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Forums / Staying well / Managing Borderline Personality Disorder

Topic: Managing Borderline Personality Disorder

  1. Taem
    Taem avatar
    2 posts
    11 August 2017
    Finding this thread has been a blessing honestly. I've been looking for a support group for so long but living in Canberra means it's been tricky. I attend therapy, I've done all the courses and activities they wanted and yes that did help me understand what it is that's wrong with me and how to live with it but I always come back to one part, my family and other people I love. I know that my parents have been to sessions to help them and that they've tried their best to explain to my younger brother (he's 16, I'm 18 - we've always been very close before this). I guess what I really want to know is how do I live with this without hurting them? Because I know that I do hurt them. My therapist helped me figure out how to have a functional life but I've always been shit at being emotionally open with people and I'm terrified of hurting people because of that (it's gotten to the point that I've purposely ended friendships, relationships and 'got rid of' my best friend, practically a sister because of my fears). I know I can't get those back but I don't know how to overcome this. Whenever I research anything like this all I see is horror stories about how people HAD to leave their friend, partner or even family because they suffer from this. How do I make sure I never push someone that far? Please help me with this. It's gotten to the point where I'm genuinely afraid of making friends, for their sake.
  2. james1
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    3061 posts
    14 August 2017 in reply to Taem

    Hello Taem,

    Welcome to the forums and I'm glad you've found this thread helpful. It sounds like it's been good in seeing others who are struggling like you are.

    You've talked a bit about being afraid of hurting others. It's wonderful to hear that you're a caring person and that you don't want to hurt people. Often that bit is misunderstood.

    How did you feel when you were doing the research online?

    I found that the more I researched, the worse my mental state got and more confused I got. I think it was nice to know that there were lots of people, but I found it hard to separate what my struggles were, and what their struggles were.

    I'm still meeting my psych once or twice a week now and after a year, I'm seeing slow changes. I think recovery is different for everyone, but we are all still learning. Have you been seeing your therapist for long?

    James

  3. Taem
    Taem avatar
    2 posts
    15 August 2017 in reply to james1
    Hi James,

    Thanks for your response. I've been seeing my therapist for a bit over a year now but stopped about a month ago. When I was doing the research online I couldn't help but feel like s**t. The worst part was the comments made by angry people who got out of relationships with BPD sufferers and I couldn't help but compare their experiences to how people I used to get along with acted/how I treated them.

    I know how to live with this (I think) and I don't have any trouble focussing on work and studying but I've noticed that the more I do that the more emotionally detached I get and the more I do things that upset my parents or friends and the more I actively want to start trouble out of sheer boredom or frustration. I tried bringing this up in therapy but we never got anywhere with treatment and whatnot.

    I'm starting university in the new year and I know what it's going to get a lot harder to keep myself together when I do. Any advice? (I have tried to talk to my family about this but - I don't know if this is because of BDP or just a me thing - I've always had a lot of difficulty being open with someone I care about.)
  4. james1
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    16 August 2017 in reply to Taem

    Hello Taem,

    Oh what made you stop going to your therapist? It sounds like you're still really hoping to get help with your struggles.

    Yeah, I found the same thing when I looked online. It's very hard to separate yourself from their experiences and wonder if those angry comments can and have also been directed at you. I hope you don't mind me asking: do you think it's helpful for you to look at these comments online? It seems to cause you a lot of pain.

    You said you know how to live with this. It sounds like you have some coping mechanisms. Do you want to tell us what they are?

    That's very exciting that you're going to be going to university next year. What will you be studying? In terms of advice, it'll be hard for me to really give much useful advice without knowing what exactly you feel like you'll be struggling with.

    For me, I work full time now but I now rely quite heavily on my psychologist to have a space where I can say whatever I want to say and not be (too) afraid that she'll just ditch me. It took a while but I find the more I started opening up to her, the easier it became. It's still really hard some days, but on the whole, I've gotten better at being open. I still can't do it with anyone else, but hopefully with more time, the skills I learn in my psych sessions can be translated outside of the room as well.

    If you'd also like to hear from others as well, you can start your own thread in one of the other boards. Since this is an existing one with lots of pages, some people might not notice your posts here. Otherwise I'm happy to keep talking to you here :)

    James

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Sherrynjpr
    Sherrynjpr avatar
    1 posts
    21 September 2017

    Hi i am sherry

    i am 17 and all the online tests say that i have bpd. Right now i am not in a good place in my life as i am trying to develop ED , my mom wants to abandon me and my fp has been gone and i miss him so much . I always feel like i am living on edge and i am tired of being like this

  6. james1
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    21 September 2017 in reply to Sherrynjpr

    Hello sherry,

    Welcome to the forums. I'm sorry to hear you have so much going on in your life at the moment.

    I'm a bit wary of online tests now because diagnoses should only be given after a lot of therapy, but I am interested to know more about you.

    You said you are trying to develop ED. Do you mean you are trying to get an eating disorder?

    I have a favourite person too and it's very hard when your emotions are so tied in with a single person. When you say he's gone, what do you mean? Is this permanently?

    I hope you can keep talking to us.

    James

  7. dreamer28
    dreamer28 avatar
    6 posts
    18 November 2018 in reply to joey

    Hi Joey,

    where did you do your DBT treatment?

  8. Guest_946
    Guest_946 avatar
    42 posts
    6 January 2019

    Good evening everyone

    I have recently been diagnosed with BPD at 50 years of age. Previously I was misdiagnosed with Bi Polar disorder. I also have major anxiety and depression (20 odd years).

    My half sister was diagnosed with BPD some years ago however we have never spoken about it. We share the same mother and are 13 years apart, me being the elder one.

    Her father become my stepfather at around 9 years of age. So he was my stepfather for about 3-4 years before she was born.

    I was surprised when my psychiatrist said I had BPD so I told him my half sister had also been diagnosed with BPD. He said that could be based on us sharing the same upbringing. I didn’t have time to discuss it further with him but as I only lived with him from age 9 or so and ceased to live with him at age 17 I didn’t think we had shared that much parenting from him. Me 8 years and her probably 25 years. Does that sound likely to anyone?

    Anyway since my diagnosis I have taken more notice of things I have done or do. I think I had far more symptoms some years ago but I’m heading backwards.

    One of the things is my lack of emotion. Nothing has happened for me to be upset but I have been thinking about when my pet dogs die and it doesn’t bother me. My reaction is more that it’s 1 less thing I will need to worry about. This thought isn’t just in relation to animals.

    Theres a few things that are a bit like light bulb moments. One thing I was kind of excited about was when I realised why I have a tattoo of a lady devil. I always told people it was my devil within. That may have been more accurate than I realised.

    cheers

  9. james1
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    3061 posts
    10 January 2019 in reply to Guest_946

    hello Guest_946,

    It is nice to see you here. Unfortunately, there are many who have also been misdiagnosed with bipolar & the treatment is very different.

    It is hard to really pinpoint the cause of BPD. It could be the parenting from your stepfather, but it could equally be something else. I suppose that is why therapy for BPD can take a long time - it is difficult to go back and try to work out what care was lacking, and perhaps what is still lacking today.

    I also began to notice a lot of things which suddenly made a lot more sense and I guess I am also glad to hear that you feel excited to be able to have these lightbulb moments. I hope this diagnosis is helpful for you

    James

    1 person found this helpful

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