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Forums / Staying well / Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

Topic: Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

  1. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
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    11 January 2019 in reply to Music_Freak

    Hello everyone,

    Thanks Music and Happy for you replies.

    So if they are linked can you have self doubt without the inner critic or have an inner critic without self doubt. I wonder if it is up to the individual and not everyone has the two concepts linked.

    For me they go hand in hand but the inner critic is harsher and I can be rational with my self doubt but am often over whelmed by my inner critic

    I think it is interesting to read about other people’s ideas.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Ggrand
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    12 January 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hello Quirky and all,

    When I was told I could go home, I had a lot of self doubt about going back home and trying to start living better then before..I think that was my self doubt..

    A few minutes after I walked into my home, my inner critic started on me...You should have stayed in the hospital, your useless at life, you won’t be able to do this, go back and live there, you belong their, you can’t do this and you know it..l think they are two different parts of us...My gentle critic has run away and hid from me..I’m going to try to prove to my horrible inner critic that’s it’s wrong and I’m right, then let my gentle inner critic lead me throughout today..

    Grandy..

    2 people found this helpful
  3. quirkywords
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    12 January 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Hello everyone

    Grandy,

    you explained it so well .

    I am sorry your inner critic is so loud but glad you have a plan to get your gentle helper, don't like the word critic, back in your life.

    You have done so well, you recognised you needed help got help and now this is the next phase.

    Tell your inner critic even in hospital you were helping others by writing posts and by sharing your story honestly I know you helped many people who are struggling.

    You know that saying

    What would ( insert famous name) do?

    So when inner critic is so loud

    say What would my gentle critic do or what would my supportive friends from beyond blue do or advise me to do?

    Just a thought because I know I need all the tools I can when my inner critic is telling me how lazy I am etc.

    Let us know how you are going if you want to?

    Quirky

    3 people found this helpful
  4. quirkywords
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    6 February 2019 in reply to Ggrand

    Hello everyone

    I am just wondering how everyone’s inner critic is going for this new year.

    I hope it is quiet and under control.

    I think I have said before when I feel criticised by someone especially a loved one, my critic then joins in.

    I wonder how others stop criticism from others being an opportunity for your inner critic to join in and make things worse?

    Quirky

    2 people found this helpful
  5. Elizabeth CP
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    6 February 2019 in reply to quirkywords
    I'm not sure if it is my inner critic or just feeling very negative but things are not going well. I don't need others to criticize I'm able to do it myself
    2 people found this helpful
  6. quirkywords
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    7 February 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hello all,

    Elizabeth, I am sorry that things are not going well for you.

    Is this just a recent thing or some challenges that have been with you for a long time but are now causing you problems.?

    I will look at your thread and see what is happening in your life.

    Quirky

    2 people found this helpful
  7. quirkywords
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    16 February 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hello everyone.

    I was listening to a radio announcer talking about people who have different voices and who to talk themselves like having na inner critic, and people rang in and explained how talking to these voices helps them.

    Some people did mention an inner critic, but a journalist said she interviews herself , other people have a ten your old who encourages them, some have 3 different voices who all help the person see things from different perspectives. I liked the way it was just seem as something adults do and thee was no hint that it was odd.

    I like the idea of being interviewed rather that criticised though interviews can get mean but I could say next question!

    What do you think of having an interviewer rather than a critic, would that help.?

    Quirky

    I know people have suggested having a softer encouraging voice to drown out our inner critic.

    2 people found this helpful
  8. sister moon
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    16 February 2019

    Hi All,

    Really interesting conversation about "self doubt" and "inner critic". Same thing or not? Hmmmm.... For me if I was using the terms the possible difference might be that "self doubt" for me could just be a "feeling" of doubt, more vagueness and uncertainty wrapped around it, where as what I would call my "inner critic" is never short of words, or examples of exactly what is wrong/bad/lacking about me. My inner critic is loud and sure of itself. My self doubt is softer to some extent, more physical. I feel "self doubt", I hear my "inner critic". My self doubt can ride solo, but often if not caught in time will invite my inner critic along for the ride. My inner critic is stronger and louder, but never rides solo. Doubt is the door that lets my inner critic in.

    If that makes sense to anyone else.

    1 person found this helpful
  9. quirkywords
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    17 February 2019 in reply to sister moon

    Hello everyone,

    Sister moon,

    Thanks for your post , it makes a lot of sense to me.

    I like how to make a distinct difference between self doubt and inner critic as it feels to you and your experience.

    I am interested in the idea that for you inner critic never rides solo and doubt lets it in.

    My inner critic feeds off others criticism of me and works alone with me but can have guilt, self doubt, negativity invite inner critic in. More often inner critic works solo.

    What a thought provoking post.

    Quirky

    2 people found this helpful
  10. quirkywords
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    8 March 2019 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Hello everyone,

    I am on the first week of my 6 week online free mindfulness course.

    I heard that the opposite to mindfulness is a default mode where we are not mindful and on auto pilot. In this state people say were are susceptible to self criticism and self doubt.

    In this default mode we are full of distractions and not focussed.

    I wonder do you have a default mode that makes you more vulnerable to your inner critic.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  11. sister moon
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    17 March 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    hi quirky,

    how is the mindfulness going?

    Yes my default mode definately prone to self doubt and criticism. I think it is worse when I am unable to stay in the moment. My inner critic was getting so loud earlier I found myself googling "am I a bad person" and taking quizzes to try to give weight to the counter argument. My inner critic getting so loud at the moment.

    I'm interested to hear how the mindfulness is going... I have found it helpful in the past but struggling to get back into it.....

    1 person found this helpful
  12. quirkywords
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    18 March 2019 in reply to sister moon

    Hello everyone,

    Sister moon,

    Thanks for your post.

    i am finding the mindfulness a bit of a challenge and wondering when I can stop being distracted, My inner critic says geez you can’t even do something simple like mindfulness well of course not .

    I google questions all the time, How do I stop worrying about things that I should have stopped worrying about?

    Thanks

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  13. sister moon
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    18 March 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky,

    Your inner critic and my inner critic sound like palls. That is exactly how I think at the moment about myself when I try to do mindfulness. However I give myself an additional hard time because I had been able to do it a few years back and i do think it helps... but I just can't do it! So I'm all like You've had this tool, but you're too stupid to have kept using it and if you only kept using it you wouldn't have got yourself in such a mess in the first place. And now you can't even stay mindful for 30secounds! and on and on and on....

    Maybe we should send our inner critics out to have a cuppa together so they can just gossip about how hopeless we are behind our backs rather than inside our heads. I am sure they will have a great time and maybe leave us in peace. Or maybe they could play table tennis or something... till they get tired.. then we could just pop our feet up without all that negative self talk making us feel like dirt. Because we are not dirt, we ROCK!

    3 people found this helpful
  14. Guest_093
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    18 March 2019 in reply to sister moon
    hi'yall I like ur last post sister moon, send the inner critic and self doubt all on a holiday and leave us in piece for awhile that is so good, I wish we certainty could, actually that is a really good suggestion about talking back to the evil buggers, mine are with me every minute of every day so very tiring, doing a lot of relaxation breathing and 'I've got this' or I am starting to when they are extremely loud and boisterous just doing sums or multiplications or even when stocking the fridges out back that is when they are really full on for me I try to focus on what I need @ the moment for the fridge, say a can of coke and just repeat over and over the drink I need for the time and they do subside for a little while and I just continue on with my relaxation breathing anything to keep my brain occupied with positive things or keep it entertained. Do these suggestions help at all? All the best for today! Luv Spitfire1
    1 person found this helpful
  15. quirkywords
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    18 March 2019 in reply to Guest_093

    Hello all,

    I welcome your thoughts and your post to this thread.

    Your suggestions are very helpful and Imlike the way to take time and you keep trying and are dertermined to stop those voices.

    Thanks so much

    quirky

  16. quirkywords
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    25 March 2019 in reply to Guest_093

    A question for everyone.

    When do you find it the hardest to ignore your inner critic and when is it at its loudest and most demanding?

    Quirky

  17. quirkywords
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    20 April 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hello everyone,

    No answers to my last question so I assume critics are quite or readers are overwhelmed or something in between.

    I want to know how to stop my critic going overboard when someone says something they view as advice but I see it as negative feedback.

    quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  18. Paw Prints
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    30 April 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hello Quirkywords,

    I find my inner critic is turbo charged by comments/observations from other people. The comments don't need to be directed at me, they may be about other people or even the speaker, they can be praise or criticism. My inner critic can still turn them into being a failing of mine. I don't know how to stop it.

    Paw Prints

    1 person found this helpful
  19. quirkywords
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    1 May 2019 in reply to Paw Prints

    Hello all

    Hi Paw Prints,

    found your comment interesting. I suppose I sometimes feel for another if they are being unfairly picked on and then my inner critic may get mad that I did not speak up for them or indicate I am like that person being picked on and then itemise all my faults!

    Generally I am more concerned with my criticism .

    I would say to your inner critic what a sensitive kind person you are to care so much for others feelings .

    How about others can you relate to what paw Prints wrote?

    Quirky

    2 people found this helpful
  20. asdff
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    1 May 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    When I'm not doing so well is when my inner critic is loudest. It's pretty demanding right now.

    My thoughts are racing, I wish I could make them quiet.

  21. quirkywords
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    1 May 2019 in reply to asdff

    Thanks asdff. I can relate to that. At my lowest inner critic is at its loudest.

    I am sorry your inner critic is being very demanding and I hope you can tell it to leave you alone.

    Quirky

  22. asdff
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    1 May 2019 in reply to quirkywords
    Quirkywords bizarre/odd/funny that I told my dearest friend to go for something this morning. Yet with myself it is too much for me to go for the same sort of goal.
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  23. Jojo100
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    1 May 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi everyone

    I see my inner critic as a bully who picks on my vulnerable inner child. To overcome this I try and build up my inner adult who speaks up for and protects the inner child. This takes some practice with positive self talk. Also when the inner critic starts up I imagine a giant stop sign and say the word STOP a few times to interrupt my thought pattern. This seems to help too. Hope this is of some value.

    jojo

    3 people found this helpful
  24. quirkywords
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    2 May 2019 in reply to Jojo100

    Hello everyone and a big stop sign to all inner critics,

    jojomthnaks for your helpful post. it sounds you are using transactional analysis

    with adult , inner child and forgot the the third part!!

    I think being aware is the first step and having control with the stop sign are very helpful steps.

    What have people used that has worked to quite their inner critic?

    All thoughts and ideas gratefully appreciated,

    Quirky

  25. Quercus
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    2 May 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky 😊 (and Hi too to everyone joining in).

    I'm well and truly out of the loop as I haven't been reading much lately. What happened to set your critic on a rampage? Are you alright?

    I like Jojo's idea about the stop sign. I think recognising the thoughts are unhelpful and cutting them off sounds good. But in practice I need to be busy as well. Too busy to think. Distraction like that isn't always easy though.

    Another thing I noticed lately is how it can be liberating to make the active choice to stop caring what anyone thinks. Inner critic included. What prompted that is my return to being unwell. I'm sick of busting my ass trying to meet expectations... Most especially my own expectations of myself.

    So I found myself listening to my critic waffle on about how useless I am and how everyone would be better off blah blah blah. Same old. And I just shut her up. For good or bad I'm here and not going anywhere. Yep I am weird and kinda useless at some things. But I'm also ALLOWED to be!

    Last week I spoke with my friend's 14 year old and was absolutely gutted to realise her self esteem is worse than mine! I asked her what does she do that makes her feel good about herself? And what makes her feel crap that needs to be cut down or out.

    Driving home I figured I'd take my own advice. Working outdoors and gardening makes me feel fitter and happier. So that's where I am as often as possible.

    Is there anything you do Quirky that in that moment you usually feel ok with yourself?

    1 person found this helpful
  26. Doolhof
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    3 May 2019 in reply to Quercus

    Hi Everyone,

    I came across this quote this morning and wanted to share it with you all:

    Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person (or your inner critic) or an event to control your emotions. Perna Chodron

    Easier said than done at times.

    Wishing you all the clarity to know when to stomp on that inner critic, when to listen to it and accept it and when to grow and flourish despite the inner critic.

    Cheers all from Dools

    2 people found this helpful
  27. quirkywords
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    3 May 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Greetings to all those trying , struggling and doing ok,

    Mrs Dools

    Thanks so much for sharing those words of wisdom.

    I suppose I try never to listen to my inner critic because it is always harsh but I do try to listen to that kind soft voice who sometimes reassures me when I am self doubting. I needed those words this morning ,

    Here is to us all growing and flourishing today and forever.

    Quirky

    2 people found this helpful
  28. Doolhof
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    3 May 2019 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky and All,

    I think that sometimes I am not even aware that I am my own critique, so I don't realise where the feelings of hurt inside me come from.

    I feel it is my own sense of being inadequate that stops me from attempting different situations, activities and events.

    Realising this is the case, may help me to conquer my doubts and to grow in strength and capability!

    Cheers to you and All reading from Mrs. Dools

    2 people found this helpful
  29. quirkywords
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    3 May 2019 in reply to Doolhof

    Hello all

    Mrs Dool

    I think self awareness is vital I. Tami g the inner critic. Sometimes I get stuck in self doubt and being very critical of myself I forget what I am doing and who is in control.

    Thanks for your input.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  30. quirkywords
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    4 May 2019 in reply to Quercus

    Hello all,

    hi Nat and thanks for your comment. Sorry I missed it, I sometimes scroll too fast

    Firstly I don’t think you or anyone is useless and wish everyone would take that word from their vocabulary.

    I am glad you are trying not to worry about what others think of you.

    I think it is great you have found something that makes you fitter and happier.

    for me it is my shop and being surrounded by books . the. Trouble is at this time of year when there are few sales I have to remind myself that just being with my books is an end in itself and carting boxes of books helps as well.

    I would say my self esteem at 14 was a lot worse than mine is now .

    Thanks again Nat for giving me lots to think about.

    Tell your inner critic you have so much insight into your own life and wisdom to share and your words help many people.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful

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