Hi, I may start this thread in the wrong area, so please move it to where it belongs.

 I am travelling at the moment and has been travelling for the past three months. However, recently, my anxiety and depression have been overwhelming. The worse it gets, the more guilty I felt, as I am travelling with hubby and recently, with daughter. I felt guilty for running their holiday.

 Not sure where I am heading with this thread, except, perhaps I am trying to reach out for empathy?

Anyway, I think I did the right thing by sending hubby off to do some sight seeing on his own. Although, I didn't feel like it, I went off on my own to explore the neighbourhood. I am lucky that a friend who is now travelling, kindly shared her home with us so we can chill out until our next big adventure next week for a week. 

 We are also heading to somewhere warmer, so perhaps my spirits will be uplifted somewhat. I don't really want to go but I felt that I must. 

Hi MorngGlory 

i hope things get better for you soon. I can relate to you just a little bit as I went traveling early year and had to come home early due to a major relapse which I still have not recovered from. I do understand even though their maybe many great things to do when you are traveling you simply don't feel like doing them because your mental illness is getting you down and it is really hard for anyone to understand.  

It is  also hard when you are in a different  country  nation as you simply don't have the help available to you that you have in Aus such as the helplines your GP/ Psychologist.  

I am glad  you have found a place where you can rest  and chill. I found the biggest thing that helped me when I got home was resting as , I found doing to much just become to overwhelming for me and sleep is a very important thing in fighting depression. 

I also hope that you will be able to enjoy the rest of your holiday. And I know it is hard but please try not to feel Guilty as it is really just lies  depression tells you when in reality it is not truth....

Take care...

 sparkles 

Dear Sparkles

 Thank you for reaching out. I am comforted by your experience. 

It is so hard for hubby and daughter to understand what I am going through even though they had put up with these two demons for many years. Perhaps, they thought that I will soon get better. How to tell them that this is as good as I get? There will be good days and hopefully less 'down' times.

 Hubby is more tolerant of my 'bad' times. As he said, he can adjust to my moods.....oh dear! Those adjectives sound negative. I have been accused of being moody, little did I realised that moodiness is as a result of depression. 

 I am trying hard to go out instead of staying in as I have found that engaging with new surroundings relieve somewhat my depression. In saying that, we are off for a walk to check out other parts of the neighbourhood.

Hi MorningGlory!

I'm sorry to hear about your anxiety on your travels. I think travelling is daunting enough in itself, so I think you're not doing a pretty bad job if you've managed to get through 3 months already!

I went on a 2 week cruise where I felt a lot of anxiety, and I knew I would, so I packed some things to comfort me: my art books, my diary to write in, some funny DVDs, and my favourite pair of socks. I made sure I got enough sleep each night, as my anxiety tends to worsen when I'm tired, and I practiced my breathing techniques and positive thinking and each day I wrote down what I enjoyed. 

I hope you are able to take a couple of things from that, and it's good to hear you're able to stay with a friend to rest for a week or so, it must be definately in need after travelling for so long!

Wishing you all the best!

Crystal

Hi Crystal

 Thanks ever so much for your kind input. I think four months was too ambitious. Next time, I definitely have to plan shorter trips and at a much slower pace than this travel itinerary. 

 In saying that, I am not going to start planning another trip, anytime soon. :)

Hi MorningGlory,

Sorry to hear you're not feeling great. I recently traveled alone for two months (I had to say goodbye to my partner at the airport - heartwrenching!) and it was hard sometimes.

For me, being alone and/or unengaged for too long gave my mind the chance it needed to run with negative thinking that kept my mood low. I found a diary really, really helpful - writing good things that happened in the day helped to improve my mood, whilst writing bad things that happened was cathartic. Keeping track of all my thoughts by writing them down meant I could release them onto the paper, which took lots of weight off my mind.

You're doing a great job being away from home whilst you're not feeling well. It is difficult, so you certainly don't need to be feeling guilty for having a dodgy mood!

Take care
Euclid

Hi Euclid

Thank you for reaching out. I really appreciate it. Right now I am doing ok in Budapest. I actually enjoy being here. It is much quieter than London and cost of living is certainly much less than in the UK and Australia. 

 Now that I have been here for a couple of days, I managed to source fresh produce which I can prepare in the service apartment. It also won't be long now before we head back to Oz. 

Hi Morning Glory...

sorry for not getting back to you. 

I am so glad to hear that your family is supportive.

i hope you are finding it better in the warmer weather quite often the cooler weather can trigger depression and make things worse.

so how has your holiday  been? 

What is your highlight ?

something I been doing lately for every negative in my day I think of three positives for it is real hard but worth it.

i hope u are taking care of your self and I hope you get the help you need when u get back to Australia....

take care 

sparkles 

Dear Sparkles

 Thank you for your support. I am travelling ok here, enjoying the beautiful city of Budapest with hubby. Being here seems to be good for me. Although, I kept up with the news of the Syrian refugees plight, I refused to allow myself to feel guilty or overwhelmed with sadness.

It also helps that cost of travelling here is much more reasonable than in other parts of Europe which means that I don't worry about exceeding our daily travel budget.

 We are staying in a lovely studio in the centre of town, where I can accessed fresh quality produce. This enables us to eat well without breaking the piggy bank. 

 The highlight of this trip is strolling along the Danube river and appreciating the Hungarian's sense of humour. Amongst the many statues that the Hungarian authority have installed are two which cracked me up, Ronald Reagan and Colombo scratching his head. Lol

Hi MorningGlory & All,

how have your last few days been? When are you returning from your trip?

I am getting ready to leave for my holidays and I am getting very nervous now. I am nervous about travelling abroad, leaving Australia, going to Europe... Most of all I think I am nervous about leaving my protective environment and my support network. I am sure I will be ok when I get there, or at least that is what I hope.

I have taken your advise on board and thought about things that I can do daily to feel better, like sleeping lots, making sure I take my meds, exercise and eat healthy. I also have a list of breakout strategies when things get too much for me.

I will take it one step at a time, one day at a time. Now I focus on my final day at work, then think about all the movies I can watch on the plane... just one thing at a time.

Today I thought about the Swiss Alpes, where I grew up, and I can picture the Alpes so clearly. It is so peaceful there, I will just keep thinking about that.

Dear Yggy,

 I am still in London, just back from Budapest a couple of days ago. 

 Not sure if f you have left for your trip. If you have, I wish you a pleasant trip. It works out well for me in Budapest. I was able to relax and enjoy our stay there. Fortunately, for me, Budapest fits my criteria of an enjoyable holiday ie great weather, lovely accommodation, ability to walk everywhere, little to tempt me to spend, friendly Hungarians and reasonably priced dinning out experiences. We were not hassled by pushy hawkers and beggars.

We stayed in a great neighbourhood and did not feel that we should be on our guard against petty thefts. My advice of having a great holiday is not to be overwhelmed by a pack travel itinerary. Don't feel that you need to see everything and do everything. When hubby suggested doing something which I wasn't too keen on doing, I suggested that we split up and meet after a couple of hours. This way both of us get to enjoy ourselves.

Wishing you a happy trip.

Hello MorningGlory,

 we are in the same time zone now! I was pretty bad the last couple of days before we left and did a lot of exercises to snap myself out of it - now I just feel numb, once again. I feel like I am watching from outside, doing all the right moves when seeing family and friends, but I feel disconnected and I find that so sad.

But I am okay. I am still worried about the trip, we have a packed program with a large group of people. We organised this trip for a couple of years, when I was still fine, so it is a little bit difficult. I am trying to be very kind to myself, taking rest, reminding myself that I am not responisble for anybody else's happiness...

I think so far I have been good because it is familiar territory, this is where I grew up, so I know every ally and everything!

How much longer will you be in Europe? We are flying to England today, traveling around Cornwall for a few days. 

Have a great time, Yggy 

Dear Yggy

We are here till Tuesday or Wednesday before heading to Paris. It is ok to be sad and sometimes to be numbed too. Whenever, I feel anxious, it is my inner child that is reaching out for comfort, for reassurance and for acknowledgment of her pain. What I would do, if I can, is to find the adult Morning Glory (she is there somewhere) is to 'say' to my inner child, that I am there for her, that it is alright, to soothe and comfort her, does that make sense. Quite often, that is enough to bring me to the present. 

 Have you got a couple of words/ phrases eg breathe, peace, it is ok to feel this or I am ok to bring yourself to the oresent. Wear an elastic band that you can snap to bring yourself to the present. Learn to stay in the present, even if it is only for a few minutes.

Above all, know that you have the support of this community to fall back on should you need to reach out. Be kind to yourself. :)