Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Forums / Staying well / Overcoming Social Anxiety and Developing Self-Love

Topic: Overcoming Social Anxiety and Developing Self-Love

13 posts, 0 answered
  1. AndrewP
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    AndrewP avatar
    9 posts
    15 March 2015

    In this western world we live in there comes a lot of social pressures. What you should wear, how you should act, what job you should have, what you should study, where you should be life, and even views that you should have. All of these SHOULDS have a massive impact on us, so much so that they can take us away from who we really are in essence and create a whole lot of anxiety along the way. Have the courage to take yourself away from the SHOULDS and do what you WANT to do, be who you WANT to be, in fact more to the point be WHO YOU ARE.

    We have fears which drive our beliefs and affect our behaviours. There are 3 UNIVERSAL FEARS.

    FEAR OF NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH/BEING FOUND OUT

    FEAR OF NOT BELONGING

    FEAR OF NOT BEING LOVED 

    The fear that comes with being WHO YOU ARE goes something like; "If I were to simply be myself, would I beloved, would I belong, would I be accepted?

    I can tell you that the answer is YES! When we meet someone who is living authentically and being true to themselves we find that we are drawn to these people because they give off such an energy of certainty if self and confidence. They don't turn it up for anyone or turn it down for anyone, they simply be who they are and are loved for that. One of the main reasons why we are drawn to such people is because it takes courage to put yourself out there and be who you are. I can tell you that once you experience embracing the vulnerability of being who you are you will have significant changes in your life.

    Some steps to take in moving forward.

    Ask yourself some great questions like:

    Who is it that I THINK I NEED to be in this world to be loved, belong and accepted?

    When I get anxious what is it that I'm actually worried about? (Get specific)

    Who do I want to be in this world? Who am I?

    What qualities do I love about others? (you will find you posses some of these qualities yourself)

    When asking these questions it is important to be 100% honest with yourself, even if you don't like the answer. Don't answer how you'd like it to sound, how you think it should sound, or how you want it to be.. answer it HOW IT IS!

    Develop Self-Love - look at all the positive qualities about yourself and really love them. Show yourself some compassion and give yourself a break. We are all perfectly imperfect in this world.

    Develop Self-Trust - Trust who you are and know that you will live true to yourself

     

    I have so much more so share guys so please ask questions

    2 people found this helpful
  2. JessF
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    JessF avatar
    1548 posts
    16 March 2015 in reply to AndrewP
    Hello Andrew, it's interesting in that those three fears all relate to judging one's self in relation to others. I've found that the true freedom lies in not doing this, in not comparing yourself to others or judging your worth on what others think of you. What do you think?
  3. MisterM
    MisterM avatar
    475 posts
    16 March 2015 in reply to JessF

    It's sad when those who should love us no matter what, family, make us feel bad about ourselves for,

    Working in a low paying job

    Being unemployed

    Not having many friends

    Being single

    Wearing certain clothes

    Listening to certain music

    Not going to church and/or being religious

    Not being confident and open

    Being quiet and shy

  4. AndrewP
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    AndrewP avatar
    9 posts
    16 March 2015 in reply to JessF

    Hi Jess, yes I agree with you. Letting go of judgement in your life is an amazing thing. The 3 fears I mentioned are human behaviour and are at the core of us. All of our beliefs come from these 3 fears and we behave in ways to keep us safe from experiencing them.

     

  5. JessF
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    JessF avatar
    1548 posts
    17 March 2015 in reply to MisterM
    Hello MisterM, have you experienced all those things on your list?
  6. MisterM
    MisterM avatar
    475 posts
    17 March 2015 in reply to JessF

    Hi JessF,

    Yes I have, from family members.

  7. JessF
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    JessF avatar
    1548 posts
    17 March 2015 in reply to MisterM
    That's disappointing to hear. I think that all those kinds of criticisms, particularly when it comes from family, are a result of people needing to feel superior about themselves by finding "flaws" in others. And often they are projecting their own insecurities too. Criticising you for not having a faith for example, suggests that they are not so rock solid in their own beliefs.
  8. MisterM
    MisterM avatar
    475 posts
    17 March 2015 in reply to JessF
    Yeah definitely agree with you.
    Saw a clever quote the other day on Facebook about people who criticise and what it says about them.
    Can't find it, wanted to share it here.
  9. GretelMW
    GretelMW avatar
    2 posts
    18 March 2015 in reply to AndrewP

    Hi Andrew,

    I am finding that building my self-love and re-connection with who I truly am the best medicine for me. It is the only medicine that truly works for letting go of old hurts and beliefs that get in the way of me being the person I really am. 

    Through listening to my body and the subtle messages it gives me I have been able to re-build a respectful, honouring relationship with myself. When my body tells me it is tired, I rest (within reason), I eat when I am hungry and try to stop when my body tells me I am full.... All the times I say 'yes' to honouring how my body feels I am saying 'yes' to my truth and to Me.

    I am a lot less self-abusive in my actions and thoughts (definitely without perfection) and this is reflected in the life I am building around me and the people I am attracting, as well as the way I let people treat me. I have so much more love for myself and in my life. Being me is becoming easier and my confidence is slowly building.

    Step by step, through making self-loving and self-caring choices  I am slowly transforming back into the true person I am, which I am discovering is beautiful inside and out. As Andrew is saying this is true for all of us.

    With love, Gretel

    1 person found this helpful
  10. AndrewP
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    AndrewP avatar
    9 posts
    18 March 2015 in reply to GretelMW
    Awesome stuff Gretel!
  11. PurpleShade
    PurpleShade avatar
    33 posts
    22 March 2015

    I can relate to Gretel's post :-) and many others in this thread

    I have been on this roundabout for years and being hurt from those close to me is where I'm the most vulnerable and it is what's affected my ability to keep moving forward.

    The fine balance between being open,positive, honouring one-self and being protected from toxic people/environments.  A constant juggling act.  

  12. JessF
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    JessF avatar
    1548 posts
    23 March 2015 in reply to PurpleShade
    Hello Purple Shade, I know what you mean. Do you think you have gotten better as a judge of character as you've gotten older, with respect to spotting the toxic people before they become too much a part of your life? I have a much lower tolerance for these people now, and I find my life less stressful as a result.
  13. peaceloving
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    peaceloving avatar
    1 posts
    25 March 2015

    Hi

    I can relate to this post sooo much... I am only know learning to distance or remove those that are very negative from my life. I was always told by my brother growing up I was never good enough, i'd never be successful cause i'm a day dreamer then when I became a single mum it was that I would never meet anyone who would love me and i'd never finish my studies cause I wasn't smart enough. From growing up with these negative beliefs pushed onto me I started to attract men who treated me the same way until a few months ago when after 10 years anxiety free it came back with a force and has made me look deep within myself... I no longer talk to my brother and have made the decision to remain single for a while so I can focus on my self love, kids and getting my feet back on the ground..... I find each day I am able to remove more and more negative people and can stop them straight off now.

    1 person found this helpful

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up