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Forums / Staying well / Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

Topic: Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

  1. randomx
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    6 October 2020 in reply to Guest_4593

    Hi quirk and thanks for that . Myself if l feel good or that l've done well actually nah l often givee myself some congrats or treats but l'm afraid that all goes out the window at other times.Unfortunately my highs mentally are always very short lived butttt, better than nothing , how does it all work for you ?

    Hi grandy and thanks for the kind thoughts . Funny really but thankfully one area l don't have any qualms about is enjoying whatever treats and spoils or times come my way or that l can find Sometime l have a running joke with myself just because l'm miserable that doesn't mean l can't enjoy it haha , but meanwhile nope it wouldn't even cross my mind to be liking myself though.

    All the best , rx

    2 people found this helpful
  2. geoff
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    7 October 2020 in reply to randomx

    Hi RX, we feel so much for how you are feeling and to answer your question as best as I can, when we are happy puts us on top of the pedestal but we can easily be knocked off it by something said or by anyone.

    Once we're on the ground we feel the weight of the world upon us and at times it takes great strength to regain our pride but can be done, sometimes easily and other times requires a great dealof help.

    Look after yourself.

    Geoff.

    3 people found this helpful
  3. quirkywords
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    7 October 2020 in reply to Guest_4593

    Guest

    Do you mean why are we on the forum

    or are we here on earth.?

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  4. white knight
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    7 October 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    Do you like yourself? and confidence? is there a connection? Certainly. So how do we gain confidence?

    I admit I'm fairly confident but it wasnt like that 30 years ago. Now 64yo the reasons I gained confidence is I broke down the barriers of my naivety and inexperience. To put it bluntly- I challenged myslef to do things I never thought was possible for me to do.

    Example- In 1997 following my first marriage split I embarked on buying land and building my own kit home. It was a mammoth task and I was scared, scared that I'd fail, scared it would cost me too much money on a limited income and limited borrowing capacity. Yes, I completed it- except for floor coverings aircon etc. I picked up handy hints from tradies and asked knowledgeable colleagues at work and used a library.

    24 years later in April 2020 my wife and I embarked on building our last home. Built with old age in mind we toiled for 5 months doing most of the work ourselves. At 64yo I am a bit beyond it physically and mentally it was a lottery as I know under stress I'm fragile. Alas we made it and moved in last week. It is now that I realise how confident I've become in being an owner builder, inventor and creator of different things. Being knowledgeable makes you realise how many people admire your talents as they comment in awe of your achievements especially wards like "how did you do it?". "you never stop amazing me" etc.

    The simple message here is, in your chosen challenge from making a doona cover to building a cubby house for grandchildren to building a house, low self esteem can stop you in your tracks. All that will do is make you feel inferior, useless and lead to depression.

    Find a challenge you'll easily complete, raise the bar higher each time and never stop asking questions because most people like being asked.

    When we built our caravan I didnt know the first thing about them. I asked caravan sales staff, spare parts people and owners. I took the leap and built two vans one that took us around Australia and the latest that we lived in for 8 months while building this new home.

    It means taking a plunge but eventually you become confident in your abilities. Then you'll like yourself more.

    TonyWK

    4 people found this helpful
  5. randomx
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    7 October 2020 in reply to white knight
    Glad it worked for you an l've got no doubt does for others and heard some great stories over the yrs. Me on the other hand my lifes been full of plunges where most fear to tread but alas , l suppose it has given me a confidence  l know what l can do and l do it buttttt, it's made no difference to how l feel about me, l've enjoyed the short lived highs though none the less.
    2 people found this helpful
  6. Sleepy21
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    7 October 2020 in reply to randomx

    Hi all

    It is very hard to like ourselves and acknowledge our strengths particularly if we have had any trauma or abuse in our pasts...i can understand your very honest statement Rx that some of your accomplishments haven't changed how you see yourself....
    I am proud of some of my accomplishments but a part of me still has imposter syndrome, and believes some of them are a "fluke" -

    Although I know our confidence should ideally come from within - I really resonated also with Tony's comment about people's admiration and awe at something we can do (something we may not even feel is so "special") - can help. We are social beings, interwined and connected, influenced and affected, by the other humans around us. I think kindness and being appreciated does wonders for my self-esteem.... hopefully eventually I will believe a compliment and be able to truly internalise it - but right now, the warm glow of being seen, understood and appreciated, allows me to like myself in the moment.

    3 people found this helpful
  7. annie_1
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    8 October 2020 in reply to Sleepy21

    I don’t like myself at all at the moment as I have allowed myself to become so overweight it scares, overwhelms and disgusts me.

    There, I said it out loud.

    6 people found this helpful
  8. Ggrand
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    8 October 2020 in reply to annie_1

    Hello everyone...

    Annie..I am also overweight...I think a lot of people are, and when I look in the mirror, I don’t like what I see...The reflection of me in the mirror...

    I wonder if the mirrors we look into, didn’t show just our outer bodies but it also showed a bright light for our inner beauty, our compassion, care, love, and support we have for other people...I think I would be right in saying that everyone here would have a very bright light shining...Our inner beauty is what others see in us...It’s who we are..the outer body just houses our true self...

    We could be the most beautiful person in the world..yet our heart makes us cruel, mean and an awful person...and people don’t really want to be associated with them....We could have many flaws on our body ie: overweight, scars, missing limbs but our heart shines with the beautiful bright light from inside us..and people can see this.,this is what people like about us...This is our true self..this is who we are..

    Please try hard to look past the outer body we have been given..and like the beauty that is within your soul..because honestly that is what people connect with..that is what people see and like when they talk to us...

    I haven’t met or seen anybody here, yet I know without a doubt, that your all beautiful people in your soul...I don’t need to see your body to know that...Look deeper into your hearts and soul, find that beauty you all have inside of you... because that’s who you are...and we all like/love you for being that person,,,

    My kindest thoughts with care..

    Grandy..

    6 people found this helpful
  9. Sleepy21
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    8 October 2020 in reply to annie_1

    Hi Annie

    Thats awesome that you could share here. I feel also that putting on weight is a failure, and that others judge me as if I've "fallen apart" etc - it's hard having such a physical manifestation of a hard time.

    But I would never ever judge anyone or think badly of them for putting on weight... yet all day I think people are looking at me and judging me for it.
    Are they? i don't know. It affects how I like myself too. Thanks Annie for your honest share.

    4 people found this helpful
  10. annie_1
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    8 October 2020 in reply to Ggrand
    Thank you Grandy x
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  11. annie_1
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    8 October 2020 in reply to Sleepy21
    Thanks Sleepy x
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  12. CMF
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    8 October 2020 in reply to annie_1
    I fear that over the last Few weeks I feel I don't like anybody. I'm tired of life and lockdown. I don't know who I am cos every day is the same. I don't feel good about myself. Not sure if I like or dislike myself atm but feel I don't like many people these days.
    1 person found this helpful
  13. Sophie_M
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    8 October 2020 in reply to CMF
    Hey CMF,

    Thanks for reaching out and letting our community know how you've been feeling. It sounds like things are really overwhelming for you at the moment, and we are so sorry to hear how this pandemic has been impacting your wellbeing. Please know that you never have to go through this alone and support is always available to you.

    If you feel up to talking through these feelings tonight, we'd really encourage you to reach out to the friendly counsellors at our Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service (1800 512 348) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). These services are always available to you, as often as you need, whenever things are feeling like too much to cope with.

    We hope you keep reaching out and updating us on how you're feeling, whenever you feel ready.
    2 people found this helpful
  14. CMF
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    9 October 2020 in reply to Sophie_M
    Thank you Sophie.

    You're a gem x
    1 person found this helpful
  15. quirkywords
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    9 October 2020 in reply to CMF

    Hello everyone

    CMF

    I am sorry you are feeling like you do. One of your many strengths is that you can express so well how you feel even when you are struggling.

    I know this year I seem to be more irritable and impatient with others which means I don’t like that part of me as I see myself as mainly kind and patient.

    I wonder if you and others find that when they dislike others they also dislike themselves for doing do?
    I think there maybe relationship between liking others and liking ourselves and disliking other and disliking others?

    I would like to read what others think and experience?

    2 people found this helpful
  16. Moonstruck
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    9 October 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi again Quirky.....I realise I'm a bit of a pain on this subject....but in answer to your question..

    No, there is no connection for me...the fact that I feel comfortable in liking myself has no connection to anything, any words, any actions at all. If I feel like crap and things are going badly....this has no effect on my liking myself. I still like myself whether things are going well and I'm content....or if things are going badly and I am in despair.....the "liking myself" doesn't stop.....why should it?........(tried to express myself as well as I could here)....keep smiling Quirky......

  17. tranzcrybe
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    9 October 2020 in reply to Moonstruck

    Hi Moon,

    I like where you're heading with this.

    To like anything usually requires preferences, and such things often imply comparison - I know I like chips because I loathe brussel sprouts, since the inherent qualities of one are not to be found in the other. In a world of only brussel sprouts, I am sure my views would be different.

    If I transfer that thinking into 'myself', then there is a possibility that somewhere I may be comparing 'me' with either someone else, or some idealisation of who I think I am, or who I feel I should be.

    The fact is, like it or not, the concept of 'myself' is for the most part immutable - I can, however, dislike actions, words, or features, but these characteristics lie outside the existential being. What's more, the aforementioned unwelcome behaviours can be very much the consequence of environmental circumstance. Recognising these things for what they are and not 'absorbing' them into the inner sanctum of our essential selves gives us strength to accept and overcome lapses and setbacks and learn to navigate a truer course in life.

    Regards,

    t.

    2 people found this helpful
  18. blondguy
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    15 October 2020 in reply to Moonstruck

    Hello Everyone and thankyou everyone for your valued contributions. New posters are always welcome too :-)

    Hey Moon....You have always had a unique gift of 'liking yourself'. That is a great place to be in and good on you for having such a proactive mindset. Liking ourselves is a foundation to having some peace of mind as you know. I understand that we are all going through a rough time with with Covid-19.

    Hey Quirky...thankyou for your continual support...You mentioned ' I wonder if others find that when they dislike others they also dislike themselves for doing do? Thats a good question Quirky and disliking anyone can have an effect on our ability to like ourselves

    Thankyou RX TonyWK Geoff Annie_1 CMF Sophie_M Sleepy21 for helping so many readers and posters by providing your life experience and wisdom

    Hey tranzcrybe....congrats on your VC and thankyou for your caring support on the forums too! You mentioned 'If I transfer that thinking into 'myself', then there is a possibility that somewhere I may be comparing 'me' with either someone else, or some idealisation of who I think I am, or who I feel I should be'...Just to clear the air if I can tranzscrybe ....as per the thread topic....can I ask if you like yourself for who you are as an individual ?

    my kindest always

    Paul

    2 people found this helpful
  19. white knight
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    15 October 2020 in reply to blondguy
    Re: overweight

    I don't look into mirrors. I avoid self trauma. My excess weight does not define me as a person.

    Those people not overweight? Good on them. I'm happy for them. But..I'm not them.

    TonyWK
    3 people found this helpful
  20. Not_Batman
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    15 October 2020 in reply to blondguy

    Hi.

    the question ‘do i like myself’ is tricky sometimes.

    there was a time when i hated myself so much that i had some ideations and took actions. After some time and help the self hatred subsided.

    it was drummed into me through the psych that ‘its not your fault’ and ‘be kind to yourself’...so i tried very hard to focus on that.

    After taking break for a looooong while, i returned to work and tried to be my old self again. I would try to make a joke here and there to make myself and others feel happy. After one joke i later overheard a conversation that dragged me through the mud with ‘i think he’s trying to be funny’. Once i heard that the self loathing kicked in, and i was back in depression mode which i couldn't shake for a couple of days.

    The voice in my head would be telling me all of these negative nasty things. Mindfulness and psych sessions seemed to be the only things that could separate the good and the bad. Teaching me that my thoughts were only thoughts, not reality.

    Now that annoying voice is not as loud, but still pops in from time to time. I Acknowledge that the voice is there but then reassure myself of the actual situation.

    so in answer to the question....

    i dont hate myself.

    i dont love myself as much as i should.

    there are some times that i dont like myself because of the intrusive thoughts.

    i do like myself most of the time.

    Mind and body cooperating once again. And it turns out my sense of humour is different from the next person.

    Not_Batman

    3 people found this helpful
  21. ecomama
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    15 October 2020 in reply to Not_Batman

    Gosh this thread is busy and I LOVE the conversation and deep thoughts in every post.

    I'm sorry for those having a really rough time, thankyou for your words and well done for expressing them.

    I'm pretty proud of myself and like myself having overcome a massive family hurdle this past week... they seem to go back to back and overlap lol. Darn it.

    CMF we don't have to like other ppl, we really don't. For any reason at all.
    When others don't care for us in the way we care for them? THAT can be a real kick in the guts.
    But it also happens alot in life, esp as a parent we give give give and hey ummm what just happened?
    Or at work we may contribute and then get shut down Not_Batman... I like your resolution to that person's comment. I probably would have made another joke lol.

    Tranzcrybe I need to read your posts 4 times to try to get your wave length but I really appreciate your beautiful thoughts. I find them full of understanding. Thankyou.

    I'm alot like Sleepy21 but tbh I don't like compliments (still battling the religious upbringing of vanity and pride etc)...
    Though I can feel when a compliment is not authentic and I really don't like that... it jumps me to "Why are they saying that, to manipulate me?" then flick.

    But I also know it HURTS others to openly reject a loving or well meaning compliment so I always say Thankyou! with a smile.
    When I know someone who loves me is giving me a truly authentic compliment it brings me to tears. That's the stuff of healing for me and I try to remember THOSE words, not the harmful ones.

    I also realise in that moment how important I am to that person. Feeling important to others was something I shunned in the past. I guess with that brings responsibilities in that relationship? IDK but I felt uncomfortable.
    Now I embrace it. THEY are important to me!

    So it's a 2 way street.

    I'm finally allowing myself to love and trust these others more and with that I feel more peace.

    Love EM

    2 people found this helpful
  22. Elizabeth CP
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    15 October 2020 in reply to Not_Batman

    I think liking yourself in this context is more about accepting yourself as worthwhile. Liking is not about comparisons. I like cheesecake but I also like fruit mince tarts. No point in comparing them I like both. Same with people. I love each of my grandchildren but they all have different characteristics which make me smile.

    From a MH perspective the goal should be accepting yourself which means realizing that you have characteristics which are of value in this world. For example Geoff has a real talent foe fixing things & an ability to assist others to fix things around their own house. Tony has te ability to write really inspiring poems & provide inspiring posts. Quirky has real empathy & helps others feel cared for. My son is brilliant with electronics & my daughter is an extremely talented osteopath. I would not go to me son to get a treatment or even to discuss MH issues because he'd be hopeless. Conversely I wouldn't ask my daughter for help with my computer or smartphone. We are different because we don't need everyone to be good at everything we just need to develop our own talents rather than putting ourselves down because we can't do things someone else can. Of course for some that seems to be easy Moon for example. For others like myself with depression it is an ongoing battle to become more accepting of ourselves.

    3 people found this helpful
  23. quirkywords
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    15 October 2020 in reply to Moonstruck

    Moon you make a lot of sense as usual.

    With my first child I decided if people said kind or negative comments to me about my baby or my mothering. That was the plan. I found if people said kind things I would defelct them as say i was lucky but if they said negative things I felt like a bad mum a bad person, so I got the worse of both comments.

    I suppose I do equate howif feel with how I feel myself . That may sound strange to me you bt to me makes great sense.

    I want to be like you and still like myself np matter how I feel and what others say. I am a work in process. Stay tuned.

    I must admit this I have not stopped liking myself in my low times because I feel I deserve my kindness now.

    1 person found this helpful
  24. tranzcrybe
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    15 October 2020 in reply to blondguy

    Hi Paul, and everyone in the last surge of posts!,

    Not Batman: a very profound conclusion you made - synchronicity of mind & body...

    Em: High praise indeed, for us 'lifeforms' ;-) Thank you for all you do and with the passion and intensity you bring also.

    Paul: VC? I thought I survived... oh, I get it now!
    Thanks for your support and constant optimism on BB. In response to your question:-

    "...can I ask if you like yourself for who you are as an individual ?" - By way of analogy, replace 'yourself' with 'breathing'. Inasmuch as you cannot 'like' breathing for it is absolute, necessary, and incomparable, the same can be said for ourselves - we are who we are from the moment we are born. We own this right to like our individuality. The catch, however, is that we often find ourselves adopting perception as a means of self identification (in a bid to meet societal and peer norms) for which the need for constant affirmation and refinement becomes the source of our attention and frustrations when we don't measure up. Dispensing with this facade can return contentment to who we are - knowing we are in, but not of this world. In answer, YES.

    Getting back to the analogy, although we necessarily like breathing, that is not to say that some things we must inhale can be less than palatable or healthy - I think that applies to liking ourselves also.

    Regards,

    t.

    3 people found this helpful
  25. randomx
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    15 October 2020 in reply to tranzcrybe

    Sometimes guilt over whom we are , what we are , for me, can accumulate into self resentment just as only in the reverse do some wins in life or week or even over one day , make me feel good , Unfortunately though for me the latter is the far less common.

    rx

    4 people found this helpful
  26. quirkywords
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    15 October 2020 in reply to randomx

    Hello all

    Random I was brought up in a family where everyone felt guilty about something. I was ok until I became a mother I felt guilty about everything. It took a long time for em to feel I did my best but when one child was a n adult again I was made to feel guilty for more flaws. Maybe I was not best mum but I still thought I was an ok person.

    I think the accumulation can lead to self resentment instead of self awareness and acceptance.

    3 people found this helpful
  27. randomx
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    18 October 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    Hmm, sad in ways isn't it but parenting can be such a receiveless and hard job though can't it.l only hoped that one day later in life my daughter could turn around and realize , see, how much l put into doing my best.

    l guess though then l'm lucky in the self resentment area then though because it's also combined with awareness. Grew up in the most unaware family you could ever find though with double standards running wild to this day, excepting that one a long time ago with no expectations brings at least some kinda peace.

    rx.

    1 person found this helpful
  28. quirkywords
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    18 October 2020 in reply to randomx

    Rx that is interesting that you had an insight into your family so had no expectations . Did it bring acceptance.

    I thought once my children had their own children they would see my input. While they do realise what I did I get the feeling they feel I dont know much about bringing up children as a lot has change in 30 years.

    I the think the way to like ourselves is to be aware of what we learnt in our families and then decided what we will keep and what we choose.

    1 person found this helpful
  29. randomx
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    18 October 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    Yeah so true, exactly what l've tried to do all my life , taken the best of and rejecting the rest , it's kind of worked , especially in the way l raised my daughter . l think the best thing that ever happened to me was in a card last yr she gave me at just 18. Acknowledging one by one all these things l'd done over the yrs and just thanking me from the heart , l'll keep that card always.

    l could always see my family , and parents , but l did miss see my dad in ways for sure thankfully though l realized before we lost him and got to spend some beautiful time with him and mum, do wish l would've acknowledged more though. The others , l think l'd say it kind of brought less disappointment rather than acceptance , sort of knowing exactly what they will do and do do, l dunno , it kind of helps, at least you can only go up from there .

    4 people found this helpful
  30. Sleepy21
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    18 October 2020 in reply to randomx

    hi rx thats really heartfelt on behalf of ur daughter. she sounds like an amazing person also that she is able to be aware herself and say thank you - at 18 to me that shows a beautiful quality. i only just learnt that i can reject a lot of what my family did to me. They have no empathy or respect for others and always judge.
    I'm learning not to judge myself -

    Also one thing is that they're not really happy or successful people. They are alone with no one in their lives because of all their judgements. Best to accept and love people and be open to the goodness in them.
    You see in times like this that having accepting and kind people around helps so much - and you let behind those are judgemental and pull you down.
    I hope to have a child that I accept and care for and not to repeat the mistakes

    3 people found this helpful

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