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Forums / Staying well / This bipolar life

Topic: This bipolar life

  1. velvetfaerie
    velvetfaerie avatar
    2030 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Retail at Christmas. You have my utmost sympathy.

    I am at work and can't stop crying. I feel like no one cares about me at all. No one wants to see me unless i make the effort. I don't feel a part of anything. Man thing helps everyone else and stuff but never plans to do fun things with me. I don't feel a part of his life or family. I feel like nothing. I hate this.

    V

  2. velvetfaerie
    velvetfaerie avatar
    2030 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to velvetfaerie

    I will add the settlement etc divorce stuff - he keeps caving in to the ex.

    I told him he may as well hand her every cent he earns for the next 7 years and be done with it. I hate feeling like she is going to get his income then I am going to be left supporting him because he won't fight for his part in the cash fiasco.

    I HATE IT ALL

  3. asdff
    asdff avatar
    50 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to velvetfaerie

    Velvet we care about you. xxxx

    Re:settlement and ex.I've not been divorced but a friend of mine is now married to a guy who was previously married. She keeps her income seperate to his. i.e. they don't have a joint bank account. There are two kids from ex marriage too. Keep fighting lovely.

  4. velvetfaerie
    velvetfaerie avatar
    2030 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to asdff

    asdff: Bank account thing is a good point. Noted. I understand and accept the kids are his responsibility as well but SHE ISN'T!!!!!!!!!! I feel like i will never match up to what he had. Like i am the lesser replacement.

    Funny question. How is love expressed? I don't understand it.

    V.

  5. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
    3902 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to velvetfaerie

    Hello everyone,

    This has been going on for some time, with manthing and his ex, has something happened to make it worse. I feel angry you feel so sad and you feel like this. Man thing needs to realise what a treasure he has in you.

    You are an amazing person the way you cope with life and you give so much to others.

    I think it can be easy to say that you love someone but much harder to show it .

    Take care, you are so worthy of being treated in the best possible way.

    Quirky

  6. velvetfaerie
    velvetfaerie avatar
    2030 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    What it is is financial settlement and her greed AND she is doing it out of sheer spite to stop us having a life together. She is a bitter twisted toe rag.

    If i ever see her she better hope she can run faster.

  7. asdff
    asdff avatar
    50 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to velvetfaerie
    Velvet if she was so great and the life they had was so great, why are they not still together? A marriage is hard work. Long term relationships are hard work.
  8. velvetfaerie
    velvetfaerie avatar
    2030 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to asdff

    It was far from great from the limited info I have.

    Hard to show love. That's a good point Quirky. I don't know how to see it, show it, relate to it. that's why I am so independent.

    V.

  9. quirkywords
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    3902 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to asdff

    hello everyone

    I wonder how long is a long term relationship.

    I have had one that lasted 20 years , one 9 years , are they medium term?

    Quirky

  10. velvetfaerie
    velvetfaerie avatar
    2030 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    I think a main relationship issue with me is I fail with affection. I don't understand it or what it is or how to read it.

    Something was never been raised with.

    Socially awkward.

    V.

  11. asdff
    asdff avatar
    50 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Quirky if you live together. It's long term. I've lived with a guy after 6 months. We didn't last another 6 months though.

    I am good with affection. See how can we all be bi polar when one of the symptoms is overly sexual or seeking out sex in difficult circumstances or something like that?

  12. asdff
    asdff avatar
    50 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to velvetfaerie
    Another symptom is gambling. Or bad with money. Who on here gambles? Not me. I know one or two of you aren't great with money. I know non bi polar people who are bad with money.
  13. velvetfaerie
    velvetfaerie avatar
    2030 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to asdff

    Gambling bores me. I like to party LOL.

  14. quirkywords
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    7 December 2018 in reply to velvetfaerie

    Hello everyone,

    asdff when I was much younger I did many risk taking behaviours which I wont go into but not gambling well not with money! I think we all have/had different manic behaviour,

    Velvet, I liked to party but not since the medication now I am a wallflower.

    Quirky

  15. rubyde
    rubyde avatar
    9 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to velvetfaerie

    Velvet, I'm with you, partying is way better than gambling!

    Aside from that I'm not much of a risk-taker. In a hypomanic state I prefer to spend money on "treating myself" (I just spent $150 on skincare products...) or to rearrange the furniture in my home. My lounge room had a nice makeover today but now there's junk all over the place haha

  16. quirkywords
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    3902 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to rubyde

    hello everyone,

    rubyde

    I am now thinking of the difference between over spending and treating oneself, is it just about the amount you spend or what you buy. At my most manic I once bought clothes and the leave them on the bus so others wouldn't know what I had bought!

    Quirky

  17. rubyde
    rubyde avatar
    9 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Quirky,

    Honestly I don't know if there is a difference! I just use "treating myself" as an excuse really. People don't question you if you tell them that you're treating yourself rather than over spending!

    A bit of a bad habit I have is getting very interested in something then buying a lot of things that are related to that thing only to lose interest within about two weeks.

    I hope someone found the clothes you left on the bus and enjoyed them haha

  18. asdff
    asdff avatar
    50 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to rubyde
    Rubyde I was having a conversation with someone this week. They were telling me about a male in their life who gets intestered in a sport, buys all of the equipment. Then gives it up within a month or two. This year there has been fishing, cricket and golf. This young couple are trying to save for a house. There goes a few thousand on sports equipment. I am way more the other way. I question, do I need that? Then talk myself out of it. So very much deny myself of pleasures in life.
  19. asdff
    asdff avatar
    50 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to velvetfaerie
    Velvet I used to love to party in my 20's. I am very much black and white. When in a relationship I don't drink, I prefer to stay at home. When single. I am ready to mingle. Now a medication I am on it's not advised to drink. So I don't. I didn't drink before this medication anyway. I have alcoholism in my family. So apart from when I used to go clubbing. I didn't drink.
  20. rubyde
    rubyde avatar
    9 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to asdff

    Asdff, thousands is a huge amount to spend on new things! I may spend up to $100 on something like embroidery equipment or maybe $15 on a hair dye which looks fun. I hate spending large amounts of money on things that are supposed to be "fun", so I try and find second hand items or see if my friends have something that I can borrow.

    Yesterday I bought a second hand bike, helmet and lock for $80 and got my friend to teach me how to ride - hoping this won't just be a phase as I actually found it quite fun!

  21. asdff
    asdff avatar
    50 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to rubyde
    Rubyde I was shocked too. I bought a second hand bike. I love riding. I hope you do too. I like finding bargains. My husband I spend inside of our means. However lots of people around us, like to keep up with the Jones. I find it frustrating people buying new cars, too many Christmas gifts. Then saying they are poor. Well why don't you not overspend at Christmas and buy a second hand car? These are just examples of my frustrations.
  22. rubyde
    rubyde avatar
    9 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to asdff
    Asdff, that bothers me too. As I was growing up it was just me and my Mum and we didn't have a lot of money so I learnt how to spend money very wisely. It always upsets me when people with big expensive cars, houses and other things complain that they have "no money", stop spending it on silly things!!


  23. velvetfaerie
    velvetfaerie avatar
    2030 posts
    7 December 2018 in reply to rubyde

    You don’t want to know the mischief I used to get into being a band chick.

    😏

    1 person found this helpful
  24. asdff
    asdff avatar
    50 posts
    8 December 2018 in reply to rubyde
    Does anyone have a tween (before teenage) daughter? I do and boy oh boy does she get me angry. So her moods are caused by hormones. Then me with bipolar it could end in a screaming match. Hubby just says walk away.
  25. quirkywords
    Community Champion
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    quirkywords avatar
    3902 posts
    8 December 2018 in reply to asdff

    hello everyone,

    Lots of interesting posts.

    asdff, I wonder assume that husband who sepnds lots of money on sports then goes onto a new one, is not bipolar.

    It is interesting if someone with bipolar sends money on something then don't use it, they are manic and an excessive spender but if someone without a label doesn't the same people say he is going through a phase.!

    Ruby when I am well I am careful with money, I cant remember the last time I bought new clothes, I was into op shops way before it was trendy, back in the 1970s and 1980s. In those days people would be embarrassed if I saw them in an op shop whereas I was very thrilled I could get bargains.

    However when manic I would waste money as I was so impulsive and I soon got into debt but still for years I was in denial!!

    Velvet, tell all in a book!!

    Asdff, my child is an adult now but I still have the emotional scars from those years. I think we blame hormones from birth to death for bad behaviour.

    I found the worst thing is to argue and scream but it is hard when all your buttons are pressed.

    In hindsight I needed to set boundaries but I felt so guilty that I had caused the rpoblems and her dad said all her bad behaviour was my fault. That did not help by sagging self esteem.

    I tried to find time we had together without her siblings and she could choose an outing, if we managed at outburst free week!!

    Quirky

  26. asdff
    asdff avatar
    50 posts
    8 December 2018 in reply to quirkywords
    My husband doesn't spend money on sports. It's someone else's hubby.
  27. asdff
    asdff avatar
    50 posts
    8 December 2018 in reply to asdff

    Sorry Quirky I read your post quickly before doing something else on the computer. I do hope that husband is going through a phase and doesn't end up spending his money on useless things.

    I am seeing the future with my daughter and she blames everything on me. Joy oh joy. I better start saving for her therapy. It's not all my fault. It would be easier to send her away to live with someone else for the next few years. Maybe tween daughter and hubby cold live in one house. Son and I live in another? I was not an easy teenager. Luckily I had my best friend's family down the road and would go there. When Mum and I fought. We did a lot. Mum knew I would be at best friend's house.

  28. quirkywords
    Community Champion
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    quirkywords avatar
    3902 posts
    8 December 2018 in reply to asdff

    Asdff,

    Thanks for your post.

    my mother said to me once when I was a teenager that she hopemone day I had a child that would give me as much grief as I gave her,. She got her wish! I remember one day after my mum died I remembered her words as I was struggling with my child and I started to cry and laugh. I said out loud to my mum, enough is enough, I understand how bad I was .

    One day your daughter will be 30 and even though she may still blame you for everything, she will make an effort to spend time with you.

    Quirky

  29. rubyde
    rubyde avatar
    9 posts
    8 December 2018
    Velvet, I am very curious now!

    Asdff, I don't have much to add, Quirky had a lot of good advice there. I was a tween not too long ago but it feels like a million years ago. All I can suggest is that you be there for her when she needs you and make sure she knows you are. I was a bit of a problem tween and teen with my major mood swings but Mum was always supportive of me which made everything a little easier.
  30. Loula
    Loula avatar
    305 posts
    8 December 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    Oh yes retail sucks this time of year. I just dislike abusive people. I just don’t need it. Well no body dose.

    I’m in a long term relationship. Been 17 years. Hard work at times but mostly good. Communication and laughter is key. Encourage each other and love every part the good or the bad.

    V this women seriously needs to get a hobby! This book needs to be closed! Must be driving you crazy! You know though we all care for you!

    Gambeling pfft borining. I like risk taking behaviour. Then at least you have interesting stories at parties haha!

    I’m a manic spender! I have zero control when sick. Can max out a credit card in a day. Then I go shopping for friends and get them to send me money to buy stuff I find for them. Good they all know I’m good in the fashion field and trust me. I just have to shop to keep happy. Haha I’m so stressed this week I brought a designer dress and a car today whoops! but I also came from a very poor family like I never had lunch at school so I’ve worked hard for my money and when I do buy something I feel like I’ve worked my way to this. I’ve made it. That make sense?

    Aarrggghh hope I hear from work this week! Just want to move and my best friends from Canada just got there Australian visa so they did a surprise move to where I’m wanting to move so exciting!!!! Whoop whoop!

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