Wishing you a warm welcome to the forums. We're really grateful to see that you've taken such an important step in sharing your thoughts and feelings here with our wonderful community. We're so sorry to hear what you've been through, and can hear that you've been struggling with your mental health for quite some time now, including urges to self-harm and suicidal thoughts. It sounds like you haver so much on your plate at the moment, and we understand that it must be so difficult to cope with. But please know that many others reading will be able to relate to these feelings- you're never alone in this. We hope that you find these forums to be a safe space, free of judgement where you can talk things through, and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.
Can we ask if you are currently receiving any mental health support or would feel comfortable opening up to your GP about what you've been going through lately? A really great first step could be to reach out to our Beyond Blue Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or also through Webchat 1pm-12am AEST at: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport
One of the friendly counsellors will be able to offer support, advice and referrals to help you through this difficult time. We'd also really encourage you to reach out to our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) who are there for you anytime- night or day- whenever things are feeling like too much to cope with.
We hope that the thoughtful and caring support from our community can be of some comfort and help to you through this, and please keep us updated on how you're going when you feel ready to- we're all here for you.