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Forums / Staying well / Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

Topic: Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

  1. Chloe_M
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    9 May 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Moon

    Same with me... IC has shut up... wonder why... im glad though :)

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Ggrand
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    9 May 2018 in reply to Chloe_M

    Hi all,

    Maybe some of our inner critic will hibernate this winter and give us a much needed rest and the freedom to do what we want to without the usual inner critic interuptions....Just wishful thinking (sigh). maybe one day. ...Ha inner critic saying to me right now...You know me better then that Grandy..I'm here to stay...

    Grandy..

  3. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
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    9 May 2018 in reply to Ggrand

    hello everyone

    Grandy and Chloe

    funny how inner critic hibernate and for others it is louder than ever for winter.

    I wonder how many inner critics are seasonally affected.Not me . My critic is quiet now as I am worried about a friend who is not well

    Quirky

  4. Doolhof
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    14 May 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Qirky and Everyone.

    Hey Quirky, hope you r friend is doing okay.

    hat is one thing with inner critics, depression, anxiety or what ever, if we are busy and occupied doing something meaningful and purposeful, like caring for someone else, cleaning the house or what ever, we don't have time to listen and pay attention to all that mental health unhelpfulness!

    I need to have a chat to my IC when I am trying to do my study. It tells me I can not cope with it before I even turn the computer on! I need to show my IC who is boss!

    Cheers all from Dools

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  5. Music_Freak
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    14 May 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    My IC seems to be sitting on my shoulder lately, whispering in my ear trying to make me doubt myself with starting uni.

    I'm trying to believe I can do it and will manage the work, but the self doubt was already there before IC got all comfy :(

  6. Chloe_M
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    14 May 2018 in reply to Music_Freak

    And the IC is back! ☹️

    I had a dance comp the other day, as I was waiting side state for my turn, my IC started whispering.

    "You're going to forget it"

    "Why are you doing this? There's no point, you're not good enough"

    it was very frustrating. Even more so when I told my mum about an 'evil little voice in my head'. She freaked out. Then she got angry at me and told me not to exaggerate. she told me I'd talk myself into a psychiatric ward.

  7. Doolhof
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    Doolhof avatar
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    14 May 2018 in reply to Chloe_M

    Hi Everyone,

    That IC can be persistent at times. At least we know what it is, so that means we are aware that the IC does not talk the truth! It makes us think unhelpful things about ourselves or the world. We can tell it to be quiet and to go away.

    We can change the story! We can create our own destiny. We can have belief in ourselves! We have the power within us to overcome that voice.

    When you work out how to do that, let me know! Ha. Ha. Seriously, it is all just talk in our minds. Chatter that we don't need to listen to.

    Chloe, your Mum may have little understanding of what you are experiencing. She may never have battled like you do and as others do. In that case it is hard to comprehend just how real mental health issues are.

    So Chloe, did you enjoy the experience at the dance competition in the end? How do you feel you went? Were you pleased with your effort, did you appreciate the skills of some of the other dancers? Hope it went well for you!

    Cheers all from Dools

  8. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
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    15 May 2018 in reply to Doolhof

    Hello all,

    My IC had convinced me this thread had runs its course then I looked to day and encouraging nad honest posts.

    Mrs D,

    I would tell your IC you are doing well with your studies and you will tell it off before you turn the computer On.

    music, I can relate to the self doubt but I just say can do this , I have tackled new things before. I think it must be the cooler season that is bringing out the inner critics.

    Chloe, I suppose I do not tell other people about my critic because of how your mum r acted. like Mrs D Imam wondering how the dance went. DOmyou find once you are busy Dancing your IC shuts up and is entranced by your dancing??

    thanks everyone por posting and reading.

    Quirky

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  9. Chloe_M
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    17 May 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi all,

    Dools and quirky firstly how were your days? Mine was actually good im happy :)

    I did enjoy the dancing, i came highly commended the comp was one of the biggest in my city so im proud.

    Quirky my IC shuts up all right. It doesn't say anything while im dancing, but after i come off stage it starts whispering stuff again.

  10. Ggrand
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    17 May 2018 in reply to Chloe_M

    Hello Quirky, Chloe, Everyone,

    I can relate to ic shutting up when we are doing something we enjoy... but once we're finished even though we enjoyed ourselves and maybe even a little proud of ourselves, I found my ic seems to always speak up and spoil my achievements by saying im not good enough, I could have done better, why did I say that, what was I thinking. Blah..blah...blah..blah...

    Time to have a shower now...ic why your only gonna waste water, it's too early, Ive done nothing today to deserve a shower.. blah...blah...blah...When someone know how to tame ic please let me know...

    Grandy..

  11. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
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    17 May 2018 in reply to Ggrand

    Hello everyone

    CHloe glad you has some good days.

    COngratulations for your a win dancing. Being highly commended. I hope you are very pleased after your hardly.

    Grandy, all I have tried and others have if you scroll back, is to be tough with your IC?

    EVeryonee has a shower it is not about deserving it, it is hygiene I would lock IC away and go into the shower and enjoy the shower.

    As for undermining your a hievementand my critic does that , I say I am proud I did this, I am not going to listen to my critic. THis is my time to be pleased with what I achieved.

    Grandy it is hard that is why I started this thread. It needs constant. surveillance of our inner critic so we lie mwnt it starts undermining us.

    I keep trying, sometimes Tame it but over times I weaken.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  12. Quercus
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    17 May 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky and the many others reading and joining in 😊.

    Quirky I think it is normal for threads to ebb and flow. Sometimes it takes a new member to find and revive a thread and then a whole lot of new members get to enjoy it. No need to overthink it.

    I like your last sentence about weakening over time. I think that is where I'm at. Weakened. I told my husband yesterday he has no idea the amount of energy it takes to keep the critic voice at bay. He doesn't experience this so he doesn't understand. I told him I can fight for a while and then I get run down and tired and the put downs begin. Then I feel useless and my own voice replaces the critic. I mentioned before my critic is quiet. She is quiet because I am doing her job for her.

    Fighting is hard. We often talk about managing not fighting to conserve energy. How can you manage an inner critic? Elsewhere Mrs D suggested building a sense of self esteem and liking yourself. But how? Any ideas?

    ❤ Nat

  13. quirkywords
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    20 May 2018 in reply to Quercus

    Hello all

    Nat, I was sure I thought I had written a reply but maybe I forgot to send it or I imagined I did.

    i know I am my critics voice but is easier to deal with the negativity being an outside influence.

    can you quieten the critics voice and be that strong voice of reason we have seen in discussions with your critic.

    i think pepper talked about a voice of reason and not a critic.

    I suppose I aim for not being negative to myself as opposed to having self esteem. So try not to put myself down .

    Quirky

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  14. startingnew
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    25 May 2018

    Hi guys

    I hoping someone might relate.

    How do you shut the IC up when physical pain is the one making it louder? The reason being as right now im limited in what i can do as ive got a serious injury. A very frustrating one at that!

    I mustve been off in lala land today as i all of a sudden said 'shut up' outloud and forgot i was amongst people. Oopsy. It didnt help anyway so am open to other suggestions to quiet down those thoughts?

  15. quirkywords
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    27 May 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Greetings to all,

    Starting New,

    sorry I did not see your reply, as it was hidden amount my pages.

    A good question . For me when I am in physical pain my Inner Critic (IC) is quiet as I am focusing on my pain and nothing else andI tend to scream and complain a lot when alone!

    I know that does not help you.

    So is your IC criticising you for being in pain, for not being well or the usual telling you how you mess things up etc. ?

    I am not much help, could you have a chat with your IC nad explain how much pain you are in and you will not listen to any more complaints while you are in pain and IC can go away.

    I had to smile when you forgot you were not alone and said shut up, I have done that too, whe I talk to myself, and said in aloud voice Will you stop that now, and every customer i my shop looked at me!! I said I was talking to the computer!!

    Maybe others will have more helpful suggestions.

    Quirky

    2 people found this helpful
  16. Moonstruck
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    28 May 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Hello there Quirky.....don't think I ever asked you....what is it, that your IC is saying to you? what does it say you are doing wrong, or should be doing instead etc.? How is it criticising you...in a specific area, or just yourself in general?

    Is there an area or facet of yourself that IC really approves of and praises you for? If so, do more of that!! xx

  17. quirkywords
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    28 May 2018 in reply to Moonstruck

    Moon and everyone reading,

    That is a great question. Ia m thinking you don't have an inner critic.

    It depends on what I am doing. Sometimes when I am reading other people's posts my inner critic says.

    "Why can't you write helpful and detailed posts like other people?"

    " Why are you so disorganised" and on a really bad day "Why do you mess everything up?"

    Just an example , but it is harsher and stronger and more repetitive.

    My inner critic never says anything kind though other people say they have a kind critic.

    Quirky

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  18. startingnew
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    28 May 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky

    Please tell your ic to shush.. your posting is fine and also i dont mind hearing different perspectives so share away. I also appreciate your help.

    My ic likes to make a point of how useless and worthless i am esp when in pain because i need to reduce what i do quite alot.

    Hm chatting, ill have to go back towards the start of this thread and have a look how you and Nat have a convo with yours.

    Lol Quirky very good cover up! I couldnt think of a cover up i just went red and had to get out!

  19. quirkywords
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    28 May 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hello everyone,

    Starting New,

    I think we need to stand up to our IC , if IC says we are useless, you can point out all the things you do, like you are very supportive of people on this forum, and in Real life I guess you are very kind and compassionate.

    It is interesting how we can tell others' critics to shut up but not our own.

    Quirky

    2 people found this helpful
  20. startingnew
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    28 May 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky and thank you

    Icould give that ago just have to start believing those things. The environment i live in isnt supportive and well it makes things worse tbh with the things theyve said/do say to me despite my best efforts to be kind and caring so its feeding my IC. 😒

    We are good at helping others but often not so good at helping ourselves. We are our own worst enemies sometimes!

    i going to go back through and resd back over some suggestions and what others do. Might make a list in case i get stuck again and can try a few of them out :)

    Thank you xox

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  21. quirkywords
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    28 May 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hello everyone but I am ignoring ICs

    Starting New,

    Let me know if you get some ideas , others can use, It is just a try and see and practise as much as you can.

    That is so sad about the environment you live in not being supportive. Thats when you need to build your own supportive network.

    Say what would Quirky or an of your other friends here, Quirky would say ignore the negative comments and believe in yourself.

    Quirky

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  22. startingnew
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    28 May 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Of course im only to happy to share if something new pops up thst might help others Quirky.

    Right now i have an unsupportive support network. I just gave up therapy because therapist blamed me for having a mh issue and because i wasnt better after 6 sessions ( 2 of those were the introductory sessions) and we are working on trauma. I dont need that i get enough of that from family! so im trying to find a new support network atm. Will get there though.baby steps.

    Aww Quirky your so sweet. Hmm i wonder if i said 'Quirky says be quiet' if thatll work 🤔 might try that next time! Just not outloud ;-)

  23. quirkywords
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    29 May 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hello everyone,

    I hope you find a new support network, you know you have one here on the forum.

    I have often said I am harsher on myself than anyone self nod why do I treat myself like that.

    If other people treat us badly we usually stand up or we ignore them.

    Quirky

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  24. startingnew
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    29 May 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Quirky ❤

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  25. Ggrand
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    29 May 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hello Startingnew, Quirky,

    I think these psych should listen to their inner critic..it might make them start caring about their patients..Geez, mine just up and dumped me, blamed me for triggering her...yours Startingnew is blaming you for her shortcomings and inability to help you...

    Our I/c can be both harmful and helpful..

    I also hope you have other support networks in your area...

    Grandy. xx

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  26. quirkywords
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    29 May 2018 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi everyone

    I suppose psychs are human too and have to protect themselves but I am sure there must be a gentler way of telling their clients and at least providing another psych to take over.

    I hope you are smelling your bouquet.

    kind thoughts to all.

    Quirky

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  27. quirkywords
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    9 June 2018 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi everyone,

    I have just come across an article, about how to deal with your inner critic. So I will share some one at a time and see what you think.

    Try to be aware of your thoughts.

    It becomes easy to be oblivious to the messages that we are thinking.

    Try to be attentive to what you’re thinking about and recognize that maybe it is not true.

    Thoughts can be exaggerated, biased, and lacking perspective.

    What do you think of those suggestions.

    I know sometimes negative thoughts come in and I accept them then fight them but maybe I could examine the thoughts as soon as they come to me instead of letting them remain and dwell on them.

    Quirky

  28. CMF
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    9 June 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    This is my fave;

    'Try to be attentive to what you’re thinking about and recognize that maybe it is not true.'

    cmf x

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  29. quirkywords
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    9 June 2018 in reply to CMF

    Hello all,

    Thanks CMF, that is a good quotation . We sometimes get so wrapped up in what we are thinking that we need to step back and really analyse it. I often worry about things that never happen or assume people have said something hurtful when they haven't.

    Thanks for sharing that.

    quirky

  30. quirkywords
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    22 June 2018 in reply to CMF

    Hello all.,

    I feel that people’s inner critics must be cold and quiet and that is good.

    i have been challenging any negative thoughts by trying to put them into context and ask if those negative statements are true.

    i felt someone was criticising me and I let it upset me but it was not my critic but a person I respected.

    Any updates on your inner critics would be welcome.

    Quirky

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