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Forums / Staying well / When there is no light in sight.

Topic: When there is no light in sight.

20 posts, 0 answered
  1. TAnnetta
    TAnnetta avatar
    11 posts
    14 March 2015
    Are you in a dark place with only thoughts of failure and maybe of dying?  Well know this; You are not alone! Everyone fails at some time or other and everything dies eventually. SO WHAT?!. Life is part of an eternal education. Negative thoughts are a part of that education. Take whatever time you need to have negative thoughts but remember, they are just a part of a whole. There is only one thing that continues forever and that thing is change. Rekindle the positives of your past. Goals are what made you move forward before and they can do so again.  Look for new goals. One goal could be for you to find the person who understands you. The universe has a positive balance for every negative. Make it your goal to find yours!
    2 people found this helpful
  2. lookingforme
    lookingforme avatar
    666 posts
    15 March 2015 in reply to TAnnetta

    Thank you for those words.

    Possibly the right time for me to hear them as well

  3. TAnnetta
    TAnnetta avatar
    11 posts
    15 March 2015 in reply to lookingforme
    I am happy that you have gotten something positive from my post. I think that depression is like a negative conversation in one's head probably started by some sort of loss, failure or other terrible life experience. This conversation is like a loop which is stuck on the notion that there is no light at the end of the tunnel and the future is one of loneliness and bleakness. NOTHING anyone can say will change that notion.The fact is that NO ONE can accurately predict the future and a especially not a depressed mind. Every second of the future is NEW and UNCHARTED. One must override the negative conversation by repeating this to themselves . Some achieve this with a certain amount of success through meditation. It is also very helpful to know that the people who have pulled themselves out of the darkness  are around for support.
    1 person found this helpful
  4. JessF
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    15 March 2015 in reply to TAnnetta

    Hello TAnetta, I like what you say about every second of the future being new and uncharted. The world can change in an instant, as we're constantly reminded on the news each day - unfortunately these examples are often not postiive ones, but the principle still holds.
    When we're deperessed, it can be impossible for us to imagine a time when things will ever change. Time stretches out into an infinite plain with no edges, so we can't grasp hold of it.

    But when you break it down into seconds, we all can get some control back. I am not so great today. But I can make a choice this second, this minute, this hour, that I am going to get through until this fog lifts. I can walk outside and feel the sunshine, take a breath of fresh air. I can savour the taste of my morning coffee instead of swilling it down. There are always options.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. TAnnetta
    TAnnetta avatar
    11 posts
    16 March 2015 in reply to JessF

    Yes Jess, Negative news seems to be all around us . That definitely takes some joy away from life.  You are sounding positive and I think getting sunshine really is good and not just for obtaining vitamin D. I do believe there are more severe cases of depression in the winter months. I'm not religious  even though I was brought up as a Christian. In my childhood days faith in a God  was like a neutraliser for sadness and also a guarantee for a happy future (as long as I was good according to the religious rules). We all have a safety valve out there waiting for us to discover but the trick is to find it.  I have strong faith in the universe as a balanced system and that is my neutraliser when things try to become unbalanced. I believe that when I'm in a negative state of mind the scales are falsely tipped away from the truth, which is neutral. I call that "living a lie". Negative conversations in one's head  need to be at least put on hold, if they can't be stopped altogether. A new conversation needs to be given fair time and hopefully, eventually override the negative one.  Some times the new conversation has to come from someone else.

  6. JessF
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    17 March 2015 in reply to TAnnetta
    Hello TAnnetta, that's another great analogy, using the idea of "conversations". Although we can have conversations with ourselves, the best ones are with others, and it reminds us to stay connected with others where we can. This is something I've probably been failing at of late. I think it's a combination of lack of interest from others, and a lack of desire from myself. Any ideas?
  7. TAnnetta
    TAnnetta avatar
    11 posts
    17 March 2015 in reply to JessF
    The best conversations are with others and particularly with others who are understanding . You are having a new and positive conversation with me on this new day about new ideas so I don't see any "failing" . I  believe we all have an ongoing conversation in our minds and it is basically a chain reaction of one thought to another as we try to work out the best path  for ourselves. Dreams are a sort of conversation where the mind is free to go anywhere in a state where the  inputs from our 5 senses have been dulled down enabling a greater, uninterrupted freedom of thought. Unfortunately, usually after trauma or a loss of something important to us, this chain reaction can go to the negative and feed on itself and quickly snowball into a dark hole. Some people stop this negative chain of thought with meditation, music, doing puzzles, eating foods they enjoy,  finding a religion or chanting a religious phrases over and over.  There is something  out there for everyone. It's sad when people are so disillusioned with themselves that they give up hope  and stop looking for this "something".
  8. hairyca
    hairyca avatar
    10 posts
    17 March 2015 in reply to TAnnetta

    Today was a bad day, but I made it through :)

    I wish it was easy to put those words into practice, will keep going, and hopefully things will look up.

  9. TAnnetta
    TAnnetta avatar
    11 posts
    17 March 2015 in reply to hairyca
    I understand. Sometimes you convince yourself that all is bleak and there's NOTHING anyone can say that will change that. Without knowing your circumstances I can only suggest you tell yourself that even though you can't alter the bad thoughts in your head  you can try to put them on hold. Just tell them to shut up and wait, shut up and wait. Some times that needs to be said out loud so the other half of the brain hears it. Every day is a new one and you can't even pretend to  accurately predict  the future. What you are doing here is a step in the right direction.
  10. geoff
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    geoff avatar
    16247 posts
    17 March 2015 in reply to TAnnetta

    dear TAnnetta, your replies to Jess and Hairyca have been very profound.

    A lack of interest from other people is always quite concerning, but unfortunately that's what happens, but if the boot was on the other foot then they would expect us to help them, but life should always be 'I'II scratch your back if you can scratch mine', and does this ever happen usually no.

    Hairyca I have replied to your other post so I hope that you can get back to us.

    It's interesting that even though I have overcome depression but when I have a session with my psychologist, he stops me in my tracks when I'm talking to him and he says 'look at all the negative thoughts that you have just said', I think it's second nature when you're had depression, and whether they affect you is determined by how strong you are to fight them off, or at least react to them in a negative way. Geoff.

  11. TAnnetta
    TAnnetta avatar
    11 posts
    17 March 2015 in reply to geoff

    Dear Geoff,

    I find the conversation with your psychologist interesting. I agree with your statement that a person's strength plays a big role in dealing with bad thoughts.We are all different and due to our genes, experiences  or upbringing have different ways and levels of coping.  We don't appear to be  born depression, do we?  In normal situations we are  looked after as babies and all is great until we lose some of that wonderful care we enjoyed. In science everything  is relative to it's opposite.Through the process of evolution and natural selection, we became creatures that want to survive that's why we have  come this far.   We are biased towards life so we fear death.  After a hospital stint where I went under for an operation I related my state of unconsciousness  to being dead. During this I had no thoughts and time meant nothing. Since then and believing death is like that I don't fear it so I can  stop it putting weight on my positive thoughts.  Anyway....Those things taken from us that enforce our will to survive and to move forward  need to be identified and dealt with accordingly.   Depressed people should be helped with understanding and shown that there are still future positives in store.  There is merit in believing this fact; Each day, in the world, there are  people whom you don't know, never met and never will meet that are working on new discoveries. Discoveries that may impact on your terrible state.

  12. hairyca
    hairyca avatar
    10 posts
    18 March 2015 in reply to TAnnetta
    Thoughts are so sneaky, and they often creep up when I least expect them.. actually a lot of the times when I am alone. Which may be a reason why I try and be around people a lot, but this exhausts me, and time alone is sometimes all that I want. Which of course is the time when the (negative) thoughts come in. I'll try your tip, thank you :)
  13. TAnnetta
    TAnnetta avatar
    11 posts
    18 March 2015 in reply to hairyca

    Yes hairyca thoughts are sneaky and it doesn't take much to trigger a bad one which can then start a downward spiral. That's why we must try to stop them as soon as there is a hint of starting. There is truth in the saying "An ounce of prevention is worth a ton of cure."  I do hope what I mentioned earlier does help  but don't give up  if it doesn't work this time.  Experiment with different types of distractions. I have worked on puzzles as a distraction and in particular Cypher Puzzles from the internet. They are not too difficult and there are wise sayings amongst the ones I found . The internet has something for everyone....we are an example. 

  14. hairyca
    hairyca avatar
    10 posts
    18 March 2015 in reply to TAnnetta

    Hi TAnnetta,

     

    Thank you once again for your reply.

    Will definitely try what you suggested.

    I try to distract myself by keeping busy, but this eventually tires me out. I will also have a look at the Cypher Puzzles you mentioned. And you're right, the internet is an amazing space.

     

    e.

  15. TAnnetta
    TAnnetta avatar
    11 posts
    19 March 2015 in reply to hairyca

    Dear hairyca

    Try googling mad ciphers

  16. BKYTH
    BKYTH avatar
    200 posts
    22 March 2015 in reply to TAnnetta
    I recall a line from a poem I once read written by a stockman which went,. "Don't wait for the light at the end of the tunnel go down there and light the bloody thing yourself"  I will leave it to those that read this to make of that line what they will but for me it is something I reflect on quite often. Philip.
    2 people found this helpful
  17. TAnnetta
    TAnnetta avatar
    11 posts
    22 March 2015 in reply to BKYTH

    Dear BKYTH

    Would love to see the whole poem, if you could find it's title.

    Although I dare say if you have a means of lighting the end of the tunnel you could light the spot where you are. Good on you if you have the will and strength to get up and make a  dark place lighter for yourself. I'm new at this but I imagine there are those who are so far in the darkness with so much fear and anxiety that  they may not even know which direction the end of the tunnel is. I have had a small taste of that feeling. I'm fine  because I can sense the negative thoughts coming on don't give them a chance to feed on themselves by doing something to distract.

     

  18. BKYTH
    BKYTH avatar
    200 posts
    22 March 2015 in reply to TAnnetta
    Dear TAnnetta. I don't know the title of the poem nor the name of its author. I've never seen the tunnel nor found the means to lighting its end. In my posts I try to offer something that may be of use to others and to not indulge in self-pity, a state of mind that I have not grown out of, but one that I have never found any use for........... I have learned to live in the darkness and to accommodate despair - As to the details of all of that I have nothing to say................To finish on something that is worth saying. "No one and nothing can free you but your own understanding" Ajahn Chah.
  19. JessF
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    23 March 2015 in reply to BKYTH

    Hello Bkyth, I haven't heard that quote for years! I remember I loved it when I first heard it. It's such an interesting thing, that when we hear the phrase 'no light at the end of the tunnel', it does suggest that we are waiting to be rescued somehow.

    Even though I realise it's just a turn of phrase, perhaps it is also worth thinking whether the metaphor of being a in a tunnel to start with is helpful. Tunnels are fixed structures with the path and entry/exit points predetermined, and out of your control, and life is not like that. It is more like an open space, where you are vulnerable to the elements, but also free to choose your path.

  20. BKYTH
    BKYTH avatar
    200 posts
    23 March 2015 in reply to JessF
    I agree entirely. What I like about that quote is that it challenges one to act. The words used are not important and the tunnel/light analogy is, as you say, a passive position where one waits for something to change.                                                         I am suspicious of many expressions that are in general use. Language contains so much possability but it can also be used to create "slogans' and "truisms" that upon scrutiny say nothing at all - What does the statement "everything happens for a reason" mean?  I wonder if your use of the term "path" is vulnerable to the same problems to that of being in a tunnel. Philip.

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