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Forums / Staying well / Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

Topic: Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

  1. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
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    22 April 2018 in reply to Music_Freak

    Hello everyone reading and posting,

    I hope you have at least one day or an hour or two when your inner critic is quiet.

    Music, hope you are feeling better today. yes. Daydreams can be a distraction.

    Quirky

  2. Chloe_M
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    22 April 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi quirky,

    the critic is fairly quite today, but yesterday it was a strong presence. During one of my performances yesterday my foot developed a really bad cramp which didn't go away. I was dancing on pointe shoes and it was really painful. After I finished my inner critic was very loud and made me feel really bad. Told me I was no good. Made me feel crap as usual. Oh well. Will talk to psych today at appointment about ways of getting it to shut up.

    Have a good day everyone

    Chloe x

  3. quirkywords
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    23 April 2018 in reply to Chloe_M

    Hello all

    Chloe, I am sorry you had cramp during your performance, that must have been painful.

    I would have told my critic how would you have coped with a cramp and then gone and had a cup of tea!

    Apart from the cramp . how did the performance go.

    Hope your appointment goes well with psych and you get some useful tools for your mental health tool box.

    Quirky

  4. Chloe_M
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    23 April 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi quirky,

    yeah the cramp hurt, but apart from that I danced well.

    It was actually my first appointment, I went to headspace and saw this youth clinician. She just asked me loads of questions about, well, everything. She was very nice.

    She didn't give me strategies she just got to know me and why I'm here and what I'm experiencing. I will be seeing a psychologist on a regular basis at headspace soon.

    Hope you have a good night,

    chloe :)

  5. quirkywords
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    23 April 2018 in reply to Chloe_M

    Hello everyone,

    Chloe, thanks for letting us know about your appointment. You sound quite positive and I am glad you had a chance for the clinician to get to know you and that you felt someone was listening to you. I think taking these steps will hopefully tame tour inner critic for a while.

    Quirky

  6. Music_Freak
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    24 April 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    I was doing quite well yesterday, had a productive day and critic was almost quiet...but today, the critic woke up with me at 3am, I'm amazed I actually got back to sleep at all.

    Now it's almost 10am and I'm sitting at my laptop not even dressed yet, after dragging myself out of bed at 9. I did get a flu shot yesterday, but it can't be that, surely. I just have no fight in me today and I have a psychologist appointment in 3 hours and still have to do homework...

    I just want to hide in bed and sleep the day away. Hopefully walking to the appointment in the rain helps clear my head a bit...

  7. quirkywords
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    24 April 2018 in reply to Music_Freak

    Music, do not be too harsh on yourself.

    I often find after a shot I do feel a bit funny, so give yourself a break.

    Small steps and you will make the appointment.

    I hope it goes well

    Quirky

  8. Ggrand
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    24 April 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Hello Quirky and everyone,

    Last week my inner critic kept nagging me saying, how irresponsible, stupid, dumb I was for being so impulsive and listening to my negative thoughts and just taking off for over 650kilometres drive..

    Since I've been back home, my inner critic has been more kind to me, I wanted to go for a walk today, my inner critic kept telling me not to be so stupid, what if I break down again and the same person or someone saw me again, but then I struggled with my inner critic and it shut up enough and I won.I went for my walk....I overpowered my inner critic and it felt good.

    Round one...Goes to Grandy...yay..

    Grandy

    4 people found this helpful
  9. quirkywords
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    24 April 2018 in reply to Ggrand

    Hello everyone,

    Grandy, 3 cheers for you, raspberries for the inner critic.

    Thanks so much for sharing that with us.

    I wish you had thrown your critic out of the car on your long trip.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  10. Chloe_M
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    24 April 2018 in reply to Ggrand
    You go girl! 💜
  11. Music_Freak
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    24 April 2018 in reply to Chloe_M

    I can't sleep tonight...anxiety and critic are throwing a party and they're SO loud. They make my head hurt.

    I could just cry. I feel sick

    I wish I'd taken sleep meds, but it might be too late now - boo!!

  12. Chloe_M
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    24 April 2018 in reply to Music_Freak

    Hi MF, are you feeling okay now? Did you at least sleep a little? Go easy on yourself today, you will be quite fatigued xx

  13. quirkywords
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    24 April 2018 in reply to Chloe_M

    Hello everyone,

    Music, have you ever tried music or mediation to help you sleep.? I know different types have been recommended on the forums.

    I hope you managed to sleep.

    Chloe, you are so helpful to others?How are you going?

    Quirky

  14. Music_Freak
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    25 April 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Thanks quirky and Chloe, I'm OK...just really tired. I got some sleep. Fighting is exhausting. I will take it easy today, with nothing planned.

    I used to play youtube clips, but found it awkward with earbuds in, so I don't know a way around it, really

  15. Chloe_M
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    25 April 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Hey quirky,

    thank you! I'm not that great tbh, inner critic messing with my head so much today the anxiety is overwhelming. Had a mental breakdown earlier... Cried for 3 hours straight... Still distraught and I'm not quite sure why...

    anyhow enough about me, how are you?

    MF good you got some sleep, hope you are feeling more energetic tomorrow xx

  16. quirkywords
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    25 April 2018 in reply to Chloe_M

    Hello all those reading,

    Chloe, sorry you are not doing well. Thanks for being honest .

    You must be exhausted after the crying. I find I feel cleansed after a cry .

    I have been busy with putting away and pricing books in my shop. I find when I am busy my inner critic sometimes is quiet.

    Quirky

  17. Chloe_M
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    25 April 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Im much better now, the anxiety has lessened and the critic is sleeping. I am quite exhausted; this crying session however was not refreshing, I usually am refreshed after crying... This time I am just fatigued.

    I also find that keeping busy keeps my critic quiet. Which is why I try and stay busy. But I can't be to busy; that increases my stress levels and anxiety. So I have to be careful to find a balance.

    Chloe

  18. quirkywords
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    28 April 2018 in reply to Chloe_M

    Big wave and smile to all,

    How are you feeling today.

    I am going to keep a diary about when and how my inner critic interacts its me. I have done this before with other behaviours and I find it very helpful.

    I ill let you know what I discover over a week, and you can try it if you want to.

    Quirky

  19. Chloe_M
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    28 April 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi quirky,

    im feeling pretty darn good today. Am on a high.

    Thats a really good idea, the diary thing. I am considering doing the diary thing for my highs/lows and neutral days. Still giving it some thought though.

    How are you doing today quirky?

    chloe 🤗

  20. startingnew
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    28 April 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    HI Quirky, im not doing so well atm an my IC is very loud as well as my SI thoughts.

    i like your idea of an IC diary though, i hadnt thought of that one before. i do journal though- how would you suggest doing a diary for ic interactions?

  21. quirkywords
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    28 April 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hello all

    Starting New sorry you are not doing so well.

    I suppose I think it as gathering data and as much information.

    So each day , I observe if my inner critic starts getting loud. Say I drop a glass on the floor breaking the glass and spilling juice everywhere. As I clean it up I start thinking how stupid and clumsy I am and how I should be more careful etc. So I write down those thoughts, the time , and how long those thoughts lasted. Just an idea. Really whatever works for you will be the easiest. If you like drawing you could do faces of how you feel etc.

    For me I want to see if my Ic comes from an incident or words spoken to me or just because I am dwelling. So I will want to put the critics comment s in a context.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  22. startingnew
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    28 April 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    that is rather a good idea Quirky. thank you for sharing i might do the same and see if i can find a patter or what my main causes are too- might help to write down what helps in there too.

    thank you <3

  23. smallwolf
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    28 April 2018 in reply to Music_Freak

    My inner critic works overtime when overwhelmed by things to do and the not knowing if what I did worked. And when you told to suck it up.

    On sick leave when doing stuff that is closer to my values, and interacting with other people and talking about mental health, my inner critic is quieter.

    This might not work for everyone.

    As for what works, a number of suggestions are contained in the happiness trap. The author said not all tricks will work for and it's a case of working out what works for the individual. I have mentioned these before. Such as saying thank you to your mind. Or using a funny voice to say the negative thought. It singing the negative thought. Something to recognise that it is just a thought.

    Hope this helps.

    1 person found this helpful
  24. Music_Freak
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    28 April 2018 in reply to smallwolf

    Having a bit of a bad night tonight...inner critic is quite loud.

    I did a lot of cleaning and re-arranging today and as soon as I got into bed about an hour ago...it started...you should keep going, you could've done more, you live in a pigsty - how can you go to bed and stop.

    Nothing I do is good enough...I'm aching and sore, but still the voice is there :(

  25. Chloe_M
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    28 April 2018 in reply to Music_Freak

    MF,

    first off, the fact that you made the effort to clean is really good! Shows that you were motivated 👍

    Please try not to listen to your critic. It's talking crap. Were you feeling really tired or sore? You mentioned 'aching and sore', I'm wondering if the critic 'attacked' because you were a little vulnerable.

    I hope you feel better today.

    xx Chloe

  26. quirkywords
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    28 April 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hello everyone,

    Yes SN, I forgot to mention I was going to write what I tried and if it worked and how I felt. Thanks for remninding me. I have already had two incidents and I have only started this 12 hrs ago!! I may write one up later on here. Thanks for giving it a go.

    Smallwolf,

    Thanks for your suggestions they are helpful. I think with some of the ideas from the Happiness Trap which I own, is that one may try it once and it doesn't help and then not bother to try it again. Some of them depends on the mood oneisin. When I am down a funny voice or singing did not work.Also as you said every one is an individual and it is a matter of trying to see what helps.

    i agree when stressed and overwhelmed inner critic work overtime . Sometimes even when I feel ok my self doubt is there and inner critic thrives on it.

    Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  27. quirkywords
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    28 April 2018 in reply to Music_Freak

    Hello everyone,

    Music freak , sorry you had a bad night. Like Chloe, I am impressed you did a great job cleaning.

    Small wolf mentioned a few suggestions, and SN and I are trying to write down when our inner critic is loud and learn wat works and doesnt etc. Scroll back and you will see our posts.

    Also s Chloe says

    1 person found this helpful
  28. quirkywords
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    28 April 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Music ,hope you got some sleep.

    SN and I are going to write down our interactions with inner critic- scroll back to see. We may see a reason for inner critic, like Chloe suggest as you were tired and vulnerable, and wrote down things that work. You did a great job cleaning , tell your inner critic that.

    Small wolf also had some ideas.

    Music you are trying and that is good, sometimes when my critic is putting me down I try to drown it out saying all the good things I did.You could say, I am pleased with what I did, I achieved a lot, my place looks good. I worked hard and achieved a lot.

    It is not easy to quiten the voice we have heard for years but it is worth trying. You are really determined and achieved a lot. We're you pleased with yourself.

    Chloe, thanks for your support . How is your inner critic?

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  29. Chloe_M
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    29 April 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi quirky and everyone else,

    quirky my inner critic is fairly quiet today... Tried to convince me to not go for a bike ride... I went anyway, but at first I said I didn't want to go, I gave in to the anxiety and the critic. But I then reconsidered and went. The critic was whispering things like "what if you fall off and make a fool of yourself?" And "you look ugly in activewear". But as soon as I was riding down my street, going really fast down the hill, it went away. am very proud of myself 😎

    What about you? How active has your critic been today?

    chloe

  30. Music_Freak
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    29 April 2018 in reply to Chloe_M

    Feeling VERY tired and sore today, so my critic seems non existent, that or I just can't focus on them. Maybe all I need to do to shut them up is work myself into a state of complete exhaustion...

    I will read back and give the writing a go. My psychologist wants me to do something similar for our next session.

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