I've been quiet on this thread since the change of direction.

I used to overeat but don't think I do that anymore. I've been happy with the way I've been eating even if I don't always lose weight. Although I did order Max Brenner and pizza last night but my weight stayed the same. For me I'm happy to indulge at times.

Yes the direction has sent me into a sort of lost feeling. It was helping me focus more on nourishing food urging me to keep going with it.

Never heard of Max Breener, until you mentioned it the other day. Is it a coffee shop?

And yes I have noticed the type of food you eat now is different to what you used to eat. Good on you MM

Ah ok since both you and Sleepy have mentioned this place. I got to search for it now. Maybe check out their menu and attempt to copy something on it. Plant based style. Why is chocolate so yummy? Haven't eaten any today though. Which is super good.

Tonight I made this spaghetti dish with heaps of yummy vegetables, tofu and a creamy coconut Thai sort of dressing.

Please tell me if this is triggering you, that last paragraph, whoever is reading it. And if you could explain to me why it is. I do really want to understand you. Or tell me if you are ok with the way it's worded. Is it alright. I care. And I don't want to make it harderfor you.

Are lots of grapes.

Hi shelll, on date 1 I had churros with choc dipping sauce, and I remember date 2 there were fancy hot chocolates, many types...

Yeah exactly what I was thinking MM. A delicious memory instead of the awful date one. Much more pleasant to remember the nice part.

Looked up their menu. And there is one about 1 hour drive from my place. Properly shouldn't visit it though. Noticed they had waffles. I could attempt to make those. Maybe one day.

Struggled quite a bit with very intense emotions yesterday... Harder to think clearly when this happens. This led me into mindlessly stopping at maccas on the drive home. Buying and eating stuff from there. My body afterwards doesn't do too well on it. Affects my emotions thus affects my mental health. It's connected for me. Without a doubt I know I emotionally eat

I need to find another way to manage or stop this behavior . Or other ways. I am so sick of it.

I am experiencing extreme emotional distress. If distress is the right word. It is so much more challenging to eat nourishing foods when I am like this. It does not matter if I know what foods are nourishing or not. Just knowing that isn't enough.

I got to learn how to deal with these emotions.. not go to junk food to make me feel better. It is such a lie. It never makes me better. The junk foods I chose to eat just add another problem to my life. On top of everything else.

There has to be answer... I just don't know what it is.

I feel like no one understands this aspect of my life. Not one single person gets me.

Hello Shell,

Oh lass you do sound like you're in the wars... I don't know what you are trying to deal with (please know I'm not asking you to explain)... if it's alright I will give you a big comforting hug... & we can just sit quietly together on comfy rock & watch the sea...

Lass you are not alone in finding yourself repeatedly doing things that aren't really beneficial... just a few days from my thread

I'm tired of fighting my thoughts all the time... I'm a grown adult... I should be able to say "I will do xyz" & then actually do it... I should be able to do the basics without even having to think about it...I'm the one responsible for my actions (or inactions) no one else can make my mind behave... why is it so hard???.

Grandy replied she had recently asked her Dr basically the same question...

I do believe we can break these unhelpful habits... eventually

Paws

Hi dear Paws, oh comfy rock that is such a beautiful peaceful place to sit and watch the ocean below.

Ah thankyou for the hug. And also I like the way you call people lass.. I have always liked it.

And very true there is a lot going on in my life and has been for the last couple of years. And another thing has been added just over the last month. Overwhelming. Emotionally overwhelming. I feel so much.

And yeah you too. I really don't know why it's so hard. I wish I knew the answer to help you and Grandy as well.

Sometimes I wonder if it's my emotions that I get led by and make decisions by. So not my mind. As for the emotional eating... yeah I am just being led by them. They are so huge, they cloud out any logic thought.

And then it's the unhelpful habits. Just like you said. And all my life I have used junk food as a comfort, as a thing to run to when highly emotional, sad etc. Then there is the fact the junk food I run to is physically addictive. It does things physically to our brains.

No pressure to respond to me Paws. I appreciate you poping in here.. this thread.. You helped me feel not so alone

Okey dokey... 2 days of eating junk food =feel like so not well. So very tired because of it, heavy head because of it, headache because if it, nauseated because of it.

Disappointed in me because of my choices. Mindlessly ate. Just didn't seem to care. Been quite an emotional week.

Last couple of days or so, I have eaten junkfood. My body felt like crap and still does because of it. I have also been learning about a "highly sensitive person". And what that means. I experience a lot of those traits. One trait was they may be affected or over stimulating by certain foods. Some foods include caffeine and refined sugar. And I think the modern "wheat".

Wheat apparently is not like it used to be.

All the reading as left me pondering all this... when my head is clear that is.

Caffeine affects me like this. And I know there is small amounts of caffeine in chocolate as well.

If I have an ice coffee in the morning. Just one and its instant coffee. The physical energy boost I get from that is intense. Just one coffee. It keeps me awake all day and all that same night. Towards the end of that same day and into the next, I get physically jittery, more anxious, irritable, easily startled, angry. But the beginning of that first day I can almost run.

This ice coffee that I make doesn't have refined sugar. And is made using soy milk.

It could take 3 days after that one coffee to feel physically calm. This will depend on what other foods I may be eating. May feel real tired after the "running up the walls" affect wears off.

I will only have an occasional ice coffee because of the way I react to it. Maybe 1 a month. I really like the scent of coffee. Family members drink it a lot at our place. So I smell it often in the air.

Just eating porridge as I was writing this post. Attempting to only eat nourishing meals today to help with the desire for junkfood.

Hi Shelll,

I am interested in the hsp stuff u are reading and hope it is helpful...I watch some videos online about toxic families, and I learnt a lot about my triggers from it.

Interesting anout the food connection.

Has caffeine been so,ething that has affected u for a long time?

I am one to use it before bed, and still can sleep....

Hi Sleepy and Golden

It's a challenge to know what to say. I do get like that. I am unsure whether it is because I don't do small talk well or whether I have a good rapport (not sure if that is the right word) with people.

I have drunk decafe coffee Golden before. Have you noticed a real difference within yourself after you switched over. Less sensitive to things maybe?

I use to drink lots of coffee years ago Sleepy. Like I was saying I rarely drink it now, because of how it affects me.

I was just intrigued when I was reading about food and highly sensitive people. I will be picking up a book from the library soon on it.

Been eating a few plant based salads lately. And I made a huge amount of green smoothie today. So I have been drinking that.

Recipe

A few handfuls of organic spinach.

Water

Flax seeds

Frozen pineapple

Frozen mango

2 bananas

Water

I have been sipping a green smoothie.

Recipe

Handfuls of kale leaves

1/2 cup flaxseeds

1 cup organic grapes

1 cup organic mango

Water

Makes around 2 litres

For some reason overeaters anonymous popped into my thoughts this morning. Not sure why... I really haven't had anything to do with that.

Anyways decided to join a zoom meeting that was happening. I listening with the video off, so no one could see me.

I could very much relate to the man that was sharing.

I will write more later. Need to get ready. We are going ten bin bowling.

This guy grew up with siblings, with a large age gap between his next sibling up. So he was alone a fair bit. His father struggled with alcohol, and he was not really there in the "connecting" sense. Maybe drunk a lot. Not sure. But this led to his mother spending a lot of time going out and connecting with friends etc. So she would leave him at home alone with the TV and I think it was junk food. It started when he was 10 years old. He then went on to say... Food became his comfort and food became his friend. So he grew up that way. For many years and into adult life he would turn to food to bring him comfort. It was just what he naturally did.

My childhood I was alone a lot. Actually it was my choice partly . I never felt like I fitted in. My parents did work a lot. I understand now why they did and now know they loved me and still do. But as I child I did not know that.

So I too turned to food as my friend and I too recieved some kind of comfort from eating it. Some kind of nice feeling from the addicting food like sugar mostly. I would bake chocolatey goodies on the weekends. Just so I could eat it. But always alone, I would bake.

Earlier on before I was old enough to bake. I have memories... food relating ones. We visitied extended family. My nan, who I think now had some kind of issues with food too. Sweet things. She had low down cupboards with plastic containers full of cookies and biscuits. I still have an image of them as I write this. They were bought out all pretty platters. As I am writing this now I feel like eating those shortbread cream ones. I felt " happy" after I ate those. So the happy memories is associated with the biscuit. And those particular ones... Which were a favourite of mine. Also I did not mix with extended family members. I would often go off on my own, and play with the many small beach pepples in their waterfall. Or go into the spare bedroom and play with whatever toy was in there. By myself. I do not remember any aunts, uncles, siblings or cousins talking with me at all. My nan bought us Mr Whippy icecreams. The tune that truck plays has "happy" memories attached to it. The sugar high is the "happy". When I was a little older, I would often feel awkward and self conscious. Though I didnt know what you called it back then. But the feeling of it.. made me want to hide. Never felt it when I was by myself. I would often raid my nans outside freezer in secret. She had lots of boxes of icecreams in there. The freezer was in the laundry. No one knew I went in there. I would eat the icecreams in secret too. Most things about going there were food memories for me. They were the "happy, comforting" moments in time.

My other nans seemed to be food memorires as well. She used to work at the Sara Lee factory. So she had a freezer full of Sara Lee pound cakes, apple strudel. All seconds. They couldn't be sold in the supermarkets. I liked eating that cake when it was bought out. Another "happy".

Maybe this all sounds normal... I don't really know. But when someone's only way of feeling comforted and "happy" was to eat. Well that does not sound right to my adult way of thinking now.

I think I did have other "happy" emotions now that I am thinking about it. And they were not food related. But the self comfort by eating maybe not so many memories there

Hello Dear Shelly...

I can relate so much to your last post...

Habits formed when we are young..especially habit that we used as coping tools are very hard to break...but I do believe that they can be...if we give ourselves lots of our love as well as our care, compassion, and mostly our patience...

You are a huge inspiration here...even though you don’t know...you really are..Please take good care of yourself beautiful lady..

Hugs with my care lovely friend...

Grandy..,

Hi Shell and all,

You have made some excellent points. I think what u wrote sounds 'normal' to me. We associate our thoughts and feelings to food a lot. Especially when it was comforting or served a purpose. I relate so so much to the story of the man and his childhood. Mine was the same. Mum not at home.. off doing her own thing coming home late at night, me just a little kid with a key to house after school .. empty house everynight with a note on table from Mum and a table full of junk food. I would watch tv eating the chocolate and lollies. Mum would come home late. I didn't want the tv or the junk food. I wanted Mum. She didn't want me. I think this was 9-12 yo. I got so fat in this time. And it started my lifelong severe eating disorder. I then moved with Dad and we ate normally and i lost the weight. It is never about the food i don't think. But our rship to it, as you say our memories, our associations and as Grandy said our habits/coping. I know last 6mo i have been eating to cope with grief. It isn't working though. But it has been all i know to cope. Thanks for sharing. I will look up that overeaters - sounds insightful. Take care :)

I remember reading parts of your story before Golden...maybe on this thread. I am unsure.

And of course you would want your mum.:) Well in need of that connection, affection, care, love, attention and definitely the need to feel wanted.

Yeah you maybe be right... It is not about the food... But something much deeper then that.

Interesting you say...relationship to food. I have said before chocolate is not my friend. Hope you can understand me OK?? My thoughts are not clear at the moment. Have read somewhere that some foods, especially the addictive kind activates certain hormones that give us a high, a nice feeling, etc a bit like hugging a loved one. Or knowing you are loved. So it's really about our human need of love.. Just looking for it in the wrong places I guess. Or maybe naturally mindlessly gravitate to that certain food that gives you the same feeling as love. Because that's the only thing we know and it's ingrained into us.

Did you always feel your mum didn't want you?

Smashed potato with "cheese sauce

Ingredients :

Steamed whole potato with skin left on

" Cheese"sauce

What you do:

Preheat oven 200°c. Line a tray with baking paper. ( So you don't need oil). Place cooked steamed potatoes on tray and smash down with the bottom of a glass jar. Smash gently until almost flat. Cook until golden.

Once cooked spoon over some of the "cheese" sauce. Then eat.

"Cheese" Sauce

Ingredients :

1 small onion diced.

1/2 diced small carrot

1 floret of cauliflower (about 1/4cup)

1/4 cup raw cashews

1/2 teaspoon garlic powder

1 tablespoon nutritional yeast (optional)

Salt to taste

water

What you do :

Cook onion until golden, only add small amount of water to stop it from sticking. ( no oil). Add the vegetables. Stir. Then add water to cook. About 15 minutes.

Once vegetables are tender, Place them all into a blender, including any cooking water. Add the garlic powder, nutritional yeast and cashews. Plus more water. Depends on how much cooking water you used. Maybe less or more. Blend until smooth and creamy. Add salt to taste.

Note: I often use organic potatoes. If you don't have a powerful blender.. Soak the cashews in boiling water for a while (then drain) or simply add them to the vegetables when you cook them.

This sauce is yummy on spelt pasta spirals... A bit like mac and cheese. And keeps for a couple of days in the fridge. The nutritional yeast gives the sauce a cheese like flavour. I think it does. Sauce can also be used for a pizza topping. It thickens more once its been in the fridge.

Are this today. So yummy

Another edit... You only need enough water to just cover those "cheese"sauce vegetables when they are. cooking.

Thoughts are scattered

Hello everyone....

I was given 2 freshly picked choko’s....I remember when my mum cooked them, they were very bland and I didn’t like them....I think she just boiled them....

Does anyone know of a yummier way to cook them?...

I would like to try them again...but not boiled..

Kind thoughts.

Grandy...