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Forums / Staying well / Loneliness

Topic: Loneliness

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. white knight
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    white knight avatar
    5524 posts
    5 February 2018

    On this forum theyte has been a consistent number of members struggling with the plight of being alone.

    If mentally struggling, one can feel totally alone in a crowded room. And there distinguishes why lonliness is more challenging for us. Loneliness for us isnt just being starved of human company...it being starved of human company, including yourself but the principles of remedy are the same, just with added difficulties.

    The basics of loneliness isnt complex. Breaking the barrier of fear to participate in sports from olympian down to cards games, competition fuels adrenalin to sometimes reach the level of passion. Passions divert a troubled mind to goals. Dwelling melts away...its all about the next game and participating not necessarily winning.

    Hobbies are a a means to connect with others too. Although some hobbies can be lonely like knitting if you dont join a knitting group for example.

    So sports and hobbies are two conventional methods to try.

    Friend selection is crutial for us. The more often we choose the wrong person as a friend, the less our confidence stays intact. As we grow older our wisdom from choosing wrongly makes it easier to pick the right ones.

    When younger we tend to attach ourselves to those with only one or two common interests. A "friend" at a car club owning the same model car that shares a similar profession might seem a candidate for your time yet those common interests has zero to do with whether she/he is a toxic person. Hence time and time again we go through the friendship split.

    Try doing some subtle homework. Listen to others. Keep your distance - it isnt a rush. Watch for the signs of things like a controlling nature, dishonesty, dependency and the most important of all ...empathy, the ability to walk beside you through those periods of struggle, AND VISA VERSA. Dont forget to help them.

    Limit your talking about you! Keep that brief.

    Friendships are no different than finding a soul mate. Like all aspects of our life we endure the extremes more than the "normal". But we can halve our difficulties by possessing an attitude of never giving up.

    I pushed a friend away I'd known for many years. It turned out he was talking behind my back in a cruel way. That didnt mean the next friend would. Thats my golden rule. Never compare people or its like comparing an orange to a tomato.

    We can be fickle, sensitive and moody. We, the mentally unwell can also be the most loving and caring on the planet.

    Tony WK

    1 person found this helpful
  2. white knight
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    5524 posts
    9 February 2018 in reply to white knight

    Some facts are hard to swallow.

    The fact is, that regardless of having mental illness issues, being lonely is our own responsibility. No one else has the ability for you to make you find company. More so in peer group online forums for we arent physically in your life.

    At some point you will need to physically move towards finding friends. This step, although mammoth to many, once commenced, gets easier from that step onwards.

    Anonymity on forums can plug gaps in having company but I'd suggest, as you'd never make a real friend in cyber space due to remaining anonymous, you cant rely on this site to find friends. Support, a type of company and ideas yes, but not true friendship.

    So I suggest if you are lonely that you add to your plans practical and traditional ways to find real life friends. Do it when ready but prolonging it runs the risk of abandoning doing it.

    We also have a personal responsibily for finding a partner. I have a friend that regularly refers to the phrase "but I'm single, I dont have a partner to take me dancing/go on a date/enjoy travelling with....etc

    If you are not happy with single life you can find ways to change that, if you are well enough and capable enough to be able to live with a partner.

    If so then computer dating sites have evolved lately. The benefits of these are that you can narrow down your needs. Eg those with mental illness might be best not dating someone that will result in you becoming a step parent to young children as the patience and tolerance could be beyond you.

    But give it a try if you feel the gap left in your life is just too much.

    A supportive compatible partner can be found. The only advice I'd like to give is to remember to try to balance your need of their patience and understanding with your support for them.

    good luck.

    TonyWK

    2 people found this helpful
  3. PamelaR
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    2039 posts
    9 February 2018 in reply to white knight

    Thank you 😊 white Knight for starting this informative thread.

    i can relate to every thing you say.

  4. Ggrand
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    3799 posts
    9 February 2018 in reply to white knight

    Hello Tony,

    I will echo Pamela, I can also relate to what your saying, thank you.. another something I need to start working on.

    Karen

  5. white knight
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    5524 posts
    10 February 2018 in reply to Ggrand

    Thankyou ladies.

    Great that you desire to get back on track

    Tony wk

    1 person found this helpful
  6. randomx
    randomx avatar
    756 posts
    10 February 2018 in reply to white knight

    Thanls for the thread and tops Tony , great ideas.

    One of my problems is that l'm more a partner person and friends just don't cut it for me. l like a tiny bit of it but can't hack it if things become too regular or they start dropping in too much.

    l'm talking every few wks for a bit of a drink and a yarn is plenty for me and then only with someone l'm very comfortable and have a good connection with.

    So as l'm single now and also that l work on my own from home , that leaves a lot of time alone in between .

    Near impossible to find the midway that l can fit in with.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful

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