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Forums / Staying well / Loneliness- a remedy of mind

Topic: Loneliness- a remedy of mind

9 posts, 0 answered
  1. white knight
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    white knight avatar
    9163 posts
    15 May 2020

    Loneliness is a worse feeling than what some people know. For those not lonely we can think- “just join a club”. But what is the heart of the problem?

    All of us at some point feel sorry for ourselves for what we haven’t got- in this case the company of friends, a loving partner or family. What we can do is “switch our mindset” to turn that manner of thinking on its head. How?

    Well, instead of thinking what you have missing in your life, think about what you have.

    Its spelt out in Ralph Mctells song Streets of London. The lyrics are not meant to ridicule but to highlight what might not be obvious to us, the beauty of the world. We see a bland horizon but dismiss the wattle bird gathering nectar, we think about our money problems that we can’t pay for entertainment but mind fog stops us from finding joy in the sun rising.

    Loneliness can remain even in marriage. A life of appreciation is a life of calm. When we appreciate what we have and not focus on what is missing- then we can no longer feel lonely or deprived.

    Rich people can be unhappy. A homeless person can be rich but denied money.

    As the song “Streets of London” says “carrying her home in two carrier bags” or “lying on yesterday’s paper carrying yesterday’s news”. There is poverty out there, untreated mental illness and sadness.

    So if you are lonely open your possibilities. Yes try searching for groups and like minded people for company however, inner peace is an internal change that will be your ultimate fulfilment and that comes from a change of mindset.

    google to read more

    beyondblue topic switching mindsets

    beyondblue topic inner peace the glory of being YOU

    Beyondblue topic the balance of your life

    beyondblue topic want to be a hermit?

    beyondblue topic Ostracised-who’s fault is it?

    youtube Prem Rawat the perfect instrument

    TonyWK

    3 people found this helpful
  2. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
    8668 posts
    15 May 2020 in reply to white knight

    Thanks Tony for an insightful post!

    Cheers from Dools

    1 person found this helpful
  3. ecomama
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    ecomama avatar
    4512 posts
    17 May 2020 in reply to white knight

    Thankyou for your post TonyWK. You have given a lot of links to follow for any lonely times ahead.

    I agree that some people can feel lonely in marriage. I was more lonely in marriage than I am now. But I'm experiencing quite deep loneliness a lot lately.

    "You can feel alone in a room full of people" is also true. Especially those of us who struggle with MH. My over-thinking and potentially analysing situations and conversations is something I have to keep in check.
    I am trying to practice "being fully present". It's a tricky one! But when I have achieved that in conversation then it's quite freeing. Almost like a little 'time out' from the machinations of my mind.

    I am alone in my path to seek MH support and treatment, it's a sole journey for everyone, and has it's struggles just in the decision making and action elements.

    As my next step in MH is quite significant, I was hoping for full support, even in a verbal way, from my closest friend but he has been quite oppositional to me getting this help. Saying there's nothing wrong etc. These conversations are a struggle on top and as a result, I feel more alone now.

    I do have to flip my perspective on this. I want to feel / observe any feelings I am having.
    I am branching out more and reconnecting more. I'm not in the right place to branch out further.

    Thanks TonyWK, I will looking at your links very soon!

    EM

  4. white knight
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    white knight avatar
    9163 posts
    17 May 2020 in reply to ecomama

    Hi EM

    Thankyou.

    You been so productive with your posts I’ve noticed. :)

    Re: “My over-thinking and potentially analysing situations and conversations is something I have to keep in check.”

    Overthinking is an old trait of mine and hereditary I think and worry was a characteristic of my mothers.

    In the following threads it tackles the issue

    put- beyondblue topic in front and google or just the topic in the search bar-

    only need to read the first post of each.

    who cries over spilt milk?

    nip it in the bud- ideas

    actions not only words

    distraction and variety

    the labyrinth of friendships

    an overactive mind

    running around trying to save the world

    supermarket shelves

    Worry worry worry

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  5. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9163 posts
    17 May 2020 in reply to white knight

    Oh, btw- the Whiteknight syndrome is-

    “The White Knight Syndrome: Rescuing Yourself from Your Need to Rescue Others“

    hence a chronic worrier but I’ve improved

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  6. ecomama
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    ecomama avatar
    4512 posts
    17 May 2020 in reply to white knight
    white knight said:

    Oh, btw- the Whiteknight syndrome is-

    “The White Knight Syndrome: Rescuing Yourself from Your Need to Rescue Others“

    hence a chronic worrier but I’ve improved

    TonyWK

    You? A chronic rescuer?

    Yep I believe it lol. You 'rescue' left, right and centre here and we are all the better for your insights and more.

    I was doing study of mental health when I stumbled across the BB forums. I'm so grateful I did.

    Yes I've been a bit prolific here now.

    Atm I'm making far more of an effort with self-care to steady me through to my first appointment with a trauma psych. It really should be more a part of my life anyway, so I am looking to do that.
    So I'm visiting the Staying Well forums a lot more.

    Thanks for the new links, they look great!

    :-)

    EM

    1 person found this helpful
  7. white knight
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    white knight avatar
    9163 posts
    14 September 2021 in reply to ecomama

    Hi Ecomama

    I'm so sorry I missed your reply from some time ago.

    Thankyou very much

    TonyWK

  8. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
    11857 posts
    14 September 2021 in reply to white knight

    Tony

    just found this thread and I am enjoying reading it.

    I only feel lonely when I am with people who say they are there for me but who only think of themselves.

    I like being alone and am never lonely.

  9. white knight
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    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9163 posts
    14 September 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky

    Oh yes - "I only feel lonely when I am with people who say they are there for me but who only think of themselves."

    Such people I think in the main, mean well but fail to carry out the support part for a raft of reasons usually (I suspect) due to them not having the ability to do so.

    The flip side of that theory imo is, that in most cases they only have to listen and offer a few words of support or rather, encouragement.

    Most people are capable of the above but many can't be bothered.

    TonyWK

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