Dear Check-in Chick
Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. I see you have chosen freesias for your picture. They were my sister's favourite flower and they are lovely.
Thank you for your very positive post. Like you I was after the magic pill and it took quite q while to realise it was just not going to happen. Then of course I had to deal with the disappointment and frustration before finally settling down to the hard work. The Black Dog really has a lot to answer for.
Love your list of self put-downs. We can all relate to these and it's good that people know they are not alone in believing these thoughts. I think the most destructive part of depression is believing you are the only person thinking and feeling this way. Such a scary and lonely way of life.
I am sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. I know how desperate you felt to attempt suicide as I too felt that way. When I look back I wonder why I thought it was the best path, but the reality is that we are in such pain that nothing else makes sense. That's when we need our family and friends to take care of us for a while and sadly too many people do not have good support.
Do you practice mindfulness? You speak about living in the present so I wondered. I also meditate every day to bring a calm settled feeling into my life. Mindfulness is also part of meditation.
Of course the trouble is, as you say, we still have bad days. I try to do something that takes my complete concentration otherwise I will fall apart. And of course this takes lots of energy so I find myself having a nap. Still, it gets me through the patch so that I can continue my journey.
Please continue posting and sharing your experiences. There are so many people at the start of their journeys who need encouragement. Every time someone explains how they cope is a victory for all of us.