Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Forums / Staying well / Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

Topic: Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

  1. startingnew
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    startingnew avatar
    5861 posts
    27 March 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky and all

    sorry for the delays in between posting. i havent been around all that much. been struggling alot offline with grief, and drs, and illness and whatever life is throwing at me currently.

    yes ive done thought challanging as an exercise often i dont write it down though i generally have conversations in my head about whatever thought it might be.

    i agree with you Croix i hesitate so much in sharing good news- its kinda like getting the feeling of everyone is struggling and when i say something postivie it sounds like its bragging. i actually like hearing of others successes and i would much rather share the good stuff now too.

  2. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14724 posts
    28 March 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hello to everyone,

    Hi starting new.

    your posts are welcome here not mayyer how infrequent .

    I am sorry you have been struggling.

    I worry ifI share good news i will jinx it and will then have bad news- silly isn't.

    take care

    Quirky

  3. Moonstruck
    Moonstruck avatar
    3877 posts
    28 March 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    sorry to get off topic Quirky...but wondered has anyone read The Happiness Trap by Dr Russ Harris...and what they thought of it?

  4. PamelaR
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    PamelaR avatar
    2740 posts
    28 March 2018 in reply to Moonstruck

    Hello Quirky

    You say:

    I think that our inner critic often tells us not to show off our achievements but magnifies our flaws. Thats why I started this thread to work out a balance.

    I agree, I was taught not to show off! Never to acknowledge achievements and only to magnify how deficient I was. That's why I struggle with the concept of loving or liking myself. Putting this in balance for myself - that was the era my mother grew up in and she perpetuated that value. Thank goodness for the 70s/80s which changed that thinking. I struggle still to change the inner critic! However, I'm ALWAYS up for a challenge and continue to fight those negatives.....

    Moon, haven't read The Happiness Trap by Dr Russ Harris. It looks interesting. A long time ago I read Happiness by the Dalai Lama. It helped me put my some of my life into perspective. Will have to have a look at what Dr Russ has to say too.

    Pammy

  5. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14724 posts
    29 March 2018 in reply to PamelaR

    Hi everyone,

    Moon, I readthe happinesstrap a few years ago and found the title misleading as I thought it would be about how we conned into believing happiness the only goal but real it made me guilty for not feeling happy. Just my opinion.

    Pam. Thanks for your reply. I like that you are always up for a challenge.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Moonstruck
    Moonstruck avatar
    3877 posts
    31 March 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Dear Quirky...hoping your weekend is going OK...(God we're only halfway through!!)

    I have shut my inner critic up for now....will let you know when she rears her ugly head again! But she can get stuffed - so I guess my answer to your thread-question is...yes, sometimes, for a while at least..it can be tamed. xx

    1 person found this helpful
  7. PamelaR
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    PamelaR avatar
    2740 posts
    1 April 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Hello Quirky

    How's your weekend going? Have you been able to shut your inner critic up for Easter? Hope so.

    I've been able to and consequently have been enjoying it, expected when I felt sick (all recovered now).

    PamelaR

  8. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14724 posts
    1 April 2018 in reply to PamelaR

    Hello all,

    Pamela and Moon, thanks for your comments. I am glad you are both shutting down your inner critic. I am very tired and have a hacking couch at he moment so I feel guilty I need to rest and hate get help in my shop something I only ever do when I amawaybut I couldnt cope so now I feel guilty I am being lazy even though I am sick. I have no energy to tell inner critic to go away. I rarely get colds so I am impatient That I have been feeling bad for 5days with o improvement and I have been resting.

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  9. PamelaR
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    PamelaR avatar
    2740 posts
    1 April 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Hello all

    Awww Quirky. Hope you feel better soon. You know it is okay to be sick, you ARE NOT lazy. When you get better maybe try to think of some good 'turn off' techniques. So you can tell it (the inner critic) to go away - I'll deal with you later. Set aside a time later on to deal with what 'it' wants to say. Not sure if this will work for you. It was something I learnt from my psych when I had 'too much' to deal with in my head. I found it worked.

    Have you been to the doctor? You may have something that needs treating?

    PamelaR

  10. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14724 posts
    2 April 2018 in reply to PamelaR

    Pamela, thanks for your comncern and nelpful suggestions.

    nothing serious just a cold and jetlag a little sleep in a week. I am driving patient partner to lose be impatient because of my coughing and I am over being tired. hard to run a business at busy time of you.

    I am already the worlds biggest procrastinator , saying one day I will get round to it- so much so that I was once given a round tuit by my parents!!!

    think when you are feeling flat I don't even need inner critic to self sabotage I can do that for myself !!

    1 person found this helpful
  11. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    9231 posts
    2 April 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky,

    Sorry to hear you are not feeling well but glad it s nothing too serious.

    Take care

    cmf x

    1 person found this helpful
  12. PamelaR
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    PamelaR avatar
    2740 posts
    2 April 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Do hope your cough gets better. Have you been to the GP yet? Important, re cough. Unless it's a smokers cough.

    Yeh, talk to me about procrastination, that's me with a capital P. Need to get the garden's ready to start some autumn planting. Tomatoes, avocados and pumpkins already popping up in the compost. Garden beds not ready. Need to transfer compost to veggie beds. Baaaaa. Have talked about it for weeks.

    Hope your cough gets better soon. xxx

    PamelaR

    1 person found this helpful
  13. Ggrand
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    10029 posts
    2 April 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Hello Quirky,

    Awe so sorry your not well.

    When im sick, and just want to stay in bed, my inner critic tell me I'm not sick, to get up out of bed, get dressed, stop making excuses to be lazy, Keep going, of course I listen to it, when all I want to do is hibernate. My inner critic always seems to win..

    I hope you get well soon, sending you some healing energy to hopefully make your recovery quicker..

    Karen.

    1 person found this helpful
  14. startingnew
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    startingnew avatar
    5861 posts
    3 April 2018
    hope you feel better soon Quirky xox
  15. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14724 posts
    3 April 2018 in reply to startingnew

    I am fine, thanks everyone for your kind words. I am fine just frustrated.

    Do you think it is harder or easier when we are unwell to ignore our inner critic?

    quirky

    2 people found this helpful
  16. startingnew
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    startingnew avatar
    5861 posts
    3 April 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    thats an interesting question Quirky. i can see both sides to this. i find my IC becomes louder because i just cant be bothered arguing with it and find it rather draining however when im physically unwell i can accept a littl easier that fact im being abit more lazy than usual and acknowledge that i need to rest and rejuvenate so i can have the energy to do all the things that need to be done.

    what about you?

  17. Quercus
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Quercus avatar
    3557 posts
    4 April 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Definately harder. No doubt.

    How are you holding up Quirky? Tell your inner critic from me if she is quiet and leaves you be I'll bribe her with chocolate. I am a firm believer in drowning the critic with tea and chocolate unfortunately. That's why I need to diet.

  18. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14724 posts
    4 April 2018 in reply to Quercus

    Hello all

    Thanks Sn, I can see both sides like you. I dont get sick much so when I do can mad at myself and frustrated I feel so tired, Thanks for your reply.

    My inner critic is not fooled by food bribes and it is off food at the moment anyway! Nat you answer made me smile. How are you?

    No more self indulgent posts from me- so many really ill people not he forums yet here am I moaning- get so mad at myself!!

    Quirky

  19. startingnew
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    startingnew avatar
    5861 posts
    4 April 2018
    Abit of your IC coming out there Quirky....
    1 person found this helpful
  20. Quercus
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Quercus avatar
    3557 posts
    4 April 2018 in reply to startingnew

    I was thinking the same thing SN.

    Quirky I was wondering... what's wrong with being self indulgent? It doesn't mean you don't care for others just that you're recognising your own needs too.

    My inner critic isn't alone today. She's brought the moral compass along to help break me down.

    It is harder than usual because the moral compass wants me to be better than I am and the inner critic is using those arguments as evidence that I am a worthless human being.

    Not sure if anyone has experienced this too so I'll share my thoughts and hope someone has ideas.

    Critic: you're not smart enough.

    Compass: you don't lack brains... You are just not trying hard enough to improve your knowledge.

    Critic: because you're a poor excuse for a human.

    Compass: not exactly just not meeting the expectations of others. Society is changing you need to be more caring of others.

    Critic: you're too lazy to change and too selfish to care. Come on admit it. You don't care if you hurt others you just like the sound of your own voice.

    Me: what's wrong with having a voice? It's better than being dead.

    Critic: you know the answer to that. Nothing useful to say. Nothing genuine to give. The world wouldn't be any worse off without you. One less white trash sponge on humanity.

    Compass: you do help others. You just need to try harder. You need to change for the better.

    Critic: yep. Change. Erase yourself and do as you're told. If you're sticking around at least try and be useful.

    Bleh. So sick of this internal discussion. Wish the dialogue in my head would just shut up.

    To answer your question Quirky. I think many of us are struggling at the moment.

    Thanks for letting me be self indulgent and get the crap in my head out. I hope it doesn't bring you down too.

    Time to work. Physical work means the voices are too stuffed to harrass me.

    1 person found this helpful
  21. startingnew
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    startingnew avatar
    5861 posts
    4 April 2018 in reply to Quercus

    i like the way you talk to your IC Nat, it makes for a rather interesting read.

    i hope today you were able to quieten the voices down and manage your day ok xox

    1 person found this helpful
  22. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14724 posts
    5 April 2018 in reply to Quercus

    hello everyone

    I like the way Nat has distinguished between inner critic and moral compass, the former points out how hopeless we are the latter says we are good but we are nit good enough a we dont try hard enough. Correct me Nat if I have the wrong.

    It was a powerful piece of writing.

    SN I agree it is interesting to read and moving.

    Quirky.

    1 person found this helpful
  23. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14724 posts
    7 April 2018 in reply to startingnew

    Hello everyone,

    Is it possible to get so tired of the negative inner critic that one just ignores it and gets on with living.

    I am tired so being stuck in a negative rut but seem too tired to dig my way out. Sure I can help others with advice but wth myself I am stuck.

    Quirky

  24. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    9231 posts
    7 April 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky,

    good question. I personally have to tell it to STOP. That I am not going to allow it to control me. However, when I am tired and in a rut I find I stop caring. I know I haven't helped or really answered you question.

    sorry you're feeling this way. My IC is playing up a bit but I'm trying to stomp it out, like putting out a fire. Now there's a good visualisation.

    hope today is kind to you.

    cmf x

    1 person found this helpful
  25. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14724 posts
    7 April 2018 in reply to CMF

    Hello all

    Cmf. Thanks for your kind words.

    I now have my sturdy old reliable boots that are good for stomping out the fire of negativity and put downs. A great visual.

    Who wants to join me in stomping out those negative words of inner critic/

    What boots will you wear?

    How hard will you stomp?

    Come and help me put out this negativity.

    Quirky

    3 people found this helpful
  26. IsaJett
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    IsaJett avatar
    231 posts
    7 April 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky

    I did it...I told my inner critic to "shut the hell up" and let me live my life...hahahah sometimes I be so tired but this voice just blabs on...like has an energy of its own. I now ignore it....like white noise...I notice it is in the background but it just run its course. I have found that silencing it is impossible as it just comes back stronger.

    So now it just kind of drowns out ...sometimes it even goes quiet...hahaha which is great for me but I aint fighting it no more. hahaha I have found that my recent activities like hot yoga and being more attentive to my current task is what has helped. And God forbid I am also quite often coming up with positive thoughts to start up with..lol which is just simply glorious..But it can definitely happen ..the voice can be ignored ;-) have fun with the experimenting to see what works and what doesnt.

    Keep Smiling ;-)

    2 people found this helpful
  27. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14724 posts
    8 April 2018 in reply to IsaJett

    Hello all

    Isabel Sabrina,

    Thanks for your reply. I am glad you stood up to your inner critic , You are right the voice can be ignored but it takes practice, strength and time,

    Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  28. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14724 posts
    12 April 2018 in reply to IsaJett

    How is your inner critic today?

    Is it behaving itself or is it loud and annoying and non stop chattering.

    Quirky

  29. startingnew
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    startingnew avatar
    5861 posts
    12 April 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Morning Quirky and everyone

    Mine is very loud and rather annoying today and has been the past few days. It seems to get louder before bed and the duration it takes me to get to sleep (often around 3am)

    How is yours? And everyones....

  30. Elizabeth CP
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Elizabeth CP avatar
    2499 posts
    12 April 2018 in reply to startingnew
    Mine is OK if I keep really distracted & busy so no room to listen to the voice in my head but as soon as I stop the thoughts come back. I can't win. I'm either guilty for not helping a family member in need or if I help her I'm putting myself at risk of going under & being unable to support my husband when he leaves hospital.

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up