a 10, l saw two 20s..

    l get customers to text me all addresses names and bank stuff , payents transfers , everything, that way l know it's right because l can't copy stuff down. So that's my system and l know it'll be right.

    How was the melon !.

  27. Moonstruck
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    3005 posts
    11 February 2019 in reply to smallwolf

    Hi there smallwolf.........

    Just wanted to tell you I watched that TED Talk by Brene Brown I think her name was....thanks for suggesting it...quite enjoyed it. does anyone know of any others that are really worth a look?

    all the best to you Smallwolf......

    1 person found this helpful
  28. geoff
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    12 February 2019

    Hi to Everyone and some great stories on this thread.

    I'm going on a day fishing trip or 5 hours with a group of family members, the problem is I've suddenly developed a problem, and it's I hate to see any fish gasping for air when they're caught, I'm an old softie.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful
  29. annie_1
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    271 posts
    12 February 2019 in reply to geoff

    I’m with you Geoff. Hoping none were caught and everyone just enjoyed the time together.

    When they are caught you can silently thank them for giving their life to nourish others (Buddhist thought).

    1 person found this helpful
  30. randomx
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    998 posts
    12 February 2019 in reply to annie_1

    Hi tony , that's a classic , did she buy the melon haha.

    Yeah l have a lot of trouble in shops if cash l have to count it10 times before l go. Even then l often end up standing there with the cashier staring at me, l know the look. l haven't given her enough or too much or something. l try to use card mostly,

    Funny you mention the fish Geoff , l always wonder about all these fishing shows , no one ever mentions what the poor fish goes through, They stand there on camera with a gaff through the poor fishes gut or something showing us the great catch, meanwhile fish is still alive. Imagine if they did things like that on tv with other animals , but no one ever notices it with fish. Or l wonder how a human would like being dragged through the water by a steel hook through their mouth.

    Yep l go fishing , but l do try to be kind to the fish haha. But yeah it's just weird how nobody ever mentions the other side of fishing.

    Best to all.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful

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