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Forums / Staying well / I feel so incredibly alone

Topic: I feel so incredibly alone

  1. Camellias
    Camellias avatar
    81 posts
    9 June 2019 in reply to Birdy77

    I’m trying so hard to do this, so hard....

    if only I had a sense of purpose, a daily distraction ..

    also when I read this poem I see that this is the kind of poem her friends would send her.... I feel that she is doing this right now, and not thinking about me at all.

    So why can’t I feel the same sense of worth. I still am alone and isolated. Still the weapon silence used against me with the ‘ I need me time’ being used.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Love Heart
    Love Heart avatar
    3 posts
    15 June 2019 in reply to Camellias

    hi Camellias i know exactly how you feel, experiencing most of what you said. Lonliness, isolation, poverty, etc. You are not alone!

    I am a newbie and want others opinions on this. When recovering from a breakdown it seems im fetting better but now have other problems. I seem to be losing friends, am misunderstood and lising hope , motivation. I like myself, my heart but not all the symptoms my body has and anxiety. But friends are impatient with me coz i cant suddenly have all my shit together. Is anyone else experiencing this? This is what brought me here. In 1 week ive driven 2 friends away. I actually believe i would survive on an island coz i feel so removed. What DO YOU think?

    4 people found this helpful
  3. demonblaster
    Valued Contributor
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    demonblaster avatar
    7537 posts
    16 June 2019 in reply to Love Heart

    Hi Loveheart Camellia and everyone ☺

    Welcome Loveheart you've come to a really good place. People here understand pain and many can relate to how you feel.

    I'm sorry hearing how you're going it's really hard isn't it.

    Darl a good option for you is you can have your own space by starting a thread.

    If you're not sure how to go about it in the FAQ above where there's the 5 Red boxes. Sophie has on the first post made a post explaining how.

    If you do if you'd like to come back and tell us the name of your thread you'll probably be able to get more support hun ☺ From All posts if you start of in Welcome and Orientation is a good starting place.

    Any questions you could ask in the FAQ or here.

    As much as things seem like they can never change atm when our heads are South we can in most cases work through with help towards a better life.

    I hope to you see you again ☺ would be happy to support you.

    🍃

    2 people found this helpful
  4. Camellias
    Camellias avatar
    81 posts
    16 June 2019 in reply to Love Heart

    Hello Love Heart

    I hope you have been able to find support and guidance through Beyond Blue. I hear you on how your are feeling and I think you are very brave for reaching out here on Beyond Blue.

    Its is very hard when we are going through a breakdown, the feeling of experiencing everything on such an intense level, the loneliness, isolation, many of us do not have friends or have lost them, finding purpose....this has been the hardest for me. I’m struggling so greatly with this and the lonliness thst comes with it.

    I really hope that your friends are able to listen, support and provide that ongoing help where needed. If they could only show some compassion, some understanding and extend the hugs we need to pull us through.

    Do you have any hobbies or anything you enjoy doing?

    I understand the financial difficulty you express, do you have any assistance with this from the government or anyone to help you this way?

    i know I love animals but I’m unable to find purpose in that where I live. Its either too far to a local animal shelter or people around here just don’t want anyone to petsit their dog etc. I really want my own companion. Its not easy for me rent elsewhere, to make that happen either.

    Ive often heard a few people express that they would be better on an island due to how they are feeling and I understand that is because your feel so removed/cut off from everything. I can relate, I’m sure many here on BB can relate.

    I see a post and say’ that I see me, that is how I feel’ but how do I feel better knowing someone else is endur8ng the same situations, At the end of the day I am still alone, heartbroken and with nobody to actually talk too.

    I am wishing that things improve, one step at a time for you. You are very brave for coming here and reaching out for help.

    🌺

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Birdy77
    Valued Contributor
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    Birdy77 avatar
    2299 posts
    16 June 2019 in reply to Camellias
    Dear Camellias,

    I am sorry it's taken me so long to write back, I've had a difficult week.

    I wanted to apologise if that poem I quoted triggered further unhappiness for you. I shared it because for me it spoke to the self-abandonment that can occur in unhealthy/codependent relationships, wherein we constantly pour all of our essence into the other person and save no care or compassion for ourselves. When we finally extricate ourselves from these harmful situations, we come back to ourselves, and finally have enough energy left over to show ourselves some care and attention.

    How has this week been for you?

    A couple of weeks ago you were trying to set daily goals if not seeing or contacting her. Is this still something you are aiming for? I know last week you said you're watching your phone, waiting for her to msg or call. It's an excruciating space to be in - I have been there and am just so relieved that harmful experience is in the past. I truly wish the same for you.

    You said you're still interested in putting up a notice & if I can help. What did you think of the notice I posted to you a couple of weeks ago? Do you think you could tweak that?

    Lovely to see Demonblaster here with her gorgeous support (((❤))) and a big, warm welcome to Love heart ❤!!

    🌻birdy
    3 people found this helpful
  6. Camellias
    Camellias avatar
    81 posts
    16 June 2019 in reply to Birdy77

    Dear Birdy

    Im sending you a very warm hug and hoping that somehow you have managed to make it through your difficult time with support, love and guidance. Your such a lovely kind person, sending you a warm hugs the least I can do. I hope you will be ok?

    The poem you shared was very kind and thoughtful. You explaining further just now has also helped me understand more about the significance of the poem and also how it helped you get to a better place. Its very true, I am pouring all of myself into another, and I don’t even think it’s wanted/appreciated. I don’t seem to have any compassion for myself, Ive been trying to figure out why Im so incredibly tired all the time, it’s because I’m doing everything for someone, and never really catching up on myself.

    it is excruciating, your right it’s such a horrible place to be in...Did not see her for a whole week, then I ended up in the deep end again...everything is fine until I say how I feel or ask questions (like a normal couple would to further better their relationship) Any feelings I have are labelled as ‘drama, arguments or accusations’.

    I am met with agression, anger when I try to communicate, or given silent treatment ....and if I do not respond fast/when she expects it, everything becomes more hostile, silence, and the hostility escalates into very hurtful words/things said about me.

    I really would like to work on the notice with you, when you are feeling up to it. Ive been trying to think of how I can make it more interesting and I will print it up. As myband writing is messy due to health. I cant post online local etc because she will see...so I thought maybe the library or something much more private. I would like to be able to: Help out anyone elderly in their gardens, light work, trimming, watering, no heavy lifting or lawn maintenance. To help an elderly person walk their dog, petsit their animal, help feed their animal or maybe even brush them. Maybe even help them with grocery shopping or someone to have a tea with. Is any of this making sense, does anyone actually need this? I’m really not sure, but I love animals and totinker in gardens. Surely there is something I can write that will lead me in the right direction and provide me with a sense of purpose. I don’t want money for doing this Birdy, if that makes sense?

    I hope you are doing better tonight

    🌺

    2 people found this helpful
  7. Birdy77
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    Birdy77 avatar
    2299 posts
    16 June 2019 in reply to Camellias
    Dear Camellias,

    Thank you for your kind thoughts. I will be ok, I just have some really challenging issues to deal with at the moment, but it's just one of those times in life that aren't too much fun. It will pass.

    I'm glad you were able to understand a little more about the meaning for me behind the poem. I hope that you will print it out, and that in a (shorter rather than longer) time, it will make perfect sense to your soul.

    What you've written about what you'd like to do to help others is perfect. Try typing that, just being open and honest, and pinning it to the library notice board. What is it about what I wrote /you wrote, that you don't like? I think it's good.

    I am going to come right out and say that I think you need to end that relationship if you are to keep any kind of self-respect. I know it's hard to hear, and I know it's hard to do - I've been there, I know it's terribly hard. But No Contact is the only way.

    A relationship is not meant to be this hard.

    Have you looked at any articles or the website of Melanie Tonia Evans? Have a look and tell me what you think.

    Melodie Beattie is also a wonderful resource for recovering from codependent relationships.

    You are so blessed to have been visited here by Demonblaster (❤) ... she is an absolutely beautiful soul who gives so much of herself here on BB. She has posted a wonderful reply to you and I would like to highlight something she mentioned:
    another thread on the forums called "Loneliness ... what options are there?" It is in the Relationships and Familly Issues section of the forums. You are welcome to join in there - there are so many wonderful suggestions there and helps to know that there are others who experience the crushing loneliness that you are feeling now. You are not alone.

    🌻birdy
    3 people found this helpful
  8. Camellias
    Camellias avatar
    81 posts
    25 June 2019 in reply to Birdy77

    Hi Birdy,

    Theres been no contact for 6 days and I just feel worse, I’ve never felt hurt like this before.

    I literally have nobody now, I miss her so much it hurts -sleeping, eating, all those basic things feel like tasks.

    I literally am alone.

    i have watched a few of the Melanie Tonia Evans articles and videos, and looked at Melodie Beatties blog posts (wasn’t sure what else to look at on her website).

    How does anyone get through this..I see so many people say they have made it through the loneliness, heartbreak, or even have gone through something like this many times and are now in a happy, loving partnership. How can I get to that stage and bypass all this hurt & Loneliness. I wish I was in a loving relationship and helping people like here on BB. Instead I am the one being helped, lonely and heartbroken. How is it her life goes on happily, the world keeps turning and they move on so quickly - how do they do that? Something I may never understand.

    I will try to jump into the thread mentioned by Demonblaster, because I know I don’t want to be alone like this anymore.

    When your whole life evolved around someone, where do you begin to find life again - the reminders, memories, loneliness is overwhelming. I find it hard to put one foot in front of the other without thinking of her, how easily she has moved on hurts.

    And how hard is it to not give into, look at, or see the person you love in the social media fb, Instagram, and every other platform you shared your life with....suddenly becomes a stabbing blow and further reminder, of being discarded and their life moving on for better pastures.

    Your suggestion for the notice to help with gardens/ people pet is really good thank you.

    I can’t begin to understand what is happening in your life that was challenging but I do hope it passed and you are alright. Thank you for taking time to reply to me, I do know that people have their own lives outside of helping others on BB. So thank you.

    🌺

    3 people found this helpful
  9. Summer Rose
    Valued Contributor
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    Summer Rose avatar
    1545 posts
    25 June 2019 in reply to Camellias

    Hi Camellias

    I've been reading your thread and just wanted to pop in and let you know how sorry I am that you are in so mucc pain. I wish there was an easier way through a breakup but you kind of have to ride it out.

    Your interactions with Birdy are so lovely, along with the others. You are a truly kind person with so much to give. Never forget that.

    Its a testament to your inner strength that, despite it all, you found compassion for Love Heart and offered help.

    I think Birdy is so right and I'm hoping that you will soon see the end of this relationship as a blessing in disguise. One day at a time.

    Kind thoughts to you

    5 people found this helpful
  10. Hayds
    Hayds avatar
    11 posts
    26 June 2019 in reply to Camellias
    Thank you for your post
  11. Hayds
    Hayds avatar
    11 posts
    26 June 2019 in reply to Summer Rose
    Question summer rose? I’m new how do I access ‘champions’ via online forums?
  12. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5900 posts
    26 June 2019 in reply to Hayds
    Hi Hayds, champions are members of the forums who have formally volunteered their time to provide support here by responding to posts.  You can read more about our current champions in this thread here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/welcome-and-orientation/community-champions
  13. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    12316 posts
    26 June 2019 in reply to Sophie_M

    Hayds,

    Welcome to the forum. The champions are on many different threads , reply to other people’s thread s and we also have some of our own threads.

    As you have seen there are many supportive people on the forum.

    I am not sure if you have your own thread but if you want to start one , you can go to FAQ thread and the first post will tell you how.

    Take care

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  14. Camellias
    Camellias avatar
    81 posts
    26 June 2019 in reply to Summer Rose

    Hi Summer Rose

    It was really kind of you to leave me a reply here, I really appreciate it.

    Its so hard to get through this alone, without friends or family.

    And those who have friends/family, after they have got off the phone for an hour or so, caught up over a cofffee - the mild distractions, do they return home or back to the very thing they can’t escape - the pain of it all, the literal heartache. Does it really help? I actually don’t know as I don’t have that.

    i feel so completely isolated, I keep going to the library to hope to meet someone. It might be brief a ten minute conversation about a DVD and then I’m back to reality. Everyone seems to have family, friends, places to go.....except maybe some people I see in here on the threads, where we support each other via BB threads.

    I’m not the type of person who enjoys being alone. I thrive off company but what truly makes my heart soar is an animal and as you have read, I am not allow pets here where I can afford.

    Maybe someone will answer my notice at the library for anyone who may want some company for their family pet. But meanwhile I sit at home doing nothing, with no motivation and just the reminders of her everywhere......her life goes on happily, that hurts so deep.

    when they say to you ‘ I still want to be friends, I will still talk to you no matter what..’ do they even realise how bad it is hurting you, how it cuts so deep. I can’t erase love that quickly, emotions that felt so alive, now feel so dissected. So many questions left unanswered. ‘ if you love me, you will set me free’. Sigh....

    when you experience this you hope nobody else ever does. It’s just a terrible darkness that pulls at you. Nothing good gets left behind...

    🌺

    1 person found this helpful
  15. Birdy77
    Valued Contributor
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    Birdy77 avatar
    2299 posts
    28 June 2019 in reply to Camellias
    Dear Camellias,

    I can hear so much pain in your posts - you are really in the midst of it right now, and I know it's an intensely unpleasant place to be.

    Unfortunately, as Summer Rose wisely has said - the only way through it is to go through it. I wish there was a way for you to "bypass the pain" - but I'm afraid there's not.

    The upshot of this is that (and this might sound trite, but it's the truth) you are going to come out the other side of this ordeal as a stronger person who will have a better idea of yourself and a better idea of what to look for in a partner in the future.

    The way I look at it (well, the way I have looked at the quagmire I have waded through in my own experience), is that we sometimes have to go through the really hard stuff in life in order to learn particular lessons that our souls need to learn. And as spiritual teachers have said through the ages "nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know ".

    I don't know if you can relate to this, but when I was experiencing a relationship similar in some ways to the one you have described, I experienced it almost like an addiction. When I tried No Contact, I felt strung-out, edgy - I wanted any kind of message, even if it was nasty ... waiting for crumbs. When I received it, it was like a rush and I was sated for a time: I had my "supply".

    This is when it was so obvious to me that it was more toxic than I had originally thought.

    Some of your descriptions remind me of this, and I can't tell you how wonderful it will be for you once you are free of this turmoil.

    But the hard stuff has to trudged through, I'm afraid.

    But you have friends here who will cheer you on.

    Does any of this resonate?

    🌻birdy
    2 people found this helpful

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