Vanity is a dirty word!. Seems I'm endlessly seeing my lovely wife and her mother (that lived with us for a time) staring into the mirror trying to improve their beauty. Of course being a male many of us men don't worry about that. Why? Well partially its an attitude of - I am who I am and also its what's inside that counts.

What is "beauty"?. Unfortunately in our modern powder slapping lipstick painting society that is subjective. It's a pity "beauty" was judged on level of kindness to others and other living things. By and large it isn't. Being a man I've worked and lied with men all my life especially in the Defence force days. I know what they (and me) looked for in a lady when young, sexy coke bottle shaped figure, hair you wanted to run your fingers through and of course it was even better if they lusted for you. A dream come true. How 90% unrealistic!

Once I hit 40yo I had a totally different view on what beauty was. Beauty then included- compatibility eg she had to have the same sensitivity as me towards animals and kind people also people in need.

So, what of our young adults that find their appearance challenging as they compare themselves to the Kardashians of today? I feel very sorry for them because somewhere along the way of growing up they havent acknowledged the above. We cannot simply blame parents, the teenagers world is influenced by peers at school, comparisons or criticisms. School environments can be a terribly nasty place to exist. One short nasty comment from a cruel male or female can tumble a young girls confidence down a hill. We must counter that as individuals and as a society. Thankfully bullying is a dwindling occurrence as its been tackled vigorously in the last 15 years.

A message to all people young and not so young - YOU ARE AS BEAUTIFUL AS ANY OTHER PERSON ON THE PLANET. You must work towards that thought and belief. You are unique, one of a kind that has quality characteristics you can build on to make a difference to this world.

Imagine you are walking along a footpath and spot a injured bird. You kneel, you pick that bird up and stroke its neck. His eyes lock onto yours as his eyelids slowly close forever. You take him home and bury him is your back yard. Would you realise that your beauty right there, for that bird was the last thing he saw alive? That is a magical experience that no one else had done to that bird in amongst 8 billion humans?

Beauty- its on the inside.

TonyWK

i have body image issages that lead to terrible social anxiety

i'm scared to be seen and to be seen as ugly. thank u for this message. beauty is controlling our lives in an unprecedented way and dysmorphia hasbeen normalised with influencers filtering their photos beyond recognition.

healthy is beautiful. happy is beautiful. strong is beautiful. vulnerable is - so so beautiful.

Hi Sleepy

I'm sorry to hear that. Social anxiety is a shocking condition and some of us have that but dont portray it, as in my case, but I think your condition is chronic it seems.

Focus on what you admire about yourself. Chat more if you like, there is many young women/teens that write in hear about their appearance that will benefit.

TonyWK

My mum used to say Beauty is skin deep.

What is beauty in one culture is not considered attractive in another.

The pressure to be perfect physically is very hard. We all look different .

The emphasis should be on what we can do for others and not on how we look.

I have never been attractive by society’s standards but I am content with myself.

I also struggle with self image. Shame is connected to it too. Makes me what to hide away. Of which I have done on and off.

You say when your were younger Tony your were attracted to a women who looked a certain way. All physical attraction. But why. Hormones???

I am extremely observant and often see men younger and older really noticing a women. They are often pretty and slim and some may not be covered up properly in clothes. It is very common where I live.

I often feel ugly. Hate that feeling And sometimes don't like looking in mirrors. So your wife is ok with that.

Hi Shell,

Yes, nothing wrong with my wife doing mirror stuff.

Yes hormones, men less mature than women with their female hunting urges to plant and spread the seeds. Sex has heaps of hidden impact on young adults. Even young men with loud music and loud exhausts on their cars is the modern way of banging their chests to get attention.

And that's how life is. My first wife was 55kg, slim but not too much, very attractive, blue eyes, blonde hair, a teal Netherlands look. Married her and instant regret. It lasted 11 years, 11 years too long.

Eventually married my 2nd wife, 103kg, a heart of absolute gold which in itself makes her attractive especially her laugh.

Yes Quirky, looks are skin deep but how do we convince the young people mainly females?.

Now that's the challenge. Any ideas ladies?

TonyWK

Hi Tony and all sharing and reading here,

I certainly never grew up thinking of myself as beautiful or even slightly pretty. It is a real surprise to me when I look back at photos of myself in my early 20s and see a young woman who is no where near as ugly and unattractive as I always believed myself to be!

My present job has me out front talking to people, some whom are very confrontational. I am of an age now where I sometimes wish I was more attractive, but realise that a heart for other people and a smile for others is far more valuable to me.

Sometimes I look at beautiful people and think how blessed they have been to be born like that. Does their beauty naturally make them loving, kind, caring and considerate people? Not always.

A good friend at school was a person who had been attacked by a dog and had massive scars over half their face. Another was a friend with multiple physical disabilities. They were truly beautiful, caring and funny people on the inside. Their smiles lit up the room.

May we all find a sense of self acceptance, believing in ourselves and may we be able to smile in the mirror at ourselves and say something like "Hello, aren't you special!"

Cheers all from Dools