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Forums / Staying well / Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

Topic: Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

  1. CMF
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    11 August 2019 in reply to Ggrand
    Thank you both. I guess there is more to my story on my thread re how I've been feeling about myself. I have bought a dress online but am worried it won't arrive on time so i bought a dress today but realised when i got home it's too big in the back plus it's black and it feels drab
  2. jess334
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    12 August 2019

    Hi all,

    I haven't replied to this post before, but I saw it yesterday and it got me thinking about what I like about myself. Usually I am thinking the opposite.

    I had a realisation today, despite how often my brain tells me I am weak, I am actually pretty damn strong.

    It takes strength to ignore all the panic signals and hormones and go to work most days. It takes strength to smile and laugh with my son when I feel like crying. It even took strength to go back on anti depressants after 3 years without them.

    So when I have a crappy day where I am unable to drag myself to work. Or where I watch the clock waiting for my sons bedtime. Its not because I'm weak. I just need a short break from being strong.

    I am so glad that these forums are here so that we can share and find like minded people who understand how we feel.

    Thanks guys for this thread

    8 people found this helpful
  3. l'oiseau
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    13 August 2019 in reply to jess334

    Thank you Jess. What an amazing post. I need reminding that I am strong - every morning immediately upon waking, I want to close my mind down - it's the same battle every day and is so depressing and tiring. Then come night time - I think I'll be ok but the cycle continues the next day. I get out of bed, go to work and who would know the demons that are there. No one.

    It's the strength that keeps us going - thank you for telling me that I'm tough.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. quirkywords
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    14 August 2019 in reply to jess334

    Hello everyone,

    Jess, I agree with l’oiseau what a great post.

    I agree we are not weak we need a break to remain strong.i feel the strongest people I know are on these forums as they keep trying.

    L’oiseau thanks for post. Sometimes it takes others to seevourcstrength.

    CMF I know you have been struggling lately but you know when you strat being critical of yourself nothing seems right.

    I am sure you will find a dress you like and getting a second opinion from a friend you trust like Tony said is a good idea.

    CMF I can tell by your writing that your inner beauty will always sh8ne through. In your thread you are always so honest and open and willing to share. they are great qualities in a person.

    Tony that is great advice about how we feel at the event.

    Grandy thanks for you caring advice.

    It Ican be hard to like ourselves at times but it does help when others point out our strengths that we have forgotten.

    Quirky

    2 people found this helpful
  5. Moonstruck
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    14 August 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi everyone.....as Paul will tell you (he began this post) I have unfailingly answered with a loud YES to the question it asks in its title..... Yes of course I do...what's not to like?

    for the first time, I am annoyed, or disappointed and don't like myself as much as I always do......I have touched on it on my own thread...but wanted to share further.....I gave up, relinquished, something others find very very easy in their everyday life....(reminder: the Big Things don't faze me...it's the trivial everyday stuff that does!!)

    I didn't "hang in there"....the anxiety I assumed "it" was causing was terrible and escalating. All evidence pointed to this new thing in my life as the trigger....so I stopped doing it, gave up, quit...however you want to put it.

    No one was hurt or damaged in the process...but I am SO disappointed in myself. I am weak, stupid, useless, untrustworthy, undependable, a quitter,.. I am ashamed to let something so easy to others throw me so much...and increase my panic and anxiety....what is WRONG with me? I am not sick.

    Therefore I am just weak and stupid and not a trier...what other answer is there? I have to say though....since taking this action....the severe anxiety and panic attacks have stopped!! It must be "me" that is lacking...no one hurt me that made me give this up!!!

    It was harmless..and others do it all the time....so what is wrong with me?? No I do not like this about myself at all. I am ashamed of myself.

    2 people found this helpful
  6. Paw Prints
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    14 August 2019 in reply to Moonstruck

    Hello Moon,

    You are not a failure/quitter or whatever word you want to use. You are a wonderful unique individual with your own skills & talents. We all have things we are good at & things we can't do however hard we try. It is not quitting/failing to try something & decide it is not something for you. You tried it!!! To try something new takes courage, it takes even more courage to say "you know what, I've tried it but this is so not for me".

    You should be proud of yourself.

    Paws

    2 people found this helpful
  7. Ggrand
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    14 August 2019 in reply to Moonstruck

    Hello Moon..

    I think you are an incredibly brave person..trying something new takes courage and you did it....

    Whether it works for you or not is something that you had to find out for yourself by trying to do it...Okay it didn’t work, caused you to go into panicking mode..it’s not for you..so you stopped...a very intelligent move...your being kind to you by stopping..your caring for you by stopping...

    Failure, guilt, and the bads your feeling about you are all so wrong sweety...Courage for trying...being brave enough to give it a try , to find out if it’s for you...then being kind and gentle to yourself in realising that it’s hurting you and the the courage you needed to say...this is not helping...I have to stop....Now..

    No no..,Moon sweety..not a failure at all, an inspiration to others to say..hey I need to try something different to help me..this isn’t working..Inspiring and letting others know that it’s okay to keep trying different things and not everything works for each of us...So it’s okay to keep on trying different things to help us on our journey into wellness..Thank you Moon...

    As our lovely Paws said...be proud of you....

    Love and hugs..💖🤗..

    Grandy..

    4 people found this helpful
  8. CMF
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    14 August 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hello everyone,

    How are we all feeling? I am feeling better about myself. My online purchase arrived and it was awful. I was so disappointed. Today was my day off so i decided one last attempt at finding a dress. I went to a store i knew had nice dresses and a sale. The dress fitted perfectly but was so small in the waist so i kept looking. I visited one last store and bingo, found a similar style, third of the price. flattering to my figure and i can breathe in it, so i bought it! A little black lace dress which i can wear again. As i didn't spends as much as anticipated i treated my self to a black trench coat, 40% off, to wear to and from the function. I'm in much better spirits and looking forward to the evening. Now i just need to decide...black shoes or nude colour? Nude colour seems to be the in thing with black at the moment.

    Cmf x

    2 people found this helpful
  9. quirkywords
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    14 August 2019 in reply to Moonstruck

    Hello everyone,

    Moon, it sounds like you are disappointed in yourself but can you still like yourself in spite of that. I always liked your answer to Paul that you gave so confidently.

    As PP and Ggrandy have said in their posts, you are not weak at all.

    you have strength as you realised how to care for yourself. You tried something and it’d did not suit you.

    I think I have told you this that I have never driven. nearly every adult I know does. So am I weak and a quitter because I gave up after many attempts as I was too nervous and had no skills at all needed to drive a car.

    i could spend my life being mad at myself and calling my self uncoordinated, and believe me I did for years as it made my life difficult.

    then I thought it is what it is, and decided to focus on what I can do and not on what I can’t.

    I think part of liking oneself is accepting our limits while still trying new things.

    CMF, I am glad you found the outfit and that you feel better.

    Quirky

    3 people found this helpful
  10. Moonstruck
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    16 August 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Quirky thank you. These words jumped out at me.."it is what it is"...My psych was very encouraging today and tried to reassure me she agreed with my decision..said the fact that I had had no full anxiety attacks at all..since making the decision...was a pointer I had done what was best "for me".

    I don't feel panicked or distraught...rather just sad, disappointed, wondering if I "had only stuck it out longer, it would have gotten better"....but not panic! Do you think this is a positive sign...I had not expected to feel "wonderful and full of joy" at giving up..I knew it would be hard and make me sad.. I can't turn the clock back now...I wish I could give myself a break...put "me" first.

    Does anyone know how to do that? Does anyone have a strategy in achieving this??


    1 person found this helpful
  11. paddyanne
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    16 August 2019 in reply to Ggrand
    Hi all at BB. While I don't actually dislike myself (hate is too strong a word), I do find it difficult to accept praise of any sort. Recently someone who I've been having issues with accused me of being snobbish, a know-all, proud. My gut reaction was (as usual) to hide and lick my wounds. A close friend who has been tremendous in helping me overcome my insecurities suggested if this reoccurs, let the spiel continue, when he has finished, politely ask if I can speak. If he agrees, thank him for the praise and agree that pride is nothing to be ashamed of. Also remind him education is fantastic. As for being a snob, I guess many of us are snobs. I know I am guilty of snobbery, sometimes I just don't see the person and fail to acknowledge them. Jokingly I then get referred to as being a snob. I am proud of my achievements, I do take pride in my personal appearance and I refuse to let anyone stop that. I came from humble beginnings and have worked hard to get to where I am comfortable with where I am today. I do still have PTSD as a result of sexual abuse, I know how to overcome that. I'm trying to overcome my insecurities and accept that my life is now 100% better. My abuser is dead to me.
    1 person found this helpful
  12. white knight
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    16 August 2019 in reply to paddyanne

    Hi Paddyanne,

    In 1977-1980 I worked in a jail as a warder. When I left I realised that the eorld does have an unsavoury element of human beings be it- evil, predatory, manipulsting, scheming, nasty, violrnt and jealous.

    I devided it was possinle to gilly defend yourself against such people do what was the better method of living with them in ones life.

    I realised that my defences were low, I was vulnerable regardless of my prison job, srnsitive regardless of my RAAF service 17-20yo and crowd control, I needed to learn a method of avoiding the nasty or rejecting them quivkly if my judgement is poor and I let them into my life too easily.

    Its all explained in the following threads. Google

    Beyond blue topic fortress of survival

    Beyondblue topic fortress of survival part 3

    Beyondblue topic fortress of survival (workplace)

    Beyondblue topic the best praise you'll ever get

    beyondblue topic low self esteem

    Beyondblue topic 30 minutes can change your life

    Hope that helps. Knowing you, you've already read some lol.

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  13. l'oiseau
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    17 August 2019 in reply to Moonstruck

    Hello Moon and everyone, I think comparing ourselves to others is never helpful - not for me anyway. We are all so different. I think you were brave in trying something new and in finding it wasn't working, you were wise to give it up. Then success came....no more of those anxiety attacks.

    Having the wisdom to know when something is not for us (even though it might work for some others) is something to be proud of.

    It's true that it's the little things that overwhelm and consume us and me. This week, I found something helpful in a self help book - 99% of what we think is an illusion - that's helped me a bit to dismiss thoughts that plague and bother and wear me down.

    In the past, I've been able to sometimes put those awful negative and doubting thoughts in a mental box, tie it up and put it on a high shelf beyond reach.

    There is a genuine caring and concern for each other on this site - thank you. I need it...we all do...it is real. Those thoughts and compassion help carry me through the day.

    Thank you everyone.

    1 person found this helpful
  14. quirkywords
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    17 August 2019 in reply to Moonstruck

    Hello everyone ,

    what a discussion here with interest ideas.

    Moon, I am glad you are not panicky or distraught. Sad an disappointing be tiring as well.

    i think trying not to be hard on ourselves can be difficult. I think I and others have said before treat yourself as you would a good friend. Instead we are harsh and critical to ourselves and compassionate to others.

    paddyanne, thanks for your honesty in sharing how we can cope with negative feedback, Ha you tried it.? I would not have the confidence to because I would be crying and feeling low and could not think straight. It is good to knowoff different tools o choose from.

    Tony, thanks for your helpful post and insights. I find your threads contain wise words that help me.

    L’oiseau, thanks for your comments. it is so hard not to compare ourselves isn’t it.i ind the title things can upset me a lot too.

    Thanks to all this reading and welcome to new people too. Feel free to post at anytime.

    Paul has made this a great go to thread and it encourages us to think and help ourselves.

    Thanks Paul

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  15. Elizabeth CP
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    17 August 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    I am currently attending an exercise class for carers & some of my recent experiences seem to relate to the recent discussion on this thread. Each person in the group has different levels of fitness & different situations & needs so we have individualized programs. Some will run confidently on the treadmills with arms pumping . I hold on tight because I have a history of falling & have broken bones in the past. Rather than feeling stupid for not running like others I remind myself I'm being sensible avoiding risk of injury but I'm still able to keep fit in other ways. This is a useful technique for each of us when unable to do something others seem to do easily. Remind ourselves that we are different to others & therefore we don't need to do everything they do. For example Quirky doesn't drive but she is able to use public transport & walking instead.

    I was doing one exercise which looks easy but the instructor noticed my technique & came over to tell me what I was doing wrong & what I needed to do to change. Other people probably wouldn't have noticed the difference but I certainly noticed a huge difference when doing it properly. The exercise is designed to correct a problem I have. I share this because too often we look at others & judge ourselves or others based on what we see but we can't compare ourselves with others because we are not inside their bodies or minds.

    Next time we are tempted to give ourselves a hard time because we can't do somethings others can do or can't do it as well remember we are different to others with our unique set of strengths & challenges. we don't need to change r do things just because others do. Of course if there is something we want to change then put in the effort & if you need help to improve turn to someone you can trust to have your best interests in place & has the competence to help.

    2 people found this helpful
  16. geoff
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    18 August 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hi All, when you get some positive acknowledgement from anybody, that can always make your day.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful
  17. CMF
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    18 August 2019 in reply to geoff

    Hi all

    Geoff you are so right. The wife of one our boss's came into the office Friday. I said hello and introduced myself as i had not met her before. First thing she said was that her hubby speaks very highly of me. I was surprised and felt so good about myself. Last week when the postie came in he commented that i am the hardest working person at reception. I laughed amd he looked at me seriously and said " it's true, you are. I can tell". Sometimes we need to hear it from people we are not necessarily close to. I think it's because they wouldn't say it if it weren't true. People who don't really know us would have no reason to make things up.

    Cmf x

    2 people found this helpful
  18. quirkywords
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    18 August 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hello everyone

    Elizabeth thanks for you very helpful post. I think your words below are a good reminder

    “Next time we are tempted to give ourselves a hard time because we can't do somethings others can do or can't do it as well remember we are different to others with our unique set of strengths & challenges. we don't need to change r do things just because others do”

    Geoff that is so true .

    CMF , I am glad you were able to listen and see how others see you. We know that about you .Hope you are feeling better about yourself.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  19. paddyanne
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    18 August 2019 in reply to quirkywords
    Hi quirkywords. In answer to your question: have I been able to put into practice the suggestion I was given: thanks for the unintended but welcome praise as to my character. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), no I wasn't able to exercise the response because the person in question hasn't contacted me (yippee). I'm stoked he hasn't called as he is extremely narcissist and makes me very tired with his nonsense. He would continuously 'bleat' about his rental accommodation. He would 'bleat' that he had no friends or nowhere to go to meet people because he couldn't go anywhere alone. I tried for over 8 months to help, but gave up because I got fed-up. His excuse about not having anyone to go anywhere with became extremely childish (I've got no-one to play with). I think Tony hit it when he agreed this guy is the 'waif' character. Waif's often blame others when no-one will listen. They enjoy playing the victim and won't do anything to change their destructive behavior. His i.q is extremely low and he has to mix with people who are similar in nature so he can display his apparent knowledge.
    2 people found this helpful
  20. smallwolf
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    18 August 2019 in reply to paddyanne
    Hi all,

    Reading through the past 2 weeks of replies and for me...

    I am highly critical of myself when I make a mistake. That it is just another example of ...
    ... But to others it is probably not a big deal. I don't mind when others make a mistake, that is I don't make a big deal about it. Yet the chains of experience past can bind us to how we look at ourselves. That is how it works for me.

    And this also sort of goes hand in hand with the statement CMF made re the postie. If I am anxious about doing a good job and critical of myself then we don't see the hard work we do, others do. Working so hard not to make a mistake, doing our best, trying our hardest to live up to our own expectations of our self.

    And if you are me, those expectations of myself are much greater than others have of me. That is my expectations of myself are too high.

    Recognising and action are two different things. Just takes some of us longer than others
  21. quirkywords
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    18 August 2019 in reply to paddyanne

    Hello everyone,

    Paddyanne, thanks for explaining your tool for handling negative feedback to me in more detail. I found it helpful and I am pleased you were able to find a way to cope .

    Quirky.

  22. Moonstruck
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    19 August 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    While on this topic...couple of days ago several people on separate occasions gave me high praise for something I had done....but instead of dwelling on that and rolling that over and over in my mind....I am still beating myself up about "giving up too soon" on the thing that I thought was too much for me....what if I had persevered...what if I had just waited a bit longer...what if, what if, what if???

    what contrary creatures we humans are...it's not just me either is it...going by this thread?...I am not a fool...so why the hell aren't I focussing on the shining compliments on a high achievement.....instead of dwelling on my giving up and seeming a "failure" at the other?

  23. quirkywords
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    19 August 2019 in reply to Moonstruck

    Moon,

    When my first daughter was starting school, I went to parent teacher information night, where the parents were asked to say all the negative Things people said to them by teachers when they were students. The blackboard could have been filled ten times. Then we were asked to say all the positive things we remember. The room was silent and only a few people could remember a positive comment. This was over 30 years ago.

    My children tend to focus on the praise and ignore the negative .

    I like you am an emotional sponge sucking up negative comments and feelings but with praise I am like a colander.

    I was taught that praising my self was being arrogant and boastful.

    Moon you are not alone. You are clever and have insight into how you are undermining yourself. The only person who would judge you on your decision is you. I think it was a sensible decision.

    I think we have to make a conscious choose to be realistic and like ma and being a non driver, I have to look at all the things I can do.

    Take care

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  24. quirkywords
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    25 August 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hello everyone,

    keep coming back here when I tend to least like myself when someone has been critical of me.

    thought this time instead of falling into a teary mess of self loathing, I would try and put into practise what others have suggested here,

    I decided to seek another opinion from those whose opinion I trust . This put things into perspective and I realised the person who said the critical things is going through a hard time.

    I sort of like myself and at least I don't loathe myself. I think allowing myself to be seen in a different way by another person is ok.

    i thanks to everyone who has posted here because I feel better for having listened to your suggestions.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful

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