Hi, i am here to try to find out if what is happening in my head is normal and others experiance the same.

Hi Crabby,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for posting here.

I understand it can be tricky to make the first post and good on you for having the courage to come here in the first place. I'm 24 and currently suffering from depression, anxiety and lying somewhere on the borderline personality spectrum.

Did you want to share how you're feeling at the moment? It sounds like you're a bit confused whether your thoughts are "normal" or not. I'm not sure what they are, but I don't think there's really such thing as "normal" or not...only difficult to cope with, or not.

We'd love to help you and I hope you feel safe here. Everyone here is very kind and supportive.

James

hi Crabby, a good question, but how do any of us know what 'normal' means, so I'm sure that each one of us has our own opinion or description, but that's only a general comment, because it changes once we become depressed so that word is thrown out the window.
Let us know what is going on with these thoughts of yours,so we can then help you. Geoff.

Hi Crabby, great question...like Geoff & James mentioned 'normal' is really a broad general term.

Just for me the word is meaningless as I have never met a 'normal' person in my life.

If you wish to share anymore you are more than welcome. The forums are rock solid secure and we are a judgement free zone too :-)

My kind thoughts for you...thankyou for posting too!

Paul

Tnks James, and every one. I spend a lot of time on the road on my own and enjoy my own company. i relate to others that i dont know well better than those i do. I love dire straits and the eagles but somtimes i will be listening to music that makes me cry for no apparent reason. i will also be singing along in my own little world and feel realy sad. This is usualy because i am reflecting on a long past history of probably under achieving. ( thats why my spelling is so bad) Probably i best ask , do other people feel this way? on the outside i am happy and people comment i am so good to be around but they dont see the me inside. I read about bipolar stuff and somtimes wonder if i am. I dont want to hurt any one and i dont want to hurt my self i just want to be alone sometimes and pretend the world doesnt exist. I tryed to put a picture of a lady bug in a lava field on my pic but it isnt aproved yet. that is me i guess.

Hey crabby, sorry about the late reply.

It's great that you enjoy you're own company, but it does sound like you're carrying a bit of weight from your past.

Without knowing you, it's probably not my place to comment, but I think there's usually a reason for feeling like we haven't achieved what we wanted to, and rarely is that actually a character flaw. More typically, it's because we had different priorities or emotional stress (that we didn't understand), and all of a sudden we turn around and we don't like what we see. But the most important thing is to recognise that we are where we are, and all we can do is decide how to keep moving forwards. To me, you've already done heaps by coming here in the first place and I think that deserves a real congratulations. It's tough opening up to strangers especially for someone, like yourself, who doesn't usually do this.

I can't speak for everyone, but a lot of people here including myself also keep our feelings close. For me, I worry about how others will treat me if I open up. Not because I think they'll be mean, but because I think it'll make the conversation uncomfortable and about me, but I don't want that. So I absolutely understand what you mean by being happy on the outside but no one ever seeing what's on the inside.

But more recently I have been opening up and I really can't emphasise just how helpful it has been. You'll be surprised about how many people have struggled with mental illnesses and just feeling "abnormal". Where I am, it's a lot more acceptable now and, even though you'll get the odd person who's just plain rude, most people are at least accepting if not understanding.

You mentioned you've been reading up about bipolar which has gotten me wondering whether you've been feeling some of those depressive symptoms. I think it's good to be aware of what you feel, but it's best to leave the diagnosis and treatment to the professionals. Do you have a good GP you can talk to about this? You can also tell us how you feel as well. It helps sometimes to get those thoughts out.

I think it's also really important to have other support as well like friends or family if possible. Otherwise, there's always the BeyondBlue support line on 1300 22 4636.

Of course, I'd love to hear more from you as well so please feel free to keep posting when you feel comfortable.

My kindest thoughts

James

Thank you James for your comments. Are you clairvoyant or something? I haven't been back for a while because i seem to get on top of how i am feeling for a while and then the swamp seems to fill with alligators and then some one starts to drain it.

I was unsure how this forum works and thought the response time would be quicker so went and did my own thing as well. unfortunately i am not confident in talking to the people around me about this because i am afraid of their reaction of "he's a loonie" because that is still very prevalent in our town. from the general readings i think i am just a normal under to much self pressure, that tends to get out side of me. the bipolar referance was because of my mood swings from Adrenalin hi to balling my eyes out lows but not self destructive. Probably that is my real question. do others feel this way as well?

Hey Crabby

Im sorry that your town still has the silly mentality of 'he's a loonie' That is sad. I actually feel sorry for them.

The overflow of adrenaline can make us more over alert and 'jumpy' to anything. I feel the same way Crabby

I have had bad anxiety for about 13 years and now depression, including the mega hi's and bad lows....I am lucky as I have a crackerjack GP who helped me with some meds that help me out big time.

you are not on your own here Crabby

My Best

Paul

Hi Crabby and welcome.

Yes, I get like that at times. I can be out and about, feeling happy and then I get home and I feel down and moody or sad. Music does trigger memories and certain feelings, we remember what we were doing and feeling at the time the song came out. I love 80's music and it does trigge something in me. I was a teenager in a the 80's I was happy but depressed at times. Particular songs do stir things up, I was also very lonely at that time.

if you are concerned a visit to your gp would be good.

Hope to hear how it all goes

cmf x

Cant help but reply ...Nerve was hit and the Question "What is normal" ? What I believe is what is Normal is a place you are comfortable within yourself" those who may be in state of suffering (It is for me currently) but for all seems to be a target.. I never could understand this. ? Perhaps sheep type mentality. I don't want to be like everyone else

Hey wantalife

You are a legend

You said "What I believe is what is Normal is a place you are comfortable within
yourself" those who may be in state of suffering (It is for me
currently)"

Spot on wantalife...you rock!

Paul.......hey check your icicle thread too.....if you can

I like we are all individual, and if we feel we don't fit in to mainstream.... Thats ok... in fact it's quite inspiring. Your own health will always be the most important and no.1 aspect that is.

Crabby... I cry every day without doubt. I here you buddy... Take Care

wantalife

your health is paramount to us here.....i have recovered and have nothing to whinge about...seriously.....you are too special to be crying everyday, Paul

Showing your true colours Paul.... In which most find a difficult thing to do. Pretty good team you guys have going here.

Made it through Christmas. Lots i could say but just thanks to you mate.

Hi Crabby, I've only just found this thread and want to say hi to you. I'm glad you got through Christmas. I did too. But I'm a bit sick of Christmas being something we have to 'get through'. I think I'll make Christmas optional next year.

I see you mentioned researching bipolar disorder. I agree with James that it's best to leave the diagnosing to the pros, but I also think it's good to be informed. So long as you're reading reputable resources, learning is never wasted. Just don't self-diagnose.

By the way, I'm bipolar. And I have my own normality (sometimes my own reality) which is fine by me now that I've accepted it. Personally I think normal is a useless word. No-one's normality is the same as anyone else's. And honestly, I see some 'marketing' type images of 'normal' - like all the sugary-sweet perfect families on the Christmas ads - and I feel a bit ill. I don't want their normal.

I'm more at home with people who are a bit off-beat. Intelligent, kind, funny, creative, caring people who think about stuff, speak their minds, challenge beliefs, don't conform for conformity's sake, and just be themselves. In many places, especially the more conservative small towns, I wouldn't be 'normal' either. Thank god.

Be who you are, that's enough.

Hope you keep talking here, I'd like to get to know you.

Cheers

Kaz

Hi Crabby,

how are you doing? Just wanted to check in on you.

Cmf

A Tuesday victum. I wrote about 1500 words which is a record for me. server fail. in essence i feel guilty using this forum to let off steam when there are people a lot worse off than me ( bad wording. there others that deserve more time would be a better way of putting that). yes i survived christmas but it was a commody of errors and family stuff ups which you couldnt right a stage play about. yes i am low educated and suggested i leave school in year 9 but did run a buisness for 25 years with a secretary that could spell as far as i could tell. I am currently headed back into the dark zone as i call it, I have 1 friend in this place who undrestands me but he is leaving. incredible that i live here for 40 + years and it still comes down to 1 friend. Thank you for your comments and yes i would like to continue a dialogue. (That is the wierdest thing, i know all the big words and what they mean but cannot right or spell for crap. I dont auto correct because that removes who i am. I live 2 live,s the life people see and my real life but if they meet then my real life would end. at least that is how i feel in the dark zone. I am a christian but in saying that i am not main stream as in catholic or what ever. i know there is a god looking after me because of things that have happened to me over my life. if you use the orthodox christian faith then i have no place to fit in. I just know, it is a gut instinct. or i am totaly crazy but i dont believe that. Any way,s i only drop in when things are not going quite to plan so hence the first comment but i would appreciate some one who i can bounce ideas and thoughts off, i may become a "more regular" reader. on your optional christmas i love christmas for its meaning as a christian not in the sectarian world of profit making. Thanks and i mean that.

Hiya, tryed to respond on tuesday but things went awol. you will see from the respoce to Kazzl how things are going but i am virtical and moving so that is good. i am hiding my true problems to others around me at the moment because of my son having a serious health issue ( writing that feels like a soap opera) but at the end of the day i am a lot further down the track than him so he is far more important. 1 step 1 step i look at the pic of the lady bug so far from anything green on mt etna and only trying to get into my shaddow that it is a reality in a world of i dont know what. thank you for responding Cmf.

Hi Crabby

It's ok I'm terrible at spelling too....but in contrast... I love autocorrect 😬

Ive found that this is a great place to feel 'normal'

There are lots of people going thru different things at different times of their life

I've been down soooo low in the past

But I'm starting to feel better with more exercise and Sharing/ venting

I encourage you to express yourself in these forums....it's a great way to feel a bit better ☺

Hiya, been through a couple of low low downers but back and feeling great (nup) but better. crying a bit and getting the if only s but on the whole happy. was contacted by an old flame from about 30 yrs ago a while ago. brought back some past that i thought i had got rid of but seems it isnt so. but past is past and i cannot change that. how are you doing?

Hiya, i dont know wether you see my resondents to others or not so thought i better follow up yep moving along and handling what is dished out thank you. how about you?

Hi, it is weird like having 3 conversations at once here. do you see the other comments. 1 positive thing i did was drop my FB account. listening to others winge on about trivial matters was getting me down which i didn't realize until i wasn't hearing it any more. met a bloke in town with a similar attitude to me which is good. we dont say much or talk much but just know if you know what i mean. How are you going?

Hey Crabby

Good on you for getting back to everybody :-) Nice1

I have a piece of clipart that says "Facebook...Wasting Peoples lives since 2004"

I hear you Crabby....Its too taxing for my depression....I let it go about 10 years ago....and no regrets..

I hope you have been reasonably well

my kind thoughts

Paul

Hi Crabby well dropping Facebook does that feel weird ? do you feel an important part of your life come back to you ?

I did the same a while ago because the stories were starting to make me get angry and I would not let go of the posts whinging about how the cat won't love them or traffic lights should be shorter, well my world was closing in on me. Delete delete delete that was the answer it was a good feeling and now I have started another account but I now know better how to control it and I feel wonderful, the best part is that nobody was injured in the deleting of Facebook.

yep it does feel like my arm has been cut off but every time i go to log on i think do i need other peoples issues as well as mine. nup so dont do it. funny though people actualy ring and talk to me. a whole new experiance. i will probably make a new account for just a few but not at this point. mind you the games pack on the computer is copping a hammering. best wishes to you.

Hi Crabby,

Normal is completely subjective. There is no objective standard for normal out there. In others words, for me, normal is not normal! And this isn't superficial for me - I actually believe this. I suffer from GAD and low mood, and sometimes (even today) I question myself - "how would a normal person view this situation?" I was quite upset for having such a thought and actually laughed. I had to remind myself I was normal and despite my feelings having me believe that I'm "not normal" I truly am just another ordinary, human being dealing with real life problems that many people experience.

Hope this helps :)

Muddleee

thanks for the input mate. slow to respond i am sorry. went to the dark place and back and it was not so good this time but when i did get back about 3 weeks ago i have been in the happy place so havent been here. Still in the happy place but thought i better check in and see how things are going for others . Getting to think my normal is normal for me and stuff anyone else. they have their normal to so why cant I.

Do you mind my asking what your "low mood " is?

Hi Crabby

How are you going?

Have you found any new ways to feel better about things?

Ive had a few more rides on the roller coaster....

lots of ups and downs....

its tricky isn’t it.... but just got to keep going 🙂