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Forums / Staying well / Three self-care things you did today!

Topic: Three self-care things you did today!

  1. PinkFeather
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    15 posts
    21 December 2020
    I love this thread, thanks for starting it, it keeps me on track.

    Today was a very bad day, I felt myself disassociating soooooooooooo....
    1. Had a dreadful experience at the dr's so sat under a big Morton Bay Fig afterwards. While I cried I felt the big mossy roots support me.
    2. Set my alarm early and still got up, despite no sleep, and attended to basic chores.
    3. Sitting down after a big emotional day and feeling like I have a place to comfortably share....you guys! Thanks xo
    3 people found this helpful
  2. Sleepy21
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    21 December 2020 in reply to PinkFeather

    - Came early to an appointment which gave me more time.

    - a warm drink in the car for a long drive

    - put in some hair lotion to calm my tresses down from the heat

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Not_Batman
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    22 December 2020 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hi all.

    pinkfeather, when the roots are deep there is no need to fear the wind. Be kind to yourself.

    all sanding and no play makes Not_Batman a dull boy....but it will be worth it. Wet sanding is a meeeeeeessy job.

    made a delicious creamy mustard pasta.

    ate a golden gaytime. Aww yeah.

    watching cartoons with the kids.

    Not_Batman

    2 people found this helpful
  4. Sleepy21
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    22 December 2020 in reply to Not_Batman

    hi Not_Batman - i was checking out a Golden Gaytime the other day in the servo but went for a maxibon instead :)
    Great little treat :)

    Hope ur well, Not_batman, keep being amazing

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Jstar49
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    22 December 2020

    Hi all,

    Hey pink feather! I'm feelin ya today-about having a safe space to share, this space right here on these pages. Rough day. Rough and brilliant and heart breaking. So I guess to self care I took the day to be with my man, and we shared a lovely plant shop visit, and ate food by the riverside. It's funny becos until writing it here I hadn't realised that it was self care!

    And I took the time to put my hair up and even some makeup before dinner with the folks et al ( we never know what that will be like but it's best to have the armour on).

    And now I'm coming onto the forums, becos I feel like i can have a shit day and it's ok here.

    Thanks for sharing your tears with us pink feather. I feel like we can hug it out thru the snot and the heartache.

    Life just sux sometimes!!!

    J*

    1 person found this helpful
  6. missep123
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    22 December 2020 in reply to Sleepy21
    My self care today was painting my nails and watching a new Netflix show! I feel very relaxed now
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  7. Jstar49
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    22 December 2020 in reply to ecomama

    Hiya,

    Boundaries- wow yes, flexing the muscles, getting stronger, growing in confidence and self assurance that Yes, I deserve to be able to say "this is not ok for me!

    My friend who had difficulty hearing my "NO" is very forceful, and was probably agitated more by the environment- indoors on a rainy day in a small, noisy shopping mall.

    Thanks Sleepy! It did feel really good to:

    a) KNOW that I couldn't discuss the issue

    b) Realise that I could control the situation, change the scene, and end up having a good day.

    I often feel like no means I'm being mean, or not giving someone what they want. But actually I think she wanted connection, which is why she probably wanted to talk to me about something very close to the bone. I didn't identify it at the time of course. Only now while I'm writing it.

    Note to self- continue to trust my instincts!

    Em I feel really sad that someone would take advantage of your friendship and openness like that. And it's sad that she has not been able to be mature enough to continue the conversation. I hope that you are able to 'shake it off' (little lol 😂) and not let it rock your boat. You know it's about her, ultimately, and not you or your d.

    💙

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  8. Sleepy21
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    22 December 2020 in reply to Jstar49

    i'm with u there jstar - you sound like u know really well how to follow ur instincts and be assertive. love that for self-care

    -braved a face-to-face meeting instead of zoom which i've been avoiding

    - kept my cleaning small and managable rather than overwhelm

    - put on colourful pink link balm

    2 people found this helpful
  9. Jstar49
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    22 December 2020 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hi Sleepy,

    I think I've spent too much of my life being indecisive and simply angry, rather than assertive. I still tend to seek validation rather than trusting my gut, so it's def a WIP! It's nice that I sound like I'm comfortable with it tho!

    On the weekend at the markets I bought myself a necklace/pendant. The carving, in bone (Maori) is of a fern leaf unfurling. It symbolises new growth, new beginnings. The moment the lady told me what it meant I started to cry, it touched me so quickly and deeply. so I bought it. I almost don't dare to hope, but at the same time, what else is there?

    J*

    3 people found this helpful
  10. ecomama
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    23 December 2020 in reply to PinkFeather

    Awww PinkFeather!

    HUGE GROUP HUGS!! You sweet sweet thing!

    I'm so sorry you were upset by the Dr. Seriously sometimes I think we need a Counselling room right NEXT to some professional's offices to "debrief, diffuse and debunk" LOL!!! The three Ds!
    I just made that up but it was certainly in reaction to how you felt.

    Grandmother Fig Tree was there to hold you.

    We are ALWAYS here to hold you and understand too!!

    I KNOW for sure that our foremothers would have sat under a tree and cried and cried.
    I try to invoke their wisdom surviving what they did and never feel alone.

    I'm also glad you could feel yourself dissociating!
    It's when we DON'T know its happening, there's a problem.

    This can be healed! I've spoken about my journey through this on my thread.
    Thank God psych friends were with me, saw it and had the courage to TELL me.

    Thankyou for coming on to share!
    Love EM

    2 people found this helpful
  11. ecomama
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    23 December 2020 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hey Sleepy!

    Calm your tresses, lol, I think I'll call you Rapunzel from now on!
    You're doing beautiful self-care. So proud of YOU!

    Not_Batman - aha... all work and no play they say! Your balance of each sounds spot on!

    J* what can I say but I have something lolol.... families can be just another eff word some times.
    That's one of mine but you can have it. HUGS!!!
    Life can just be a series of "performances" at times also.
    Armour on.
    Armour off.
    Boundaries UP.
    Ok we can relax.

    Over time I truly believe this can happen less and less OR in fewer settings.
    As we LOVE and validate OURSELVES, we allow ourselves to be more and more authentic.

    There's nothing more beautiful, than seeing and knowing a person who is AUTHENTIC!
    They SHINE!

    missep - HI! How awesome to paint your nails AND watch a new show lol!
    Miss Multi Tasker lol!
    So happy to have you here with us.

    When we feel more pressured we NEED more radical self-care.

    HIGH FIVE gorgeous people!!

    Love EM

    1 person found this helpful
  12. ecomama
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    23 December 2020 in reply to Jstar49

    Hey J*

    HOPE anchors the soul.

    I truly believe that with radical self-care we become stronger and stronger.

    Then as we are LOVING ourselves, we shine more of who we actually are OUT to the world.

    I hope you're attempting contact. I know this is SO hard. I've been there and it was torture.
    SO Put it ALL into yourself!
    Then SHINE!

    My self-care things today:

    * having a "short" nap that lasted 5 hours lol!

    * spending time in my garden... awww love all of nature.

    * coming on here to spend time with some of the nicest people I know.

    Thankyou for being here, you make the world of difference just being YOU!

    Love EM

    2 people found this helpful
  13. Jstar49
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    23 December 2020 in reply to ecomama

    Hey Em,

    Hope anchors the soul- I like that!

    I'm writing another letter, so yes, attempting to stay in contact with D#1. This one is light and chatty and hinting that yes we would like an invite to her wedding......So I guess stating what I want is a good thing. The rest of the family I have to admit is a little toxic, but it's all we have. For my youngest this is important. Boundaries!! And I love the concept of 'performances'! Yes, that's it exactly.

    You have such a way with words! And you're so generous with your time and wisdom. I do appreciate you Em, and everyone on here. I feel like finding this space is the best thing I've done all year.

    Sleepy/Rapunzel- how beautiful! I always wanted to have curly hair. So wild and free! Girls with curly hair are so very much more bohemian, without even trying. Hair envy!

    Today is sunny, and I'm washing, which isn't exactly self care but it's necessary.

    I've put on the diffuser, which smells lovely. Cinnamon, pine, orange and frankinsense, because it's really necessary today.

    And I'm here, touching base with you folk and getting grounded in looking after myself and keeping it all in perspective.

    The sky outside is blue blue blue and the indigo sea is inviting, so maybe a walk and a swim later.

    Maybe I'll skip lunch and have black forest cake instead! Is that self care?! Hmm... probs borderline indulgent.....

    Cheers everyone,

    J*

    3 people found this helpful
  14. Sleepy21
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    23 December 2020 in reply to Jstar49

    hi jstar

    thats great u were able to buy something with a symbol of hope

    hope is very elusive at times. Sometimes it feels like a lie when ppl say "everything will be alright"

    sometimes ppl don't even tell me anymore that everything will be alright... and i feel like they know... it won't be

    i find hope moves and changes and evolves and is so unpredictable. hold onto that small shred because it is enough.

    2 people found this helpful
  15. Jstar49
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    23 December 2020 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hey Sleepy,

    I know what u mean. That's probs why I feel very hesitant about hope.

    This morning it occurred to me that without a vision we can not succeed. (There was a link to The Greatest Showman in my thoughts- bit random but thats usually how it goes!) And then I thought- it needs to be a vision that doesn't rely on others! It needs to be something which truly comes from our hearts and souls, and which is in accord with God/universe/spiritual force.

    I think the reason ppl might be hesitant to tell us that everything will be ok is:

    A) They don't want to minimise the situation

    B) It's up to us to do what we need to do. Others can help us, but they can only offer suggestions which we can try, and which may or may not work.

    My faith in a higher power does help me to trust in a force for good. It keeps me focused on doing good even tho bad is done to me, or even when it all seems so bad I've got no idea how this will turn out well. And sometimes, the only good thing is that I grow in strength and wisdom for the next challenge. It's relentless!

    Today I found the zucchini slice I baked yesterday, so I was able to have lunch followed by cake, instead of just cake! Self care in advance!

    And now I'm worn out. So maybe a nap is in order, instead of the busy afternoon I had planned. Emotional healing work is tiring!

    Sleepy thankyou for your encouraging and caring comments over the forum. I really appreciate you.

    :) J*

    3 people found this helpful
  16. Blue's Clues
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    2239 posts
    23 December 2020 in reply to Jstar49

    Hi all,

    I'm afraid the thread has gotten so busy my brain can't organise itself enough to reply to people directly - life is sorely overwhelming me at the moment. I am taking on board the conversation though, the openness and courage and connection happening here, and I respect that. You guys are doing great.

    In the last couple of days:

    - Bought myself a new dress (and a yummy Boost juice) whilst waiting for the key guy to replace the battery in my car key.

    - Opted out of attending a family dinner tonight that I'm just not up to around everything else at the moment.

    - Am making sure to take breaks between jobs around the house and play music that soothes my soul (Caligula's Horse) while I'm doing them.

    3 people found this helpful
  17. Not_Batman
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    23 December 2020 in reply to Blue's Clues

    Hi blues, i guess the thread is a bit like out brains. We start on one thing, then get side tracked, and then trail off onto something else.

    dont worry about it, the main thing is that you are doing self care, and getting ideas on self care from others, and some friendly supportive conversation.

    Not_Batman

    2 people found this helpful
  18. ecomama
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    23 December 2020 in reply to Not_Batman

    Hey everyone!

    RIGHT ON Not_Batman, hey Blue! Take what you need or want to!

    No pressure at all to respond to the convo. I'm just so glad it's helping you.

    The opportunity to share and connect here is a privilege for me.

    If one thing or ANY thing helps, then it's so worth it.

    I have a headache atm lol... talking to BF today was extremely emotional for him. Christmas is such a special time in our r/ship since we met on the U.S. Christmas Day so it's compounded by not seeing each other now for 2 of our Anniversaries.

    But I did a true ecomama and turned it into why I'm so grateful we found each other and a strong love together that is withstanding so freaking much LOL!
    LONG convo. All good now.

    Hey J* and our sweetest Rapunzel lol... anything YOU think is self-care IS self-care! Throw black forest cake in there, why not!

    We're making our OWN minds up here. So it is whatever you say it is. GO WILD! hahaha

    So after today, some radical self-care is needed lol...
    * I'm ordering Thai for dinner.

    * Having a relaxing bath, oh yeah!

    * can't think of a 3rd lol.... maybe eating some fresh fruit and possibly yoghurt for dessert, IDK yet.

    A solid night ahead of wrapping pressies, prepping food and MOVING furniture ofcourse!

    I'm getting far more radical in my minimalism mode in the shadow of Blue's Clues and her inspirational thread on same topic.
    I love it when our bins are full lol!!

    Take great care everyone!
    LOVE YOU LOTS!!

    Love EM

    2 people found this helpful
  19. quirkywords
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    23 December 2020 in reply to ecomama

    Self care

    went on two walks

    allowed myself to rest as was very tired

    did some writing

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  20. Sleepy21
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    23 December 2020 in reply to ecomama

    I love what you said Em

    anything you think is self-care is self-care

    this is a great thread because it demystifies the whole concept

    it has helped me heaps, so thank u

    I love the smallest self care acts which stand out to me as radical

    bring it on for 2021 self care

    3 people found this helpful
  21. Jstar49
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    23 December 2020 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hey,

    So true isn't it!

    If it feels like self care, then it is! It's the act of tuning in, for me, and allowing myself to have a say in what I do, especially when I know I'm a bit wobbly.

    today I minimised all my expectations for cooking and cleaning and shopping. I had a bath, read my book, and ate a quick noodle stirfry for dinner.

    and talked to you guys,

    Thankyou

    J*

    3 people found this helpful
  22. ecomama
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    24 December 2020 in reply to Jstar49

    Hey peeps!

    Nice ones everyone!

    quirky! Sweet! Your routine sounds pretty awesome actually.

    Heavens yeah Sleepy! We're making our own rules for self-care here, why not!

    J* HUGS! I know it's tough going atm but you're looking after YOURSELF which what this thread is all about and just to add, our MH recovery.

    I lost some of my MH recovery today but I'm finding it again.
    LOTS of IRL friends feeling strung out for various reasons, known and unknown.
    Can't deal today.

    SO today I:

    * DIDN'T answer calls from some ppl

    * DID answer calls from others. Made the mistake of NOT following my instincts with BF and spoke with him, it ended in hot water... I did what my Counsellor & psych told me to do (for the first time) and ended the call. And didn't text and didn't call him back. Too intense tbh.

    * made French toast for breakfast for everyone and even ate a piece myself! Yay lol.

    Many Blessings!
    Love EM

    3 people found this helpful
  23. Not_Batman
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    24 December 2020 in reply to ecomama

    Nice.

    service the car & spent some time with a struggling family member.

    so im making a cup of tea, i go to the pantry to get a tea bag out of the jar. I ended up putting my hand into the coffee instead.

    merry christmas to you all. I hope you have a relaxing, safe, and joyous day.

    Not_Batman

    3 people found this helpful
  24. Sleepy21
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    24 December 2020 in reply to Not_Batman

    Coffee is always in the wrong place!!

    The tea is a nice self-care Not_batman. I hope u have a beautiful night with ur family tonight

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  25. ecomama
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    25 December 2020 in reply to Sleepy21

    Good morning wonderful self-carers.

    This morning I:

    * woke extra early - love the dawn

    * did some Yoga

    * enjoyed lots of cuddles with my pets!

    Loving the cool day and light sprinkling rain!

    Love EM

    2 people found this helpful
  26. Blue's Clues
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    25 December 2020 in reply to Not_Batman

    Thanks Not_Batman, and EM. Appreciate the understanding, as always. Not_Batman, nice trick with the coffee, haha. Probably good for your skin, all the skin products have food/beverage ingredients these days! J* you're spot on, this thread simplifies the concept of self care, it's really helpful. :)

    Okay, today:

    - Put a couple of little plaits in my hair. I've always liked them as a not-so-common accent to my style.

    - Took some time to answer some posts on here and make space for some pretty heavy thinking on my mind recently.

    - Asked my partner to take care of breakfast so I could do the above.

    Good self-care work, all. Hope you all have a great day today.

    Blue.

    2 people found this helpful
  27. Jstar49
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    25 December 2020 in reply to Blue's Clues

    hello everyone,

    beautiful day here in Oz, so grateful for that.

    Woke at dawn, and stayed awake to watch D open her pressies. Made us pancakes, which made it feel special.

    Made a lovely lunch even tho it was just the 3 of us. That felt good, and much less stressful than the alternatives!

    Took a family photo before lunch- even got smiles :)

    Went for a walk on the beach with the dog (plus kid and H- bit of a miracle actually lol! )

    Invited the elderly neighbours over for afternoon tea- which wasn't as stressful as a lunch or dinner, and also makes for some socialising in our day. Win win!

    Hope your days are going well,

    Love

    J*

    2 people found this helpful
  28. ecomama
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    25 December 2020 in reply to Jstar49

    Yes!

    Great self-care everyone!

    I shall continue lol:

    * had a drink with Matchy / Mark at 2pm for his mum

    * was totally laissez faire with the whole day, all good with the kids sleeping in, all good that a few are back asleep! LOL! All fine with changing menus - whatevs, all good.

    * all good with the dogs tramping mud in from the RAIN today, they had fun and we all laughed!

    * all fine having Christmas lunch at 6pm lol.

    SO COMPLETELY different to the regimented way things used to have to be for those that shall not be named....

    So much nicer.
    This relaxed attitude is more "me".

    Love to you all
    EM

    3 people found this helpful
  29. golden82
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    25 December 2020 in reply to ecomama

    Hi EM and all - lovely thread - I have been reading along;

    Today being Xmas alone again has been hard. But on reflection have actually been self caring in a different way. I will explain...

    Noticing patterns of narc abuse - rather than living in a fog and putting up with it. Therefore early days of 'acceptance' that this is what these people are and starting to use boundaries to protect myself/my soul.

    Stayed in bed to protect self from the happy Xmas world around - the walk I had 'planned' just wasn't worth the risk of the emotional pain on a day like today. So the walk can wait and be done tomorrow instead.

    Phoned a helpline. Wonderfully kind and patient and knowledgeable girl on the other end. Giving me space to cry/connect with someone; understanding and then keeping me strong in resolve of why I am taking these new beginnings to protect my soul. Rather than to continue to play into the narc abuse/games only to come away crushed again. Keeping on track for hope of healing or at least easing the cPTSD.

    Oh, and a fourth - posting/connecting with the kindest souls there are - the BB people. If only I could find people like you all in the 'real world' lol. I hope you are all having as good a Xmas as you can :)

    Warm Regards.

    6 people found this helpful
  30. Sleepy21
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    25 December 2020 in reply to golden82

    hi everyone! thanks to all for the posts and welcome

    - had a lengthy nap

    - turned off my phone for a while to hav a litle needed calm

    - watched a light show which upped my mood

    1 person found this helpful

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