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Topic: Bad Deprssion

  1. Nelson001
    Nelson001 avatar
    18 posts
    22 January 2021
    Hi I'm new to this. I have clinical depression or so I think.I have had depression on and off for quite a few years, but nothing like I'm going through at the moment. I don't know whether this is a bad depression or am I going nuts. I haven't come across anyone who has had depression like this.
    Is there anyone out there who might be suffering from the same.
  2. sunnyl20
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    sunnyl20 avatar
    208 posts
    22 January 2021 in reply to Nelson001

    Hi Nelson001,

    Thank you for your post. I am really sorry to hear you are struggling so much right now. It sounds like you are in a pretty bad place. You are definitely not alone in what you are going through though.

    When you have struggled in the past, was there anything that you remember that helped you? Have you considered seeing your GP or talking to someone you trust about what has been happening for you?

    If and when you feel up to it, please do not hesitate to talk more. We are here to listen and support you. Take care.

  3. Nelson001
    Nelson001 avatar
    18 posts
    22 January 2021 in reply to sunnyl20
    Hi thanks for the reply. I have seen my JP but there is not much she can do , I'm on antidepressant pills but they are not working. I'm on what they call is a mental health plan, that comes with a mental health team, but all they could come up with was give up the grog, which I have. I have got to the point where I want to try shock treatment. I just want this horrible feeling gone.
  4. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    22 January 2021 in reply to Nelson001

    Hi Nelson001, welcome to the forums.

    I'm sorry you're struggling a lot with bad depression. There's many types of depression. I would suggest seeing a GP and/or Psychiatrist (you'd need to see a GP anyway to get a referral for a Psychiatrist) to get a diagnosis, sometimes it helps getting an answer.

    I have Major Depressive Disorder and Dysthymia at the same time, so it could be something like that but I'm no medical professional of course. Just trying to say you're not alone, I'm in a very deep depression myself and I have been since I was 12, in 2011. I'm 21 now.

    Take care, I'm always here if you'd like someone to chat to.

  5. Nelson001
    Nelson001 avatar
    18 posts
    23 January 2021 in reply to Missing user
    Hi b20lover thanks for the post. I'm lost at what to say. feeling like this is bullshit. I have a few problems that will come to a head within the next couple of months, so I'm hoping that once they are worked out this depression will go away. Big dream but I'm hoping. I live in Cairns and to get to see a drink is impossible. There isn't any. I am trying to finddo some Group therapy. I want to meet someone who has the same problem as me so I know it's depression that I have and that I'm not going insane
    1 person found this helpful
  6. Nelson001
    Nelson001 avatar
    18 posts
    23 January 2021 in reply to Nelson001
    that should have read "shrink"not drink
  7. sunnyl20
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    sunnyl20 avatar
    208 posts
    23 January 2021 in reply to Nelson001

    Hi Nelson001,

    You are definitely not alone in what you are experiencing. I'm really sorry that you haven't been able to find what you need yet. Do you know if your GP is able to refer you to group therapy or if she has any other suggestions? Is trying a different medication an option if you are not feeling the one you are currently on is making any difference? Are you open to talking to a counsellor or psychologist? Do you think this may be another option to investigate and try? Just some things to think about.

    Take care.

  8. Nelson001
    Nelson001 avatar
    18 posts
    23 January 2021 in reply to sunnyl20
    Hi sunnyl20, I was to change medication but I had to taper off the pills that I'm on. I tried to do that but the problem with that was I went through severe depression doing it. I tried but it became too much. I want to try ECT (shock treatment), but it's finding a shrink to OK it. I'm on a mental health plan, which comes with a mental health team, who have told me before I can get anything done I have to give up all alcohol and drug which I have done. The way my head is doing the smallest of tasks becomes a big negative deal. Everything becomes hard. If only this feeling would become less server it wouldn't be so bad. This horrible feeling stays 24/7. It's there when I go to sleep and it's there when I wake up. But it's good talking to someone. much appreciated mate
  9. mocha delight
    mocha delight  avatar
    551 posts
    24 January 2021 in reply to Nelson001
    Hi nelson001 not officially diagnosed with anything yet but my psychologist has told me that I have clinical depression as well as social anxiety & general anxiety as well.
  10. Juliet
    Juliet avatar
    30 posts
    24 January 2021 in reply to Nelson001

    Hi Nelson 001. Sorry to hear you are having a rough time. I have got major depression and can say I know how you feel about wondering about going crazy.
    I am feeling low at the moment but about five years ago I had a major depressive ‘episode’ I suppose you might call it. My psychiatrist asked if I wanted to go to hospital and I immediately agreed (pure relief). I was then pretty much immediately put on ECT treatments.
    I am just curious have you been on many antidepressants so far or are you concerned that you need help immediately?
    I am not against ECT as it certainly helped me when I needed it the most but I do also want to warn you that my treatments had a lasting effect on my life. Unfortunately they took a lot of my memory away and they have changed me as a person. I no longer have loving memories with my family to look back on and I feel like that not only has changed me as a person but also has had an impact because I can’t remember all the love and great times I had over the years with my family.
    Basically just wanted to let you know to be a bit careful.
    Take care, Juliet.

  11. Nelson001
    Nelson001 avatar
    18 posts
    24 January 2021 in reply to Juliet
    Hi Juliet, Thanks for the post. WOW telling me all that is a blowout. I'm not too sure now. But it is all I have left. The feeling I'm going through is becoming too much. What do I do? It would be nice if a pill was to fix the head but I have to get off the pills I'm on to do that. but I tried that and it became too much. I tried CBT with a psychologist but it didn't seem to work My big worry (the reason I recon I became depressed) is to come to a head within the next couple of months and when that is all finished with I'm hoping that it will help heal my head a bit. If the anxiety were to be less severe than it is it would help. So at the end of the day, I'm not going mad it's just the anxiety. But it is still doing a lot of damage.. It is already having an effect on my memory
  12. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    24 January 2021 in reply to Nelson001

    Hey Nelson, I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner. I've been struggling a lot myself. I know how you feel, I can't even see a Psychologist and they all let me down anyway. I tell my GP and Psychiatrist this everytime and they don't get it and understand how I feel, and it's like they think I'm making it up but I'm not (bad experiences with Psychologists I mean). They think it's so easy to find one, it isn't. I've tried so many places.

    I wish I could do some sort of group therapy myself but there is none where I live and I don't feel comfortable using Zoom

  13. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    24 January 2021 in reply to Nelson001
    Sorry I forgot to type in my comment above that I hope you can find something that works for you and you feel comfortable with, best of luck. I'm here for you, we all are Nelson
  14. golden82
    golden82 avatar
    435 posts
    24 January 2021 in reply to Nelson001

    hi Nelson,

    I would echo what Juliet has said re ECT and would really weigh up pros/cons. I also have depression and anxiety for some years now. I have never been on meds let alone ECT - so do not have my own experience of it like Juliet. But I have been in hospitals and spoken with others - patients and staff and they all say what Juliet has said and that they regret it as it has changed them/memories etc etc. It sounds quite scary and I would never touch it. And believe me I suffer severe depression - in bed most days and on lifelines - but still I would never go there. It is your choice - but I would talk to a few professionals, do some research, including into other things such as meds - different classes of meds etc. And go from there. All the best.

    1 person found this helpful
  15. Nelson001
    Nelson001 avatar
    18 posts
    24 January 2021 in reply to golden82

    Thanks for the reply guys. much appreciated. Hearing that someone else feels the same way as me, believe it or not makes me feel a little bit better. It lets me know that it's all part of the depression.

    ECT sounds pretty scary. If it's that bad maybe I'll have to look at something else. The only other option I have is tapering off the pills that I'm on but you have to go through bad depression as you go. They want me to come down in mg and then start on another medication, but you come down at 10% a month. I started to taper off but the depression became too much.

    Life can be a bitch sometimes. All my thoughts are so negative, and anything I have to do becomes a big project I don't know what to do. I just wish this feeling would leave me alone. Talking to people like you guys helps a lot. You don't feel so lonely. Thanks

  16. Nelson001
    Nelson001 avatar
    18 posts
    24 January 2021 in reply to golden82

    Hi again golden82. Why don't you try so meds, when they work they work well and make you feel normal.

    Cheers Nelson

  17. Nelson001
    Nelson001 avatar
    18 posts
    25 January 2021 in reply to Nelson001

    Hi all, Is there anyone else that have had ECT at all that you could tell of their experience.

  18. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    25 January 2021 in reply to Nelson001
    Hi Nelson, I haven't had ECT. I haven't even had CBT or any therapy like that, only meds. But I know ECT stands for Electroconvulsive Therapy
  19. sunnyl20
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    sunnyl20 avatar
    208 posts
    25 January 2021 in reply to Missing user

    Hi Nelson001,

    As well as following the responses here, you may also find it helpful to look through these threads to hear about others' experiences with ECT:

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/treatments-health-professionals-and-therapies/ect-treatment

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/treatments-health-professionals-and-therapies/updated-impending-ect-treatment

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/treatments-health-professionals-and-therapies/tired-of-been-depressed-now---looking-at-ect-

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/treatments-health-professionals-and-therapies/ect---my-experience

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/treatments-health-professionals-and-therapies/my-wife-has-just-had-ect---what-is-the-recovery-time-

    I hope that you find reading these helpful. Take care.

  20. Nelson001
    Nelson001 avatar
    18 posts
    26 January 2021 in reply to sunnyl20
    Hi, thanks for that info sunnyl20. They are very helpful. I think I will still go ahead with the ECT, my head is worth nothing the way it is at the moment. The big question is ECT bulk billed.
  21. Nelson001
    Nelson001 avatar
    18 posts
    28 January 2021 in reply to Nelson001
    I'm going through public system which comes with a mental health team. They decide what you can do. I'm on medication and they won't do a ECT until I'm off them. and then I would have to wait for thee months. I don't know if I'll be around by then. My anxiety has become too much, I have to find some relief somehow. This horrible feeling is too much, there is no break. I would like to go private, but I'm retired and can't afford it. I have health insurance but it's only hospital cover. I don't know what to do.
  22. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6594 posts
    28 January 2021 in reply to Nelson001
    Hi Nelson,

    Thanks for reaching out tonight. We are so sorry to hear that you have been struggling so much with your anxiety. It sounds like you are feeling powerless at the moment in accessing the supports and treatements you needs. We understand how tough that must be.

    We're concerned to hear that you feel you might not be around in the future to continue treatment. Please know that you are not alone in this, and there is support available. We are getting in touch with you privately to offer some extra support. We would also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). If at any time you become an immediate danger to yourself, you need to contact 000 (triple zero) as this is an emergency.

    You might be interested in reading some of our pages for some advice:
    It looks like you've already made a lot of connections with community members on the forums. We hope that this is of some comfort to you during this difficult time. 
  23. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    28 January 2021 in reply to Nelson001

    Hi Nelson.

    Please hold on, I believe in you. I know how hard it is. You can push through.

    Please reach out to a helpline and/or 000 if it's an emergency, although you can of course get help here but it's not immediate.

    Are you safe right now?

  24. Nelson001
    Nelson001 avatar
    18 posts
    29 January 2021 in reply to Missing user
    Hi mb20lover's, It's 6 in the morning and I feel like shit. I don't seem to be able to get a break. All my thoughts are so negative If there is anyone out there that feels like this, I feel sorry for them. This is having such an effect on my brain. How do I get it so it's not so severe? Is there a pill I can take? I'm on an atypical antidepressants. I tried to taper off but things became too severe. I'm just trying to find something that might help me out of this mess I'm in.
  25. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    29 January 2021 in reply to Nelson001

    Hi Nelson. I'm sorry you feel crappy. I'm the same, my thoughts are so negative too, so I get it.

    I'm not a professional, nobody here is, so you would be best discussing meds etc with a GP and Psychiatrist.

  26. Nelson001
    Nelson001 avatar
    18 posts
    29 January 2021 in reply to Missing user

    Hi mb20lover, thanks for the reply. It feels nice when someone replies. you don't feel so lonely. I have just retired and sitting at home all day, doing nothing all day doesn't help. I'm annoyed that there is nothing I can do to get myself feeling better. It's hard to just have to grin and bear it. I hate it. I just don't know how it will all end. You in the same boat eh. I feel sorry for you. and anyone who has to go through something like this. How do you manage to get through each day? All the best to you, mb20lover

    1 person found this helpful
  27. sunnyl20
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    sunnyl20 avatar
    208 posts
    29 January 2021 in reply to Nelson001

    Hi Nelson001,

    I am really sorry you are in such a dark place right now. There are no words to describe the pain that depression can put a person through. I cannot imagine how you are feeling right now, but it sounds like you are really struggling with finding the support that you need. It is very difficult when you feel like the support that you need is not affordable or accessible. I wish there was more we could do to help. Have you considered talking to your GP about creating a plan for the next couple of months to get you through so that you feel better supported to get through the time before you can commence ECT?

    Please know this forum is here for you. We see your struggle and we want you to know that you are not alone. It may feel like there is no one and that your thoughts will consume you and that that pain will not end, but you are not alone. Please reach out when you feel up to it and when you want to or need to. Please take care of yourself and keep safe.

  28. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    29 January 2021 in reply to Nelson001

    Hi Nelson.

    Thanks, I don't really do anything either, I have no life. I've tried to meet people and join groups to do so, etc. I don't have a job and never have and drive, and I'm 21, left school early. I'm a failure, sigh.

    I've tried to get Psychologists but I just keep having bad experiences so I give up. I have a GP and Psychiatrist though.

    I don't really get through the days well.

  29. Nelson001
    Nelson001 avatar
    18 posts
    29 January 2021 in reply to Missing user
    Hi ya mb20lover,,,,,,,We sure are a right pair, It's sad to hear your lot. Your too young to be going through shit like this. Are you on medicine at all? I'm 65 but I have had depression for the last 20 years but nothing compared to what I'm going through at the moment. Surely between your GP and your Psychiatrist, they can come up with something. When all is exhausted there is ECT, but that is a last resort. That's what I want but I'm on suboxone and I have to get off that and then I have to wait 3 months. That's going public. Ging private I could probably get it done but I can't afford it. You have a good night. Take care
    1 person found this helpful
  30. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    29 January 2021 in reply to Nelson001

    Thank you.

    Yes I'm on SSRI antidepressants, I've tried a few antidepressants and have since August 2019, so they're kind of still new to me (I didn't know much about them). I've tried trycliclic antidepressants and other types also. I'm not sure if my current ones are working which I've been on for a few months.

    Yeah my Psychiatrist is more helpful than my GP, he hasn't done much. I haven't had ECT before, I don't have health insurance either.

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