Anyone like me that has been a little quiet in responding might feel totally inadequate with how to help.
Stress through trauma. Like many people I've had to learn how to deal with trauma- my brother and uncles suicide, discarding my very toxic mother and moving on from riots and unspeakable events in a jail as a prison officer that was 42 years ago, still haunts me.
I've learned with my bipolar to keep reminding myself that if I have a rough day, tomorrow is a new day (as they said in "gone with the wind". Or the next. Even one year ahead will be better than now, in your case there will be developments in your lives that will improve things. This period is the toughest time so it can only get better.
Re: " like me who are trying to get on with their lives" Even while you are suffering you want to acknowledge other people's struggles. You are an incredibly wonderful caring and empathetic human being Quirky. You are amazing and lovely and I'm sure anyone who has spoken to you for merely 5 minutes will know that.
I think about my last week of my first marriage in 1996 after 11 years of emotional abuse. I worked 3 jobs, one of which was shift work so my wife could stay at home with our kids. She was lazy and I also changed nappies more than her, cooked meals if I wanted to eat and the emotional abuse was extreme. As an example I left in the dark and arrived home in the dark. That included 3 hours travel to Melbourne return. My old car needed tuning so I got home and asked her what was for dinner. "what do you want" she asked ..""anything darl, I've got to tune the car". 45 minutes later I returned indoors "where's dinner" I asked..."she said "I asked you what you wanted, I didnt say I was going to cook it". Homemaking was her job!
Yes, I tried suicide but recalled my dad always reminding me "better to be a part time dad than no dad at all" rang in my mind. I left the family home, leaving my young children with their mum. 40yo and shattered.
The first 3 months or so I was lost. Then saw a block of land and built my own house. My marriage settlement was my garage I'd built, and she would get the 100yo house and the mortgage.
When I completed my home my kids had a ball in their new bedroom with fairy doonas and curtains. They told their mum. A week later I got a letter from child support - it included a letter from my ex wife saying "he has a new home and I have a 100yo home...I deserve more child support" Her request was refused.
Never give up