Welcome to Beyond Blue, and well done for posting and reaching out. And, well done too for getting 40 days up of sobriety!!! That's awesome!
I must ask though, and would like to suggest; have you been to any AA meetings? I know that you said you have some significant anxiety, and it feels as though it's getting worse, but let me tell you, without the tranquilizing effects of alcohol, then yes, you will feel things a lot more. That is perfectly normal.
The thing is that I know if I had've tried to beat/overcome my own alcohol addiction on my own, I never would have made it. I have been sober, and going to regular frequent AA meetings for 22 years now, and I can tell you that being part of a 12-step fellowship is pretty much the best part of my life. It's like I've found my tribe; my alien mother ship!
I too drank from the age of 15 (to age 26) in order to feel 'normal' and to 'fit in'. I come from a great family where there was no abuse or violence, but I did have some trauma as a kid - sexual abuse by an uncle, and bushfires in which we were trapped in a burning building and we lost everything. It was awful. And when I saw that s couple of drinks that my parents had seemed to relax them, I got it into my head that booze was the answer to all my problems ........ but it certainly wasn't. Alcoholism is a cunning, baffling, and powerful disease. I never thought someone like me would become an alcoholic. But then, I also never dreamed that sobriety would be so good! I was terrified too of going to meetings, thinking "What if someone sees me?" But then, as they said at AA, "Wouldn't you rather be seen doing something about a problem, than not? Better to be doing that, than being seen stumbling down the street or falling off a bar stool."
Going to AA and getting the help and support from others who understand and have been there, is truly amazing. If you would like to know more, go to www.aa.org.au ....
If you want to know where your next nearest meeting is, and you don't need to book in, you can just turn up, then go to www.aameetings.org.au .....
And if you would like to talk to an AA member, just call 1300 AA AA AA (or 1300 22 22 22) anytime.
And again, well done on your 40 days! Take care, and let me know how you go! Help and hope could be just around the corner. xo