Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Forums / Staying well / Reaction VS Response

Topic: Reaction VS Response

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. Jacko777
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Jacko777 avatar
    781 posts
    20 May 2015

    Dear Folks,

    I am always on a journey, on a recovery from depression, I have found some peace and happiness and I would love to share something that has helped me; knowing the difference between a reaction and a response.

    Well into my 30's my life had been shaped by my unchecked stinking thinking that had resulted from a serious life event. R.I.P. Mum. I had developed fears and phobias, I was depressed, anxious and angry. Instigated by my concerned loving partner I sought professional help.

    On my journey I have really looked at who I am, I have come closer to knowing what my true passions are and how the healthy me responds to life. Through research and meditation I have found 100% belief that I have a spirit, or soul, a spark of energy that drives and motivates me, it is completely unconditional love, it gives and gives, it is always there, it cannot disappear or be taken away. I have 100% belief that you also have the spark.

    So, to the question I ask myself...am I 'reacting'  to a situation from an unhealthy mind or, am I responding to life from my loving spirit and calm mind that is free of conditioned thinking??? I think of the mind as a curtain in front of my spirit. I practice awareness that I am making this choice between reaction and response, I tell my self that I AM THE BOSS OF MY OWN MIND, I will take responsibility for making a choice and it will be the RIGHT choice, to forget the useless emotion of the mind that comes from uncontrolled thinking, to use my intelligent calm mind with the power of motivation and unconditional love. Respond...from the heart.

    Please don't think I have perfected this, that I have arrived anywhere, this is a practice, not a destination! To practice responding from the heart has helped me a lot so I thought I should share. Comments welcome.

    Love to you all!

    Jack

     

  2. JessF
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    JessF avatar
    1548 posts
    21 May 2015 in reply to Jacko777

    Hello Jack, I'm not sure I know exactly what you mean as I'm not a very spiritual person, but for me the difference between reaction and response is the first is immediate, done on impulse, whereas the second is more considered. Our depression, anxiety or various problems we have encountered  in life may condition us to react in certain ways - for example snapping or getting angry at someone unnecessarily because they trigger a memory of being bullied when we were younger.

    Being able to take the time and absorb a situation, then respond in the appropriate way means learning how to regulate your emotions, which isn't an easy thing to do. A bit like that exercise saying, push through the pain. There's a difference between recognising the pain and how to respond to it, and reacting to the pain by swearing and hitting the wall!  

    1 person found this helpful
  3. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9778 posts
    21 May 2015 in reply to JessF

    Hi Jack

    mmm, tough one, enough to give me a headache lol. I do agree with you about having a spirit. I'm an athiest but having a spirit is definately there.

    But in most cases one has to have a vehicle to bring about this awareness we have spirit. In my case it was the teachings of Maharaji or Pre Rawat. The day I listened to his tape "sunset" I was sold on the fact that we have much more to cellebrate, appreciate, learn, wonder and give to our lives. I often google him on youtube.

    The age old question- is it this or is it that? I try to avoid (likely because thats where the headache comes from haha). However "I am the boss of my own mind" is one of the best self motivating things I've done and continue to do. I put it in terms of "dont let the mind control the brain". otherwise the tail wags the dog. There are likely many other ways to describe this. Logic vs emotion etc.

    Good thread this

    Tony WK

    1 person found this helpful
  4. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    romantic_thi3f avatar
    3183 posts
    22 July 2015 in reply to Jacko777

    Hi Jacko777,

    Interesting post and thank you for sharing :) 

    In my own opinion I would agree and say that what you had with your mum was a response.  To me and in my experience a reaction is if a car were to come towards me I would react and get out of the way, or if a spider were to crawl up my arm I would react and scream; generally I associate reactions with something quick - the body reacts to a sensation or a feeling or a movement.  Or in anxiety even a thought.  So when you initially lost your mum, you might have reacted with shock, or sadness or fear.

    But as you learned more about you and found this spark I believe that you found this strength as a response.

    Maybe I'm wrong. Probably. Interesting thread though. :)

  5. Jacko777
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Jacko777 avatar
    781 posts
    22 July 2015 in reply to romantic_thi3f

    Thanks, I appreciate your comments romantic-thi3f, I think you are right. It took a few decades to turn my reaction to losing my mum into a response.

    If a car were coming at you then a fast reaction makes good sense. Fight or flight yes? I wonder about the spider though, is this not more of a programmed reaction we have to spiders? Could this be changed into a response, with practice? Of course we have some very dangerous spiders in Oz, so caution and a swift reaction could be useful, however many spiders are not dangerous, so say I look down and see a big and harmless huntsman perched on my arm, I could react and freak out (as I probably would) and shake it off or I could choose to respond, as if it were say a moth, it's no more dangerous, give it a nudge on it's way. No I can't imagine me doing that either but it could be fun to practice! Thanks again.

    Jack

    1 person found this helpful
  6. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    romantic_thi3f avatar
    3183 posts
    25 July 2015 in reply to Jacko777

    Hi Jacko777,

    Sorry about the delay in replying - I don't get notifications which makes it tricky!

    Yeah I completely agree; flight/fight response.  I do agree with you that the spider is a programmed response. I guess as a kid I was always trained that spiders are scary/can bite you so I was always scared of spiders, but then because my parent's never reacted to moths I don't tend to respond as much. That's interesting.

    I guess maybe we learn how to react as we get older; i.e. the pan is hot so we flinch and things that might be perceived as scary make as jump? 

    Have a good weekend :)

    1 person found this helpful

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up